"Abby?" Luka pounded frantically on the door. Ever since he'd gotten her call, he'd feared the worse. Abby never asked for his help anymore and she had sounded so desperate.
Abby unlocked the door and she was still crying. Luka hugged her quickly, wanting to provide comfort.
"Shh, shh, what happened, Abby?" He asked, stroking her hair.
"I was … so … stupid. I…said…such…mean things!" She sobbed as Luka led her to the sofa.
"Who? Whom did you say mean things to?" He asked, confused.
"John! Oh, God, he…called and I…said…oh, God, Luka. I hurt him." She cried.
"Calm down, Abby. I don't think it was as bad as you say." He comforted.
Abby sobbed against his chest long enough to soak a wet spot until she finally began to regain her control.
"Luka, I messed up." She finally said, wiping her eyes.
"What happened, Abby?"
"He was telling me about working at a hospital up there and running into Malucci. I asked him how he was doing and he asked me if I was going to the support groups. I told him I went to a couple but I was going to AA everyday and the last thing I wanted to do was go to another meeting. He said Dijana wanted me to come up there and have therapy sessions with him as well as go to the support group here. I proceeded to tell him I didn't need therapy," She paused, "because I wasn't the one who was abused."
Luka took a deep breath. She was right. That was probably the last thing Carter needed to hear right now.
"Luka, it's still early. You've got to take me up there. I need to see him." Abby begged.
"Abby, you need to let him work this out." Luka insisted.
"Please, Luka. I need to see him. He won't answer his phone. I've been calling ever since he told me he couldn't talk to me anymore. He hung up on me, twice. You've got to take me there, Luka," she pleaded.
Luka shook his head as he got up and went to the phone.
"Who are you calling?" Abby asked, thinking this was a horrible time to call anyone.
"I'm calling Dr. Sajak to find out how he's doing." Luka looked up the number in his wallet and dialed the phone.
"Hello, Rock Creek Center, how may I help you?" The Center's phone was answered.
"Yes, my name is Dr. Luka Kovac and it is very important that I speak with Dr. Sajak immediately."
"Sir, I believe she is with a patient right now," the receptionist answered.
"Well, if that patient is John Williams, then I need to speak with her immediately," Luka insisted.
"Please hold."
"Oh, God, Luka. What if he's freaked out again? They tied him up the last time and they had to sedate him. What if I did that to him?" Abby paced, verging on panic. Luka motioned her to be quiet.
"Now, I know you well enough to know that this is not a strange coincidence that you happen to be calling me right now." Dijana said as she picked up her phone and stepped out of her office.
"Hello to you also, Dijana." Luka chuckled. "No coincidence. I'm here with Abby and she wants me to drive her up there right now. I understand they had a bit of a misunderstanding?" He said.
"Oh, I believe it was more than a misunderstanding. With John, it only takes one comment to set the fuse around here. But he is getting better at controlling his reactions." She smiled, watching John through the window, writing furiously in his notebook. He was running his hands through his hair every five seconds, looking for the right words.
"So, he's not in restraints or on sedatives?" Luka asked for Abby's sake. She looked on expectantly.
"Not at all. He's very much in control right now," Dijana chuckled. "Pissed as hell but he is in control. I'm not sure if he'll agree to see her right now but I have a few words to say to her."
Luka smiled. "I'm sure you do. So, should I bring her up?"
"Sure, Luka, bring her."
Luka hung up the phone and smiled at Abby. "Get your purse, Dijana wants to talk to you." He stood.
"Will I get to talk to John? What did she say?" Abby asked while getting her purse.
"We'll see. John is in her office right now and she said he's still upset. She isn't sure he'll see you but I'm sure she'll talk to him. He has almost an hour to cool down." Luka informed as they went to the door.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Luka coached Abby for the entire drive, trying to explain how important it was that Abby learn how to deal with what John was going through. Abby continued to believe that life with Maggie had taught her what she needed to know. Luka finally gave up and figured he'd leave it up to Dijana to explain it to her.
"We're here to see John Williams?" Abby asked at the front desk.
"Dr. Sajak, please," Luka corrected. "She's expecting us."
