As the week passed, John went to physical therapy each day, returning
home tired and in pain. Luka discreetly watched John, making sure that
he was taking his pain medication as prescribed because he was worried
that John would try to get through the day without it. Aside from the
days immediately after the stabbing, when John wouldn't let the PCA
out of his sight, he seemed to avoid taking anything for the pain and
that worried Luka. Everyone knew that a person who wasn't in pain
would heal faster than one who was. Luka also didn't want John to
push himself too much in his recovery efforts. He knew that John was
working hard during his therapy sessions, but so far the therapist
didn't seem concerned that John was overdoing it. Still, when Luka
would come home in the mornings, John would wake up looking as if
he hadn't gotten any restful sleep at all. There were times when Luka
wished he was on the day shift, so he could spend the entire night with
John, see if he was having nightmares or other problems that were
keeping him awake. As far as Luka knew, John wasn't seeing anyone to
talk about the stabbing, but it didn't concern him too much. John
seemed to be handling it well, and if he was having nightmares about
it then that was only to be expected.
Ten days after John's release from the hospital, Luka woke up to an
empty apartment. Glancing at the clock he saw that it was past time
for John to be to physical therapy. Obviously John had gotten ready
for it and left without waking him. Luka wasn't sure if he should be
happy or glad about that. On one hand, it showed that John didn't
want to disturb his rest. On the other hand, Luka found himself
wondering if John was trying to avoid spending time alone with him.
Luka ate a quick breakfast, then decided to take out the trash. He
was waiting for the elevator to go back upstairs when he ran into one
of the elderly women who lived on their floor. She had obviously been
to the market because her pull along cart carried two bags.
"Good morning, Luka," she greeted him with a smile. "How are you
doing today?"
"I'm fine, Mrs. Kelly. How are you doing?"
"Very well. I was just on my way to the market. I had wanted to wait
until this evening, so I could walk with John, but I ran out of milk
and my cats are being incessantly loud about that."
"Why would John be walking to the market?"
"John goes out walking every evening. Don't worry, Luka, we've, that
is, myself and the other widows in the building, have worked out a
schedule to keep an eye on him. Poor thing. He tries so hard to get
used to those crutches. He won't be needing them forever, will he?
I haven't dared to ask him that."
"No. He won't need them forever. So, he goes out of the building
every evening?"
"He told me that his physical therapist wants him to get plenty of
exercise."
"I see."
"He didn't tell him that, did he?" she slowly asked.
Luka quickly smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm sure he did.
John wouldn't lie about something like that, Mrs. Kelly. He just forgot
to tell me about it, that's all."
When Luka got back to the apartment, he found himself slamming the door.
He was angry. He could admit that. John had no business going out by
himself every evening, even if he was in the company of one of the
elderly widows. As if any one of those frail women could help him if
he fell. Didn't John realize that he could damage his body if he
pushed himself too hard? Dammitt, he wanted John healed, the sooner the
better. A slow throb from his groin told him that his celibacy was one
of the reasons he wanted John healed quickly. There had been more
than one occasion during the last few days when John had offered to
give him some relief in the form of oral sex, but Luka had declined.
He had seen how much it pained John to bend over or even kneel. Just
watching John dress every day was rough on Luka. He hated seeing
John in pain. No, his libido could wait until John was better. And
Luka would soon find himself liking cold showers. With that in
mind, he headed for the bathroom, wanting to get himself under
control before John returned home.
As John let himself into the apartment he was feeling optimistic
about his recovery for the first time since he had been stabbed. This
had been his last day of daily therapy. He would still be going to
the hospital for physical therapy, but only twice a week. And that was
due to the extra work he had been putting in on the crutches. It had
been painful to force himself to walk the block every evening, but he
had managed it and now he was reaping the rewards. He slumped out of
his coat and managed to hang it up, noting with pride that it didn't
take as long to do today. And that it wasn't as painful, either. Of
course some of that had to do with the fact that he had taken something
for his pain before he left his PT session, but he hadn't taken as much
as prescribed and he knew that he was getting better.
John cocked his head to the side as he thought he heard water running.
Was it from their bathroom or from the apartment above them? He
listened for a moment, then decided it was their bathroom. Which meant
that Luka was awake. He grinned then and headed into the bedroom. He
sat on the bed and stripped as fast as he could, which wasn't as fast
as he would have liked. Once in the bathroom, he leaned his crutches
against the sink and took small steps to reach the tub. He needed to
grab the towel bar for support as he stepped into the tub behind Luka,
but he managed it without falling.
"Damn, the water's cold," John laughed as Luka turned and grabbed him
by the shoulders.
"You shouldn't be in here," Luka said, his voice husky as the sight
of John naked in front of him undid all that the cold water had
accomplished.
"You're in here, Luka, so where else should I be?" John leaned
forward and kissed Luka, resting his hands on Luka's hips. "So, is
the water cold because you've been in here too long or because of
other reasons?"
