"John? Where are you, John?" Abby called. She strolled through the house calling his name. Finally, he emerged from the sitting room.
"I'm right here." He said, standing in the doorway.
"What are you doing?" Abby asked, smiling as she wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Just trying to get a few minutes alone," he replied.
"You okay?" She asked, quietly tracing his jaw line with her fingers.
"Just peachy." He smiled, using her phrase.
"This is a lot for you, isn't it?" She said, realizing how hard this must be on him. Not only was this the first time in years he was celebrating his birthday but also it was just three days ago when John had had his worse episode where he was restrained and drugged. John took a deep breath.
"I'm doing the best I can, Abby." He said, pressing his forehead against hers.
"Guests are going to be here, soon. You want to get something to drink?" Abby asked.
John's eyes looked at the staircase and he smiled.
"I have an idea of something to do, first. Think they'll notice us missing for the next few minutes?" He asked, leading Abby to the staircase.
"I think we can have a few minutes. Why?" Abby giggled.
"Want to see my old room?" John asked, a twinkle in his eye.
"Oh, yeah." Abby followed willingly.
They climbed the stairs quickly, hoping no one would catch them.
"This way." John whispered mischievously.
"How much time did you actually spend here as a kid?" Abby asked, just amazed at the beauty of this house.
"Too much." John said, leading her down one of the long hallways. "This is it." He said, finally stopping in front of one of the doors.
"Is there going to be like Star Wars posters on the wall?" Abby teased stepping inside.
"Oh, no. Gamma wouldn't allow such a thing. No, it's pretty much like the rest of the rooms in the house." He followed her in and shut the door.
"Did you stay in here when you lived here?" Abby said, looking around. She didn't see much of John in this room at all.
"Yes, until I moved in with you." He smiled. He opened his closet door and began looking for something. Abby watched him search for a while through boxes.
"What are you looking for?" She asked.
"Just something I need to do." He said. "Found it!" He announced, pulling a small lockbox from the back of the shelf. Abby stood so that he could hand it down to her.
"What's in here?" Abby took the box to the bed and noticed it was locked. "It's locked." She said, wanting to know what was inside. John smiled, went to the bed, and reached behind the headboard. He pulled out a key that had been taped to the back of the headboard. He pulled the tape off and handed Abby the key.
"Go ahead and look." He said, feeling relief.
Abby unlocked the box and looked inside. In the box, she saw letters, envelope after envelope of letters. "What? You have a pen pal you didn't tell me about?" She giggled.
"Oh, you know this pen pal." John said, pointing.
Abby picked up one of the envelopes and noticed the return address.
"Oh, God, John. These are from Nicole." She said, shocked.
"What? You think I made that part up?" He laughed.
Abby opened one and began reading.
"John, these are sick. A grown woman wrote this to an eleven year old little boy?" Abby read a passage.
'Johnny,
My heart aches when you're not around. I feel empty inside. The way you make me feel, the things you do to me are like no one else. I keep remembering our last night together, the way you worshipped my body over and over again. My Johnny, only mine. I love the way you're ready for me, hard and throbbing, pulsating for me when I come to you. Always ready, always prepared. My insides weep for your body, Johnny. I can't wait for Christmas.
Love,
Nicole'
"This is sick, John." She said, anger building inside of her.
"I was twelve or thirteen when she wrote that one." He nodded. "So, how do we get rid of them?" John asked.
Abby pointed to the fireplace. "Light a fire and burn them." She said, nodding.
"It's gas. Gamma has a cross cut shredder in her office. Come on." John stood and held out his hand to Abby.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Where's John and Abby?" Barbara asked, coming in from the pool area.
"Haven't seen them for a while. Check in there." Eleanor pointed to the sitting room, as she placed hors-d'oeuvre on a tray.
"Scooter, Abby." Barbara called, checking through the house. She looked up the staircase. "Oh, God, I bet they're having a quickie. It's my job as a big sister to stop it, right?" She joked with herself, taking the steps two at a time. "Oh, Scooter, Abby. Where are you?"
Abby cracked open the door and put her finger to her lips.
"Shh, Barbara. Come in here." Abby motioned.
