So far, John was having a day from 'The Horrors of ER Hell!' He was in a bad mood to begin with but everyone he came across so far seemed to be angry or impatient about something. For the sake of his patients he had managed to put up a good front but he was beginning to lose his cheery bedside manner.
"I need restraints in here, now!" John yelled as he and Malik tried to hold the combative patient down. "Sir, you’re going to have to stop moving!" John stated through gritted teeth. The angle he was in and the amount of strength he was using was causing a horrible cramp in his back.
“You want some Haldol?” Malik asked; this guy was even able to fight against the much stronger nurse.
“Don’t let go, Malik! I can’t hold him by myself!” John yelled back. The patient managed to get an arm free and his fist came down on John’s back with a mighty force. "Ah!" John collapsed to the ground.
"Oh, my God! Carter, are you okay?" Lydia asked, seeing the pain on his face. Finally, Haleh ran in with the needed drug.
"I'm fine!" John stated angrily as he stood, took the syringe, and jammed it into the patient's arm.
"That ought to hold you." Malik said, feeling the man go limp under his hold. John limped away, tearing his gown off angrily. He was concentrating on getting his left foot completely to the ground. The guy had hit the exact spot where he'd been stabbed.
"Malik, get another doc in here." Haleh suggested, seeing John's face.
"I'm fine!" John returned to the patient and began checking him over. He did his best to hide the fact that he could not get his left leg to extend completely. "Malik, get an IV set up and get those test results. Let me know when they come back." John slung his stethoscope over his neck and limped out of the room.
~~~~~~~~~~
Abby found John standing outside in the ambulance bay, smoking a cigarette. Sure, he had quit but he occasionally just needed one.
"Those things will kill you," Abby said, coming up behind him. John held his cigarette out and she took a drag.
"So will these patients," He replied solemnly.
"Malik told me what happened. Are you okay?" She asked, gently touching his back. He jerked away like her hand was fire.
"Jeezus, Abby!" He grumbled. Her hand felt like a razor. "It hurts, okay?"
He moved a few steps away from her.
"Should you ask to go home?" She asked. John had woken up in a bad mood today and this didn't help. The fact that he was on for a double also didn't make his mood any better.
"I'm fine." He stated. Abby held onto his forearms, forcing him to look at her.
"Carter, I know you," She affirmed. His self-built wall crumbled. Abby could always see right through him. He smirked.
"Really. I'm okay. It hurts but I'm okay to work." He admitted.
"How bad does it hurt?" She asked, releasing his arms. He laughed, running his fingers through his hair.
"Scale of 1-10? How's 99 sound?” He only half kidded. "Really, though, not that bad, Abby, I'm okay." He laughed. She put her hand on his shoulder.
"Good. We've got patients to see." She led him back inside and back to work.
~~~~~~~~~~
Several hours later it was finally the bewitching hour and time for Abby to get out of the hospital. This day had been hard, having had every nutcase and weirdo in the city needing something from them. Their supplies were low; they were short-staffed and tempers were quick to flare. She was actually very thankful to be a nurse today. Seemed there were always plenty of nurses.
"How much longer you on for?" Abby saw John come into the lounge and get a cup of coffee. He groaned.
"Weaver just extended my stay. I have another sixteen hours because they're short tomorrow. I forgot that when I took this 'Chief' position, that it meant filling in for everyone." He wearily complained; sipping the hot paste someone called coffee.
"How's your back doing? You were limping pretty bad there for a while." She asked.
"It's all right. I'm just tired. That patient hit me and I had this really weird flashback but it's really not that bad." He admitted.
"No painkillers?" She had to ask. He looked at her.
"You think I want to go back to Atlanta? No, Abby. No Vicodin, no Demerol, not even Tylenol. It's fine. I just need to get some sleep." He finished his coffee.
"Well, if you say so. Just keep thinking of your few days off. I hardly ever get two off in a row." She smiled, noticing how tired he already looked.
"You could always go back to med school," he teased. Abby groaned.
"I left a container of lasagna from the other night in here for you. Don't forget to eat it." She headed towards the door.
"Thanks, Abby. See you tomorrow." He smiled, returning to work.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
With the evening sun, the ER was taken over by several major traumas. They seemed to come in one right after the other, taking its toll on the entire staff. Just as they felt a break coming when they could grab another coffee or rest for a few minutes, another rolled in. By the time people began coming on for their morning shift, John was exhausted and his brain was overworked. His back throbbed and all he wanted was five minutes of peace and quiet.
