John and Abby came out of the bedroom, all clean and dressed, giggling like a couple of school kids. They were laughing about something, playfully tickling and shoving each other.
"I did not," John laughed as Abby pushed him towards the kitchen. Brandon brought his luggage out of the guest room and the young lovers looked up.
"You leaving?" John asked. Brandon nodded.
"Yes, you're both scheduled to work tonight and I have a practice to get back to," Brandon smiled.
"When?" John asked, sounding a bit sad.
"Not until this afternoon. If you two don't mind, Roni is going to stay on for a few days," he said, setting the last bag down.
"Where is she?" Abby asked.
"She went out early. Had some business to take care of but she said she'd meet us for brunch, if you two are up for it?" He smiled.
John felt relief that Brandon wasn't leaving right away. He still felt like he needed some time with his friend but he didn't like how Veronica was planning on staying around for a few days. He was sure he was her reason.
"Uh, sure," Abby agreed, seeing John's apprehension. "I'm starving."
"Sex in the morning will do that to you," Brandon teased as he poured himself another cup of coffee.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
John pushed Abby's chair in for her and sat down. Brandon was already seated and they were still waiting on Veronica to join them.
"Have you ever eaten here before?" Abby asked John, showing him the menu. They were sitting close enough together to share the menu.
"A few times, my grandfather used to come here when we met for lunch." He said, his arm around her back as he looked over her shoulder at the menu.
"Any suggestions?" She said quietly. They were so much more into each other than the menu. John kissed her gently on the neck as he read the day's offerings.
"The grilled chicken is good. So are all of the salads. I'd stay away from the pasta if I were you," he said, pointing to the various items on the menu.
"Well, don't you all look happy this morning?" Veronica stated as she was shown to the table. She looked like a wealthy career woman in her burgundy suit and professional hairstyle. Brandon gave her a kiss of the cheek.
"So, where have you been all morning?" John asked, curious as to what business she had in Chicago.
"I had a meeting with a colleague about a patient. So, what have you kids been up to today?" Veronica met John's gaze and smiled. They both knew she was talking about him.
"Well, these two are breaking in that furniture," Brandon teased, kicking John under the table, trying to keep the mood upbeat.
"It's not the furniture, it's the sheets." Abby stated; squeezing the hand he had draped over her shoulder.
"It's a morning thing," John smiled, kissing Abby's cheek.
The two couples shared a relaxed and friendly brunch, each knowing the other intimately enough to feel comfortable to joke openly. They had developed a strong bond with each other over the last few days and cared about each other deeply.
Brandon had booked a commercial flight at 1pm so after their brunch, John and Abby returned to the apartment while Veronica saw him off at the airport.
During lunch, Veronica had explained that she wanted to stay around for a few more days and work with John. She wanted to continue with the hypnosis and begin to identify issues, sources of stress that had manifested into the problems he was currently dealing with. John agreed to allow Veronica to use her professional judgment and to trust in her as his mental health physician.
Veronica was torn. She enjoyed the relationship that she and her husband had with John, but she also knew she would be the best doctor to try and get at the root of his emotional problems because of this relationship. She would use their personal relationship not necessarily against him but use the intimacy they had developed to understand him. This also meant she was now his doctor and they could no longer share in any future acts of intimacy.
Veronica planned on beginning John's therapy upon returning from the airport. That way, if he was emotionally drained, he could get a nap in before he and Abby had to go to work at seven this evening. She planned on having several sessions with him through the next week, daily or if needed, multiple times a day to try to identify the sources of stress. John was also a bit more willing to figure things out because he needed to feel normal again, even though the idea scared the hell out of him, he trusted Veronica to help him with that.
"Hey, John?" Abby asked after they returned home. They would have about an hour to spend alone together, before Veronica returned.
"Yes?" He popped his head up. He was emptying the dishwasher and putting the dishes away while Abby picked up the living room.
"When Veronica comes back, can I sit in on your session with her?" She asked, holding the feather duster. John looked at her strangely.
