"All right, John. We're going to take a little break now, okay? I want you to just relax. You are comfortable and safe, Baby. I'll be right back." Veronica helped him lie down and kissed him on the forehead. Once John was settled, Veronica took hold of Abby's hand and led her out of the room.
"Abby, I think it's a good idea for you to not be in there." Veronica counseled. Abby, who was already crying looked suddenly angry.
"What? You can't do that! John wanted me in there. He said it was okay. Veronica, don't make me leave now. I need to know what else that bitch did to him." Abby spat, her tears now coming from anger. Veronica noticed the clock.
"Honey, I'm going to continue. He's under and at a point in his memory where we can really begin to make progress but you two are supposed to be at work in an hour. I can't let him work tonight. Even if I brought him out now, he'd be emotionally drained and I don't think that's any shape to work in. Besides, he should rest after a session as deep as this one. If he were to go to work, even with a suggestion to forget, he may still remember bits and pieces. He'll still remember the feelings, the emotions and I just think he needs to stay home tonight," Veronica explained. Abby went to the phone.
"I'll call us both in. Weaver knows something's up. She'll understand," Abby said as she dialed the number.
"Uh, hey, Jerry. It's me, Abby. Is Dr. Weaver around?" Abby paused. She looked a bit concerned. "No, that's okay. Look, when she gets done, tell her that neither John nor I will be in tonight." She listened. "Damn it, Jerry! It's none of your business. Just tell her." She hung up the phone.
"Abby, I don't want you to put your job in jeopardy," Veronica warned. Abby shook her head.
"Don't worry about me. Let's just go take care of John," Abby stated. She walked directly back into the bedroom, leaving no other choice but for Veronica to follow.
Veronica sat on the bed and stroked John's hair. He looked as if he were actually an eleven-year-old curled up on his bed. She couldn't help but to smile at the innocence in his face. Abby took her seat again on the other side of the bed. She brushed away her tears and nodded to Veronica, letting her know it was time to resume.
"Okay, John, can you hear me?" Veronica said. He nodded his head. "Do you know where you are?"
"In my room," he said in such a childlike voice. Veronica realized he probably spent the entire time that she and Abby were in the other room stuck in his past.
"How old are you, Honey?" She asked.
"Eleven," he whispered.
"Do you remember what we were talking about?" She asked. John let out a whimper and curled back up into a ball, holding his knees. Veronica gently stroked his arm and moved back to her chair.
"All right, John. Let's move on. Did you say anything about what Nicole did to you?" Veronica asked. John stopped crying. He shook his head.
"No, can't tell. Can't tell anyone. She says I can't. My mom wouldn't understand. They'd send her away. She's mine. They can't send her away," he said, defending Nicole.
Veronica thought this was interesting. "She's yours?" She questioned.
"All mine. She comes to me at night and makes me feel better. She pays attention to me and she loves me," he said.
"Does she still touch you?" She asked.
"Sometimes. She's teaching me how to touch her. She let me touch her booby." He smiled. Abby smiled at the innocence in his voice.
"Do you like it, John?" Veronica had to ask.
"I like her. I like it when she lets me touch her. She's soft," he smiled.
Veronica shook her head. "All right, John, I want you to move on. Move ahead a couple of months." She paused, watching him change his body posture. "Okay, where are you, John?"
"In my room," he said; sounding a bit more scared. His eyes were wide open.
"John, what's wrong? What happened?" Veronica leaned forward. He looked to be in shock.
"She…she…" he stammered.
"What, John? She who?"
"Nicole. She made me…put it…" he managed.
"John, where are your parents?" Veronica asked, wondering how this could have gone on under their nose.
"They're on a business trip. They're always on a business trip," he said, still staring.
"Did you like where Nicole had you put your penis?" She asked. He shook his head violently.
"She said I did it wrong. She said I was a joke. She said I could never please anyone because I couldn't keep doing it." He cried, now sitting up and hugging a pillow, rocking himself.
"What, John? What did you do wrong?" Veronica asked, listening to his quiet humming.
"I ended too soon and she said the woman always ends first. She said I did it wrong. She said that no woman would ever love me if I did it like that," he whimpered softly. "I didn't know what to do. I was so scared. I wanted her to love me." His voice faded. After a few minutes of staring down silently, he sat up straight again. "I never finished before her again, though. I learned how to do it right," he said defiantly.
