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Abby woke to the sounds of someone rummaging through the bathroom. She looked over to John's side of the bed and it was in total disarray. He'd obviously had a hard time sleeping but Abby had slept right through it. She reached for his pillow and it was damp.



"Dammit!" John mumbled, knocking things out of the medicine cabinet, bottles crashing into the sink. Abby crawled out of bed and stood in the bathroom doorway. John was frantically going through the drawers, cabinets, sifting through bottled and boxes.



"John! What are you looking for?" Abby asked.



"I have a fucking headache!" He snapped loudly.



John stood and Abby was shocked to see his face. He was extremely pale and had deep, dark circles under his eyes. He had a panicked look on his face as he shoved past her and stalked to the other bathroom where his search continued.



Veronica was sitting on the couch, watching.



"What should I do?" Abby asked her desperately.



"You need to figure that out." Veronica stated. They could hear more things being knocked over.



"You're not going to help me?" Abby asked.



"No." Veronica stated, returning to her writing. John stormed out of the bathroom into the kitchen, obviously very frustrated.



"Where the fuck is the aspirin?" He yelled, knocking stuff from the cabinets. Abby reached for her purse and pulled out a bottle, and poured two aspirin into her hand. She went into the kitchen and held her hand out. John accepted the aspirin and swallowed them with one quick movement. "Two?" He laughed sarcastically, holding out his hand for more. Abby noticed how much it was shaking. She poured out two more.



"Jeezus, Abby, I think I can get my own aspirin." He took the second two and swallowed them again without water.



"I know you can," she said. "John, you're covered in sweat. Why don't you go take a shower and I'll fix you something to eat."



"I'm not hungry," he said, trying to replace some of the things he'd knocked over. The only thing he managed to do was to knock more things over. "Dammit!" He said angrily.



Abby reached out to him but he jumped away, not allowing her to touch him.



"Don't!" He hissed, backed up against the counter, feeling trapped.



"John," Abby questioned. Veronica was also watching closely. "It's me. What's wrong, Honey?" She asked. His eyes seemed so far away as she stared at him. Finally, they softened and he slowly met her eyes. He looked embarrassed.



"Nothing. I just have a headache," he said quietly, returning to the bedroom. He stopped in the doorway, looking at the bed.



"You okay?" Abby asked, from behind him. She dared to touch his shoulder and he did not pull away.



"Uh, yeah. I'm just tired." He crawled up into the bed, curling himself up.



Abby sat on the edge, brushing his unruly hair down.



"John, do you even remember tearing the bathroom apart looking for drugs?" She asked softly.



He looked at her with such sad eyes. "I'm sorry, Abby." He started to roll over but she stopped him.



"Not accepted," she said, making him look at her. "You don't have anything to apologize for. Good times and bad, remember? Don't roll away from me. I'm not leaving, John. No matter how hard you push." She stated.



He wrapped himself around her, hugging her thigh, laying his head on top of it. "It doesn't get any easier," he said, smirking slightly.



"You haven't seen me at my lowest," she joked, happy to see him smile.



"Sorry to find out I'm not the catch everyone thinks I am?" He asked, wondering how he'd been lucky enough to have Abby.



"I'm just sorry I wasn't willing to see it a year ago. Who knows? We could have been married by now," she said lightly.



His eyebrows shot up. "You'd consider marrying me?" He asked, looking up at her.



"We'll just have to see what my answer is when you get the nerve to ask me, won't we?" She teased. "And I want a diamond. Richard never got me a diamond." She informed playfully.



He nodded. "That won't be a problem." He grinned.



"Now, you need to get some more sleep. Remember, we're having dinner with Veronica."



"I remember." He smiled sleepily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~



Abby came out of the bedroom, quietly shutting the door behind her. Veronica smiled.



"I see you figured it out," she said. Abby joined her on the sofa.



"I guess I did, didn't I?" Abby smiled. She had figured it out all by herself. She knew John better than she'd thought. "I told him I'd marry him." She said, smiling.



"He asked?" Veronica asked, slightly concerned.



Abby shook her head. "Not yet. I just told him when he does, I want a diamond." She laughed.



"Oh, I have a feeling that when he's feeling better, that John is the type of guy who likes to buy gifts." Veronica reassured.



Abby leaned her head on the older woman's shoulder.



"Did you and Brandon have problems?" Abby asked.



"Did? Honey, we still occasionally have problems. We just learned a long time ago how to get through it." She explained.



"Care to share on your wisdom?" Abby asked looking deep in thought.



