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"John?" Veronica said calmly as she came into the bedroom. She saw him roll away from the door. She shut the door quietly behind her and walked to his side of the bed. She pulled his hand into her lap. He resisted but he finally gave in.



"Abby is calling Kerry. You want to tell me what happened?" She asked, checking the wound. He definitely needed stitches.



"No," he said quietly, his face buried in the pillows.



"Abby said something about voices. Have you heard voices before, John?" She asked. He lifted his head.



"I'm not crazy, Veronica," he said.



"I know that you aren't crazy. I would like you to talk to me, though. I do know what I'm talking about here, Honey." She coaxed him to turn over and look at her. He did so reluctantly.



"Why do I hear them, then?" He asked. She stroked his face.



"What do they say?" She asked tenderly. He squeezed his eyes shut.



"They say things like I don't deserve her and how I'm always going to be alone." He admitted. Veronica thought for a minute.



"John, has anyone ever told you those things before?" She asked. Instantly, she saw something flash in his eyes. She had seen this so many times before in her patients, the look of total fear and clarity, of a painful memory as John curled up, wrapping himself around her body.

~~~~~~~~~~~~



Abby jumped at the sudden knock on the door. Brandon got up to answer it.



"Hello, you must be Kerry. I'm Veronica's husband, Brandon." He shook her hand.



"Nice to meet you." Kerry walked in and let Brandon take her coat.



"Oh, Abby." Kerry walked over to where Abby sat, her face puffy from tears and a pile of tissues next to her.



"Thank you for coming so quickly." Abby accepted the warm hug from her supervisor.



"Where is he, Honey?" Kerry asked, stroking Abby's hair.



"He's in the bedroom with Veronica. She's been in there for some time." Abby explained, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the warmth she felt from Kerry. Abby pointed to the door. Kerry stood and carried her medical bag towards the door, taping on it with her crutch.



"John?" She called softly. A few moments later, the door cracked open and Kerry went inside.



John was wearing a pair of sweat pants and an old t-shirt, leaning up against the headboard, pillows behind him and on both sides. He looked totally drained but still attempted a smile when he saw her.



"Hey," he whispered, his throat hoarse from emotion.



Veronica stood at the end of the bed, also looking tired. She gave Kerry a hug.



"Can I look at your hand, John?" Kerry asked as she slowly approached the bed. He nodded like a small child as he held out his hand.



Kerry carefully unwrapped the bloody towel and handed it to Veronica. She took the towel to the bathroom and quickly returned with a washbasin of warm water and set it on the nightstand to clean John's hand. He instinctively put his hand in the water.



"Okay, John." She smiled, reaching into her bag and put gloves on. She washed the cuts in the warm water as Veronica stood by with a clean towel. Once clean and dried, Kerry held his hand gently on the nightstand and filled the syringe with local anesthetic. "This will sting." Kerry warned. John chuckled.



"Kerry, I know what you're doing." He said lightly, flashing her a heart-melting smile. Veronica laughed.



"That's the first smile I've seen on your face today, John Carter." She kidded. He looked up at her and smiled again.



"What did you punch, John?" Kerry asked. John shrugged.



"I think it was in the bathroom. Don't know what," he said.



"The mirror," Veronica informed.



"Shit, I really liked that mirror," he said quietly.

~~~~~~~~~~~~



Kerry finished with the stitches and Veronica walked her to the door.



"Thank you, Kerry, I'm glad you were the one to come." Veronica smiled, kissing Kerry on the cheek.



"Uh, Roni, I also brought this." Kerry handed Veronica a bottle. "I've seen John like this before." She said quietly so Abby wouldn't hear. "I didn't say anything in front of him because he'll refuse. If he really is having flashbacks, he's going to be awake for the next few days because he gets scared to sleep. He has a tendency to wander. Slip him one of these and he should sleep through the night. If you tell him about it, he'll refuse. If it helps, tell him I left them." Kerry explained.



"Thanks, Kerry. What is it? Ativan?" Veronica asked, looking at the bottle.



Kerry nodded. "Yeah, just a few to get him through this," she said.



"Do you know if he's ever been hypnotized?" Veronica asked.



Kerry shook her head. "I don't think so, you going to try it?" She asked, knowing that Veronica used hypnotherapy quite often.



"Yes I think that I'd like to try to," Veronica answered.



"Call me tomorrow and let me know how he's doing." Kerry walked towards the door. She stopped and turned around. "Abby, if your cold gets worse, you may have to stay home a few more days." She winked.



