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"Veronica, nice to see you again." Dijana met Veronica and Brandon in the front lobby. "And Dr. Montgomery, I presume?" She smiled, shaking Brandon's hand. She led them back to her office. "I'm so happy you both could come on such short notice." She said as they walked.



"It's Brandon," he smiled.



"Well, as I explained to you yesterday, Dijana, when it comes to John, my husband and I are more than willing to help." Veronica said as they were led into the nicely furnished office.



"So, how is he?" Brandon asked. Dijana took a deep breath.



"Well, let's say today has been quite busy. This was John's first day on medication and I can only hope they kick in quickly. I'm not sure how many more days like today he or my staff can handle." She joked.



"What do you mean days like today? What happened to him?" Brandon asked, feeling very protective.



"First, let's get the formalities out of the way. Brandon, I can hear the concern in your voice and I can assure you that John is fine; he's resting in his room as we speak. Let's see, let me give you the rundown of his day so far." She pulled out her notes.



"John spent most of yesterday in the medical center under sedation because of a serious flashback episode he experienced. He was also sedated the night before for the same reason. He ended up having a pretty good afternoon and evening yesterday but because he slept most of the day, he was up early this morning. I do believe that he gave one of my night security men a run for his money on the basketball court very early this morning." She explained.



"He does love to play basketball." Brandon chuckled slightly.



"John and I had a long session this morning in which I showed him the videotape of your sessions in New York."



"Oh, God." Veronica said quietly, placing her hand over her mouth. Brandon placed his hand on his wife's arm.



"He handled them quite well. No flashbacks, only one period where we had to stop so he could vomit but he insisted on watching the whole thing. We talked for quite some time after and he seemed all right. He spent a few hours down in the stables and everyone watched him closely. He attended all his sessions this afternoon and all the reports state he was fine. I went home for a few hours and now I'm sorry I did because I believe John had a visitor while I was gone." Dijana smiled.



"Who?" Veronica asked.



"Do you two know a Doctor Romano? A Robert Romano?" She asked. Veronica nodded.



"He's the Chief of Staff. Kerry told me about him getting a hold of John's records." Veronica explained. Brandon looked at her shocked. This had been something she hadn't even told him about.



"Well, I had an interesting call from him yesterday and told him to stay clear or I'd get a restraining order." Veronica held up a legal document. "Let the bastard get within 100 feet of this place again and I'll let him know who's calling the shots!" She laughed.



"So, he didn't get through?" Brandon asked.



"Hell no. Look, Brandon, I believe strongly in protecting my patient's privacy. I understand that he had to be physically removed but we have very good security here." She smiled.



"So, John doesn’t know he was here?" Veronica asked.



"No, he doesn't know anything about it and I don't plan on telling him. He does know about you two coming. He was, in fact sitting where you are when I called. He's scared but he knows he needs to do this. You should have seen when I gave him your note." She smiled, knowing that this was one couple that meant the world to John.



"What note?" Brandon asked.



"I gave Dijana a note to give to John. It said F.H.T. remember it always" Veronica explained.



"And how did he act?" Brandon asked.



"He collapsed on the floor, smiled with tears in his eyes and then said he was ready to watch the tapes. I don't know how you did it but I believe it was those three initials that gave him the strength to watch. He told me they meant fantasy, hunger and trust. What does that mean?" She asked. Brandon smiled.



"Just that. Fantasy, letting your guard down, Hunger, the hunger that one has for another, and Trust, the ability to put your fate in the hands of that other person." Brandon explained.



"Strong words to live by." Dijana smiled, making a note of the meaning.



"Can we see John now, please?" Veronica asked. She couldn't stand the wait any longer. She needed to see John for herself.



"Well, I am going to have our hypnotherapist, Dr. Hansen join us as well as the evening therapist and my assistant Nick, also. He and John seem to have made a connection." Dijana explained.



"Has John attached himself to anyone else?" Veronica asked.



"Uh, the only other one he seems to trust is Mike Collins, from our security staff. Mike sat with him during the second night when he had the flashback and in fact, Mike is in with him now and has been since dinner." Dijana said, thinking seriously about having Mike attend also but she didn't want John to feel as if he were on display.



"Are you going to allow me to touch him?" Brandon asked.



"If it will help, Brandon, you can do almost anything to him," Dijana smiled.



Brandon chuckled. "Well, not with so many people in the room. I know it would help but I don't think that's part of his therapy," he bantered.



"I've been known to do some strange things," Dijana said. "But I do have to draw the line there. I think I'd like to hold this in Nick's room. It's full of pillows and beanbags, if that's all right with you two?" Dijana stood.

"I can lock your purse up in here." She turned to Veronica who handed it over.