"Talking," Veronica smiled.



"That's something we've gotten away from." Abby thought about all the conversations they had shared, all the secrets and emotions explored but most of all, the connection that they had. They understood each other. Abby shook her head. "You know what I just don't understand?" Abby asked.



"What's that?" Veronica replied.



"I've been denying it for over two years now and as soon as I told myself it was okay, loving John Carter feels so natural, like I've been doing it my entire life." She smiled.



"Soul mates." Veronica nodded.



"Maybe so."

~~~~~~~~~~~~



"It's eleven," John said, coming up behind Abby.



"I know," she said, restocking the supply cart.



"John, go take a break," Dr. Weaver said; rushing by where they stood.



"Abby, give me a hand." She said, entering one of the exam rooms.



"No basements tonight," Abby whispered.



"I thought you didn't like that," he smiled.



Abby rolled her eyes and followed Dr. Weaver. John smiled as he left for Doc Magoo's.



John sat at the table, lost in thought. He hadn't even touched his sandwich and an un-smoked cigarette lay in the ashtray, ash still intact.



"Carter?" A woman asked. "Carter? Hey, Carter, you okay?" She asked, coming to the table where he sat. She tapped on his shoulder, causing him to jump.



"Oh, hey, Susan," he said, looking up at her.



"What were you thinking about?" She sat down at his table and helped herself to his fries.



"Oh, just stuff," he smiled, pushing his plate towards her.



"You, John Carter, not hungry?" She teased. He shrugged. Susan continued to pick at the food. "So, are you still doing the hypnosis therapy?" She asked.



He looked at her, shocked and a bit angry.



"So, how many other people know?" He asked dryly, picking off a piece of the bun.



"Everyone." She said dryly. His eyes shot up.



"What?" He said abruptly. Susan giggled.



"Jeez, calm down Carter. God, I was just kidding. Get over it. You know you can't hide from us. You're like a little brother, annoying, fun to tease, gullible, you know. People know stuff about you like what position you sleep in and if you snore, and what your favorite candy is, you know, stuff."



"That doesn't mean I still don't have the right to keep my private life private." He said, shaking his head.



"God, we've seen you grow up, John. What, you've been around that ER for a third of your life? That's a long time. You have no private life. You are dating someone from the ER, John. You always date someone in the ER. We are your private life! Sure, we know stuff about you we shouldn't know but that's because we care, John. We care about you." She said, taking his hand.



He looked into her eyes and smiled. "Okay, I guess. So, who all knows about this thing?"



"Uh, just Weaver and me, as far as I know. I found Abby crying in the bathroom stall the other night and she told us what was going on," she explained.



"She was crying?" He asked concerned. He'd never meant to make Abby cry. What had she heard that made her cry?



"She was a mess actually. I guess it was one of your first sessions or something." She shrugged. She looked at him for a minute and she smiled. "So, do you remember anything that happens when you go under?" She asked. He shrugged.



"Veronica wants me to remember. Rather than clear thoughts, it's more like a feeling. It's more like flashes of images, faces, you know, particular events rather than clear recollection. I don't know. It's strange." He tried to explain, knowing he could trust Susan.



"Flashbacks?" Susan asked. Mark had told her that Carter suffered flashbacks after the stabbing incident but Mark had also told Susan to keep an eye on John. Mark was not convinced that Carter was okay but Mark had to deal with his own problems.



"I guess you could call them that." He smiled, a bit embarrassed.



Susan sat for several minutes studying his face before she spoke. She needed to get her nerve up to finally say it.



"I wanted to apologize to you for teasing you about, you know, losing your virginity." She said what she'd meant to say for so long. John was silent for several moments, just smiling at her.



"So, I guess I wasn't the only one acting like a fool that day, huh?" He asked, a slight smirk on his face.



"I guess not," she smiled. "So, you're really not going to eat this?" She asked.



He shook his head. "Help yourself." He offered.



Susan picked up a knife. "Only if you eat half." She cut the burger in half.



He smiled. "Little brother, huh? Does that mean you're like my sister?"



"Oh, eeww, Carter. Don't go there. Eat." She said, picking up the burger and handing him half.



"Thanks, Susan." He smiled, taking a big bite, chewing and showing her what was in his mouth. Susan laughed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~



"You almost ready to go?" Abby asked, coming up behind John at the front desk. He was typing in some results on a patient into the computer.



"Just about. Are you hungry?" He asked, flashing her a warm smile. The front desk area was bustling with activity. The morning staff was just coming in and the evening shift was handing things over. Barely anyone noticed the couple looking into each other's eyes.



"We have leftover chicken I can warm up," Abby suggested, straightening up a stack of charts.



"That'll work," he said, signing off. "Why don't you go punch out and I'll get my bag."



"You know," Susan said, watching Abby watch John. "He's still very much in love with you." Susan said.



Abby continued to watch where he had been. "I know." Abby smiled to herself.



"Hm," Susan nodded. She'd been right. Abby looked like a love struck teenager. John returned from the lounge as Abby clocked out. They began walking towards the door and John subconsciously reached down, letting his fingers interlock with hers.



"Took them long enough," Jing-Mei smiled, watching John and Abby leave. Luka looked up and nodded.

