John stood outside the bay doors for several moments, trying to calm his breathing. This was it, his first day back. Once again, his life would return to normal. He'd see patients, help students and work on traumas – oh, what he'd give for a real trauma.
After counting to ten so many times he'd lost count, he figured he needed to just forge ahead and get it over with. He took the last drag from his cigarette, crushed it out, and headed to the doors.
"Hey, Dr. Carter. Welcome back." Randi shot him a smile. The emergency room was very quiet, very few patients and it was almost eerie.
"Hi, Randi. Wow, it's quiet. Where is everyone?" He asked, logging into the computer. Good, he was still there. That hadn't changed.
"Weaver called a meeting a few minutes ago. In the lounge." She informed him. John checked his watch. He was still about 10 minutes early for his shift and he wondered why a meeting had been called without him.
"Anything I should know about?" He asked while nervously glancing towards the lounge door.
"Not that I know of. I gotta get these charts to medical records. I'll see you later." Randi said nonchalantly but John felt like she was looking for a way to get away from him.
Taking several deep breaths, John stepped toward the lounge door. The minute he opened it, he could see all eyes turn towards him.
"Uh, am I interrupting something here?" He asked after several silent seconds passed.
"No, John, not at all. Welcome back. I'll be with you in just a moment." Kerry said very business like. It was obvious he had interrupted something and he could feel the eyes on him. Kerry seemed to be a bit nervous also and she called the meeting to a close. Abby was standing in the back, by the lockers and she wouldn't even meet John's eyes. Finally, people began breaking up, returning to work.
"Nice to see you back, Dr. Carter." Michael Gallant said as he passed by.
"Welcome back, John." Deb smiled and she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"It's about time." Susan joked, giving him a hug. Luka, Abby, and Dr. Weaver stayed behind.
"What was all that about, Kerry?" John asked once everyone had left.
"John, Dr. Romano wants to see you before you begin your shift." Kerry admitted.
"What? Why?" John asked, a fear coming over him.
"He knows." Abby said quietly.
"What?" John asked, shocked.
"He's always known. He intercepted a copy of your H&P back when you were first admitted." Luka explained. John looked to Kerry.
"Is that true?" He asked, his fear turning into a full fledged panic.
"John, he just needs to speak to you." Kerry said, unable to meet his eyes.
"Am I fired?" John's voice cracked. Abby was instantly by his side, touching his chest.
"I'm sure everything is fine, John. He just wants to talk." She said, feeling his heart beating wildly.
"Do I get to come back?" John asked, his eyes still on Kerry's face.
"I don't know, John. It's not my decision." She said, finally looking up at him.
"Fuck!" John stated loudly. "I knew it! I knew this would be the final fuck up for me! My God, Kerry, I needed you to keep this private. So how many other people know? Did you put up brochures on the board so that people could see where I was?"
"It's not Kerry's fault, John, we both tried." Luka explained. John glared at him.
"I bet you tried real hard, didn't you, Luka?" John spat.
"John, just go talk to him, okay?" Abby encouraged, trying to keep John calm.
"Dammit!" John uttered under his breath as he walked out. However, instead of heading for the elevator, he headed out the doors.
"John?" Abby called, noticing his direction. Kerry stopped her from going after him.
"Let me." Kerry stated. She went out to the bay, watching John pacing angrily, still holding his bag. John glared at her when she came out.
"Was that meeting in there about me, Kerry? Are you warning everyone about me? Telling them of my crazy actions? That I'm crazy?" He questioned.
"No, John. That meeting was because I have auditors upstairs and I need to make sure everything stayed in order today. In fact, you weren't even mentioned." She explained.
"Oh, right, auditors." He nodded, not believing a word she said.
"John," She reached out and held onto his arm, stopping his pacing. "John, you've got to believe me. The only people who know are the ones who have been there for you. I haven't betrayed your trust." She said.
John looked like he didn't believe her at first but the more he looked at her eyes, he could tell she was telling the truth.
"Then why does Romano know?" He asked, finally calming a bit.
"Like Luka said, he got a copy of your H&P back when you were first admitted, John but he had it destroyed. He's on your side, John. He just wants to make sure you're ready for this." She said.
"Right. Like Romano has ever cared a rat's ass about anyone but himself." John scoffed at the idea.
