Luka had been moved from the ICU to a regular room earlier that day.
He was making an excellent recovery and insisted that John return to
work full-time. His husband objected strenuously. "Please, Sascha.
I'd never forgive myself if anything happened and I wasn't with you.
I know you think I'm the original Iron Man, but when it comes to
something like this... Humor me, please? Besides, in my current frame
of mind I'd probably drop a Foley in someone's trachea and intubate
them up the ass."
Secretly relieved that John wanted to stay with him, Luka settled for
half-shifts. John's over-attentiveness during Luka's cold had been
deliberately calculated to get on his husband's nerves. Now, he
rarely intruded unless Luka asked for his assistance. The night
before Luka was scheduled to be released, John had his first
nightmare. Luka got out of his bed and took his husband's hand
raising it to his lips.
"Wake up, Janaskja. I'm here. It's nothing but a bad dream." He
gently shook John's shoulder.
With a broken scream, John woke. "Luka?"
"It's okay.. I'm fine. You were having a nightmare." Luka sat on the
edge of the bed as John moved his upper torso into his husband's lap.
"Here we go again." John muttered bitterly. "Just when you thought it
was safe to go back in the water..." He wiped his eyes on Luka's
thigh. "Damn, I'm beginning to think nightmares are my lot in life."
Luka stroked John's hair. "I never did tell you what my shrink said
about our relationship did I?"
"I'm not sure I want to hear this." John murmured into Luka's crotch
producing the first faint stirrings of desire his husband had felt in
days.
"I think you do." Luka smiled. "John, you merit a grown-up husband.
Someone who works as hard at being a mature person as you do. I was
only seventeen when I first married---a teenager. Although, I don't
think I fucked up too badly as a husband and father, I was only a boy
when I assumed those responsibilities. You know, believing I always
had to be the strong one my women folk depended on. I got used to
having the final say." Luka smiled as John sat up, brushing the hair
out of his eyes.
"You'd think I would have learned my lesson that last day..." Luka
continued in a soft voice. "Marije begged me to take her and the
girls with me to wait for our rations, but *I* knew better. They'd be
safer at home; I told them... talk about survivor's guilt..." Luka
paused and swallowed a couple of times. "I didn't fully understand
what I'd been doing until recently. My therapist asked me if I may
have been resenting your strength because deep down I was afraid it
meant you didn't need me; that someday I'd look up and you'd be gone.
Reluctantly, I admitted to him and more importantly, to myself that
he was right."
John's face was a study in shock mingling with disbelief. "That's
ridiculous! I need you like I need air and water and food. I don't
know who's crazier; him for suggesting it, or you for agreeing with
him."
"Nevertheless, he *was* correct. Without realizing it, I'd been
trying to mold our relationship to conform with that of my first
marriage. That way, I wouldn't have to grow up and worse, if I hadn't
been jolted into facing facts, I wouldn't have let you grow up
either. Just because you find it easy to cry Janaskja, doesn't make
you weak. Just because you have nightmares after living through
traumatic events doesn't mean you're immature. I did the best I could
in my first marriage. If the bombs hadn't fallen, both Marije and I
would have had to eventually recognize changes in each other and in
the way we loved each other." Luka reached out and caressed John's
cheek.
"You don't really *need* me despite your charming romantic assurances
to the contrary. You *want* me and want to be with me: a much
healthier state of affairs. If I had died, you would have grieved
deeply and you would have survived. That's the man I love and want
more than anything or anyone else in this world---a strong husband
who isn't afraid to face unpleasantness. A strong man who has been
very gentle thus far with a old-young fool who wanted to see your
gentleness as weakness; a reason to feel needed." Luka took John's
face into his hands.
"You are a very important part of my life. If something were to take
you from me, I'd suffer immensely, but I *would* survive. I did
before. Does this mean I take you for granted, or value you any less?
No. I didn't lie in my letter. 'To the depth and breadth and height
my soul can reach...' That means I love you fully: John Truman Kovac-
Carter... not some adolescent idea of who you are, but the man who is
so incredibly strong, he doesn't mind allowing me to comfort him on
occasion. And what's more, is strong enough to provide steady comfort
to me." Luka leaned forward and kissed John. A soft gentle kiss, and
for the first time, it was he who felt dizzy afterwards. He'd been so
closer than either of them realized to seriously harming their
relationship.
"Sascha? I think I missed the point. Could you repeat that last part
again?" John smiled and Luka took him into his arms. "You've really
been thinking about this." He said softly, his head on Luka's
shoulder.
