June 4...Tuesday Day 11
Abby woke to an empty bed and the smell of coffee. Looking around the apartment she found John sitting on the ground of the balcony with his back to the wall and his head against his knees. An empty cup sat beside him.
"John, Honey? Are you alright?" Abby spoke softly, not wanting to startle him.
John looked up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes. He had been up since dawn and apparently had dozed off again.
"You want some more coffee?" Abby leaned down to pick up his cup.
John just nodded and rested his head back against his knees. He had already counted to ten about a million times and just wasn't sure what had brought him here. He couldn't seem to decipher all the emotions that he was feeling. He had never felt so *in love* nor felt so much love as Abby bestowed on him. It was really killing him inside to be unable to physically show her.
"Here, Baby. It's about six, isn't that when you said you usually take this?" Abby handed John his meds and set the fresh coffee next to him.
He took the pill and swallowed it with his eyes closed tightly and breathed deep as he leaned heavily against the wall. "One, Two, Three, Four, . . ." He counted as he unconsciously banged his head softly against the wall. The last thing he wanted was that damned pill but he knew that he had to get well. He just wasn't sure he liked the alternative.
"What's wrong, Baby?" Abby moved near him and began to run her fingers through his tousled hair. Her other hand brushed along his cheek to get him to relax. She straddled him, encouraging him to lower his knees so she could sit in his lap. Pressing her lips against his, she wrapped her arms around his neck and rested her head against his shoulder.
"I love you, John, more that I can ever say. I have loved you for a very long time and now that I have you, I'm never going to let you go." Abby smiled and looked into his dark eyes. "So, you're suck with me, mister," she teased.
"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you." John whispered, still unsure of himself. He held her tight and rocked her in his arms, needing the comfort she provided.
"You just loved me more than anyone else ever has." Abby replied with a shy grin and a kiss.
John held the back of her head as their kisses turned into a passionate duel. Their tongues searched each other's mouths, wanting and needing to feel the warmth and closeness. Abby slipped her hand inside John's robe, touching his bare flesh. She soon discovered that he was completely naked beneath the cover of his robe. Pushing back the fabric, Abby untied her own robe and repositioned herself so that there was no longer any fabric between their skin. She leaned down and took a nipple into her mouth and lavished him with affectionate bites and kisses until she felt him stir beneath her. Rubbing herself against his growing erection, she continued her assault on his tender nipples.
"Oh God, Abby, can we at least go inside." John gasped at the feel of her warmth against him.
"And who do you think is going to see us?" Abby laughed as she raised herself and used the opened piece of her robe to conceal them as she pressed her breasts up to his face.
"That's not what I meant, Abby." John groaned a mixture of pain and pleasure. "This really isn't very comfortable on my back." He patted her bare thighs to encourage her to get up.
Abby stood and took his hand to help him up. They were soon on their bed and wrapped in each other's arm.
"Roll over, John," Abby ordered as she retrieved a bottle of massage oil from the nightstand. John rolled over onto his stomach while Abby straddled his hips. Pouring out a generous amount of oil into her hands, she warmed it and spread it over his flesh, feeling knots and tightness beneath. "Well, you can certainly tell you haven't had one of my massages in a while. What, they haven't got touch therapy at that place? I must have a talk with Dr. Sajak." She purred, sliding her hands up and down his back.
"Mmm. Whatever you do, just don't stop touching me." John stretched out his arms and turned his head to the side, filling his lungs with Abby's scent.
Abby worked his back and neck until she could feel the muscles give in and relax. She slid her body down over the backs of his knees as her hands worked over his lower back and his sacrum. Her hands, armed with plenty of slick oil, moved down to his hips and upper thighs. His moans of pleasure spurred her on, giving her arms and hands the strength she needed to continue.
"Roll over." She whispered as she placed a gentle kiss at his lower back. She lifted her body as he turned around under her.
Abby knew that before his problems started, before they'd even gotten together, that normally a simple back massage would make John erect. He used to blush like crazy and she pretended she didn't notice but here, before her, naked and exposed, his body once again failed him. Abby smiled and moved up his body, straddling his stomach.
"I'm sorry, Abby." He said looking at the wall. Abby could see how much this was affecting him and it broke her heart. She opened her own robe, slipped it off her shoulders, and slid her bare body along the front of his.
"John, I want you to listen to me." She held her head above his and forced him to face her. Looking into his hurt eyes, she smiled.