"He cares about you, John. You've got to believe me on that. Do you know he came up there to see you?" She asked.
"No he didn't. I never saw him." John shook his head.
"Yes he did. He was escorted off the property, from what he tells me. He does care, John. I don't know why, but he does. This isn't a death sentence for you. He just wants to talk." Kerry tried to explain.
John thought for several minutes.
"Okay, I'll go talk to him, Kerry." He agreed. "I'm sorry for doubting you."
"That's all right, John. I understand." She led him back inside.
Abby was standing at the admit desk, watching. "You okay?" She whispered, walking with John towards the elevators.
"Yeah, sorry about that." He nodded.
"You going to talk to him?" She asked.
"I guess I don't have a choice." He shrugged. "I'll come find you when I'm done."
Abby leaned up and gave him a quick kiss as he stood waiting for the elevator.
"I love you." She said.
"I love you, too." He smiled slightly as the doors to the elevators opened. "Well, here it goes."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John could hear Romano yelling from his office from the elevator. Counting silently to himself, he forced himself to continue walking toward the door. Seeing the door shut, he gently tapped on the window.
"What?" Romano snapped, whipping his door open and glaring at John.
"Uh, sir, you asked to see me?" John said, taking a step back.
Something in Romano's eyes changed. His glare softened and the snarl melted as he looked at John's surprised face.
"Shirley, deal with it. I need to spend some time speaking with Dr. Carter here." Romano said in a much softer voice.
Shirley nodded and exited the office, smiling to John as she walked by.
"Have a seat, Dr. Carter." Romano said, shutting the door behind John and returning to his desk.
John nervously took a seat across from Romano. "Yes, sir." He said, feeling like a three-year-old boy.
Romano sat down and he rubbed his face. He pulled out a large file with John's name on it.
"So, I understand that you've returned today from your personal leave. I do hope your family business got taken care of." Romano said calmly.
"I know you know." John said quietly.
"What was that? I don't believe I heard you, Dr. Carter." Romano said.
"I said," he repeated louder, clearing his throat. "I know that you knew where I was at, or so I've been told."
"Ah, they warned you before coming up here, I see." Romano moved the personnel file off to the side and sat back.
"They just told me a few minutes ago. I didn't know you knew all along." John said, nodding his head nervously. Robert pulled a disk from his briefcase and slid it across the desk towards John.
"That's what remains of your H&P. This is the only copy. I destroyed the faxed copy and you should have this, not me. So, I assume you had a successful stay?"
"Successful?" John laughed, unsure. "If you mean... am I coherent now, then yes. If you mean, can I tell when I'm going to have a flashback, yes. If you mean am I happy and perfectly fine emotionally and mentally, well, time will tell. Dr. Romano, no offence but unless you have something to say to me, I have patients to see." John started to get up.
"Sit." Romano barked.
"Look, you have called me Drug Store Cowboy behind my back, you have ridiculed me and embarrassed me in front of my coworkers. I would appreciate it if you're going to fire me, just get it over with, Dr. Romano. I don't have time for this." John stood his ground.
Robert Romano sat in his chair, leaning back, looking at the defensive pose John had taken with his hand on the doorknob.
"When I was a child, my mother married a man who liked to drink. When he drank, he also became very violent. I used to stand in front of my mother, allowing him to beat me so he wouldn't touch her." Robert admitted.
"How old were you?" John asked, trying to hide his surprise.
"I was ten. There was one night, one night where I passed out from the beatings, having taken too many blows to the head." Robert explained. He took a deep breath. "When I woke up, he was on top of me." Robert's voice cracked.
John sat back down, listening intently.
Robert cleared his throat and hastily wiped his eyes. "I've spent the rest of my life fighting. I saw to it he was prosecuted. I, to this day, feel the need to protect my mother from filth like that." Robert admitted. "I also spent years in therapy, Dr. Carter. I understand what it feels like to have your independence ripped away from you, to fear the very being of another person, to remember what that moment felt like and I know what nightmares are like. I still dream about Ms. Knight, John. I remember that night like it just happened." He said quietly.
John tried so hard to stay in control but he was beginning to weaken. He looked away and took several deep breaths.