"Gamma's office? Now, that is kinky, guys. I don't want to see my baby brother in his undies again." Barbara joked. She walked in and saw John sitting in front of the shredder.
"What's he doing?" She whispered to Abby.
John didn't even look in her direction when she entered.
"He's letting go." Abby replied, still watching John.
Slowly, one at a time, he opened an envelope, reading one here and there when something caught his eye and he carefully placed the letters one by one into the blades. For the first time, John was looking at these letters as an adult, and he realized just what a sick person she had been.
"What are those?" Barbara whispered.
"Remember the letters from Nicole I told you about?" Abby said, giving John the space he needed.
"I'll leave you two alone, then. Have him come down when he's ready." Barbara gave Abby's arm a reassuring squeeze and she left.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Did you find them?" Eleanor asked, seeing Barbara coming back down the stairs. "John's cake just arrived and I wanted him to see it." She said cheerfully.
"Mom, Scooter is doing something he should have done a long time ago." Barbara smiled.
"And what would that be?" Eleanor asked.
"Remember the letters from Nicole that Abby told us about?" Barbara said. "He's shredding them." She explained.
"Oh, dear God." Eleanor brought her hand to her mouth as she started up the stairs. "He still had them?"
"It's okay, Mom." Barbara pulled her back. "Abby is with him and he's doing it himself. This is a huge step for him." Barbara reassured her mother.
"It's still hard to believe any of this happened." Eleanor stated.
"But we know it did. Scooter doesn't lie about stuff. He'll be fine. Let's just go ahead with the party and not bring it up, okay? He's doing what he needs to do." Barbara led her mother back to the kitchen.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
About a half hour later, John and Abby came back down stairs, arm in arm.
"Corrine, you got things under control in here?" John asked, seeing the family cook taking charge of the kitchen.
"Oh, Dr. John, I am a guest today, remember? I just want to make sure everything goes well." She said, giving John a hug.
"Just don't do too much. You are my guest today." John smiled.
"Dr. John, I have something for you." Corrine stated, pointing to a box on the counter.
"I thought adults didn't buy gifts for one another. So far, everyone has gotten me something." John joked, looking at Abby.
"Who ever told you adults don't buy each other gifts was crazy, Baby. Everyone wants to show you how much they love you." Abby smiled back.
"Open it, Dr. John. I think your lady friend may enjoy it also." Corrine said, excited to see his reaction.
John rolled his eyes at Abby as he began to open the gift. Inside, he found a very nice waffle iron. John started laughing.
"Oh, but Corrine, it's your waffles I love." He smiled, giving her a kiss.
"So, I'll show your lady friend how I make them." Corrine winked towards Abby.
"You never told me you like waffles." Abby joked, looking at the gift. It was very nice.
"For years, that's all I could get him to eat when he was little." Corrine ruffled John's hair. "Breakfast, lunch and dinner, he wanted waffles."
"We had some very creative ones, if I remember correctly." John blushed.
"I'll take this into the other room." Abby smiled, taking the waffle iron to the sitting room. She noticed that everyone had indeed given him gifts, from a photo to a PDA, a book to cufflinks. She'd have to ask John about the meaning behind each one later.
"Scooter, I have one for you also." Barbara said as Abby left the room. She handed him a brightly colored paper bag.
"Uh, oh." John teased as he looked inside. Smirking, he pulled out a pair of sexy silk boxers, decorated with Star Wars. "Oh, man." John blushed severely. Barbara laughed loudly.
"Can't wait to see those on." She laughed, kissing her brother.
"That'll only happen if you keep staying at my apartment." He laughed.
"You don't mind me staying there, do you?" Barbara asked.
John shook his head. "No, I don't mind at all. As a matter-of-fact, I'm glad you are because that way, I know Abby's okay. I appreciate it. How much longer before you have to go back to work?" He asked, putting the underwear back into the bag.
"I have a board meeting next week but I'm the boss, Scooter. I make my own schedule." She teased.
Abby returned to the kitchen, with Susan and Jing-Mei in tow.
"Hey John, Barbara, It's nice to see you again." Susan said, as she greeted them.
