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"Carter, you're looking much better." Dr. Kovac yawned as he pulled
off the pants to his scrubs.

"Thanks. Tough shift?" John quickly ducked into his locker pretending
to hunt for his stethoscope.

"Long, but not too bad considering the 1st of the month fell on a
Friday. A lot of bar fights and the usual. Some guy they'd fished out
of the gutter vomited all over me. You know the drill."

"At least you were wearing scrubs."

"Yeah. I seem to remember this young colleague of mine recommending
that scrubs should be worn during the first five days of the month."
Luka yawned again. "I'm going to shower here so when I get home, all
I have to do is fall into bed."

"Good night, then." John grabbed his lab coat and left the room. Why
did Luka have to mention falling into bed. John spent most of his
nights dreaming about the man. Just now, when Luka had pulled off his
pants, John felt the beginnings of an erection. It was getting
harder, to coin a phrase, to keep up a "business as usual" attitude
in Luka's presence. The recent shift in personnel, meant that he
never knew when his newest co-worker would be on duty.

Carter should have taken his own advice. Fifteen minutes into his
shift, a drunken teenager threw up spectacularly all over his lab
coat and trousers. Dripping, he hurried to the locker room, catching
a pair of scrubs from Lydia as he went down the hall. Damn, just as
he walked in, Luka emerged from the showers wearing nothing but a
County-issue towel, a cross, and his watch. Without thinking, John
turned to face his locker, but not fast enough to hide the fact he
was blushing.

"Got you too?" Luka smiled as he reached for his briefs.

"Yep. I should listen to that young colleague of yours more often."
John was fumbling with the buttons to his coat. His fingers were
trembling. Luka glanced up as a button ricocheted off the lockers
behind him.

"Do you need some help?" He asked laughing.

"No." John finally got the coat open and quickly tossed it into the
laundry bin. If the buttons had proved difficult, his belt and zipper
were worse. Luka casually watched as his friend struggled with
disrobing.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?"

"Positive. Believe it or not, I *do* know how to undress myself."
John got his trousers open, grabbed the scrubs and headed for the
showers. As he passed Luka, their eyes met. Luka smiled.

"You should take something for your nerves."

"I'm OK." John raced into the shower.

"Carter? Don't you think you should leave the scrubs out here? Unless
you were looking forward to working in wet clothes."

"They won't get wet. I'm only going to wash my hands and face."

"See you tomorrow then." Luka called out as he finished dressing.

"Yeah. Good-night." John sighed, relieved to be alone. He washed his
hands and face and dressed rapidly. Thank God scrubs did not have
buttons, snaps, or zippers. Grabbing a lab coat, he returned to work.

Carter had discovered in prep school that he could be attracted to
men as well as women. It had scared him. Relations with his family
were strained and John was trying his best not to disappoint them or
provide reasons to deepen their dissatisfaction. Taking refuge in the
well-known phenomena of adolescent sexual confusion, he tried to
convince himself it was just a phase. Only it wasn't.

He made it through college and med-school dating only women and did
just fine. It wasn't until he began dreaming of Dennis Gant, that he
realized he'd been fooling himself. His guilt over Dennis's death
stemmed partially from feeling relieved that he'd managed to control
his desire and could finally stop worrying about his attraction being
revealed. Shaken, he concentrated his attention on his work and had
just begun to breathe again when Luka Kovac was hired as a temp to
replace Doug Ross. It was love a first sight.

The dreams began almost immediately. John actually looked forward to
going to sleep. This time, he promised himself, he would act on his
feelings. Hell, he and rejection were old friends. He'd be brave and
bold and go for the gold. There was only one problem---two, really.
Luka was Catholic and, according to Carole Hathaway, still grieving
for his wife and daughters. The love of his life was over before it
began. At least he would be spared the "Dear John" speech.

All through his shift, John's mind kept returning to Luka. "He'll be
getting home now, falling into bed..." Shaking his head, Carter
forced himself to concentrate on suturing a young woman who'd fallen
off a bar stool. She wasn't inebriated, the bar stool had been broken
and tipped her onto the floor. John finished the stitching and gave
her the customary warnings about not getting them wet. She promised
to check in with her own doctor in the morning.

"Hey, who was the hot babe?" Dr. Malucci appeared out of nowhere.

"Who?"

"That gorgeous blonde you were treating."

"Oh. She told me her name, but I forgot."

"Well, it should be on her chart."

"Uh huh. And that's where it's going to stay. Geez, Dave, I'm
begining to think you went into medicine as an alternative to
cruising the singles bars."

"Not quite, but you must admit, we get to know a lot about people
when we treat them. You know, marital status, STD status, phone
numbers, addresses, occupations. It beats trying to get all that
info while engaged in innocuous small talk accompanied by loud music."

"Well, let me know if you get lucky." Carter headed up the hall to
pick up his next patient; leaving Dave staring after him. Carter had
been mooning around for the past few months. Dave grinned, wondering
if it was love or just Carter's usual nerdiness.

John's shift finally ended, he went home to his nightly cold shower
and dreams of Luka.

* * * * *
Luka turned over for the tenth time in as many minutes. Despite his
exhaustion, he couldn't sleep. Images of John Carter's flushed face
hovered before his eyes. When he first came to County, all of the
staff kept mentioning how nice Carter was; how he was so good with
patients. Luka had many opportunities to observe the latter, but it
wasn't until they'd worked together on a trauma patient, that he saw
the sweetness and strength that formed the basis of Carter's
personality. Afterwards, they'd ended up at Magoo's for some much-
needed coffee.

Although Carter looked young, Luka discovered there was less than
five years difference in their ages. His colleague was chatty but did
not communicate anything of a personal nature. As John went on, Luka
found himself staring into those wonderful dark brown eyes.

"What is it? Do I have something the matter with my face?"

Luka managed to get out an excuse for his wool-gathering and breathed
a sigh of relief when John continued with his medical saga.

Now, he found himself awake at three in the morning longing for John
Carter. At least it made a change from the nightmares about home and
family. He'd been aware of his own bisexuality since his early teens.
But three years later, he met his Marije and fell hopelessly in love.
He'd been faithful to her and never looked at anyone else. After that
dreadful day, when the bombs were falling, he'd drifted. By the grace
of God, he hadn't been killed. He was all the more grateful because
with his despair feeding his carelessness, it would have been suicide.

When he came to the United States, he'd made as many breaks with the
past as possible. Instead of an apartment, he'd purchased a boat.
Instead of women, none of whom could compare to his wife, he'd dated
men. Unfortunately, he was never in one city long enough for these
relationships to evolve into something substantive. Then he got a
call from Chicago Memorial, that led to his temporary job at County.
County and John Carter.
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