"I've had plenty of time between naps." Luka chuckled
"Well, I'm not going to ever down-play my appreciation of your
comforting gestures. I almost said 'need'. And in a way, that word's
a more accurate reflection of how I really feel when you hold me like
this." John admitted sleepily. "When I was little, the hugs and
kisses I'd received as a toddler stopped when I started school. Then
my brother became ill---my sister and I were all but forgotten. After
he died, Mom and Dad also went away leaving me and 'Ria with our
grandparents. Gamma was okay, but we both know my grandfather was a
real horse's ass. No offense meant to members of the equine species."
Luka felt John's smile against his shoulder.
"Yeah. I'm a grown man. And, yes, although losing you would hurt like
ten thousand hells, I guess I'd somehow go on living. But
underneath 'Super Carter', is a little boy who wanted desperately for
someone to say they loved him and that he was important to them. So,
you have my permission to 'comfort' me all you like. I promise you, I
won't resent it. I still *need* it too much."
Luka put his head against John's cheek. "I won't forget, I promise.
But please tell me, that's not the reason you fell in love with me?"
"Of course not. It's just you're the first person I've loved honestly
enough to trust with how I feel deep down inside. You weren't the
only one who struggled with adolescent ideas of 'true love'. I wasted
a lot of time *pretending* to be strong, not realizing it takes more
strength to show the fear and uncertainty which bedevil everyone at
some point. Well, I'm finally admitting that this grown-up man truly
enjoys your comforting gestures... especially since they so often
lead to more athletic activities."
The events that had so nearly wrecked John and Luka's life together
had served some good after all. Neither man ever forgot this soul-
baring discussion.
* * * * *
Luka's release from the hospital the following morning was a reverse,
somewhat muted replay of John's return after his six-month forced
absence. The noise was less, but the outpouring of emotion from his
friends and co-workers touched Luka deeply. He would not be permitted
to return to work for another three weeks. This was primarily due to
the fragile state of his sternum. In order for this bone shield to
knit fully, it could not be subjected to undue strain.
No heavy lifting, no driving where the steering column could have a
traumatic impact and no making love from any position where Luka had
to support himself on his arms. The look on Peter Benton's face as he
spoke this last caution almost resulted in the choking death of his
former student.
"Don't worry, Dr. Benton. We know what's what." John said his lips
twitching. He didn't dare look at his husband who'd suddenly found
the ceiling tiles extremely interesting. By the time they were seated
in the back of the limo, both men laughed until they cried. Mrs.
Riordan had moved into the spare bedroom the day before, and when
they let themselves into the apartment, the odor of paprika chicken
brought tears to Luka's eyes once again.
"Welcome home, my pets. Dinner's keeping warm in the oven. I've got
some errands to run. I'll be back in about three hours. The pharmacy
delivered your medicines Dr. K, and there are some goodies to snack
on in the 'fridge." She gave both men a quick kiss and left, firmly
shutting the door behind her.
"You can't say she isn't the soul of tact." Luka observed as they
headed for the bedroom. Halfway down the hall, he stopped and put his
arms around John. "I never did thank you for everything you did while
all of that hearing business was going on. So..." Luka kissed the
smiling lips which soon parted to receive him. Mindful of the
incision, only their mouths and hands touched. When they came up for
air, John leaned back against the wall, dizzy as always. Hand in
hand, they went into the bathroom.
Luka sat on the edge of the tub as John removed first his clothing,
then his husband's. A four-legged plastic bathing stool had been
delivered along with the prescriptions. Luka took his seat as John
turned on the water and added their favorite gel. Taking a washcloth,
John gently soaped Luka neatly avoiding the protective covering he'd
placed over the long incision. When he finished, he rinsed the suds
from the body he loved. Luka, in turn took the cloth and washed John
from his chest to his knees. John quickly attended to the rest of
himself and rinsed off. Before he could get out of the tub, he gasped
as he felt Luka's lips on his penis. It wasn't long before Luka was
enjoying a super-sized portion of Chicago sausage.
John placed his hands on Luka's shoulders as the soft lips and
questing tongue began to work their way with him. Throwing his head
back, John commenced to gently push himself deeper into the center of
a universe of sensation. Sensations that were suddenly intensified
when he felt a finger begin its journey towards the core of his
being. John's head was spinning while the familiar tingle that was
almost painful in its intensity crept up his spine, its origins in
his groin. Shouting Luka's name, his orgasm burst onto his awareness.
The tongue didn't stop until John leaned panting on the tiled wall.
When he summoned the energy to open his eyes, he looked down and his
heart nearly stopped when he saw the smile on Luka's face. "That was
good, no?"
John nodded, transfixed. He went on his knees and felt Luka's strong
arms enfold him. He could have remained there forever listening to
the soft music of his husband's heart beating. A heart that had
nearly been silenced forever. Tears flowed from John's eyes,
eliciting a chuckle from the man he loved.