"Thank you, Dr. Weaver." Abby smiled at Kerry's discreetness.



Veronica informed Brandon that she would need several hours with John and that maybe it would be a good idea for him to take Abby to the movies or someplace outside of the apartment. Abby didn't want to leave but John assured her he was okay. They kissed softly and Abby left.



"All right, John. This is how this will work." Veronica handed him yet another pillow. She had him lying on his bed, on his back, surrounded with pillows. They were touching every inch of his body, encasing him in safeness and security.



"You're not going to have me cluck like a chicken every time I hear a siren, are you?" He kidded lightly.



Veronica laughed. "You'd better take this thing seriously or I'm going to do something much worse." She kidded back.



John put on a serious face, surprised by how comfortable he was.



"You ready?" Veronica asked.



"Let's do this." He nodded.



John had never been hypnotized before but Veronica explained that she'd had much success with it in her harder to reach clients. For so many, the root of most of their problems had been shoved aside and denied for so long that many people didn't have the first clue as to how their problems began. Veronica had a feeling that to get to the root of John's psyche, she would have to use drastic measures.



John felt his body disappear as he began floating. His line of vision became 360 degrees as he felt himself floating higher. He looked around and all he could see was light, soft, warm light enveloping his body, taking him for a ride. He felt totally at peace – relaxed, calm, and rested. It was a wonderful feeling.


Suddenly, John's back arched as the pain shot across his face as he cried out. Veronica could see instant sweat breaking out on his forehead and upper lip as his entire body stiffened.



"My back!" He cried, obviously in severe pain. He sucked in his breath and stared straight ahead, looking at something in his mind. "Lucy!" He cried, almost a whisper.



"John, were you stabbed?" Veronica asked. He nodded painfully.



"Who's there for you, John? Who's helping you?" She asked. It wasn't all that surprising to her that this had been the first thing his mind had jumped to. So much about him was defined in this instance.



"I don't know, I don't…uh… Deb? Deb is there. Abby. Luka, oh, God, they're all there. Kerry, where did Kerry go? Where's Lucy? Oh, God, Benton looks scared. Oh..." He was silent. "I can see her. They're working on Lucy. She can't see me. Oh, God, they had to tube her. Oh, the blood. Oh, God, I'm going to be sick!" He groaned, rolling over quickly and vomiting into the trashcan that Veronica had grabbed quickly. He collapsed back on the bed, holding his stomach, his mind locked into the past.



"John? John, it's Veronica, Honey. I need you to leave the emergency room. You were never stabbed, John. I need you to go before the stabbing, before County. What was John Carter like before the hospital?" She spoke so calmly and soothing. John was silent for several minutes.



Then, he saw himself in bed. He looked around the room, trying to place where he was. As his body emerged with the image he saw, he suddenly felt everything as the memories began flooding his head.



John's body jerked and he sat up suddenly. Veronica sat on the edge of the bed, trying to keep him calm.



John could hear her in the bathroom, taking a shower. He rolled over, the familiar sick feeling in his stomach. He'd managed to do it again.



"Oh, God." John moaned, rolling onto his side, holding his stomach. Veronica was worried.



"John, what's wrong? Where are you?"



"Shh. She'll hear you," he warned.



"Who?"



"Kate. I mean, Mrs. Thomas, my Instructor," he mumbled, barely over a whisper. "She said my paper wasn't good enough. She said I didn't work hard enough. I worked for three days on that paper. I know it was good enough but she said it wasn't. She said this was the only way to pass the course and I did. I did it again and she'll pass me now. She said she would." He mumbled.



"John, how old are you?' Veronica asked.



"Seventeen. I finally told my dad I wanted to be a doctor and they laughed at me. Mrs. Thomas said this was the only way to get her recommendation and I did it. They'll let me in now. Shh. She's coming back." He rolled back onto his side.



"Okay, now John. This is Veronica. I want you to leave Mrs. Thomas's bedroom and I need you to go back further. I need you to find your way back further." She coaxed. John's body relaxed and his facial expressions changed. Veronica studied his face.



"John, where are you?" She asked.



"My Gamma's. They're having a party." His voice was so solemn and monotone.



"You don't like the parties?" She asked.



"No," he answered with the same emotionless voice.



"How old are you, John?" Veronica asked.



"Fourteen. It's my birthday," he stated.