"Perfect." Veronica said taking Brandon's arm as Dijana led them down the corridor and into Nicks' room.



Upon entering, both Brandon and Veronica smiled. "This will be perfect." Veronica said, sitting down and making herself at home.



"Wonderful. I'm going to get John. I'll just be a few moments." Dijana excused herself.



A few moments later, a young man came in and he smiled. "Hello, you must be Veronica and Brandon. My name is Nick and I'm one of John's therapists." He set his clipboard down and removed his jacket. He'd come in special for this session. Then another man entered.



"Veronica, Brandon, this is Dr. Walter Hansen, our hypnotherapist on staff."



"Nice to meet you." Veronica introduced herself while Brandon paced slowly. Finally, he heard some activity in the hall. Then, John stepped in the doorway.



Brandon's heart broke with one look at John's unshaven face, which was drawn in. He had dark circles under his eyes and he looked to have lost some weight. He smiled slightly and their eyes locked.



"Hey, Baby," Brandon reluctantly went to John and he held out his arms. John hesitated but gave in to his need for this man. Soon, they were in a tight embrace, John sobbing into Brandon's shoulder. "Shh, Baby, it's okay." Brandon kissed him all around his face as he held him tight. Finally, John started giggling.



"Stop." He pulled away, smiling. Veronica was right there and he hugged and kissed her, acting a bit embarrassed.



"You okay, Honey?" She asked, kissing his nose and patting his stubbled cheeks.



"Well, they keep telling me I'm not crazy so I guess that's something." He smiled, noticing Nick and this new person. He pulled away from the couple.



"I thought you were off today." John addressed Nick.



"So, I guess you rate, huh? Besides, Dijana threatened me." He kidded. "John, I don't think you've met Walter yet. He's our hypnotherapist who will be working with Veronica tonight."



"Yeah, we met earlier," John smiled at Dr. Hansen.



"How are you feeling, John?" Walter shook his hand.



"Like a lab rat." John smiled, liking Walter's handshake.



"John," Dijana asked from the door. "I wanted to give you the chance of inviting Mike to stay with you. Would that make you feel better?" She asked with Mike standing next to her, looking a bit nervous.



"No, that's okay. I'm sure I'll keep him up all night as it is. It's okay, Mike. You're off the hook." John kidded. Mike quickly crossed himself and mouthed a thank you to John, making him laugh. John turned to the group.



"Let's get this ship a sailing, shall we?" He announced.



"Veronica, this is your voyage. We're just passengers." Dijana said, picking up on John's description.



"Okay, Honey. Let's get comfy, shall we?" She smiled, removing her shoes and dress jacket, revealing a low plunging top.



"That's the Veronica I remember." John smiled, openly flirting. Brandon came up behind John and wrapped his arms around John's waist from behind, kissing his neck, sucking hard.



"Not without me." Brandon mumbled as John relaxed against him. Dijana, Walter and Nick just watched in amazement. Dijana had explained a bit to the two men about John's personality and his therapy along with his relationship with this couple but they hadn't known what to expect. They made themselves comfortable close enough to hear every word but far enough not to intrude.



When Dijana had called this afternoon, Veronica was very clear that in order for this therapy to work, that she'd have to get John's mind back into trusting the couple. Since one of the last times they'd been together, he'd gotten so angry with them. Veronica explained that John needed to feel some kind of closeness with this couple and she was going to get somewhat sexual with him whether or not the other people were in the room. She needed to rebuild her trust with John to the point of him relaxing with her once again. Both Nick and Walter had viewed the videotapes and understood what was going on.



"Oh, God." John moaned, feeling Brandon marking him. Veronica pressed herself against his front and she pulled his lips to hers. John melted between them, totally shedding his walls he'd built the past several days and letting Veronica and Brandon in.



"Okay, no more." John finally pulled away. "Keep it up and there's not going to be any therapy happening." He pulled himself away but smiling.



"Well, not the therapy we came here to do anyway." Brandon laughed. He went and sat in the middle of the beanbags Veronica had arranged.



"Come here, Baby." Brandon patted the pile. John lay on his back in the center of the pile.



"One thing that we've used during each one of John's sessions is pillows." Veronica tucked them around his body. "John seems to do well with the security." She explained to the other doctors.



"How are you feeling, John? What emotions are you feeling?" Walter moved closer to observe Veronica.



"Is horny an emotion?" John joked, causing all of them to chuckle. He shook off the laughter and concentrated. "Uh, anxious, a bit of fear, I'm feeling trust." He explained, looking into both Veronica and Brandon's eyes.



"Over the course of time and with a bit of help from a friend, we have found there is one sure fire way of relaxing John." Veronica explained, touching his face gently. "You ready, Honey?" She whispered, gently kissing his lips.