The receptionist made a quick call and smiled. "She is expecting you. Let me take you back to see her." She said, leading the way.
"Luka, Abby, nice to see you." Dijana said as they arrived at her office.
"He's not here?" Abby asked, looking around. Her face was still puffy from crying.
"No, Abby, he's not. I sent him to a group session. I wanted to talk to you first. Luka, will you please excuse us?" Dijana walked Luka back to her door.
"I'll just wait in the lobby." He said, winking his support to Abby. Once the door was shut, Dijana turned back towards Abby, who sat nervously in a chair waiting on news.
"Is he all right?" She asked.
"He's very confused right now and frankly, so am I." Dijana sat at her desk. "John has given me the impression that you were his fiancé," she said.
"I am. I mean that's what started this whole thing but I do love him."
"And you consider yourself an expert on dealing with major depressive disorders, post-traumatic stress disorders with psychotic features and sexual abuse?" She asked sternly.
"Uh, no ma'am, I never said I was an expert," Abby said.
"Then, John was wrong when he said you told him that you didn't need to go to any meetings because you weren't the one abused?" Dijana asked.
"That's not what I said. Well, it is what I said but it's not what I meant. He took it wrong." Abby said defensively.
"Abby, if I asked you to sit over here," Dijana got up and stood in front of the couch, "and when you did, I asked you why you did that, what would you say?"
"I'd say you told me to sit here." Abby said, then suddenly understanding. "Because I said it that way, that was what he heard, right?"
Dijana nodded. "That is one of the coping skills we teach in the support groups. If you'd been going, you'd have known it already." She returned to her desk.
Dijana looked over her notes on her previous meeting with Abby. "You told me that your mother is bipolar and that you usually only see her when she goes off her meds and finds her way back into your life for a brief period." Dijana sat back in her chair and gazed at Abby. "Could you please explain to me a little about what goes on with your mother and how you deal with her?"
Abby shifted uncomfortably on the couch. "Why? I mean what does that have to do with John? He's not bipolar...is he?" Abby suddenly felt a fear that she was not sure she could handle it if he was.
"No, Abby, he is not but like your mother, John's condition is treatable." Dijana paused. "With or without your help, John will eventually get well. How long it takes him to do so, does depends a great deal on the people in his life and their willingness to help. I do not know how to stress the importance of your involvement in his treatment for several reasons. He needs to know that you're there for him but we also need to make sure that he isn't overly dependant on you. There is a fine line between support and co-dependency and it's imperative that you both learn and recognize the difference."
"I know the difference, Dr. Sajak." Abby said.
"Fine but right now, I'm not sure John does and John is my patient. John is the one who is having trouble identifying what is real or which things have hidden meanings. Another support skill we teach is learning to say what you mean or keeping your mouth shut." Dijana said clearly.
Abby looked a bit shocked. "Are you telling me that I shouldn't talk to John?" She asked, confused.
"Not if you can't be supportive." Dijana nodded. "He needs to know that you'll be there for him and that he's not crazy. If that means that you need to go to group sessions, that will show him that you are making an effort." She sat back. "You stated that the only time you see your mother is when she goes off her meds. Why?"
"Why?" Abby laughed sarcastically. "Because I get a call to come get her. The last time, I got a call because she was held up in a motel room in Oklahoma. John actually went with me during that trip, even though I was dating Luka and helped me bring her back." She explained, remembering how supportive John had been.
"I didn't ask how you see her." Dijana smiled. "I asked you why? Why is that the only time you see your mother?"
Abby started to say something but she stopped, looking at Dr. Sajak. "I, uh, I guess it's easier not seeing her." Abby shrugged. "Growing up was very hard. She was always going up and down and I never knew what to expect. I think that's why I married so young. I wanted to just get away."
"So, as a child, you learned how to skate by, how to ride your mother's waves, tiptoe around her when she became manic?" Dijana suggested.
"Yeah, I mean that was the only way to survive." Abby nodded.
"Is that what you're doing with John? Riding his flashbacks out, waiting for him to act normal again?" Dijana asked.
Abby thought for a moment. "Maybe so. It's scary and I don't know what to do." Abby admitted.