"Is this your birthday party?" Veronica asked, hoping to register some kind of emotion. His face remained still.



"No. They don't care about my birthdays anymore. Not since Bobby died. I don't have birthdays anymore," he stated. Suddenly, he sucked in air, as if surprised.



"What is it, John? What's wrong?" She asked. John shook his head.



"No, I don't want to now. My mom is here," he whimpered, trying to back away.



"Who, John? Who wants you to do what?" Veronica asked, gently stroking his arm.



"She wants to give me a birthday present," he smiled warily.



Veronica watched him closely for several minutes, jotting down notes and actions, watching closely. She watched as he began to cry.



"What's wrong, John, why are you crying?" She asked.



"She doesn't love me." He managed to get out through choked tears.



"Who, Honey? Who doesn't love you?" Veronica's heart broke. She'd never heard him sound so hurt.



"Nicole," he stated, hugging one of the pillows. Veronica jotted down the name.



"Okay, John. Nicole hasn't hurt you. I need you to leave this time and I want you to go back to boarding school, can you do that? I need you to tell me what boarding school was like." Veronica instructed. His tears subsided and John took on a child-like posture. Veronica watched his face seem to lose the age and return to its innocence. John smiled like he was being sneaky. Veronica couldn't help but to smile with him.



"Where are you, John?" She asked.



"Shh. I'm hiding." He giggled, almost hiding under the pillows.



"What are you hiding from, Johnny? Are you playing hide and go seek?" She asked.



"I'm not a baby," he growled at her.



"How old are you?" Veronica asked.



"Twelve," he stated proudly.



"Where's your brother, Bobby?" She asked. John's face became sad.



"He died." A little voice answered. "He died and Grandpa said we had to come here," he explained.



"Who's we?"



"My sister, Barbara, silly. They said we were in the way. Mom's too sad to play with us," he said.



"Do you see your sister?" Veronica asked.



"No. She's with the bigger girls. They don't like me hanging around. They call me stupid," he said.



"So, whom are you hiding from?" Veronica asked.



"The boys. They like to beat me up. I even ended up in the hospital one time but I'm doing better. Dad called me," he explained.



This bit of information caused Veronica to remember something.



"John, when they beat you up, do they tie you up?" She asked.



He nodded furiously. "I can't get away but this time I did. This time I got away." He smiled a childlike grin.



Veronica was happy for him. This time, Johnny got away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~



Abby and Brandon returned to the quiet apartment. They'd gone to see a movie but neither one even remembered which one because they had both been too occupied with their own thoughts to notice. Abby silently went to the refrigerator, got two waters, and joined Brandon on the couch.



"So, you think they're still at it?" She asked quietly.



"Veronica has done many of these. She usually spends hours at a time, for weeks. It's usually hard to find out what the problem is right away. It's not going to be over tonight. It's pretty draining for the patient to experience the memories and emotions over again. She says it's like them experiencing it for the first time." Brandon rattled. He'd seen his wife after many of these sessions and he didn't like what they did to her much less imagining what her patients went through.



"Do they remember? You know, after they wake up? Is it all new again?" Abby asked. She couldn't imagine how hard that would be to function properly if they had to experience the pain all over again through therapy.



"Depends on the suggestion she gives them. I think they all remember some degree of it, though. Roni tries to get them to deal with it differently, in a healthy manner so that they can put it behind them and move forward." He explained.

~~~~~~~~~~~~



"John, can you hear me?" Veronica asked, touching his sweat covered

T-shirt gently. John was lying in a curled up ball, soaked, shaking as he clasped his arms over himself, protectively.



"Yes," he whispered quietly.



"Where are you?" She asked. She could hear him humming softly as he rocked. "Johnny?" She asked, getting close to his ear. He jerked from her touch.



"Don't touch me," he mumbled. "Please don't touch me, just please don't touch me," he mumbled, rocking and crying silently.

~~~~~~~~~~~~



Brandon and Abby were startled when Veronica suddenly came out of the bedroom, slammed open the arcadia door, stood on the balcony, and screamed to the skies.



"Why!" She yelled, releasing all her frustration to God or whatever higher entity existed in the skies, looking down upon all the hopeless people on the planet. Brandon instantly ran to her side.



"My God, Roni. What's wrong?" He held her by the upper arms, looking at her drained, tear-covered face. Abby held her arms over her chest. She knew what was wrong; she felt it in her heart and began to cry.



To be continued…………
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