"I want you to hear this clearly. You are in my heart. You love me more than anyone else ever has. I stopped doubting your love a long time ago. I, in turn, love you. I know that you know that. I know you feel it. If you were never able to make love to me again, I would still love you. That part doesn't matter, Baby. What we have is so much stronger than that and we'll get through this." She placed light kisses on his face, along his jaw line, and on his eyes.
Spreading some oil over his chest, Abby worked compassionately to sooth and relax him. Slowly moving down and around him belly and hips. She leaned down and placed kisses all along his neck and nibbled at his ear. John began to respond as he placed one hand behind her head and another at the small of her back, holding her tightly against him.
"I love you, Abby." He kissed her desperately, rolling her over.
"John, make love to me." Abby requested as he kissed down her neck. His whole body throbbed in need, as he slowly thrust inside her opening, moaning as her warmth engulfed him.
"Oh, God, Abby." He cried, his breathing heavy as he concentrated on the feeling.
Abby thrust herself up to him, interested in pleasing only him. She rotated her hips, making him thrust in different angles and depths. She ran her tongue around his ear and gently sucked on his lobe, making his entire body shudder.
One minute, he felt as if he was rushing towards a climax and the next, nothing. All feeling suddenly disappeared and he felt nothing.
"Oh, John, I'm so close." Abby purred, totally unaware. John pushed his own pain aside and thrust hard into her as his hand slipped between them, finding her clitoris and rubbed gently. Abby gasped loudly, her moans turning into squeals and squeaks as her body thrust up and held him suspended.
"My, God." She collapsed, kissing all over his face.
"Good?" He smiled, loving the way her face looked at the moment after climax. She giggled, her entire body still tingling. Carefully, John withdrew and he laid next to her, nuzzling up against her shoulder, his hand stroking over her upper body.
"Oh, John, you didn't, did you?" She asked, rolling over, pressing her forehead against his. He forced a smile and kissed her nose.
"Don't worry about me." He said softly. Abby pushed him onto his back, smiling devilishly.
"I think I know what to do." She smiled, climbing on top of him, sliding down his body with kisses.
"Abby, don't." He tried to protest but his skin was on fire from her mouth. Abby looked up and noticed his eyes closed. She continued on her downward track.
Abby kissed up and down his length, taking the tip in her lips. His hips rose, thrusting himself into her hungry mouth. She took his entire length, constricting her throat muscles, massaging and stroking. Her hands massaged his sac, coaxing his semen to the surface.
"Abby?" John groaned. She continued trying to please him. "Abby?" He said a bit louder, pulling his hips away from her. He reached down for her and held her head away.
"What, Baby?" She looked up.
"It hurts, okay?" He said sadly.
Abby crawled up next to him. "I'm sorry, Honey." She kissed his forehead.
John lifted his head as Abby nuzzled his neck. He needed to hide the tears that had begun rolling down his cheek, his failure overtaking his body. Suddenly, he got up abruptly, his back facing her as he stood and walked to the bathroom.
"I'm going to take a shower." He said as he shut the door. Abby could hear the lock turn.
"Shit." She groaned, feeling completely helpless. She knew that this was taking a toll on John's emotional state. Abby prayed that the rest of the day would go well for him. Forcing herself out of bed, she gathered up her clothes and headed for the guest bathroom to clean up. She wanted to be dressed and have breakfast started by the time John was finished with his shower.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We need to head over to Gamma's." Abby said from the kitchen.
"I know." John brought his dress clothes out of the bedroom and hung them over the back of the couch along with a lab coat. He set his work shoes on the floor nearby. Now that he would be working, he needed the appropriate attire. He had found t-shirts and sweats or jeans worked best at the center but wouldn't do for work.
"I have a birthday present for you." She said, holding something behind her back.
"You already gave me a gift." He smiled, trying to see behind her back.
"Not like this." She smiled and handed him a package.
John grinned as he quickly unwrapped the gift. Inside the gaily-wrapped package, he found a beautifully embossed photo album. He slowly opened it and found the same pictures of Abby he'd admired when looking for the video.
"Oh, I love these pictures." He smiled, looking at the naked spread.
"Well, they're yours now. I couldn't see hanging on to them anymore." She blushed slightly.
"Richard's loss, my gain." John smiled, giving her a nice kiss. "Thank you."
John put the photo album in their bedroom and returned to the living room.
"You okay?" Abby asked, drying her hands on a dishtowel.
"Sure, why wouldn't I be?" He asked with a smile.
"You never could lie very well, John." Abby tossed the towel onto the dining table and walked over to him. "What's going on in there?" She tapped his head.
John laughed. "That's what I'm trying to sort out." He said, hugging her tightly.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Dr. Carter, Miss Lockhart, come in. Happy Birthday, Sir." Henry said, opening the door.