~~~~~~~~~~~~



"So, did Weaver give you your schedule?" Abby asked as John opened the door to their apartment.



"She did." John began the run down of his schedule. "She says she needs me back on days. I'll still get to go in with you tonight at 7pm but she wants me to work until 3pm tomorrow afternoon to adjust. I'm off Wednesday then back-to-back doubles. I'm on Thursday at 7am straight through to Sunday at noon. The good thing is I'm then off until Thursday that week. Something about being short handed. Gallant needs to go to some kind of training at the base." John explained.



Abby shook her head. "That's almost sadistic, John."



"Masochistic. I volunteered for the extra shifts. I figured it was easier to stay than keep going back and forth with just a few hours in between. Besides, I have some time to make up."



"Well, it's no wonder you can't sleep. Me, I'm nights, twelve hours a night for the next two weeks, but I get Fridays off. I guess we should be thankful for the time we've had." Abby said as she pulled the chicken from the refrigerator and set it on the counter.



"So, we should make the next twelve hours count." John winked, hugging her from behind.



"Do you realize this is the first time we've been alone here since we've been together?" Abby said, turning around in John's arms, facing him.



He kissed her gently. "If you let me eat first, I'll make it worth it." He kidded.



"We could eat in front of the fireplace," Abby suggested, caressing his chest. Slowly she loosened his tie and pulled it off. As she started for the buttons of his shirt, John cleared his throat and pulled back.



"Uh, Abby, why don't we toss that chicken in the oven and we can get in a quick shower while it warms up." He shifted his weight between his feet. His erection had completely taken up all the spare space in his slacks and it was uncomfortable.



"John, I didn't mean to do that to you." She smiled.



"Abby, you've been doing it to me for years now." He pulled her in for a passionate kiss. "Right now, I want to make love to you in the shower so one of us had got to put that chicken in the oven." He continued talking as he kissed his way down her neck while gently kneading her breasts.



"We could just have each other for breakfast." Abby moaned.



John chuckled. "Oh, I plan on feasting for at least ten hours." He smiled, his lips suckling her earlobes.



"You think you can last ten hours?" She teased, her fingers outlining the bulge in his slacks.



"I have wonderful recovery time," he smiled.



"What's your record?" She teased, kissing his neck.



"Uh, I think four, but it's been a while. What about you?" He asked, his fingers pulling her top away from her shoulder where he kissed.



"Six, with Luka." She played; knowing she'd get the look John shot her. He quickly smiled.



"Well, we're going to have to do something about that now, won't we?" His hand traveled down her belly and into the tops of her pants. Abby pulled away, laughing.



"Go away! We'll never get to eat if we keep this up," she said, turning on the oven.



John went to the bedroom. "Six, huh?" John yelled from the bathroom.



Abby laughed. "In three hours," she yelled back teasingly.



"With or without foreplay?" John turned the shower on and pulled off his shirt.



"Luka thought foreplay was like the previews at the beginning of videos you rent. You just fast-forwarded past them. Richard, too." Abby said from the doorway. John smiled as he unbuckled his slacks.



"Oh, foreplay is half the fun," he smiled. He slowly slipped his pants down, watching Abby staring at his hands. "Think you can handle five hours of foreplay, Miss Lockhart?" He stepped out of his boxers and stood.



"Only if you can, Dr. Carter." She stepped closer, her hands instantly wrapping themselves around his manhood.



John chuckled. "Oh, you'd be amazed at how long I can delay my release." He kissed her strongly, backing her up against the door.



"Do I hear a challenge?" Abby asked breathlessly.



John nodded and pulled her top off over her head as he continued to kiss every inch of flesh he saw. Abby had her hands entwined in his hair, guiding him where she wanted his mouth, which he obediently obliged. Abby felt her knees weaken as his mouth found her bare breast, his tongue flicking over the hard nipple relentlessly as his hands held her tightly against the door.



