Dijana sat at the table, reading over the most recent notes she'd make on her newest patient. The more time she spent with John, the more amazed she was that he'd held it together for so long. When John was alert and well rested, it was almost as if he were a different person. Someone she could see being a very fine doctor. She glanced towards the door and saw a very professional, beautiful woman with a tall slender frame and long blonde curls walking towards her table.
"Dr. Sajak," the woman smiled, offering her hand.
"Dr. Montgomery, I presume. Please, have a seat." Dijana said warmly. "I do believe we can forgo the formalities. Dijana, please."
"Veronica," she replied. "So, I'm assuming that this is about a patient of mine?" She needed to keep this as light as possible but listening to Abby, she was pretty sure it would get serious, quickly.
"Former patient, actually." Dijana said. "John C. Williams? Although I do believe you know him under a different name?" She looked up into Veronica's eyes and noticed a slight concern flash across them.
"Former patient? I didn't realize I had discharged him." Veronica smiled. She didn't trust this woman at all.
"Did you not tell John that you could no longer work with him?" Dijana asked matter-of-factly.
Veronica shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She was thankful that their conversation was momentarily disrupted when the waiter came to the table to take their orders.
"So, Dijana, you were asking about John. What can I tell you?" Veronica sidestepped Dijana's previous question, feeling like she was under a microscope.
"Well, first of all, you can tell me why the necessary papers from his file were not sent over with the ones I did receive?" Dijana asked, taking a sip from her water glass.
"Necessary papers?" Veronica asked, trying desperately to get a look into the thick file laying on the table just inches from her hand.
"Yes. I'm sure even in New York, you still get a history. Past problems, family history, patient's consent?" Dijana asked, putting emphasis on the last portion.
"Oh, I just didn't think it was necessary to include those. I mean since I knew that Kerry would be sending you copies of all his medical records I saw no point in sending them twice." Veronica tried to remain as calm as possible. "I can assure you that everything done with John was quite consensual."
Dijana studied Veronica knowing that there were still pieces of this puzzle missing. "And the administering of the Ativan? Was that consensual?"
"It was necessary." Veronica claimed. She knew very well that she could be in big trouble as well as Kerry. Dijana shook her head slightly, smirking.
"I do understand that there are circumstances that call for drastic measures. So, tell me, Veronica? How long have you been seeing John?" She asked.
"I've been John's therapist for about two weeks." Veronica stated.
"And during these two weeks, you've only had 3 sessions with him? He traveled all the way to New York from Chicago for 3 sessions? Judging by these notes, you certainly got deep with him very quickly." She said, watching Veronica's face. "Most my therapists take weeks to get to know a patient. We sometimes never get to the root of a problem. You must be very good." Dijana continued her questioning.
"John and I have been friends for some time, as well as my husband, Brandon. He and John go back nearly two years." She smiled.
"Oh, so you have a personal relationship that stems back much longer with John, am I correct?" Dijana asked. Veronica began to fidget a bit.
"Yes. See, when John began to have problems a few weeks ago while my husband and I were vacationing in Chicago, I thought I could help him identify some of his issues with insecurities." Veronica explained.
"So, your husband and John go back two years, huh?" Dijana made a few notes.
"Uh, yes. My husband was in Atlanta when John was there. They were roommates."
"At the rehabilitation center?" Dijana asked, surprised.
"Yes, my husband spent 90 days there, same as John."
"I take it you are both physicians?" She asked.
"Why?" Veronica asked.
"Oh, no reason. Just wondering. So, when did you and John meet?" Dijana asked, setting her napkin down. She found Veronica to be utterly fascinating.
"Several months ago. John stayed a week at our estate in New York."
"Really?" Dijana said, looking over her notes. "So, I'm assuming that your personal relationship with John only helped in your abilities to be able to get to the root of his problems so quickly. I mean, you must have been able to really get him to talk to you quite a bit about things that I'm just finding that he doesn't like talking about. Tell me, how can you be so persuasive?" She smiled. Veronica folded her napkin and placed it on her plate.
"Dijana, You don't understand, I care about John deeply. Both my husband and I do. We wanted to see him get better and in doing so, I may have done a few things that some may consider unethical. I had no idea that his problems were as deep rooted as they are. I thought if I could help him to remember, that he could learn to move past all the hurt and pain. I truly thought that if he could only learn to believe that there is a world of people out there that love him and think that he is a fine doctor that I could make things better. You have got to believe me when I say I love that man but I had no idea until it was too late." Veronica admitted.