"Thank you." John smiled, handing Henry Abby's purse.
"John, is that you?" Barbara yelled from the kitchen.
"Yeah, Barb." He answered as they walked to the kitchen.
John laughed when he saw the chaos. "Is all this for today?" He asked, watching the caterers bringing in trays of food, dishes, and drinks.
"Of course, John. Happy Birthday, Hon." Millicent said as he leaned over to give his grandmother a kiss.
"How many people are going to be here? I thought you said under twenty." John asked Abby, who shrugged.
"Twenty or fifty, we Carter's still do parties right." Eleanor said coming in from the patio. "What ever made you want a barbeque is beyond me." She kissed her son.
"Yeah, by barbeque, I meant a grill, some hamburger patties and some swimming. Not all this." John motioned.
Barbara nudged him in the ribs.
"Not that I don't appreciate it, Gamma. Thank you." He said, covering for his comment.
Barbara pulled Abby out to the patio.
"So, how is he?" Barbara asked, making Abby laugh.
"He's, um, he's okay. He's got a lot going on in his head but he's okay. I just hope today goes well. He could use a good day." Abby said.
"You lie about as well as my brother." Barbara said, putting her arm over Abby's shoulder as she led her out to the pool to check to see how things were set up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"We'll use this as the gift table." Eleanor pointed to the expansive dining table.
John laughed. "Mom, adults do not bring other adults birthday presents."
"What?" She looked at John, surprised. She smiled finally. "I'm sorry, John. I've never been very good at this, as you have noticed. If you'd asked for a cocktail party, that I could've done." She admitted. John smiled and hugged his mother.
"It's okay, Mom. It's just a barbeque with a few friends, no gifts, no singing Happy Birthday, just hanging out and having a nice afternoon." He said. "Mom, it's no big deal."
"I just want this day to be special for you, Honey." She said; this entire ordeal was making her nervous.
John smiled. "Mom, it is. You guys got me out of that place, I get to spend the day with friends and have a nice relaxing afternoon. That's what I wanted and you guys did it. It'll be fine." He reassured her.
"Honey, I did get you a little something. Maybe I should give it to you before your friends get here then." She said, taking John by the hand and leading him in to the library. A nicely wrapped gift lay on the table and she handed it to him.
"Mom, you didn't have to," he blushed.
"Just open it, John." She sat and looked on expectantly.
John sat opposite and carefully opened the box to find a beautiful set of diamond cufflinks.
"Mom, these are great." John looked closely at them.
"They belonged to my father's father, your great-grandfather on my side. He wore them his entire life and handed them down to my father when he opened his first business. I want you to have them. Maybe you'll hand them down to your son one day?" She smiled.
John laughed. "Yeah, maybe. Thanks, Mom. They're very special." He kissed his mother.
"We'd better get back out there." Eleanor said, needing to be around other people. She was still getting used to this new closeness she and John were discovering.
"Yeah, Gamma's probably firing the caterers by now." John said as they returned to the kitchen.
"Hey, Gamma. What can I do to help?" John asked.
"Nothing, young man. This is your party. Why don't you go outside and find out what your sister is doing." Millicent said.
"Okay, I know when I'm not wanted." John held his hands up and he strolled outside. Eleanor just shook her head.
"He's tired. Did you see his face?" Millicent commented.
"I noticed." Eleanor said as they both watched John leave.
"He's lost weight. Did you see how his clothes are just hanging off him?" Millicent added.
"I saw, Millicent. I think I know my own son." Eleanor defended, causing Millicent to snort.
"Took you long enough." Millicent said under her breath.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey, you two." John joined Abby and Barbara, who were sitting by the pool. He knelt to feel the water.
"I wish we had brought suits." Abby said, watching him.
"Suits? Oh, you don't know this family very well. Over there is a pool house." Barbara pointed. "In there, you will find stacks of towels and suits in every size and style."
"And people use them?" Abby giggled as she noticed John staring at her. "What?"
He smiled. "Nothing." He shook his head. "Barbara, why don't you go show Abby the pool house and maybe you can help her pick something out." He said, looking down.
"What were you staring at me for?" Abby smiled, taking his face in her hands.
"The way the sun was hitting you, you just looked so beautiful." He said, finally meeting her eyes.
"You're silly." Abby smiled. She ruffled his hair as she followed Barbara to the pool house.
Jack came out of the house, dressed in tailored shorts and a polo shirt.
"You look relaxed." John looked up and smiled.