"Carter, why don't you go lie down in exam four?" Kerry suggested as yet another gurney was wheeled upstairs. She'd seen John limping earlier and although he handled himself quite well, she could tell he was acting mechanically.
"I'm fine, Kerry. Just a little tired." He stretched his back a bit, grimacing as the pain shot down his leg.
"Go lie down and that's an order, Carter. Most of us are getting off soon and you've still got a ways to go. Take advantage." She scolded, pushing him towards the empty room.
"Get me if another comes in, all right?" He protested slightly.
"We will." She stated. As soon as he was in the room behind closed doors, she turned to Randi. "No one wakes Carter unless they have to, all right? Let him get at least a couple hours uninterrupted."
"Sure thing, Dr. Weaver." Randi snapped her gum.
As soon as his head hit the pillow, he knew that he wouldn't be able to sleep. Exhaustion had taken over his body and he was unable to physically move but sleep would not be a visitor. His mind was on overload as he replayed the faces repeatedly. The visions of the blood, the injuries, the pain, and most of all, the screams continued to replay in his mind. He could hear them blaring in his head. He held his hands to his ears, begging them to stop. The eyes pleading with him, the doctor, to make it all better, to take the pain away. He felt the first tear and cursed his head. Try as he may, he knew it had come back. All the anguish and heartache welled up inside of him and took his rational side over. He covered his head with the pillow and cried.
A half an hour later and more drained than before, he finally emerged. His first stop was the bathroom to wash his salty face and make sure his eyes weren't too swollen. After all, it was all right to break down but he didn't want anyone to know about it. He strolled out to the admit desk and began looking at the board.
"You're supposed to be sleeping." Randi came up behind him.
"I can't sleep. Got anyone you need me to see?" He asked.
"Weaver's outside waiting for an overdose," She said. John nodded and walked towards the ambulance bay. Kerry caught sight of him immediately as he stepped through the doors.
"John, we got this. Go back to sleep." She insisted.
"I can't." He shrugged as the ambulance pulled up. She looked at the dark circles under his eyes and shrugged.
"All right then, as long as your back is okay. Why don't you take this?" She stepped back as the ambulance doors swung open. John kicked into doctor mode.
"Okay, what have you got?" He said, running along side of the gurney.
"28 year old male found in his bathtub. Slit his wrists and took a bottle of Valium…" The paramedic rattled off as they ran inside.
~~~~~~~~~~
John worked furiously on the overdose but with no luck. He tried everything he could think of to help the man but the blood loss mixed with the drugs had won the battle. He looked into Kerry's eyes; her face telling him it was time to stop. He glanced at the clock.
"Stop compressions." They watched as the heart monitor showed a flat-line. "Time of death, 6:32." He sighed, holding up his hands. Kerry could see exhaustion all over his face; the lines etched like scars around his eyes.
"You did all you could, John," She reassured him.
"It wasn't enough though." He tried to smile but was too tired. He stripped off his gloves and gown. Kerry followed him out of the trauma room.
"John, go lie down. You're exhausted." She placed a hand on his shoulder as the nurses left the doctors alone for a few minutes. Kerry's look had made it very clear she needed a few minutes alone with Dr. Carter.
"I couldn't sleep if I tried." John stated, running his hands through his hair.
"Come on." She took a hold of the front of his lab coat and began leading him towards an empty exam room.
"Dr. Weaver, I'm fine, really," He protested, touched by Kerry's warmth. Occasionally she really surprised him. Their friendship was very strong; having grown so when he had rented her basement but things at work were usually kept on the professional level. Every once in a while, she would do something that reminded him that she did indeed care about John, the person.
"Lie down on your stomach and turn your head to the side, Dr. Carter." Kerry said, bringing him into a dark exam room and shutting the door. John obeyed her request.
"It's not going to work, Kerry." He said as he lay as instructed. Kerry went to the lounge for a few seconds and returned with a heat pack. She sat on the bed next to him and placed a towel and then the heat pack under his lab coat on his lower back.
"Hush." She said, beginning to stroke the side of his face. He smiled.
"Roxanne told you about that, didn't she?" He smirked. One of the few ways he could be put to sleep was to have his face slowly stroked, fingers running gently over each feature, lulling him into a relaxed state. She smiled.
