As John drove home, he checked the rearview mirror to find that Luka was indeed following him. It felt strangely comforting. Luka had told him that to protect his privacy he could chose an alias to check himself in under. Thinking that is would be easier to keep his first name because it was so common, he chose 'John C. Williams'.
John pulled up into his parking space of his apartment building and waved to Luka as to where he could park.
Soon they were inside and John was rifling through his closet for a suitcase.
Ever since Abby had moved into his room, things were still a bit of disarray in the closet and he found himself unable to find what he was looking for.
"Nice place," Luka commented as he watched John rummaging through the closet moving boxes around. "Is there something I can help you with?" He offered.
John stood and ran his hand through his hair trying to think of where they might be. "Ahhh, I bet she put them in her old room," John replied as he headed to the guestroom.
Luka watched as John returned with a suitcase and a large shoulder bag. He started filling them with casual clothes putting underwear and pajamas into the smaller bag. John seemed to be moving on autopilot, just totally focused on what he was doing.
"John, you know that Abby really does love you, don't you?" Luka hated to admit it but he knew that it was true and he also knew that it was something that John needed to hear.
"Yeah, I know, Luka, I know. That's why I have decided to do this because I can't keep hurting her the way I have been and I don't know how else to stop it from happening." John sat on the edge of the bed looking as if he hadn't slept for a week.
"Just believe me, Carter, this is a good place and you'll be back home real soon," Luka reassured him, picking up a small frame that held a picture of John and Abby together. They both looked so happy that it made Luka's heart ache but he was truly happy for them and he vowed that he would do anything to help John for Abby's sake.
"I think I need to shower and a shave, you don't mind waiting a bit longer do ya?" John was rubbing his stubbled face. He looked up to see Luka staring at the picture.
"No, go right ahead, take all the time you need," Luka smiled, hoping that a shower would make John feel better. "When's the last time you ate?"
John stopped, holding a pair of jeans in his arms. He thought a few moments and shook his head. "Hum, I don't remember. Funny not remembering eating." John snickered to himself. Funny thing was he didn't remember much of anything lately.
"Well, you need to eat, and I'm getting pretty hungry myself," Luka flashed John a hopeful grin.
"Luka, eating has not been on my high priority list for quite some time." John stated sarcastically.
Luka saw how thin John looked and had been surprised how much clothes hid.
"You know, Carter, I'm pretty adept in the kitchen, maybe I could fix us something while you shower. If I know Abby, these cupboards aren't bare," Luka offered, pointing out toward the kitchen.
"Uhmm, sure, yeah there's plenty of food, go for it. Whatever you can find, consider the kitchen yours." John said before closing the bathroom door behind him. He really wasn't thinking about food but if Luka was hungry and wanted to cook, it was fine by him.
Luka went to the kitchen and began to check inside the refrigerator. He found the staples he was used to, having had the same woman spend time in his kitchen also. He pulled out some eggs, sausage and found a package of biscuits. Looking at all the food made him even hungrier.
While he was cooking, Luka looked around the apartment. Everywhere he looked, he saw Abby's things. He'd be lying if he said it didn't hurt a bit but as much as he cared for Abby, he also knew that she loved John and seeing John and Abby's things inner mixed gave him some comfort.
As the food cooked, Luka's stomach began to growl. He just hoped that the aromas floating from the kitchen would entice John into eating a real meal. Luka was a good cook but he realized that he'd rarely seen John eat and wasn't sure what he even liked. Going back to the refrigerator, Luka pulled out some fruit; grapes, a mango, a pear and he found a banana on the counter, which he sliced up into a fruit bowl.
John stepped out of the shower feeling much better. The idea that he was finally doing something to get himself better made a big difference in his mood. He was really surprised at how friendly Luka was being and that added to his disposition. The aroma coming from the kitchen made him realize that he was indeed hungry.
"Who do you think you're feeding?" John laughed, coming out of the bedroom toweling his head. He looked much more awake and like he had some energy.
"Just us," Luka replied with a wide smile, looking at the spread he'd created; he couldn't help but to laugh also.
"Smells good," John pulled out a chair, away from the table a bit so he could put on his socks.
"You look like you feel better. You find an appetite while you were in there?" Luka smiled, watching John reach for a grape and pop it into his mouth.
"Well, I just hope you're hungry because there is no way I can eat all this." John laughed as he took the towel back to his bathroom. He returned just as Luka placed two plates on the table.
"Thanks," John mumbled, going directly for the coffee. "I do have a few things I need to square away, Luka. I want you to tell Abby that I have transferred enough money to her checking account to take care of the apartment and I should be getting my bill for the insurance on my Jeep soon. I want to leave this with her also," John handed Luka a credit card. "The payment on this is made automatically through my trust fund so tell her that if she needs anything at all to feel free to use it."