Dijana looked at her for several moments. She could see that this woman truly cared for John and that whatever mistakes were made were purely unintentional.
"I believe you do. I just need to know everything you know about him.
Look, I am not out to ruin careers. I am only interested in gathering information that would be beneficial in treating John. I think that it's pretty clear that there was definitely some unethical behavior going on here but for John's sake I need to know everything that you know about him." Dijana explained.
"You may not feel the same if you knew the entire story." Veronica said. She had to made sure not only for herself but for everyone else involve and she wasn't even sure who all that included anymore.
"Veronica, John is my patient, my staff has had to give him Haldol twice now, and he's only been at my center for 3 days. If you know more than what you are telling me, you have got to help me so I can get to him." Dijana pleaded. Veronica hesitated, but then reached for her briefcase.
"Dijana, my license is on the line here, along with a few others, possibly. You have got to understand that I only wanted to help. I didn't know he'd been through so much." She said before handing over the files. "There are transcripts of the first four therapy sessions that came days before the one's you already have. They were performed at John's apartment, with his girlfriend present and with his consent. These are what you're looking for. You'll see that John knew what he was doing before we did anything and he agreed to all except the Ativan." She reached back into her bag. She pulled out a video.
"I am hanging myself here but you've got to believe we only wanted what's best." Veronica held the tape. Suddenly it dawned on Dijana. She almost choked on her tea when she realized a huge missing piece to John's puzzle.
"Um, Dr. Montgomery, are you AND your husband the couple John has admitted to having a consensual sexual relationship with?" She asked, trying to keep her voice low. Veronica didn't even flinch. She smiled, meeting Dijana's eyes.
"We do care about him, Dijana, long before the therapy started. This video contains two of the sessions in New York, one at my office and one at my home. Abby asked us to make these but she hasn't even seen them, nor has John. I beg of you, we meant no harm." Veronica had tears in her eyes as she handed Dijana the tape. Her fate was now in the hands of this woman.
"So you're telling me that one of the sessions was conducted in your own bedroom? Is there anything on these tapes that would embarrass anyone?" Dijana smiled.
"No not at all, everyone is fully dressed." Veronica relaxed a bit feeling that this woman understood her position. "Truthfully I wanted to destroyed it. No one should ever see what is on this. I have never in all my years as a therapist met anyone that has seen as much trauma not only in his choice of career but also in his personal life as John has and lived through it in one piece. The more I know about him the less I understand how on earth he has managed to make it this far and I fear that I may be the cause of him being where he is right now."
"I can't say for certain if you were the cause, but the more I hear I have to say that sooner or later this was bound to happen. It's probably a blessing in disguise that it happened sooner rather than latter." Dijana reached out and placed her hand on Veronica's.
"I have learned that John has had suicidal ideations, can you tell me if he's okay." Veronica asked, on the verge of tears.
"I think for now he is but that is an area that we haven't explored much as of yet. We keep him under constant watch and so far I have not seen any indication that he plans on harming himself. Believe me I do not take any chances. Just because we don't see any outward signs we never rule out the possibility that he's hiding something." Dijana reassured her. "We did make progress today, though. John has finally agreed on medication. We'll begin the Paxil in the morning and the Benadryl tonight to get him to sleep."
"He has a very nervous stomach." Veronica finally relaxed for the first time since arriving. Maybe she could trust Dijana after all.
"Yes, we've seen that." Dijana nodded. "I have a standing order for Tylenol and Zofran. I just hope he'll tell us when he needs them."
"So, tell me, Dijana. Does this place where he's at have any male therapists?" Veronica smiled.
"Several. Why?" Dijana thought this to be a curious question.
"John had this habit of becoming attached to various men in his life. Now, don't get me wrong. John is very much heterosexual but he has this coping mechanism of needing males around for support. I believe he thinks most women are going to use him but it's men he tries so hard to please. It's men who he trusts most. He doesn't have many men around anymore. See, his male support system at the hospital has broken down with people either leaving or unfortunately dying and John truly needs that." Veronica explained.
"Is John attached to your husband?" Dijana played with her glass as she asked, remembering the results of the physical exam.
"Yes." Veronica said quietly. "John loves my husband and my husband loves John."
"Veronica, would you and your husband be able to come to the center and maybe hold a few sessions with John along with my staff? I believe that the relationship that you two have shared and his trust in you would help us move his recovery forward so much more successfully. I think it would keep us from having to start all over. I believe that in order for us to gain John's trust, he needs to see that the people he trusts trust us." Dijana suggested. She had a feeling that after reviewing these new transcripts as well as this video tape, that she was going to have to try some unorthodox methods of reaching John herself.