"Hi, guys. I'm so glad you could come." John smiled while giving each of them a hug.
"Hell, we just came for the free food." Susan laughed, hugging him tightly. She whispered in his ear. "Are you okay, John?"
John nodded and smiled. "Getting there. Thanks for helping Abby."
"We got you a little something." Jing-Mei said, handing John a gift. John opened her card and a bunch of confetti flew out, making everyone laugh.
"I should have expected this." John said, opening the gift. Inside was a book of practical jokes.
"And don't even think of trying any of those on me because I have them all memorized." Jing-Mei warned.
"Oh, I think I could alter a few and still get you once or twice. Thanks, Deb." John gave her a kiss. Susan smiled.
"This one, you can't open around your mother." She warned.
"Uh, oh. Can Abby see it?" John asked teasingly as he opened the card. He read aloud. 'Now that you're all grown up, I thought you'd appreciate the real thing.' He chuckled. "I bet I know what's in here." He winked feeling the weight of the box.
"What?" Abby asked as Jing-Mei and Susan laughed.
John opened the box and brought out a pair of silk lined police issue handcuffs. He had a mischievous grin on his face.
"Oh, I like these." He said, looking at Abby.
Susan held up the keys. "I'm giving these to Abby." Susan dangled them playfully.
"Oh, now that's something we've never done." Abby giggled. "What does Susan know that I don't know?" She asked.
John was blushing severely.
"I always knew it was you." John laughed. "Someone gave me a pair of red plastic handcuffs for Valentine's Day when I was still a med-student." John laughed at he memory.
"Ah, well," Susan, said. "You were just so cute back then." She squeezed his cheeks.
"I was wondering where those came from." Abby said.
John looked at her strangely. "You found them?" He asked, knowing that was also the box he kept his knives in.
"Spring cleaning." Abby said. She hoped he wouldn't get angry that she had found the knives.
"Did you go through the box?" John asked, his voice getting a bit more serious. Susan nudged Jing-Mei out to the patio to leave John and Abby to work this out.
"Considering the circumstances, yes John, I got rid of them." Abby said, wanting this conversation to end.
"There's the birthday boy!" Veronica called at just the right time. She and Brandon entered, breaking the couple up.
"Hi, Darling. You look wonderful." Veronica said as she pulled John into a hug. Brandon noticed the look on Abby's face and he pulled her aside while Veronica had John's attention.
"You okay, dear?" He asked quietly.
"Fine." Abby played with a strand of her hair. "He just found out I got rid of the knives." She explained.
"Oh, Honey, don't worry. He'll get over it." He smiled. "John, come give me a hug." Brandon said.
"I'm glad you both could come." John smiled as Brandon gave him a bear hug.
"We wouldn't have missed it for the world." Brandon said. "You look good." Brandon led John outside.
"Are you okay, Abby?" Veronica put her arm around Abby, who sighed.
"This is so hard, Veronica. He's so up and down." Abby admitted.
"You two did have a good night last night, right? You did pick him up yesterday, right?" She asked. Abby groaned.
"Well, that's a story in itself. He's having this problem in the bedroom area and I know it's got him really tense. I found him out on the balcony this morning. Dr. Sajak warned me. She said it was too early. I just wanted him to have a nice birthday." Abby confessed.
"Honey, come tell me all about it." Veronica led Abby to the sitting room.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Here, Baby. This is for you." Brandon handed John a small package. "Happy Birthday." He said as they stood by the pool.
Most of John's family was also outside, enjoying the weather as Susan and Deb both stripped off their clothes and lay out in their swimming suits on large beach towels by the pool. John turned his back on the group, unsure if anyone should see his gift from Brandon and Veronica.
Inside the package was a very nice leather wallet, engraved with 'FHT.' John smiled. "Thank you." He smiled, remembering their secret. "It seems like forever since I heard those initials for the first time." He said quietly.
"As long as you don't forget them." Brandon smiled. He wanted to take John in his arms and kiss him but thought that his family and friends probably wouldn't understand. "How are you doing, John?"
"I'm fine." John answered subconsciously. He saw the look on Brandon's face and he smiled.