"Yes." He nodded. "I'm glad it's you." John smiled, closing his eyes. Veronica began stroking his face, speaking softly and calmly, leading him into a deep relaxed state.



"All right, Honey, this is Veronica. Can you hear me?" She finally said a bit louder, knowing he was totally under.



"Yes." John said in a surprisingly clear voice. Brandon carefully moved away, releasing John's hand.



"Good. Now John, we're going to take a trip back in time, all right? I'd like you to go back in time with me to a time that I know is hard for you. I'd like you to go back when you were ten. Your brother Bobby is sick and I'd like you to tell me how your parents treated you. What happened when Bobby became sick?" She asked, moving back herself on the pillows. Slowly, John curled up into a ball.



"John, were are you?"



"The hospital," he said, sounding like a ten year old.



"Why are you in the hospital, Honey?" She asked.



"They said I was the only one. I was the one who could make Bobby better. All them said it. They said I could do it," he said sadly.



"What did they say you could do?"



"They said my blood would make him better, they promised me it would," he cried.



"Who promised you your blood would make it better?" Veronica asked.



"Grandpa. He said I was Bobby's only chance. He didn't tell me but I heard him telling my dad last night at their house. They were fighting and he said my dad had to let them take my blood. I ran and hid in the stables," he said.



"Why did you run away?" Veronica asked.



John sobbed, sounding so scared. "If they took all my blood, I was going to die. They wanted my blood for Bobby," he cried. Veronica's heart hurt.



"Honey, they weren't going to take all of your blood, Sweetie. They just needed to find out if you were a match for his bone marrow." She explained thinking how cruel it had been to not explain to this scared little boy that they weren't going to take all his blood.



"I let them anyway," he said quietly.



"You let them, thinking that they were going to take all your blood?" She asked. John nodded.



"They wanted to help Bobby. I wanted to help Bobby." He said. Veronica was silent for a few moments.



"You didn't match to help Bobby, did you?" She asked.



"No."



"John, who took care of you when your brother died?"



"Nicole," he said, relaxing a bit.



"You and Nicole had a special relationship, didn't you?" She led.



"Yeah, she was my girlfriend. She taught me stuff no one else would," he said.



"When did Nicole first touch your penis?" Veronica asked. John smiled.



"The night Bobby died. I didn't like it at first but she showed me it wasn't scary. She showed me why boys were different than girls," he said proudly.



"John how old were you when Bobby died?" She asked again.



"Eleven," he said.



Nick rubbed his face and sighed deeply.



"How old was Nicole?" She needed to clarify the sadness of this situation for these doctors.



"Old. She's twenty-four, twenty-five, something like that. She's teaching me how to be like boys her age," he said proudly.



"John, how long did you and Nicole have sex?" She asked.



"Sometimes all night," he said innocently. Veronica couldn't help but to smile not expecting his answer.



"No, John, I mean how old were you when she went away? How many years did you have sex with your nanny?"



"She was the maid!" He clearly stated.



"Sorry, how many years did you and the maid have a sexual relationship?"



"She got married the day after my fourteenth birthday. That's the day, my birthday, when she told me I was just a silly boy, that she'd never loved me," He paused, "That no one would ever love me."



Veronica looked at Walter's face. He was visibly moved. "John, what happened to your family after Bobby died? You told me you were happy before Bobby died. What happened after that?"



"My mom got sad. My dad had to work a lot. My sister and I got sent to boarding school."



"And did you come home for holidays?"



"Sometimes. At first, we came home every holiday and stayed with Gamma. Nicole was there, too," he said.



"John, I want you to move ahead in years, Honey. When did you stop coming home for holidays?" She asked.



John pulled his knees up to a sitting position and he rested his chin on the tops.



"How old are you, John?"



"Sixteen," he said defiantly.



"When was the last time you saw your parents?" She asked. He seemed to be thinking, counting on his fingers.



"Been about sixteen months, ever since my fourteenth birthday. I haven't been home since. I like it here at school. Mom always cries and Grandpa and dad always fight. I'd rather be here."



"Do you have many friends?" She questioned. He shrugged.



"A few. Doesn't matter. I'm too klutzy. They all laugh at me. All I do is trip or do something stupid. I'm always doing stupid stuff." He said; sounding disgusted.



"What about girls?"



"Nope. No ones interested in me. That's okay, just gives me more time to study. I'm at the top of my class. They say I can get into college, any college I want," he said.



"What do you want to go to college for, John?"



"My grandfather says I have to go to law school so I can work for the Carter Foundation. They've been telling me for years that I have to do what Bobby was gonna do." He said, revealing so much. Everyone in Chicago knew who the Carter's were but no one acknowledged his admission.