"You do know that as he gets well, the flashbacks can stop along with the panic attacks, the heart palpitations, the fear he's feeling. He can get to a point where he can control his own mind and grow from it rather than having it stunt him as they are now."
"How long will that take?"
"I can't really give you a definite time, but I can guarantee it will take a lot less time if you learn how to help him heal rather than just sitting by and making him do this alone. Your involvement means a lot to him." Dijana smiled.
Abby looked down at the floor. "I know. I'm sorry. I wasn't there when he needed me to be." Abby looked up at Dijana. "I want to help him through this. Tell me what I need to do."
Dijana smiled. "I need to go see how he's doing. I'm still not sure whether or not he'll speak with you and you've got to understand if he won't." Dijana stood.
"I promise not to say anything to upset him. I just need to apologize." Abby said, watching Dijana move to the door.
"I'll be right back." Dijana said as she shut the door behind her.
John was sitting by the door at the back of the room listening to the man speak. Dijana opened the door and leaned inside, whispering to him. John looked up and he silently came out of the room.
"John, how are you feeling?" She asked, keeping her voice low.
"I'm fine, Dijana. I just got angry before." He replied honestly.
"Good. Abby's in my office." She said calmly. John's head shot up, looking down the hall.
"She came all the way down here?" He asked, quite shocked.
"You expected her to stay in your apartment crying?"
"She was crying?" He asked, concerned.
Dijana smiled. "You need to learn to understand women, John." She giggled. "Do you want to see her?"
"Have you talked to her?"
"Oh, yeah. At length." Dijana nodded.
"What did you say to her?" He rubbed his neck.
"Let's just say she might have changed her mind about attending the support groups." She smiled, leading John back to her office.
"While you two talk, I'm going to go out to the lobby and speak with Luka." Dijana said, stopping in front of her door. "You okay?"
John nodded, taking a deep breath. He slowly opened the door, seeing Abby sitting on the sofa. She stood when she saw John enter alone.
"John, I am so sorry." She said, taking a few hesitant steps towards him. He kept looking from the floor to Abby and back to the floor but he did not walk any closer to her.
"So, uh, she scared you into going to the group?" He asked quietly.
Abby smiled. "No, John. She just explained to me why I should be going that's all. I was avoiding dealing with what you're going through. I was making it your problem but it's not. It's our problem to get you better." She took a few more steps closer but noticed John take one back.
"John, can we just sit and talk for a while? Maybe take a walk?" Abby suggested.
"Uh, yeah, a walk might be nice." His head bobbed as he quickly moved to the door. Abby kept her distance a few steps behind him. John walked first to the lobby and he opened the door.
"Dijana, can we take a walk out back?" He asked, nodding a greeting to Luka.
"Sure."
John led the way, opening the door for Abby that led out to the deck. Most of the other patients were in sessions so the place was almost abandoned. They walked silently out past the deck, slowly towards the stables.
"This is a nice place." Abby said, unsure of what to say.
"It's okay." John said, deep in thought. Abby looked up at him every few moments but he was still avoiding her. They reached the stable and went inside. John went directly to one of the stalls, petting a horse that came right up to him. Abby sat up on top of a bale of hay.
"I miss you." Abby said, needing to break the silence. John turned around and seemed to remember that she was there. He smiled shyly.
"Me, too." He admitted. Abby held out her hand.
"Come here." She said softly. John hesitated but finally stepped up to her, taking her hand.
Abby drew his hand up to her lips and she kissed it. She saw John's eyes close as her lips touched his skin. She turned his hand over and kissed his palm, taking her time. She could feel him weaken.
"John, I love you and I'm there for you." She whispered, continuing to kiss his wrist.
"Abby." He whispered, placing his free hand on her thigh, running up to her hip as he moved closer.
Abby could see his arousal growing and she placed a finger under his chin as she placed his hand on her breast.
John's eyes met hers as he moaned softly. She placed both her hands on his hips and pulled him closer. His hand gently caressed her breast. He leaned in and placed his lips against hers as their mouths opened.
They both moaned as they gave in to the physical desire. John wrapped his arm around her back and pulled her closer, their bodies pressing against one another's, as they tasted their passion. John finally broke from her lips but he continued kissing down her neck, pressing himself against her spread thighs.