"John, wait. Oh, God, that feels good," She gasped as he bit her, hard enough to feel but not hard enough to hurt. Abby had heard of women who were able to reach climax just from breast stimulation but she'd always thought it was just a myth. Luka had tried once but had failed so she figured it was just that, a myth. At this moment though, she was ready to become an evangelist for the cause because she could feel her arousal going to places it had never gone without clitoral stimulation or vaginal penetration. John was switching himself between her breasts, moving just as one became sore and picking up where he'd left off on the other. Upon leaving one, his hand gently caressed the sensitive skin, tenderly making sure she was all right.



"Oh, God, John!" She groaned as she felt her climax surging toward the surface. John's tongue seemed to be going at least a hundred miles per hour, flicking, sucking, and kneading. Suddenly she screamed. "Oh, God, yes!" Her stomach began to spasm and she curled up over his kneeling form. He immediately slowed down, allowing her to ride the crest of her climax but still suckling. Finally, he stood, stretched his back, and smiled.



"Ever done that before?" He kissed her now sweaty forehead, pressing his chest against her tender breasts.



Abby was still breathing hard. "No, that was a first."



"Water's getting cold," John, said as he stood just looking into her eyes, their bodies pressed together.



"Food's getting warm," she smiled back, amazed with how comfortable this felt.



John blushed and he reluctantly pulled away. "Come on, Abby. We'd better get in before it gets too cold." He held his hand out to help her in and stepped in after her.



As Abby stood under the warm spray, John poured out some shampoo and began massaging her scalp, playing with her hair. They were silent, each smiling and relaxed with each other. Abby finished rinsing and she stepped aside for John.



As he lathered, Abby ran her hands delicately across his chest and down to his stomach. Her hand touched his scar and her mind flashed back to that horrible day when he was so hurt. She'd felt so helpless. One minute he was up on the roof giving her advice, Resident to student and the next he was dying.



John opened one eye and saw Abby staring at his stomach. He self-consciously turned around and began to lather up his chest, still uncomfortable with her stares. Abby's hands trailed down his shoulders as she planted little kisses between his shoulder blades, that being about as far as she could reach. Her hands massaged his back, pressing hard into his muscles, hands slick from the soap. John lowered his head into the spray, surprised with how strong her hands could be.



Abby could tell that what she was doing felt great, so she manipulated with more direction. John leaned forward, his forehead leaning against the wall as he moaned softly.



"That feels so good," he mumbled, water spraying down on his shoulders. Abby moved her hands down to his lower back. She rubbed the hard muscles she found there until they loosened. By this time, John was leaning forward, holding onto the sides of the shower for support. Abby moved down to his lumbar region. "Oh, you have good hands, Nurse Lockhart." He kidded, feeling the muscles turn to putty.



"So I've been told." She watched his back and realized the wonderful sight right in front of her. Images of Brandon inside of John that first night made her insides weep. She moved both hands down his cheeks, grasping a hold on the firm muscles she found.



"That's not my back, Abby," he chuckled, the feeling of her hands so close made his arousal grow.



Abby slipped her thumb across his tight opening and she heard him gasp quietly, like he didn't want her to hear that he liked it. She began kissing down his back, one hand caressing his sensitive area right behind his scrotum and her index finger tracing his rectal opening. Abby moaned, feeling his opening contract with anticipation.



"Abby," He gasped as she inserted one finger just barely inside.



"John Carter, I want so badly to be able to please you the way Brandon did." She kissed his back and massaged his scrotum from behind.



John laughed, "I'd be lying if I said I didn't want you to," he admitted. Abby withdrew her hands and he turned around and pulled her close. His erection was standing tall between them.



"You still interested in delaying your release?" She asked, running her hand up his length.



John immediately shook his head. "Uh, no, any time would be fine with me." His voice was strained as he watched her stroke, her tiny hand gently fondling the tip. Just then, the smoke alarm began chirping.



"Oh, damn! The chicken!" Abby said, reaching for a towel. John turned off the shower, also grabbing a towel and they both ran out to find the whole apartment filled with smoke. Abby ran to the oven and pulled the darkened chicken out while John opened the balcony doors so the smoke would have someplace to escape.



"Is it salvageable?" He asked, watching Abby open the waste can and dumping the whole pan into the garbage.



"I'm afraid not," she shrugged. "We still have left over Chinese?" She asked.



John shook his head, "I'm staying right here still it's done then, because I want to eat." He smiled.



To be continued……..
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