"Lie still and relax." She whispered, running her fingers lightly across his forehead. Up close, his skin was so flawless and Kerry was reminded just how attractive he truly was.
"Should I be worried?" He snickered, relaxing to her touch.
"I've known many intimate things about you for years, John, and it hasn't changed anything. I am worried about your back." She stated.
"Kerry, it's fine. I just have been on my feet a lot today and haven't been bending right. It's fine."
"John, I've noticed you've been a little moody today and your back flares up with your moods. Are you sure you're okay?" She asked, hoping for an honest answer. John was touched by her concern. He reached up and took a hold of her hand and kissed it.
"Really, Kerry. I'm doing okay."
"I have to believe you, John. I can tell you're overly tired and you cannot treat patients being this way. You've already been on for a very long time and you've got a long way to go." She said, running her fingers along the outside of his face. She could see the muscles relaxing.
"You don't have to do this, Kerry. Besides, you're off work. You should go home." He mumbled, feeling himself falling into a deep sleep.
"Don't worry about me, John. Just go to sleep." She smiled, seeing his eyelids fluttering. She stayed for several moments, watching him fall deeper. She was actually surprised with how easy it had been to get him to sleep. He must have been more tired than she thought. After several minutes, she slowly stood and returned to the admit desk.
"How'd the night shift go, Kerry?" Dr. Kovac asked, just coming on for his shift.
"Extremely busy. I'm heading home. Carter's sleeping in exam six. Make sure he gets at least a few hours, okay? He lost more than his share last night and they kind of got to him." She filled him in, letting Luka know that last part a bit quieter than the rest. Luka understood. Sometimes the deaths got to everyone.
~~~~~~~~~~
"Carter?" Chuni called gently from the door. He moved slightly. "Carter? We've got an MVA coming in. We need you," She called.
"What time is it?" He asked, trying to see his watch.
"After nine." She said watching him sit up slowly, the heat pack Kerry had placed on his back falling to the bed. John looked at it and smiled.
"Where's Dr. Weaver?" he asked, still trying to wake up.
"She went home a long time ago. You and Luka are it," She stated as she let the door shut.
"Oh, yeah." He nodded to himself, remembering where he was. John stretched his back as he heard the commotion outside in the hall. He grabbed his stethoscope and ran to join in the trauma.
"What have you got?" He asked Luka, catching up with the gurney.
"Hey, sorry to wake you, Carter. I've got this one. Get the next one." Dr. Kovac informed. John slowed his steps and took lead on the second gurney that was following.
"Okay, what have you got?" John asked the paramedics.
"MVA. Sixteen-year-old ejected from the vehicle. We had to pull him the rest of the way through the windshield. Belly sliced almost in half. . ." John looked at the stomach and he could see the intestines.
"Oh, man," He said as he began calling for tests and equipment. He could tell this one would be messy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finally, John was able to stabilize the patient enough to be transported and Yosh wheeled the young man towards the elevator.
"You did good." Chuni said, patting him on the back. Most would have given up when the kid came in but John couldn't. He needed at least one success this shift. Even Dr. Romano seemed impressed with his surgical skills but he would never verbalize it to Dr. Carter. John took the rewards where he could get them.
"Thanks, Chuni." John smiled, stripping off his bloody gloves. Sometimes the blood bothered him and other times it was comforting. This moment, the warmth was a good feeling.
"I hear you did good with the kid," Dr. Chen said, coming in.
"He should make it and recover fully." John smiled. He was feeling better, having gotten his second wind at the beginning of the trauma.
"I think Romano was shocked you found that bleeder. He was standing there watching you for quite a while." She smiled, happy that John had gotten that patient. His surgical skills were better than hers were.
"So, I guess I learned a thing or two from Benton, huh?" John smiled, knowing he'd saved that kid's life.
"I'm heading over to Doc's for some lunch. You hungry?" She asked as they walked out of the trauma room. John laughed.
"Deb, I don't think I'll ever get to the point of being able to eat right after a trauma like that." He exclaimed. She laughed.
"The day you do, John, you'll be a real doctor." Deb joked.
"I actually ate right before my nap. Abby made lasagna and she left me some." He admitted.
"Quite the couple, aren't you two?" She teased. John made a face.
"Don't even start, Deb. It's not like that." He stated.
"Sure, John. I'll be back in a few." She winked at him as she walked toward the desk just before John ducked into the restroom.
To be continued -
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