"After all your careful washing, *now* you've decided to get my
bandage wet. Dr. Benton will be most disappointed."
"Shut up and kiss me, Sascha." John tilted his face up towards Luka's
lips.
"Is that any way to talk to an invalid?" Luka breathed when he could
speak.
"No invalid could have done what you just did." John murmured.
Sighing, he got to his feet. The water was almost cold. "Into bed
with you, beloved. You need to rest after your mighty labors on my
behalf. John reached down and grasped Luka's penis. "See, you're
developing a swelled head. In a while, I'm going to have to do
something about that."
"That's the problem with public hospitals, you have to wait forever
to see your doctor." Luka grinned and stepped from the tub. John
softly wrapped him in an emerald green bath sheet. Then it was Luka's
turn to wonder if he'd gone into cardiac arrest as he was swept off
his feet and carried into the bedroom. John was slender, almost
skinny, but most people forgot the amount of physical strength needed
to control an animal that outweighs its rider by a factor of ten.
Luka felt himself lowered to the bed. John wasn't even breathing hard.
Carter slowly unwrapped his husband as if he was a precious gift.
Luka closed his eyes when he felt hands smoothing his sides then lips
on his left breast. Then cool air flowed over his skin. John had
removed the bandage revealing a thin scar that stretched from Luka's
collar bone almost to his navel. Opening his eyes, he saw John
smiling as he brought a package from behind his back.
The long fingers slowly removed shiny black wrapping paper emblazoned
with pink triangles. Lifting the lid, John withdrew what looked
remarkably like a black silk stocking. Going on his knees, John took
Luka's left foot into his lap and proceeded to roll the hosiery onto
his husband. It was a surgical support stocking designed to make sure
the blood vessels in a patient's legs were stimulated into doing
their work while their owner spent time flat on his back.
John sensually smoothed the lycra into place. The garment covered
Luka to mid-thigh. At the top, a band of red embroidery became
visible when John removed his hands. "Property of John T. Kovac-
Carter", the cursive script was upside down so the wearer could read
it. "Do not remove unless given permission by the owner." Luka
laughed until he nearly choked as John produced the matching stocking
and put it on.
"Where on earth did you find them?"
"I called Cyril and Charles last week. Needless to say, the medical
supply companies in San Francisco were the first to discover there's
a great deal of money to be made in sexy invalid fashions. I thought
about ordering the matching garter belt, but I figured I'd better not
press my luck." John grinned.
"I can't wait to see my hospital gown. Pink maribou feathers?"
"Ooooh Sascha, we have to talk. All this time, Cyril's been trying to
get me in back in drag. Next time he calls, I'll tell him to design
something slinky for you. But until then..." John laughed as he bent
to retreive another "gay-ly" wrapped package. "Happy homecoming,
beloved."
Luka ripped open the dark green wrapping paper. Lifting the lid to
the box, he pulled out a deep green silk caftan. When he looked up,
his eyes were shining with merriment.
"Well, Charles *is* more the more conservative of the two. We figured
one of these is easier to get in an out of than pajamas. Plus, the
fabric will allow you to slither around in the bed much easier than
those old sweats you've been wearing. Not to mention I'll be able to
get my Croatian sausage double-quick."
"And for my feet?" Luka asked.
"Nothing exotic, Cinder-fella. *Dad* picked these out." John held up
a pair of matching green Moroccan leather slippers. Luka fell over
roaring with renewed laughter when he saw their lining featured small
pink rosebuds.
"You didn't."
"Nope. I only told him they were your favorite flower." John
snickered.
"Indeed. I love you."
"Why don't you get dressed in your new duds while I get something to
nibble on?"
Luka sat up and nearly shouted when John slipped to his knees and
swiftly inhaled his husband. After a few minutes, John sat back and
reached under the bed. Luka smiled when he saw the familiar logo on a
box of condoms. He too, was now the recipient of transfusions and was
pleased to see John was going to play safely. Extracting a foil
packet, John opened it and rolled the latex onto Luka's quivering
organ. His husband's eyes stretched wide as he beheld more writing.
In red script, similar to that used by the Atlanta manufacturers of a
carbonated beverage, the words, "Sole source of Luka's Luscious
Liquid" spiralled like a barber pole from the nippled tip to the cuff.
"Where in the name of heaven..." Luka gasped as John's eager mouth
covered all trace of the sexy message. There was no end to his
husband's surprises. Luka writhed in delicious agony as John began
humming "It's the real thing..." There was no doubt in his mind,
convalescence was going to be a lot of fun. He'd have to get shot
more often.
The End
Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n