"Oh, God!" Abby groaned, suddenly standing. Veronica looked at her strangely. "I have to go. I have to…Oh, God." Abby looked visibly upset. She looked at John before getting up and walking out of the room.
Veronica rushed out after her. "Abby! What's wrong?" She questioned the obviously distraught nurse.
"He…um, this morning…he, um," Abby stammered, openly crying and pacing. "We were making love and he…he…I made him climax before me. I wouldn't let him do me because I thought he was just being thoughtful. Oh, God, Veronica," she said, totally beside herself.
"I have to go. I have to go to work. I'm sorry, Veronica. I can't be here. Don't let him know I ran out. I just, I just can't be here right now." Abby babbled as she quickly put on her coat. She stood with her hand on the door. "If he wakes up, tell him I'm sorry." She said as she shut the door behind her. Veronica retrieved the bottle of pills that Kerry had brought over and she returned to the bedroom.
"John, here Honey," she held a glass of water up to his lip. "Take a drink, okay?" He obeyed. "Good. Now, open your mouth, I need you to take this pill, okay?" She asked.
"Like Dad gives Mom?" He asked, looking at her but not seeing her.
"Yes, Honey." Her voice cracked. "Just like Dad gives Mom," she placed the pill in his mouth and she gave him a drink. Once he'd swallowed the pill, he curled back up hugging a pillow.
"All right, John. Now, I need you to come back to me but you're going to come back real sleepy. You just need to take a nap, all right? John, you are a thirty-one year old man. It's Friday evening and you are in the bedroom of the apartment you share with Abby. You will not remember anything that we have talked about. You will feel as if you just nodded off for a few minutes," She said, looking at the clock. Actually several hours had passed by. "Come on, John. I need you to come back to me." She sat on the edge of the bed and began to stroke his face. John slowly uncurled his body and took back on the stance that he had when he first went under.
John stirred, slowly opening his eyes, his focus taking its time to adjust. He looked at Veronica and smiled.
"Hi," he whispered.
"Hi there," she returned the smile.
"I'm so tired," he complained, stretching his back. "Where's Abby?"
"She's in the other room, Honey. Why don't you get some sleep? We'll talk later."
"It didn't work, did it?" He asked, rolling over and closing his eyes.
"Get some sleep," was all she could say.
"Veronica, will you make sure I'm up early enough to get to work?" He mumbled. Veronica looked at the clock. It was almost 10:00 pm.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Katie had been a young girl of 13 who was brought in by her mother. Abby had sat with her and listened to her as she complained of dizziness and overall tiredness along with experiencing vomiting every morning. Tests proved that the girl was pregnant and it turned out that the only possible person to be the baby's father was Katie's own stepfather.
This scenario had hit a little too close to home for Abby as she made her way to the ladies room. Emotionally torn by what she had witnessed with both Katie and of John's hypnotic revelations she rushed to the bathroom where she knelt in the stall and threw up. Ever since she had arrived at work she had managed to put all images aside as she set herself on auto-pilot and went through her shift trying not to think of what had happened to John nearly 20 years ago.
But after caring for Katie and listening to her crying about how she had begged him not to 'touch her' Abby could not fight back the cruel images any longer. She slumped back against the cold tiled wall and rested her head against her knees and cried for John.
"Abby? Is that you?" She heard the soft voice of Susan calling out to her from the other side of the door.
"Yeah, I'll be through in a minute," Abby croaked as she pulled out a handful of toilet paper and blew her nose. She figured that someone would be looking for her eventually but just hadn't been able to manage leaving the comfort that the silent solitude that the tiny room had to offer.
"Are you all right in there? Susan asked with a hint of concern in her voice.
"I thought I heard you crying," Susan's voice was soft and warm as she continued to coax Abby out of the stall and talk to her.
Abby stepped out still wiping the tears from her face as she approached the sink to run some cold water.
After rinsing out her mouth and washing her face see turned and gazed solemnly into Susan's caring eyes. How would she explain what she knew? Should she even say anything? She could not betray John but she felt that if she was going to be any help to him at all that she needed to help herself. She needed to talk to someone. God she needed a drink. But she knew that a drink would not really help, it would only dull the memory temporarily and then she would be right back were she started.
"What is it, Abby? Talk to me," Susan pleaded. Susan had no idea what could possibly be troubling her. It never occurred to her that the fact that John had not shown for his shift and Abby crying halfway through her shift could even be remotely related.