"I spent five years taking whatever drugs I could buy. I just wanted something to take the nightmares away but nothing worked. I know what it's like to want the pain to go away and to be locked inside your head, unable to escape your own memories, John. Why didn't you come to me? Why didn't you go to anyone, anyone would have helped you." Robert leaned forward, his face conveying true caring.
"I thought I could handle it." John shrugged, a few tears dripping down his face. "I had been dealing with it on my own for so many years, I thought I could keep things under control."
"And do you feel ready to take control again?" Robert asked, regaining his composure.
"I don't know. I think so. I've been working at Edward Hospital for the past month or so, and I did okay." John explained.
"I know. I sent them a letter of recommendation. Dr. Ramsey and I went to medical school together." Robert smiled.
John chuckled. "Did you know they offered me an attending position?"
"No, I didn't know that. Sounds like her. I bet she offered you more than we'd pay you, too."
"10%." John smiled, feeling much better. "Do I still have a job?" He needed to know.
"Yes, Dr. Carter, you do still have a job but I'm not going to allow you to return just yet. You can't go from being hospitalized one day and expect to come back to work the next." Robert pulled out John's file again.
"Sir, I've been back for a few days." John informed.
"Fine, and you're not coming back today. I want you to take a break, away from Chicago for a few weeks. I want you to be sure that when you come back, you're completely ready to come back." Robert filled out a form.
"Sir, I'm ready now." John protested.
"You'll be ready when I say you're ready. Do you have someplace you can go for a while?" Robert asked.
John thought for a few moments. "I think I do." He nodded.
"Good." Robert stood. "Now, go downstairs, get that girlfriend of yours and get away from here. I expect to see you both back, bright and early two weeks from today."
John stood and walked to the door. "Take Abby with me?" John asked, shocked.
"Well, you've spent the last two months alone. Now, spend the next two weeks working things out with her." Robert smiled.
John turned back to him at the door. He stuck out his hand. "Thank you, Dr. Romano. I really appreciate it."
"Well, just be warned, Dr. Carter. If you ever mention anything about what we have discussed to anyone, I will guarantee that if you think I rode you before, you won't know what hit you when you come back. I will make your life a living nightmare, do you understand?" He threatened with a wink.
"No, never, I promise. Thank you, sir." John walked back to the elevator, a smile on his face.
"He does care about you, Dr. Carter." Shirley whispered as John waited.
"I'm not sure why but I know that now, Shirley. Thanks." John nodded.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John found Abby putting a bandage on a child's knee in one of the exam rooms.
"Finish up and get your stuff." He whispered into her ear.
"What?" She asked, totally confused.
"Finish up and meet me in the lounge." He whispered, an excited look in his eyes.
Several minutes later, Abby joined John in the lounge.
"What's up?" She asked as John wrapped his arms around her.
"Romano said I had to come down here and get you and we have to leave Chicago for two weeks." He smiled.
"Are you suspended?" Abby was still confused.
"Nope. He just wants to make sure I'm ready to come back. So, I was thinking we give a certain couple a call and see if we can come visit." He suggested. A twinkle came to Abby's eyes.
"Really? And he told you to take me?" She asked, beginning to get excited herself.
"Yep. He said I needed to spend the next two weeks working things out with my girlfriend and since you're my girlfriend, I'm assuming that meant you." He laughed, kissing her neck.
"I'm not your girlfriend." Abby teased. "I'm your fiancé."
"That you are, Abby. Wanna run away with me?"
"Definitely."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Oh, man, you are good." Abby laughed, her breathing still coming in deep gasps, her entire body covered in sweat. John rolled off and collapsed next to her in the bed.
"It's a two way thing, Abby." He motioned with his fingers, still unable to breath normally.
"What time does our flight leave?" Abby curled up next to him, her hand slipping along his stomach.
"At six. They're meeting us at the airport and we're going to stop at their place and then go out to dinner." John explained.
"Are you excited to see Brandon again?" Abby teased, running her fingers down John's stomach toward his groin.
"Just as excited as you are to see Veronica." John chuckled. "You do know Brandon came to see me about a month ago?"
"He told me." She chuckled. "He'd actually called and asked permission before he did it and then called me and told me everything that happened."
"And you weren't jealous?" John asked, a bit surprised.
"Of Brandon? No, actually I'm not. He told me he was in love with you but I know he's not going to take you away from me so it's okay. Are you jealous of me when I'm with Veronica?" She asked.