"You ask anything of us, Dijana, as far as John is concerned, and we'll do it. Otherwise, I wouldn't be here putting my license on the line." Veronica admitted.
Dijana looked at her for several moments. "John seems like he's very special... for you to go so far out on a limb for him." She said.
"He is." Veronica smiles. "John is that special to so many people in his life. He just doesn't think he is."
"How much do you know about his upbringing?" Dijana asked.
Veronica shook her head. "I know that he is from a very wealthy family but he doesn't live like he's wealthy. He likes the finer things in life but he doesn't flaunt what he has. He loves to lavish Abby with nice things but he really lives a rather modest life style. I know that seems contradictory but you have to understand that John doesn't care about the money." Veronica answered honestly.
"So, no BMW?" Dijana joked.
"That man could afford to drive anything he wanted and he drives a Jeep, a brand new one but Brandon told me that he has always had a Jeep and nothing else." Veronica smiled.
"As far as his family goes all I know is that so many people in his early life have abandoned him. His parents, I've learned are on an emotional vacation, he's had way too much pressure put on him and most of his relationships have failed. Have you talked to him about Nicole?" Veronica asked.
"Very little. What I'm more concerned about is, how is his relationship with this Abby?"
"Those two," Veronica smiled and sat back, "Dijana, I have never in my life seen two people who are more meant for each other and more perfect for each other than they are. They are so totally in love but it’s not easy. Abby's in almost as bad of shape as John is," Veronica laughed.
"How close are you to Abby?" Dijana had a brainstorm. She reached into her briefcase and pulled out a business card.
"Close. Why?" Veronica asked.
"Do you think you could get her to join a group therapy? We have an outpatient center in Chicago and run several groups from there. In fact, the man who brought John to the center has worked with us quite a bit."
"Luka?" Veronica asked. Dijana nodded. "I'm not sure how well that will work, Dijana. From what I've learned, Luka and Abby were recently a couple. I also thought Luka and John hated each other because of Abby so when she told me that he had indeed been the one to bring him to you and one of the only people who really knows where John is, I tell you it came as quite a surprise to me."
"Really? You know, Veronica, I have to admit something. Up until today, I thought John and Luka were lovers." Dijana said making Veronica laugh loudly.
"Oh, goodness! They may have gotten close in the past few days but I don't think they are that close." She continued to laugh. "Of course, nothing with John surprises me anymore."
Dijana also laughed. "Well, why don't you see if you can get Abby to attend some meetings. We have some wonderful groups for significant others of those with who have experienced childhood abuse and I believe she may benefit from it. John isn't ready for her or anyone to know where he is or to make contact with anyone yet but I hope he will be soon. His willingness to begin drug therapy shows me that he does want to get well and he's becoming more open to do what he needs to do in order to achieve that. Abby will need support from others who have been through what she's been going through."
"I'll get her to go, Dijana. I may even go myself. You know, this is not my area of expertise and I believe that I can also learn a thing or two." Veronica admitted, accepting the card from Dijana.
"Oh, really? And what is your area of expertise, if you don't mind me asking?" Dijana asked.
"I'm a sexual therapist." Veronica said, causing both women to break out in gales of friendly laughter.
"Dijana, would it be possible to send a message to John?" Veronica pulled out a pen and wrote on a napkin, hoping that Dijana would give it to John. She slid the napkin across the table.
Dijana picked up the note to find all that was written on it was... 'F.H.T. remember it always. Love, V&B.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~
It was late when Veronica finally arrived back to John's apartment. Both Abby and Brandon were waiting for her.
"How'd it go? Do you know where he's at? What happened? Is he okay? When's he coming home?" Abby attacked her with a barrage of questions as she came in the door.
"My goodness." Veronica laughed as she joined them on the sofa.
"First of all, he's doing fine. Dr. Sajak is very kind and cares about him as much as Brandon or I would, Honey."
"Well, let's hope not the same way." Brandon winked. Her smile was relief enough for him. If there had been a hint of concern on Veronica's part for John's well being, then he would have been able to see it on her face.
"No, Darling, but her concern is there. Abby, Honey, John isn't ready for you to contact him yet but he is making progress. He has agreed to start drug therapy and what they're starting him on, Honey, half the nation is on so it's not like he's going to come home all drugged up." Veronica explained.