"Why?" He asked. She set the duster down and came into the kitchen. They stood together, with their arms wrapped around each other.
"Well, I was thinking. I believe we've already made a commitment to each other that we're in this for the long haul, right?" She said a bit hesitantly.
He smiled, bobbing his head. "I have and it's nice to hear that you have, too." He leaned over and kissed her.
"Well, I have," she reassured him. "If this is for the long run, then shouldn't I know what's going on? I mean, after Veronica goes home, I'm going to be the one dealing with your moods and stuff and I thought it may help," she asked. She saw the unsure look in his eyes, behind the smile.
"It's scary, you know?" He admitted, taking a deep breath and letting it out.
"But I'm here to help you out. We already took a huge step this morning and I think we can take this one together," she explained.
He looked at her confused. "What step did we take this morning?" He asked.
"No condom?" She gently reminded him.
"Oh, yeah," he blushed instantly. "So, I guess we did take that step, huh? That's a big one."
"John, I'm not ready to have kids with you or anyone yet," she said.
He nodded his head in agreement.
"But I am on birth control and I trust you. You're not planning on sleeping with anyone else, are you?" She asked.
He made a funny face. "Abby, did you forget about the other couple we just spent the past couple of days with?" He reminded her.
"Well, of course not, silly but when it's just us. I don't think we need it. As long as we continue to use it when we're with them, I think we're okay. I mean, you don't plan on bringing anyone else into this little family thing, do you?"
"Uh, no. What about you? Don't you want to invite Luka over for dessert, huh?" He teased back.
"You'd like that, wouldn't you?" She poked his stomach.
John shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. "Uh, I don't think I could handle that." He laughed.
"So, what do you think?" Abby said, both getting serious again.
"Abby, I'm scared to find out what's in my head. I've been through some shit and I'm not overjoyed about bringing it all up again but I trust you. If you feel like you need to know what's going on, then I can live with you being there, as long as you promise not to hate me if you find out something ugly. I'm not an angel." He said hesitantly.
"John, maybe for our ten year anniversary, I'll let you see me hypnotized and let you in on some of my deep, dark secrets." She grinned and then kissed his chin.
"Ten years, huh? Whatever shall we do on our fiftieth anniversary?" he teased. Abby pulled away.
"I gotta finish dusting." She hesitated going back to the living room. She liked standing here in his arms too much. John followed her, also not wanting her to leave. He wrapped his arms around her waist and they fell together over the back of the couch.
"Forget about the cleaning," he insisted, kissing her softly. "I have a better way to begin the next fifty years."
Veronica came in the front door and laughed when she saw the couple embraced on the couch, making out like a couple of high school kids. As soon as they heard her, they abruptly pulled away from each other, sending John crashing down to the floor.
"You two are something else," Veronica laughed. "I don't know how they'll take it at the hospital with you two touching each other constantly." She took her shoes and jacket off, making herself comfortable. Abby and John both laughed.
"We have to get it in now because we both get to pull 12 hours shifts tonight." Abby said, picking herself up and holding her hand out to John.
"So, you ready to get started?" Veronica asked John.
"Uh, Veronica? I asked John if I could be there and he agreed," Abby stated. Veronica looked at John for several moments.
"Are you sure?" She asked. "I wouldn't advise it, John." She totally disagreed with Abby being present. They were beginning a new relationship and she'd already seen disturbing things.
"Yes, I am," John nodded. He put his arm around Abby. "She's already been there for a lot of the bad stuff and she feels that she needs to know. We've made a commitment to each other to see this through." John looked into Abby's eyes.
"Well, then, I think we should get started. John, I'd like you to go change into some sweat pants or flannel pants and a T-shirt. I want you to be completely comfortable for this while I talk privately to Abby." Veronica instructed.
John nodded hesitantly.
"Go. It'll be fine," Abby kissed him on the forehead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Okay, Abby, I need to fill you in on what I've learned already," Veronica sat the young nurse down at the kitchen table while John changed.