"Susan, do you remember the day of the sexual harassment seminar?" Abby began. Abby had gotten pretty close to Susan since the seminar and she knew how much she cared for John. Susan and John had also become very close and Abby knew that John trusted Susan.
Kerry had been looking for Abby for a while and now it appeared that Susan too, had disappeared. There were still plenty of patients to be seen and this was no time to be hiding out. She had barely opened the door to the ladies room when she heard Abby's tearful question. She stood un-noticed, just outside the room with the door opened just a crack and listened to their conversation.
"Remember what John said about only being 11?" Abby began to cry as Susan wrapped her arms around the crumbling nurse.
"Abby, lets go sit down and talk about this, "Susan suggested as she led Abby into an exam room across the hall.
Kerry acted as though she had just got there as the door opened and the two emerged.
Seeing Abby leaning against Susan pierced Kerry's heart as she realized that something happened on that day that she had sent five of her staff members to a class. She had noticed that Susan and Abby had seemed to form a very close bond between them, as did John and Luka. But the five individuals including Michael Gallant seemed to have a much closer and a more friendly nature towards each other than with any of the rest of her staff members. They seemed to constantly follow each other around like school children, taunting and bantering playfully together as if they had all known each other since birth. More like the way John had always been with Jing-Mei, but he had known her for a very long time and they had grown very close over the years. Close enough that Jing-Mei had felt safe to ask John to be her birthing coach when she found herself alone during that fateful moment in her life. She was deep in thought as she leaned over the bathroom sink to wash her hands.
"Kerry," Susan called out as she entered the washroom. "Abby would like to speak to us together." Kerry quickly followed Susan into the exam room to find Abby curled up on the gurney still weeping.
Abby sat on the edge of the bed as she suggested that they take a seat. "I started to talk to Susan about this but I think it's something that you should know about and I don't want to have to explain it all twice." Abby looked at Kerry as Kerry looked at Susan.
"I guess I should start from the beginning here, Kerry. The day that you sent us all to that seminar the instructor was late."
"Yeah like about 3 hours late," Susan filled in.
"John was in a really pissy mood all day and we, as in Susan and I decided to just ignore him. We all started sharing stories about our past and upbringing etceteras and well somewhere along the way we started discussing when we all lost our virginity."
"What!" Kerry looked at Susan. "I send you all to a sexual harassment seminar and you share stories about losing your virginity?" Kerry shot a questioning glare at Susan then back at Abby. "What were you guys thinking?" She asked.
"We even made it sort of a contest because Luka didn't want to say," Abby paused as Kerry just shook her head in disbelief.
"We told the guys that Susan and I had made a bet, which one of the five of us was the first to loose their virginity," Abby sniffed as she fought back the tears, remembering how innocent and hurt John seemed when his 'true' secret was revealed.
Susan saw that this was difficult for Abby and began to tell Kerry what she could.
"We sort of had to drag it out of John. At first he was trying to ignore us but then he seemed interested in listening when we were telling our stories. At first he didn't say anything but I teased him about still being a virgin. Then he finally said that he was 11 and it was with a 25 year old hired maid." Susan turned toward Kerry and hung her head shamefully.
"11!" Kerry gasped. "Oh my, that poor child." Kerry immediately saw by the looks on their faces that there was more to the story.
"We continued teasing him and Abby asked him if he paid her. When he said that his parents did, Gallant misunderstood and asked him if she was paid to have sex with him. He got pretty indignant and just stated 'to be a maid.'
I told him, 'I hoped that he gave her a hell of a Christmas bonus,' and we were all laughing. He seemed pretty annoyed so we just went on to Luka," Susan explained. "
"You mean even after that you continued?" Kerry was becoming rather angry.
"Luka still didn't want to play but we told him that he didn't have to tell us how old he was, just to confirm that he was older than 11 and we could award the prize to John. Then John piped up with this 'I get a prize?,' so we just all laughed and told him not to let his imagination run away with him. We didn't think anything of it at the time and he didn't seem all that bothered by it." Susan sat quietly while Abby began to finish her side of the story.
"You know that Veronica has been working with John using hypnosis." Abby looked at Kerry and then at Susan. "This entire ordeal was very traumatic for him and we were all laughing and treating it as a joke. I can't help but feel responsible for bringing all this back up to the surface for him," Abby cried. Susan looked just as guilty.