"Really?" Brandon asked, an eyebrow arched.
"I think this whole field trip has taught me one thing." John said looking towards his family.
"And what would that be, my dear friend?" Brandon chuckled.
"That I am totally fucked up and haven't even begun to figure it out." John said, laughing.
Brandon wrapped his arm around John and kissed him on the top of his head.
"Oh, you're a lot closer to figuring it out than you think, Baby. Give yourself some credit."
"I'm trying," John sighed. "Hey, come swimming with me." John's eyes lit up like a child's.
"I didn't bring a suit." Brandon confessed.
"Not a problem, come on." John turned and sprinted towards Luka. "Hey, Luka are you swimming?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
John came out of the pool house with a pair of navy blue trunks on and a large beach towel wrapped around his upper body. Looking around he realized that even though everyone present knew of his scars that only a very few people had ever seen them. "One, Two, Three, Four.... okay this is just crazy. They all know they are there... no big deal." John took a deep breath, dropped the towel and dived into the pool. He disappeared under the water, only to resurface clear on the other end rather quickly.
Luka and Brandon followed right behind him and were soon swimming leisurely across the water
Abby sat between Veronica and Barbara with their feet dangling in the water. Deb and Susan lay out on beach towels gathering the suns rays, while Kerry sat at one of the picnic tables a safe distance from the pool with Eleanor, Jack, Chase and Millicent.
Jack looked back over his shoulder at the grill. "Algier, you sure you and Corrine know what you're doing with those steaks?" He wasn't quite sure why John had requested their presence as guests but they had offered to take care of the food so Jack had no argument.
"Yes, Sir." Algier smiled his winning smile as he waved to Jack. It was not quite time to start the steaks as Algier smiled at Corrine. She was showing the caterers where to set up the buffet for the cold foods and drinks.
"Think we should join them?" Susan asked, indicating the guys in the pool.
"Hey, Carter," Luka called from behind him. "You know I grew up near the coast. Did a lot of swimming in the surf. You look like you could be a fair match for me. Want to race?"
"Ha, yeah sure." John laughed out loud. Luka had no idea that John swam regularly at the gym. He thought that this would easily be a piece of cake.
"How do you want to do this?" Luka offered to let John choose the rules.
"Okay, we need a couple of referees. One at each end of the pool to make sure that we touch. Starting here." John indicated the end that they were at. "We swim up and back three times."
"Three times? You sure you can handle that?" Luka smirked playfully, thinking that he would have no problem at beating Carter at his own game.
"Do you think these guys are ever going to learn?" Susan bantered as she and Abby stood.
"Learn what?" Deb asked not understanding what they were referring to.
She also stood and joined Susan and Abby as they told her of Luka and John's duel with fencing swords.
"You sure you want to take him on?" Brandon teased Luka. He didn't know Luka from Adam but he did know that John was an excellent swimmer.
"Oh yeah, piece of cake," Luka whispered back to Brandon.
Brandon joined Veronica at the sideline as Abby took her position and Susan began to walk to the other end.
"Oh, no, no." Luka called out to the girls. "Abby is disqualified."
"You can't be serious," Abby laughed.
"Hey, conflict of interest." Luka winked. "I think we need Kerry over here."
Susan joined Abby at the starting point. Kerry joined Chen at the other end. Her curiosity spurred by their continuous bantering.
"On your marks, get set, go." Abby called.
John lagged behind as the crowd cheered them on. Eleanor and Jack even wheeled Chase and Millicent in for a closer look.
The first lap they were pretty much tied. With John hitting the side only seconds ahead of Luka. Second lap John put a little more effort into it and won by a few strokes. By the third lap John went all out and pushed himself to his limit and won by half the length of the pool.
Luka pulled himself out and leaned over trying to catch his breath as John rested along the side. Abby jumped in and gave him a big kiss on the cheek allowing him to also catch his breath.
"Hey, you gonna make it?" Brandon asked Luka seeing him still bent over.
"Yeah, I'm okay," Luka finally stood taking in another deep breath. "I get the feeling he was playing around that first lap." Luka said as Brandon nodded.