"I have spent the morning with Kerry Weaver and she has filled me in on a few things. While he was under yesterday, the first memory he went to was the stabbing. I can certainly understand that because I believe that event changed him deeply and the subsequent chain reaction. I do not believe, however, that that is where his problem started." She explained.
"His brother dying," Abby stated, thinking that this was the first problem.
"I think that definitely plays a part, but again, I don't believe that's the reason he's having such a difficult time. It's much more complicated than that. There's something about a Nicole when he was fourteen. He was at a party at his grandparent's home and she gave him a special birthday present. He said since Bobby's death, they don't celebrate his birthday anymore." Veronica explained as much as she could of John's previous session.
"That sounds like his family. John hates it when people remember his birthday," Abby stated.
"Well, it sounded like he had to be convinced because he was afraid of his mother finding out. It sounded like she broke his heart. I guess he was in love and she wasn't."
"Now, that sounds like his life," Abby stated.
"What do you mean?" Veronica asked.
"Okay, from what I understand, every woman John has ever been with or dared to have feelings for has left him for one reason or another. Mark once told me that he'd been in love, like totally in love a few times and always ended up broken hearted," Abby explained.
"Yeah, Kerry echoed the same feeling. Also, he used to get beat up a lot in boarding school. I mean, brutally. He said he ended up in the hospital once. Brandon and I had actually witnessed this when he stayed with us. We tied him up and he panicked. We couldn't get any further yesterday because he froze up on me. He curled into a little ball and cried. Abby, I get the feeling he had been hurt very badly, primarily by the women in his life. I have the feeling this happened before his past relationships. Abby, I think John was sexually abused," Veronica shared.
At this piece of information, Abby felt her stomach turn. She remembered the seminar and had since then had the same feeling.
"Do you know about when he lost his virginity?" Abby asked.
Veronica shook her head as Abby cleared her throat.
"When we attended the sexual harassment seminar, we were all really bored because the instructor was late. John was such an asshole that whole day. There was Susan, Luka, and a new med student named Michael Gallant, John, and me. We were sitting around swapping stories about when we all lost our virginity. It was light and we were laughing. John told us he was 11 and it was to a 25-year-old maid. You know, at the time, we teased him because we thought he was just trying to one up Luka. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt bad. I have asked him about it a few times but he won't talk about it." Abby explained.
Veronica wrote a few notes on a pad of paper.
"He wouldn't admit that as his story of losing his virginity if he was abused," Veronica thought aloud. "That must not be it," she tapped her pen on the pad, obviously deep in thought.
John emerged from the bedroom dressed in a pair of flannel pajama bottoms and an oversized Bulls T-shirt.
"You ready?" He asked.
"Sure, Honey," Veronica looked up at him and smiled.
"Abby, let's go into the bedroom and have John lie on the bed." The women got up and they all moved to the bedroom. John climbed on top of the bed to lie down.
"Abby, I want you to help place pillows around his entire body. Tuck them in tightly because this reiterates the feeling of security," she explained. Abby did as she was instructed.
"You sure you want to be here?" John whispered as she tucked one around his shoulder. Abby smiled and kissed him softly.
"I want to be here," she said. She finished tucking and then she sat on the edge of the bed, her hand on John's chin.
"Abby?" Veronica stated, seeing Abby. "I need you to go sit in the chair."
"But, I want to be touching him," Abby protested.
Veronica shook her head. "Have you ever seen anyone under hypnosis?" She asked.
Abby shook her head. "No."
"John will be experiencing things as if he were going through them all for the first time. That means he'll kick, grab, yell, and even cry. I need you to stay back and over on that chair while he's under. Do not get up for any reason. I mean it." Veronica warned.
John nodded to Abby to let her know he was okay with that. Abby reluctantly went to the chair.
Veronica moved her attention back to John. "Hi, Baby. You ready for this?" She gently stroked his face, tracing his outline and features.
John smiled up at her. "You spent the morning with Kerry," he whispered.