"Well, I wasn't sure what to wear for a barbeque and pool party." Jack smiled, joining John at the table. He handed John a gift.
"Dad, you didn't have to." John protested. He opened the gift and found a top of the line, color display PDA. He looked at it, shocked. "Wow. I don't know what to say."
"Well, any good doctor should have one and knowing your lack of splurging on yourself, I figured you didn't have one yet." Jack said.
"No, Dad, I don't." John shook his head. Obviously, his father knew nothing about him but it was a nice thought. John knew they were very expensive. "Thanks, Dad." He gave his father a quick hug. "Well, I'd better get this inside. I wouldn't want to misplace it." John said, taking the gift back inside.
"Hey, Chase." John said as he noticed Chase had arrived. He gave Chase a hug.
"Hey, Scooter." Chase said patting John's back. "I have something …"
"Man, Chase, you didn't have to. I thought adults didn't get each other gifts." John laughed. Chase pointed to the PDA in John's hand. "From my dad. He knows me well, huh?" John laughed as did Chase.
"Take me in there." Chase pointed back to the dining room and John did as he was told. Leaning against the table was a large flat package. John looked at the haphazard wrapping job.
"Hey, you wrapped this yourself?" John smiled, coming around and sitting by the gift.
"Just open it." Chase said, smiling. John unwrapped a beautiful large frame with a black and white photo.
"Oh, wow." John said truthfully, kneeling on the ground admiring the picture. "Oh, man, Chase. This is fantastic. You even signed it." John smiled.
"It okay?" Chase asked. John smiled widely.
"Oh, yeah, this is the best gift I've gotten all day. Thank you." John hugged Chase, feeling him hug back.
'Nough." Chase said, pulling back. "Too mushy."
John laughed. "You're right. Gotta keep up the macho thing, right?" John laughed. He helped Chase back to the kitchen and then took his gifts into the sitting room.
"Dr. John, I'm glad I caught you." Algier said, running into John by the entryway. "I have a gift for you." Algier handed him a package.
"Algier, thank you." John smiled. "I'm glad you could come."
"Well, it means a lot to me that you asked me to attend." Algier said honestly.
"Well, to me, you're part of the family. I mean; you and Corrine have been around since I was little." John explained.
"And you've grown into a fine man." Algier patted him on the back.
"Thank you, Algier." John opened the gift. It was a book called, "The Meaning of Life." It dated back to John's suicide attempt, where they were waiting for Kerry to arrive, and he and Algier had a deep conversation on life and why we were all on this planet. John could feel the tears welling up in his eyes.
"Thank you, Algier," he said quietly.
"You're welcome, Sir," Algier smiled.
"I'm just going to. …" John pointed to the sitting room.
"Yes, sir. You do that." Algier continued outside to the patio.
Once he placed the book with the rest of his gifts, John was beginning to feel his emotions coming to the surface. Alone in the sitting room, he sat on the sofa and held his head in his hands for a few moments of peace and quiet.
"One, Two, Three, Four, . . ." He counted slowly.
"John?" He heard his grandmother call.
"In here, Gamma." He said, running his hands through his hair. His grandmother rolled her chair into the room.
"What are you doing hiding away in here?" She asked, seeing the look on his face.
"Just going crazy, Gamma. I'm fine." He kidded.
"John, don't try to pull the wool over my eyes. Are you all right?" She asked, touching his hand.
"I'm fine, Gamma. Really, I am." He said, hoping to convince himself.
"Well, while no one is around, I wanted to give you a little something." She said, handing him a thin, long package.
"Oh, Gamma." He accepted the package. "Thank you." He smiled as he opened the obviously professionally wrapped package. Inside, he found a beautiful, brand new stethoscope.
"The man at the store said a bomb could be going off around you and you could still hear with this thing." She explained.
John snickered. "Thanks Gamma." He just didn't have the heart to tell her that he now used Mark Greene's stethoscope.
"John, I hope you know how proud I am of you. You have not only grown into a very fine man, despite everything you've been through," she said. "You are also a fine doctor. One whom the Carter family is very proud to call their own." John smiled and kissed her.
"Thanks, Gamma." John fingered the stethoscope as her sentiments began to overwhelm him.
"Well, I'll leave you alone to do your counting or whatever you were doing." She said, turning her chair around. "Just don't forget your manners. This party is for you, after all."
"I'll be right there, Gamma." He smiled, looking at the stethoscope in his hand. He put it on and listened to his own heartbeat as it pounded wildly in his chest.
"One, Two, Three, …" He again started counting. 'He just needed to get through this one day.' He thought to himself.
To be continued....
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