"Maybe you should leave her a note?" Luka suggested. He felt strange being the one to tell Abby what John wanted. "Are you sure you don't want her to know where you are?"
"No!" John shook his head. "I don't want anyone to know, not my family, not Abby, no one, just you and Kerry, okay? Please?" He asked.
Luka nodded. "Of course, now eat before it gets cold," Luke commanded.
"I did leave her a note, it's on the bed but I want to make sure that she gets this, so would you please see to that for me," John pleaded. He really wanted Luka to check on her and make sure she was all right.
~~~~~~~
Kerry arrived at work right on time. It was unusually busy, with people barking orders and chaos in every direction. She immediately checked the board to see what was going on and was approached by Dr. Chen who seemed just a bit overwhelmed with the pandemonium.
"Oh, Dr. Weaver, I'm so glad to see you. Luka had to leave and there are a couple doctors here from the agency, a Dr. Sarah Walters. She's in curtain three and a Dr. Dan Michaels, he's in…." She turned to check the board, "exam four."
"Do you know where Abby is?" Kerry asked, her mind only on one thing at the moment.
"I don't know but I haven't had breakfast yet so if it's okay, I would like to get something to eat." Dr. Chen dropped a pile of charts on the desk and without bothering to wait for Kerry's answer she was out the door.
"Good morning, Dr. Weaver," Gallant approached with a chart, smiling at himself proudly. "I just finished up a guy with 48 stitches to his left thigh, but I can't seem to find Dr. Chen to have her sign off on his chart.
"Hey, Kerry, can you take this women with a rash, I'm swamped." Susan erased her name from the board in several places and began to sign up for several more. "When you get a minute I really need to speak to you about Carter, also." She whispered not wanting anyone to over hear her.
Kerry couldn't remember when she had last seen the place this busy. She was pleasantly surprised to find that everyone was working to do his or her best to keep everything running smoothly.
As Susan's words sunk in, Kerry followed after her, "Susan, wait!" She called out as she quickly caught up to her. "What about Carter?"
"It's just that there have been a few rather nasty rumors flying around and Abby's pretty upset. He never came home last night nor showed up for his shift this morning." Susan tried to fill her in as best as she could.
"What kind of rumors?" Kerry shot Susan an evil glare. She pulled her into the lounge and locked the door behind them.
"I just heard some of the nurses talking and they think that he may be using again. I tried to tell them that Carter wouldn't do that but they said that that is what everyone thought before. Kerry, I know that whatever is going on with him, well, it can't be so bad as to think he would jeopardize his career for a quick fix." Susan explained. She really didn't know what to believe but she was sure that she was right.
"Listen, Susan, I'll talk to you about this later but for right now, just know that Carter is okay, he's going to be gone for a while but he's safe. Now, do you know where Abby is? I really need to speak with her privately." Kerry explained what she could.
"So, you know where he is?" Susan asked her curiosity getting the best of her.
"Yes, like I said he's safe and Luka is with him." Kerry felt herself needing to get this off her chest. She also felt that she could trust Susan since her and Abby had become so close.
"Thank God," Susan said before bolting for the door as she saw Abby pass by the window.
"Abby," Susan ran after her. "Kerry's looking for you," she exclaimed, looking around to see that Kerry was right behind her.
Kerry noticed the sadness in Abby's eyes. She took the charts from her and handed them to Susan. She took Abby by the hand and led her back into the lounge. "Abby, come with me, I have something to tell you."
Abby's heart sunk at Kerry's words she just knew that something was very wrong. She just hoped that it wasn't about John.
"Abby, sit down," Kerry led her to the couch.
"Is this about John, did something happen to him?" Abby spoke softly as the tears began to roll down her cheeks.
"He's okay, Abby, he showed up at my house a little after midnight. He was pretty upset about something." Kerry spoke softly.
Abby sighed in relief at hearing that he was okay.
"Why didn't he call me?" Abby had been completely overcome with worry.
"I don't know what happened between you two, he wouldn't say. When I asked him if he wanted me to call you, he just cried and said that you never cared for him, something about it was all just a big joke and the joke was on him. Abby, I know that's not true, I know that you love him but right now, he needs time to figure himself out."
"Where is he now? I need to see him, I need to tell him that I'm sorry for hurting him."
"Abby, Honey, please understand. That was all last night when he was pretty upset still. He wants me to tell you that he never stopped loving you and that he meant every word that he said. Now, I have no idea what he meant by that but I'm sure that you do." Kerry held Abby in her arms and let her cry on her shoulder.