"What do you want to do?" Veronica asked. John smiled.



"I want to be a doctor. Dad says grandpa will cut me off if I do but I still want to. I've always felt like I was supposed to do it, you know? Do you think I can be a doctor?" He asked, so innocently.



"Yes, Honey, I think one day you'll make a fine doctor." Veronica couldn't help but to brush a lock of hair down that was standing up.



"Yep. That's what I want." He smiled, nodding his head.



"John, I want you to come forward with me. I want you to remember the day that you graduated from med school. What happened when you finally graduated as a doctor? Did your family finally accept that you were a doctor? Did you make them proud."



John changed his posture. He sat cross-legged on the pillows, smiling.



"Where are you, John?"



"At the hospital. My dad is having a cocktail party for me tonight." He laughed lightly.



"And why aren't you there?" She asked.



"Because I was with T.C. She needed a liver transplant and they elevated her to a status 1. I stayed and played cards with her while her parents talked to the doctor." He smiled.



"You missed your graduation party?" She asked, not having known this before.



"I missed my Graduation, also. Morganstern said he wasn't surprised that when he called my name, I wasn't there. I guess someone got my diploma because Gamma had it at her house a couple of days later. Benton didn't go to his graduation either. He gave me a present, though." He rubbed his chest where his name would be on his lab coat. "He got me a lab coat with my name on it." He smiled proudly.



"Did you get along with Benton? Wasn't he your first Resident that supervised you? Come forward with me, John." She led. John relaxed back into the cushions around him.



"I saw him working on Lucy in the trauma room," he said after a long pause.



"John, are you in the hospital after your stabbing?" She asked, surprised he'd stopped there in his mind.



"She died. Lucy died and I lived. I should have been the one to die, not Lucy," he said quietly.



"Why, John? Why should you have died and not Lucy?" She asked.



"I was supervising her that night. Dennis died when Benton supervised him and Lucy died when I supervised her. She was so pretty, so enthusiastic, I should have died, not her."



"John, how long were you out on medical leave after your stabbings?"



"A little over a month. I had to get back to work. I had a job to do." He answered.



"Were you still in pain?"



"Didn't matter. I could help other people. I couldn't fail. I had to be strong. Lucy died and I was okay. I had to go back to work. I had to be strong. I had to take it." He said.



"John, were you taking any pain medication?" She asked. He paused. "John, did you take any pain medicine?"



"Yes," He said quietly, rubbing his wrist.



"John, did you ever take more than you should have?" She asked. He shook his head and put his hands over his ears. He began rocking.



"He's shutting down." Veronica whispered to Walter. "He'll get to a point where he can't take anymore and he just closes up."



"John, can you tell me about Abby? Come forward and tell me about Abby." She tried. John continued rocking.



"She hates me, she doesn't love me, she thinks it's a joke, she doesn't believe me, she's scared of me. God, why did I ruin it? I love her so much but I scared her away, I scare all of them away. God, why won't they stay? Why do they all leave? Oh, God, why does everyone always leave?" He mumbled his mantra. Slowly curling up on his side, rocking, holding himself, crying as he mumbled and hummed, withdrawing completely. Veronica wiped the tears from her eyes.



"He's gone. Oh, God, I've never pushed him this far. We've always stopped before it got this far." She said quietly, watching John's emotional pain.



"Baby, you've got to bring him out of this. Roni, bring him back." Brandon coaxed, seeing how upset his wife was.



"Honey, I don't know if I can." She whispered. He looked at her firmly in the eyes.



"Roni, you have to. You have to bring John back." He said, giving her strength.



Veronica took a deep breath. "I need everyone to leave, everyone except Brandon, please."



"Veronica," Walter protested. "We need to know how to bring him back also. He's come to us for help."



She wiped the tears from her face. "Fine. Then back up over there and let me do this my way." She demanded.



Dijana and the other doctors backed away as they watched Brandon and Veronica curl themselves around John's rocking figure, Brandon behind and Veronica from the front. They couldn't hear what was being said but could hear Brandon's soft bass and Veronica's whispers between kisses and caresses, touching John's entire body. Soon, he stopped rocking and began to slowly uncurl his body. They could see the tremors that overtook his body as he began to respond to their voices.



Then they heard him begin to sob as he became aware, remembering every moment. His entire body was racked with tremors as they began to hear John's voice, asking between gasps of air what he'd done. He was aware, knew everything that he'd gone through in vivid detail and it flooded his emotions.



Veronica spooned him from the front, Brandon from behind as they held him tightly. The two of them bathed him in affection as John began to relax in their arms.



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To be continued …..
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