"Do they know how much longer he'll be there?" Brandon asked.
"No. Dr. Sajak has had some trouble getting him to open up." She said, giving Brandon a look of warning, letting him know there is more to that side of it she didn't want Abby to know. "She did suggest that you and I go and hold a few sessions with him with their staff. She thinks because he already trusts us that we'll be able to get him to open up and trust them."
Abby stood up and went to the kitchen angry. Brandon watched her concerned.
"What's the matter, Sweetie?" Brandon got up and followed her, only to find tears streaming down her face.
"Weaver knows where he's at, Luka knows, now Veronica and you get to go see him. Why doesn't he even want me to know where he is? Don't you think if he still loved me, he'd want my help? Want to be reminded that I still love him, even after what happened when he prop…" She stopped, holding her hand over her mouth. "John doesn't love me." She said, almost afraid, her eyes begging Brandon to tell her differently. The large man pulled her tiny frame in for a warm hug.
"Oh, Honey," he chuckled slightly. "That man loves you so much. He wants to be perfect and strong for you. He'll see you in due time, Dear. In fact, you're going to be the one that's going to be there for him in the long run. When it's time for you to come into this, Honey, you can be sure you'll be there."
"Will you tell him how much I love him?" Abby sobbed into his warm chest. Brandon kissed the top of her head.
"Of course we will, Abby."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Good evening, John." Nick greeted him warmly as he entered the therapy room.
"Hello." John smiled as he took a seat in one of the large beanbags.
"Dijana tells me that you've been over in the medical facility most of the day." Nick commented, still reviewing John's chart.
"Yeah," John flushed still embarrassed. "We aren't going to talk about what happened, are we?" John begged with his eyes.
"Not if you don't want to." Nick smiled. He'd already read the nursing notes. He knew what had happened. "I was thinking maybe we'd take a different approach today. What I'd like for you to do today is tell me about your family." Nick watched John fidget a bit before answering.
"What do you want to know?" John seemed confused by the question.
"Let's start with who are you the closest to?" Nick tried opening up the conversation without making John feel uneasy.
"I guess I'd have to say my grandmother." John answered rubbing nervously at his wrist.
"Were you raised by her?" Nick asked.
"Not really, I lived with my parents until Bobby died and then my sister and I were sent away to boarding school the following fall. I guess my mother just never got over Bobby's death and couldn't cope with having us around." John leaned back and closed his eyes as if to try and block the bad memories.
"Where was your father during that time?" Nick continued to get John to open up.
"He started traveling," John shrugged. "Getting deeper involved in the business. I guess working all the time was his way of dealing with the situation."
"The situation? You mean, Bobby's death?" Nick probed further.
"That and my mother, everything." John replied as he pulled a pillow into his lap. Nick watched John cuddle with it.
"What about your mother?" Nick asked.
John blinked several times and seemed to be staring at something on the carpet.
"My mother, well, she totally shut down. Crying all the time, emotional one minute, raging mad the next, you never knew what she'd do from one moment to the next. After a while, she became this shell. She stopped thinking for herself, you know? Just did what she was told." He explained.
"Tell me about your grandmother, John. You didn't sound very convincing when you said you were close to her." Nick questioned.
"I guess that's because it's only been since I was stabbed that we even started talking to each other. My grandfather seemed to have mellowed out a lot. Guess he just figured it wasn't worth fighting any more. I moved back in with my grandparents just before I ended up going to rehab. Then he died last year in May and I've had to take care of Gamma. That is until my mother moved back into the house and I just couldn't take it any longer." The words began to pour out. It seemed once he got started it was easier for him to talk about things.
"So, there was a time when you didn't speak at all to both your grandparent?" Nick asked.
John nodded his head as he sighed deeply. He knew that this would eventually come out but wasn't expecting it to be this soon.
"To make a really long story short, my cousin Chase had been doing heroine and I found out about it. A friend of mine, a fellow doctor and I decided that we could detox him in his apartment without telling anyone. I was naive enough to think that he was doing fine. I didn't think he would start using again." He shrugged, playing with the edge of the pillow in his lap.
When John looked up, his eyes were teary. "He came into the ER after an overdose and the same friend alerted me to the fact that he was there. He had been down for too long, but I couldn't let him go. I was the doctor, you know? I mean, what good is it to have a doctor in the family if they can't help you, huh? Well, anyway, I saved his life, such as it is, but now he lives in an institution. He'd been without oxygen too long but I couldn't let go. Nope, I had to keep trying and trying and I did it. I brought him back." John wiped an angry tear from his cheek with the back of his hand.