"Well, well, if this isn't touching." Robert Romano stormed into the lounge clearly making his presence known.
"Do you mind, Robert?" Kerry snapped, feeling Abby instantly recoil at the sound of Robert's voice.
"Not at all, Kerry. Should I assume that this babbling nurse is somehow related to our missing Chief Resident? I believe that this confirms that the rumors about our drugstore cowboy are true, Miss Lockhart? Someone should have warned you before you began sleeping with all the rejects from the medical world." He scoffed, making Kerry furious.
"He wouldn't do that." Abby tried to defend him she had heard the rumors and it made her sick to think that anyone would think that but she couldn't really blame them. After all it wasn't like John to not show up for his shift and she had no explanation to give anyone.
Kerry stood abruptly, pulling Robert out of the lounge and into an empty exam room before he could stop her.
"Hey, hey, watch yourself, Kerry! Just what in the hell do you think you're doing?" He demanded quite loudly.
"I was going to ask you the same thing! Dammit, Robert, you have no idea what is going on with these people and I know you really could care less but I will not stand around and have you destroy any more of my staff!" Kerry yelled.
"I believe they are doing that to themselves, Kerry. So, tell me. Is our young Dr. Carter as strung out as everyone is saying he is? Word on the fourth floor is he's writing prescriptions for himself. Sixth says he became violent with a patient and had to be taken out of here in shackles. Now, tell me where I should put my money down, Kerry. Tell me that this little boy, who we have bent over backwards to accommodate is not strung out on ER candy?" He yelled.
Kerry was exhausted. She'd been up all night worrying about John and here she was, defending him still. Abby was a mess and her whole department was falling apart before her eyes. People leaving, dying, being fired, making threats, just when was it all going to stop? She sat down on the chair.
"I'm still waiting, Kerry?" Robert demanded.
Kerry looked up, drilling a hole through her supervisor with her eyes. "You just listen to me, you pompous ass! I need to tell you what's going on and I need for you to keep your mouth shut so I can finish. Can you do that?" She asked.
"Listen, Kerry, I haven't got the time or the interest to hear about your little tales about your dysfunctional staff. Either I have a Chief Resident or I don't." He stated, walking to the door.
Kerry stood. "Now you just wait a minute, Robert!" She spat, making him stop cold in his tracks. Kerry took a few steps toward him. "You will sit down and shut the hell up because this is serious, Robert. We have people down here, one in particular, who has given his life to this damn hospital and the least you can do is sit there and listen to what he's going through." She slammed Robert verbally. "Besides, this is my damn department and I DO care about my staff!"
Robert swallowed hard and obediently sat on the nearest chair. Kerry's out burst had caught him by surprise and maybe if he just gave her a few minutes, he would find out just what sort of shape these people were in.
"Carry on, Kerry." He gave her permission to begin explaining.
Now, Kerry wasn't sure where to start. She paced across the room and back toward Robert as she gathered her thoughts together.
"Robert, yes, Dr. Carter is missing and he has taken a personal leave for an indeterminate amount of time. I have been involved and I have assured him that upon his return, he WILL have a job to return to. He has not put any patients or staff in jeopardy and he IS NOT using drugs. He is one of the most intelligent doctors that I have on my staff and I will not lose him. John is, well, going through some personal issues and needs some time to deal with them." She began.
Robert still looked at her coldly. "If he can't handle the stress, then maybe he shouldn't work in the emergency room." Robert's tone was so condescending.
"Robert, do you understand PTSD? It is a medical condition and it is treatable with the right kind of therapy."
"Don't tell me he has a stress disorder, Kerry. That boy has had it easy!" Robert stated.
"The problem with John is that the stabbing incident was hardly the first time he had been attacked in an environment where he felt the safest. Haven't you ever noticed how much time he spends here? Robert, this is John Carter's home. We are his family and like it or not, we need to take care of him.
"Yeah, right." Robert laughed sarcastically. "Look, Kerry, I know the Carter's. He came from an environment where everything was handed to him on a silver platter. Trust me, I know. John was raised the same way I was and he just hasn't learned to appreciate all that he has. He's just a spoiled, immature little boy and when he grows up, he can find himself another job!" Robert stood and walked to the door.
Kerry looked at him with such an evil glare. She stood in front of him and leaned in right in front of his face. "Don't you even sit there and tell me that you still don't get nightmares about trying to sew Lucy Knight back up, Robert. I know that affected you and don't even try to tell me it didn't. You weren't down here when we found them. You didn't walk into that exam room and find two of your staff lying in pools of their own blood, sliced up by a patient that was on the loose!" She said so quietly but with such emotion. "Hell I still have nightmares, I can't even imagine what John has gone through. But we own it to him Robert to do everything we can to see to it that he gets the help he needs. He in reaching out for us to help him and that is what I intend to do." Kerry stood firm she had no intentions of violating John's trust any farther than she had to.