"Oh, John, I need you to make love to me." Abby moaned, his tongue running down her exposed neck, igniting her body.
John moaned, his kisses becoming more desperate as his hands slipped under her shirt, one hand on her lower back and the other cupping her bare breast. He moaned again as he found her hard nipple.
Abby ran one hand up his chest going behind his neck as her other hand stroked his erection. His hand pulled her hips closer, locking her hand against him. She felt him smile as he kissed her.
"We can't do this in here." He mumbled, moving his mouth down her neck as he pulled her top up from the back.
"Yes, we can. I need you, John. I need to feel you throbbing inside me." Abby growled as she began to unfasten her own slacks.
John shook his head as he began helping her slip her slacks down her hips, letting them fall to the ground. She spread her legs and slid to the edge of the hay bale.
"Come back here." She smiled wickedly, feeling exposed but she was aching like never before. John came back instantly, pulling her bare breasts against him, grinding his still clothed pelvis against her.
"Oh, God, you are the most beautiful person in the entire world." He mumbled, kissing her passionately. Abby began pushing his sweats down over his hips as he helped.
One deep, long thrust and he was completely engulfed inside of her. They both groaned and sighed.
"Abby," he moaned loudly, holding himself tight against her. His hands moved down to her hips and he held tightly, slowly pulling out and then completely back in.
"Oh, God, John." Abby leaned back, bracing herself with her arms as she thrust her hips to meet his urgent movements.
John couldn't concentrate on anything else but the feeling of being totally joined, her muscles massaging up and down his hard shaft as he thrust in and out with smooth, familiar movements. Abby reached out and placed her hand on the side of his face as their eyes locked. She ran her fingers along his lips. John opened his mouth and he began to mimic his thrusting by taking her fingers completely, sucking one at a time, slowly, taking the entire finger, and rolling his tongue around the digit.
"Oh, God." Abby groaned, his actions turning her on even more.
John's thrusting began to increase and he was finding it hard to concentrate on her fingers. The sweat dripped off his brow as Abby increased her thrusting.
"Oh, God." John groaned as he concentrated. He could feel his orgasm rushing to the surface.
"John, I love you." Abby panted, her own orgasm on the edge.
John's thrusting became unrestrained when suddenly his entire body convulsed in release, pulsating over and over into her body. His orgasm triggered hers as her muscles fluttered around him.
"Oh, Abby!" John exclaimed, pulling Abby's body against his, his chest heaving, trying to catch his breath.
"I love you." Abby said, kissing all over his face, holding his head tightly. John laughed.
"That was needed." He exclaimed, not wanting to pull away.
"And then some." Abby wrapped her legs behind his, holding him tightly.
John held her for several moments as their breathing returned to normal. He kept running his hands up and down her back, relishing in the closeness.
Abby finally giggled. "John, I'm feeling very exposed here." She said, kissing his neck. She could hear his chest rumble as he chuckled.
"I guess I couldn't smuggle you up into my room, huh?" He smiled, pulling slowly out of her and slipping his pants up, he bent to reach her slacks while Abby put her shirt back on.
John had a perpetual smile on his face and he kept finding ways to touch her. He ran his fingers through her hair, pulling out a few pieces of straw as he studied every feature on her face.
"You look better," she whispered.
"Oh, I am, much better." He smiled, nodding, looking at her lips.
"Are they going to come looking for you?" Abby giggled as he touched her lips with his fingers.
"Probably." He said, leaning in for a gentle kiss.
Abby finally broke them apart and she pushed him back a bit so she could hop down. "Come on." She held out her hand and he took it as they slowly walked back to the Center, talking quietly.
Mike was sitting on the deck watching them return. He had a smirk on his face.
"John." He nodded.
"Mike." John blushed as he led Abby back inside. Both men knew what just happened and Mike hoped it would help.
"There you are." Dijana said, seeing Abby and then John come back inside. "Abby, if you have the time, Luka's agreed to wait while we do a mini session. You up for it, John?" She asked, noticing a different look in John's eyes. He blushed.
"Uh, sure." He said, still holding tightly onto Abby.
"Follow me." Dijana led the way.
To be continued....
Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n