"I am so sorry, Abby," Susan took her hand, "This is partly my fault also. I shouldn't have pushed him to tell."
"Oh, Honey, there is no way that either one of you could have known. If John told you something that personal and that private he must have trusted you, all of you, Michael and Luka also, enough to hope that someone would figure it out and find a way to help him." Kerry spoke softly as she approached Abby and gathered her into her arms in a warm and understanding embrace.
"John never has been able to express his feelings very well or ask for help when he needs it. I'm just glad that Veronica is here to help him." Kerry looked at Abby and saw that look of despair. "You should try and get some rest." She coaxed her to lie down and take a nap.
Susan followed Kerry out and as soon as Kerry closed the door she turned around to Susan, looking around to make sure no one heard she whispered towards Susan.
"So what did Luka say," she asked curiously.
"Kerry! I'm shocked that you would ask me that." Susan pretended to be offended. She stood with her hands on her hips in mocked disgust. She finally smiled and leaned towards Kerry. "His wedding night," she whispered.
"Really!" Now, Kerry was the one truly surprised.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Abby had fallen asleep quickly but it was not a restful sleep. Even in her dreams, she could not shake the images. She had known for quite some time that John would occasionally have nightmares or wake up in the middle of the night unable or unwilling to go back to sleep. She had always assumed that it was because of the stabbing and she would sometimes sit with him to make sure he was all right. But now that she knew that John's nightmares had really began immediately after Bobby's death. The idea that the woman that his family hired to take care of him took her job a little to literally and caused him a lifetime of hurt and pain, made her want to scream. Now she understood why Veronica came out of his room that first night so angry. What had happened to John was unspeakably horrendous and unforgivable.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John rolled over, his body feeling very heavy. He managed to open his eyes as he became aware of the severe headache and the nauseous feeling in his stomach. He tried to lift his head but it was just too heavy to get off the pillow.
"Oh, shit," he groaned, feeling as if a truck had run over him. The nausea was getting stronger and he had no choice but to get up. He swayed and staggered to the bathroom, hanging onto various furniture and the wall for support. His legs were shaking and his whole body was covered in sweat. Barely making it in time, he lurched towards the toilet, collapsed onto the floor and violently vomited into the toilet.
He hung onto the porcelain as his whole body shook. She'd done it again. Veronica had slipped him another Ativan. He turned his wrist and looked at his watch. It was nearly three in the morning. Not only had Veronica drugged him without his consent but also had caused him to miss his shift.
He pulled himself up and managed to stand at the sink. He rinsed his face and mouth and looked at his face in the broken mirror.
"Here we go again," he mumbled, seeing the familiar look in his eyes. His thirst was overwhelming and he drank greedily from the faucet. It was always the same.
John pulled his body up and went to the living room. He needed to see if it was Veronica's decision alone or if Abby had also been in on it.
The living room was totally dark. He listened for any sounds but heard none. He made his way to Abby's old room and opened the door. Veronica lay sleeping in the bed. She shifted hearing him enter.
"John?" She mumbled sleepily.
"Why did you give them to me again?" He asked, knowing he should be upset but it was too much of an effort. Veronica sat up and patted the bed.
"Crawl in here, Baby," she motioned. John did so without hesitating. John curled up as tight as he could next to her, needing the security. Veronica hugged him close.
"It was pretty bad, huh?" he mumbled, holding onto her arm as it draped over his side. Veronica nodded.
"Mm hmm…" she said, kissing his neck.
"Am I going to lose my job?" He asked.
"No, Honey, Kerry and I talked and she'll be okay with it. I didn't tell her what we were dealing with, just that I was working with you," she explained in a whisper. She could feel his body relaxing.
"Where's Abby?" He mumbled.
"She went in to work to give us some privacy."
"How much did she find out?"
"Go to sleep, John. I'd like to have another session in the morning." She asked. His body stiffened.
"Veronica, I can't. I can't do this any more." He shook his head but it was obviously a great effort.
"Honey, you need to continue. We're so close. Baby, I would not feel comfortable with leaving things as they are. Can we try just a few more sessions?" She begged. She couldn't let him stop now. John was silent a few minutes. Veronica thought he might have fallen asleep until he whispered.
"No more drugs," he said sleepily. Veronica hugged him tightly.
"No more drugs, Honey, no more, I promise."
To be continued……….
Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n