"Today, he's severely brain damaged. My grandparents weren't too happy to find out that I knew about his addiction and didn't tell them. Grandfather was determined to get me to take Chase's place on the board of directors and we had this huge fight over it. My grandmother even tried to guilt me into it, telling me that it was my family obligation now, by telling me that all us kids ever cared about was the money. I got angry and told her that she could keep her money." John said.
"We're talking big money here, aren't we?" Nick asked curious himself. John smirked slightly.
"Funny thing is.... at the time was I was totally broke, had no income at all, but I was determined to get by without it. I later found out that Gamma never took it away; she never cut off my access to the family money. It was just me... being too stubborn to use it. Gamma says I get my stubbornness from her." John began opening up more freely.
"Since you said you had no income, I take it that this was while you were still in med school?" Nick asked trying to piece the puzzle together.
"I told you this was a long story." John laughed slightly. "No. I was an Intern for the second year. I changed my specialty from Surgery to Emergency Medicine at the end of my Internship but it was too late. I missed the deadlines to apply for a slot. In order to get Kerry to approve it, she said I had to start my residency over. She said that there wasn't enough money in the budget for another Intern so I said I would do it without pay. I thought I didn't need the money." John smiled.
"Can you give me a timeline on this, John? How long were you without a paycheck?" Nick asked, thinking it strange that if John was indeed brought up with as much money as Nick was getting the impression he was, going from having all the money in the world to suddenly having none overnight would be a drastic change.
"Well," John thought for a moment. "Chase od'ed in I guess the beginning of March of '89 and Gamma and I got into it midway through April and they weren't opening any slots until September. Five months, I guess."
"Five months without a paycheck? What did you do during that time?" Nick was curious to know how he got by.
"First of all I took all my savings and paid up my rent, which included utilities, for about 3 months. When that ran, out I took a job as an RA in the dorm because it included a room. I basically relied on my friends for food and did a lot of walking. I got by. The important thing is... never once did I ask anyone for money. As soon as I started getting paid again, I went looking for an apartment and by sheer accident I ended up renting a room from Kerry in her basement. It was really nice, while it lasted. I guess that's why I ended up at her place when I couldn't go home to my own." John hugged the pillow closer to his chest and yawned.
"Okay, John. I know you're getting tired but I need you to stay with me on this. You lived at your parents home until what age?"
"Eleven. Then I went to boarding school." John sat up, trying to keep himself awake.
"You were at boarding school until when?" Nick made a few notes.
"College, then I lived in the dorms. When I graduated, I came back here to Chicago and began Medical school. My parents thought I'd grow out of it but a couple years into school, my dad finally figured out I was serious and he told me I needed to find my own place, so I did." John smiled.
"And what happened?" Nick asked.
"The place burned down and I lost everything I owned. My downstairs neighbor was smoking while using her oxygen tank. She burned the place down." John chuckled.
"Then what did you do?" Nick asked, thinking John was everything he thought a rich kid wasn't. John didn't seem very upset that he'd lost everything.
"Moved in with Dennis Gant. He was a fellow Intern when I was still in surgery. Dennis was …" John paused and smiled. "Dennis was a good guy."
"Was?" Nick asked.
"Yeah, right after Christmas of 97, he jumped in front of an El train one night. They brought him into the ER, man, we didn't even realize it was him. We were paging him because he was supposed to be covering the ER and this guy's pager started going off." He wiped his face with his hand.
"Did you continue living at the apartment you two shared?" Nick pressed on.
"Yeah," John nodded. "For a little over a year. Right until I was no longer using my trust fund. I stayed as long as I could but finally just couldn't afford it any more. Then I took a job as a Resident Advisor at the dorms. That was a bit different than what I was used to. Lucy was a new student so she lived there." John stretched his legs out.
"Lucy?"
"Yeah, she was the student stabbed the same night I was. She's the one who didn't make it." John said.
Nick decided to explore that issue at another time "And you left the RA position why?"
"I was fired. The med students had this Halloween party that I was supposed to chaperone and I left Lucy in charge. I had to go to the library to do some research for a paper that Dr. Weaver wanted me to present the next day. When I got back to the dorm, they had trashed the place and a couple of kids ended up in the ER that night." John explained.
"And that brought you where?" Nick asked curiously.
"Kerry's. I just answered an ad in the paper, you know? Never expected it to be anyone from the hospital." John chuckled as he remembered the shock on Kerry's face that night.
Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n