"No. Neither one of them threaten me. I know that sounds crazy but they don't." He kissed Abby's forehead.
"Same here." Abby agreed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How did he sound?" Veronica asked, standing in the airport, watching the plane from Chicago land.
"He sounded good. Real good." Brandon smiled. He couldn't believe how excited he was to see John and Abby again.
"So, they get to stay for two weeks?" Veronica played with her bracelet, also excited.
"He said they were off for two weeks. We'll see how long they want to stay." Brandon said, noticing the first group of passengers unloading.
"Well, we can only hope." She smiled. Finally, they saw Abby and John, holding hands and beaming.
"John, Abby!" Veronica called.
"Hi, Veronica." Abby smiled, a bit shy. Veronica wrapped her arms around the petite nurse while John and Brandon embraced. After trading off and welcoming each other properly, they went to get their luggage.
"You look great. You decided to keep the beard?" Brandon asked as they walked. The girls were arm in arm, giggling quietly between each other.
"For a while. Abby likes it." John admitted, shrugging.
"It makes you look older." Brandon teased.
"Matches how I feel." John laughed.
"Well, hopefully, the next two weeks will have you feeling young again, my Love." Brandon wrapped his arm over John's shoulder and John was amazed at how good it felt. The next two weeks would be good. He was free, with the people he cared most about and he knew, without a doubt that they felt the same for him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"This is it, Abby." Veronica led the way into their home. Abby's eyes sparkled with amazement.
"Wow. This place is fantastic! You are so lucky, Veronica." Abby cooed.
Veronica laughed. "Oh, you and your husband-to-be will have a place just as grand, my dear. In the meantime, make yourself at home." She led Abby upstairs.
"So, which room is ours?" Abby asked, seeing all the doors.
"That depends." Veronica giggled. "When John first stayed with us, he ended up staying in the master bedroom with Brandon and I. The second trip, he stayed in the guest room across the hall. I know where I'd like you to stay but I'll leave that up to you." She winked, opening the door to the master bedroom.
"Oh, my." Abby exclaimed as she walked in. The bed was absolutely huge and the whole place looked so romantic. "You have a Jacuzzi in your bathroom?" She asked, excited.
"Yes. Would you like to try it out before we head off to dinner? It only takes a short time to fill up." Veronica suggested, coming up behind Abby and kissing her exposed neck. Abby purred.
"Only if you'll join me." Abby suggested, pulling her top off and turning around. Within seconds, they were locked in a heated embrace.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"John, I can't breath!" Brandon gasped. John had barely let the girls get upstairs before he had Brandon pinned against the wall, his body pressed against the older man's, his mouth invading.
"You've never had a problem breathing before." John snickered as he nibbled his way down Brandon's neck, his hands pressed against Brandon's chest.
"You've always taken my breath away, John." Brandon kidded, trying to get John's shirt off
"I cannot believe what you do to me." John murmured, his mouth full of skin.
"Oh, Baby, it's mutual." Brandon groaned, his head leaning back against the wall. "John, please, I need you now."
John glanced around. "Upstairs. I want you sprawled out on the bed, where I can get to every inch of your body." John coax Brandon to his way of thinking.
Brandon nodded excitedly. "Oh, yes." Brandon shoved John out of the way and pulled the younger man up the stairs.
They ran like their feet were on fire, their hands all over each other. Finally reaching the bedroom door, they fell inside, mouths and hands removing clothes as they went.
"That feels so good." They heard a female voice moan from the bathroom. They looked at each other.
"I guess they had the same idea we did. Wanna join them?" Brandon chuckled.
"No." John stated; his eyes locked on Brandon's. "I need you all to myself. If they want to join us later, they can but right now, I need you, on your back, spread eagle." John smiled, pushing Brandon towards the bed.
"What? No handcuffs?" Brandon asked, mocking innocence.
"Later. You'll be begging me later but now I want you free willed." John smiled, pulling Brandon's pants off from the ankles.
"Free willed and needing." Brandon smiled, flipping himself over onto his stomach. "Supplies are …"
"Same place?" John asked, crawling on top and kissing the back of Brandon's neck.
"Mmmm." Brandon nodded, pointing to the bedside table as John turned his body to putty.
John giggled as he reached over Brandon's broad shoulders. This was going to be a great two weeks.
To be continued....
Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n