"Yeah, well he should have warned you. He swims year around at the gym." Brandon laughed.
Susan and Jing-Mei joined John and Abby. Soon Veronica, Brandon and Luka were all in the pool having a good time.
"Abby, I'll be right back." John kissed her as he swam to the ladder and pulled himself out of the pool. Grabbing his towel and wrapping it around himself, he headed to the pool house for his T-shirt. He didn't know why he hadn't brought it out with him but he needed it to cover his scars.
Luka followed and caught up with him quickly. "That was a good race. Congratulations, Carter. I guess that's one thing that you are better than me at." Luka smiled.
"Yeah, well according to Abby, I'm better at another thing also." John smirked wickedly. He hadn't meant to sound mean but he couldn't get what was happening to him out of his mind.
"Oh, now that's just playing dirty, Carter." Luka frowned as he noticed the despondent look on John's face as he sat on the bench.
"I'm sorry, Luka. I shouldn't have said that. Truth is I'm having a bit of a problem in that area and I just can't stop thinking about it." John confessed. He stood and went to a small control on the wall and set it for the sauna.
"Grab yourself a towel." John pointed towards the closet and stepped inside.
"Trouble? What with me? Knowing that I've been with Abby?" Luka asked confused as he grabbed a towel from the shelf and followed John into the dimly lit room.
"Oh no, nothing like that." John shook his head and gave Luka a half smile.
He laid his towel on one of the redwood benches and sat down with his back to the wall and his knees to his chest.
"What then?" Luka sat down across from him leaning forward.
"I started taking Paxil and I'm just having a bit of difficulty with..." John sighed heavily and pressed his fists against his forehead. Luka was the last person he had expected to find himself talking to about this but his frustration was getting the better of him and he felt as if he needed talk to someone or else he would explode.
"Hey." Luka took John's chin and forced him to look at him. "It doesn't always happen, really. You're probably just stressing too much about it. I've been on several different antidepressants including Paxil for several years. Believe me, you need to just relax.
"Abby gave me a back rub this morning. I don't think that I could have been any more relaxed than that." John sounded so disheartened.
"Carter, if your problem persists then you might need to talk to your doctor about trying something else but for now try not to let it bother you so much."
"What sort of problems are you having, John?" Brandon walked in on the tail-end of the conversation. He knelt down in front on John and placed his hand on John's cheek.
"I really don't want to talk about it." John blushed at the idea that Luka knew about him and Brandon and suddenly felt extremely uncomfortable. He really wanted nothing more than to have Brandon hold him but he felt awkward with Luka present.
"I'm going to leave the two of you alone, but John, please remember that I'm always here to talk. Okay." Luka started to leave but he turned back. "Hold on a minute I have something for you." Luka left the room but soon returned. He handed John a small box. "I know we weren't supposed to bring gifts but I wanted to give you something, more of a token of our new found friendship.
John opened the box and inside was a gold cross on a chain. It was similar to the one that Luka wore.
"It's sort of a reminder that when you think that you have no one else, you always have Him. If nothing else learn to have a little faith in yourself." Luka patted him warmly on the shoulder and turned to leave.
"Thank you, Luka." John smiled. Luka nodded and left him with Brandon.
John found himself instantly pulled into Brandon's embrace. "Talk to me, Baby. What's bothering you?" Brandon whispered as he planted soft kisses on John's face.
"I guess Luka's right. I just have to quit thinking negative so much." John leaned in for a kiss. He needed Brandon's gentle touch.
Brandon grinned and kissed him again, moving closer, he took his time to explore John's yielding mouth. John leaned into him greedily tasting him as he gave into the sensations. Brandon caressed John tenderly his hands searching out every inch of John's bare flesh until it came to rest against John's flaccid tool. John pulled back and turned his face from Brandon's.
"Oh, Baby, is that what's got you so upset. Come here, Love." Brandon held John close and stroked his face. Brandon could feel the silent tears streaming down John's cheeks. "I love you, John. You've got to believe that. You gave me back my life and I intent to see to it that you get yours back as well. I will never leave you no matter what." Brandon held John firmly and rocked him in his arms.
To be continued....
Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n