Robert sat back for a moment as he pondered his options; he knew that legally he couldn't fire John and that wasn't what he wanted anyway. It just really got under his skin when he had to hear about something like this from the rumor mill. He knew that he didn't make it easy for people to believe that he could be trusted, but he wished for once that they would at least try.
His own nightmares of that horrific night of that sweet innocent child with a heart of gold were resurfacing. He remembered Miss Knight as being the only person he'd known since he came to County to ever have the balls to come personally to him to ask for anything and to his home on Christmas Eve no less. Sewing her chest back up after her death had been one of the hardest things he had ever had to do but it was a tasked that he had refused to leave to anyone else.
Kerry was lost in her own thoughts of John and she was becoming a bit nervous with Robert's intent silence. But she was determined to make him understand that John was a valuable employee and not one to be pushed aside.
"Robert, did you ever once think to ask? All of John's actions, his compassion, his ability to take the abuse from patients and doctors alike day after day, his desire to be the best, his commitment to this hospital and the people in it all stems from what type of person he is?"
"He's not perfect, by any means but Robert, I have never seen anyone in all my years in the medical field who cares more than John Carter does about his patients. He studies medical journals in his sleep, he catches things that others don't, he takes risks, he listens to what they say, and he cares like no other. He is a fine doctor and he has made such wonderful strides in trying to better himself."
"He knows that this hospital has helped him and he's grateful, but Robert, by God, do not push him out! If John didn't have this place, he'd destroy himself because he IS the heart of this emergency room, like it or not. He is my senior physician, he's hurting right now, and that hurt has affected everything and everyone around him. Give him some time to come to terms with what he's dealing with. Because I plan on giving John as much time as he needs, hospital policy be dammed and not you or anyone else will stop me." Kerry stood and walked out, leaving Robert with his own thoughts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"John, we're here." Luka pulled up to a beautiful building, not unlike the Carter mansion. John had been dozing for the last 15 minutes and he sat up, trying to rub the sleep from his tired eyes.
"This is it?" He asked, blinking multiple times. "Doesn't look like a hospital."
"It's different. They won't just pump you full of drugs and send you on your way. They have several unique programs to help you deal with trauma and your behaviors." Luka explained.
John looked at him strangely. "You were treated here, weren't you?" John asked.
Luka smiled slightly and he nodded. "I sometimes work with their outpatient support group in town. I did stay here before I started at County. Dr. Sajak has become a friend and has helped me a few times." He smiled. "What is the name you've chosen?" Luka asked.
"Uh, I figure John is pretty common. How does John C. Williams sound?" He asked.
"What does the 'C' stand for?" Luka asked, smiling over at John.
"Crazy?" John kidded.
"You're not crazy, Carter," Luka said softly.
John took a deep breath. He was terrified. He hadn't been this terrified since Benton had left him alone in Atlanta.
"I can leave any time I want, right?" John asked, his hands shaking severely.
"Carter, give it a chance. You won't be better tomorrow. This will take some time. Have patience with yourself," Luka offered.
John ran his hands through his hair. "You'll talk to Abby? You'll look after her?" John asked.
"John, she's just a phone call away," Luka said.
John looked at the older man's face. Luka rarely used his first name.
"Okay, I guess we should go inside, huh?" John grimaced, opening the car door.
As they walked toward the entrance, the front doors opened and a beautiful, dark haired woman came out to meet them.
"Dijana," Luka said, hugging the woman.
"Luka, Bok, kako si? Nismo se odavno čuli. (Luka, how are you? It's been a long time.)" She said warmly. "This must be your friend." She turned to John.
"John Williams," John said, shaking her hand.
"I'm Dr. Sajak," Dijana welcomed him warmly. "May I ask how you know Luka?" She asked as they walked inside.
John looked at Luka and made a face.
"I thought you should tell her," Luka said, answering John's silent question.
"We, uh, work together," John, said, looking around the plush lobby. It was so quiet and John instantly felt at peace.
"A fellow doctor?" She asked, surprised.
"Trauma, Chief Resident," John said while nodding. Dr. Sajak led them to her office.
"Well, John, why don't we get the paperwork out of the way and maybe Luka would be so kind as to give you the tour before he leaves." She looked up at Luka, then to John.
"Uh, sure, if C… John doesn't mind," Luka said, almost messing up.
John glared at him but Dr. Sajak acted as if she didn't hear it. Both men took their seats.
"John," she began, "I can assure you that you have come to the right place."
To be continued………
Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n