"I did," Veronica acknowledged. "All right now. John, I want you to concentrate on my fingers. Just relax and only feel the warmth coming from my fingers. I want you to hand over your trust. Hand me your trust and we can begin this journey. You know I will love you no matter what, right?" He nodded slowly. "All right, John. Concentrate on my…"
John felt himself floating in water, no light, nothing touching him, no noise except Veronica's smooth voice. His body was relaxed and he felt his mind clear.
"John, can you hear me?" Veronica asked after a few moments.
"Yes," he said quietly.
"John, this is Veronica. Can you tell me where you are?" She asked.
"Our apartment," he said calmly.
"Who is 'our'?" She asked, glancing at Abby.
"Mine and Abby's," he smiled, his eyes still closed.
"John, can you tell me what day it is?" She asked.
"Friday," he stated, his voice void of emotion.
"All right, John. Now we're going to slowly go back in time into your past. I need you to be totally honest with me. Will you be honest with me?" Veronica asked, moving off the bed and taking a seat in a chair she'd brought in from the kitchen.
"I will be honest," he mumbled.
"All right then. John, I'd like you to tell me about your family. What kind of relationship do you have with your family?" She asked.
"They hate me," John frowned. "They wish I wasn't around," He said.
Abby sat up a bit straighter as she listened to John.
"Your own family hates you? What makes you think that, John?" Veronica questioned.
"I'm not like them. They expected more from me but I failed them. No matter how hard I try, I'll always be the outsider," he said.
"What about your grandmother? John, your grandmother cares about you, doesn't she?" She asked. John shook his head.
"Only when it's going to benefit her," he said. "They only see me as a failure," he continued.
"Why do they see you as a failure, John? You're a doctor," She continued to question his observation.
"I was never good enough, never smart enough. I ruin everything I touch. I killed people," He said. "I should have died, not Bobby. He was their son. He was the one they were proud of."
"John, I want you to go back to when Bobby died. What was it like for you?" She asked. John curled up on his side and cried quietly. Abby's heart broke when she heard him crying like a child. Veronica let him remain there for several minutes.
"John, how old are you?" She asked.
"Eleven," he whispered.
"Why are you crying?" She asked.
"My brother died today," he sobbed.
"Where are you right now?"
"In my room."
"Where's your mother?" Veronica asked.
"Her room. Dad gave her some pills to sleep. All she does is cry."
"Who's taking care of you, John?"
"Nicole," he said.
Veronica raised her eyebrows at the mention of Nicole, as did Abby.
"It's her job to watch after me and keep me away," he explained.
"Keep you away from whom?" Veronica looked towards Abby as they shared a confused look.
"From everyone. I'm in the way. I'm always in the way," he said, calming down.
"Where's Nicole now?" Veronica asked.
"She's sitting here next to me. She's holding me in her lap and she's patting me on the back," he said. "I fell asleep."
"John, can you go forward a few months and tell me if there are other times that she does this?" Veronica asked.
There was a long silent as if John was thinking. "Yes, since Bobby died she comes in my room every night," John smiled innocently.
"Did she ever do anything that you didn't want her to do?"
Suddenly, John rolled onto his other side.
"Don't!" He said weakly, jerking his body away.
"What's wrong, John?"
"She touched me…" He said, starting to sound frightened.
"Where did she touch you, John?" She asked.
"No, I don't like it. Please don't," he whimpered. He sucked in his breath. "Please stop," he twisted around on the bed, pulling his legs up, rocking and humming softly to himself.
"What is Nicole doing, John?" She asked trying to remain calm. It made her heart break to watch him crying.
"Her hand is on my…Oh, please stop," he begged, sounding so pitiful. "I won't tell. Just please stop." He stopped suddenly, his body stiffening. Then he curled back up and began to weep.
Abby turned to the window, her stomach sick and the tears streaming down her face. So, that was how he lost his virginity, at the hands of his 25-year-old caretaker Nicole. Just the thought of it made her sick.
To be continued……….
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