"Other reasons. God, John, if you keep touching me like that, I'll
explode." Luka closed his eyes and willed his erection to subside,
but John was now caressing him and it was a losing battle. Then John's
hands were back on his hips, and Luka felt he could win the battle
with his desire. Luka gasped as he felt himself engulfed in a very
familiar warmth and he opened his eyes to see that John had sat down
on the bench kept in there for his showers. Luka touched John's hair,
"You don't have to do this," he said, his voice thick with a desire
that proved his words to be lies.
John's answer was to slide his mouth down Luka's length until he had
all of Luka. "I won't last long," Luka thought. He had been celibate
for too long, taken too many cold showers, to be able to last under
John's assault. With a strangled cry he came, having to hold onto
the handrail in order to remain upright. But, as his pleasure subsided,
he had enough sense to help John get to his feet, and to cut off the
water before they both froze.
John leaned into Luka's embrace, resting his head on Luka's shoulder
and trying his best to take his weight off his left leg. He knew he
had been foolish to get into the tub alone like that, but it was obvious
Luka needed release. Needed him. And since he was feeling almost
human for the first time in days, John knew he could handle pleasing
Luka.
As Luka held John near, he realized two things. First, John had not
used a condom. Damn. Well, there was no going back now to change that,
but in the future he would have to make sure that John didn't take
another stupid chance like that. The second thing Luka noticed is that
they were both shivering. He pushed open the shower curtain, grabbed
an oversized bath towel and wrapped John in it. "We can't risk you
catching a cold," he said.
John ran his hands up and down Luka's arms. "You've got goose bumps,
you should dry off and get dressed now."
"In a minute." Luka helped John get out of the tub, then walked with
him into the bedroom. "Sit down on the bed and I'll get some clothes
for you."
"I can wear what I had on before." John reached for his underwear,
thinking that it was convenient that he had tossed his clothing onto
the bed when he stripped. "Couldn't have planned it better," he
thought, as he found himself being gently pushed onto his back. Luka
had climbed onto the bed and was on all fours above his body. John
grinned up at Luka, laughing as droplets of water dripped from his lover
onto him. Ignoring John's laughter, Luka bent his head for a long kiss,
one that left them both breathless. As he pulled away, Luka looked down
into John's eyes, gratified to see that John wasn't laughing anymore.
Instead his eyes were dark with desire. Desire for him, and only him.
"I don't think this is going to get me dressed," John finally said.
"No. Not yet anyway. You need to be properly dried off first."
Luka opened the bath towel, then began to dry John's body with his
towel, paying careful attention to John's arousal. That was something
he had missed. No matter how entwined they became while sleeping,
Luka had noticed that the physical contact would make him hard, but
not John. As a doctor, he knew that there wasn't anything to be
worried about. John had been through major surgery and was still
recovering from that. His entire body would need time to heal. But,
Luka did have to admit that his ego had been a little upset about the
lack of reaction in John.
Satisfied that he had the front of John's body dry, Luka closed the
bath towel. Even though John was wearing a belt that held his
colostomy pouch, Luka knew that John felt self-conscious about the
bag. By covering the upper part of John's body, Luka could still
reach the rest of John. He slowly dried off John's feet and legs,
working his way up John's thighs and to his groin. Luka could feel
the goosebumps on his skin, but he knew that it wasn't just his wet
body giving him chills. It was the nearness of John.
John closed his eyes and softly moaned as he felt Luka's mouth undo
what the towel had done. Not that he minded this kind of wetness on
his body. Nope, not one bit. He noticed when Luka stopped what he
was doing, but he didn't open his eyes. He knew that Luka was heading
for the nightstand to get a condom. Something he should have thought a
bout earlier. Not that it really mattered for him right now. He had
been given so much blood during surgery that he would be a health risk
in his own right for months to come. Sure, the blood banks all
claimed they tested the blood, but how sure could you be that the blood
was safe? But, Luka needed to be protected. In fact, if Luka would
have attempted to go further without a condom, John would have stopped
him. He couldn't bear the thought of Luka being harmed because of
him. It was something he didn't want to think about, and yet, he
found himself thinking about it often. Lucy had been hurt because
of his negligence. So had Audia and Dennis. And Chase. So many
people. And now he faced every day knowing that Luka could be hurt
just because he loved him.
John didn't realize that he was shaking his head until Luka said
something.
"You don't want this?" Luka's voice was sad and when John opened his
eyes he saw Luka standing beside the bed, a condom ready and a
confused look on his face.
"Why would you ask that?"
"You were shaking your head no. I thought that maybe you had changed
your mind."
"Never. I want you, Luka. Nothing has changed that and nothing ever
will. I promise." John reached over and gently ran his hand up Luka's
bare thigh, barely touching the skin. He smiled as that provoked a
response in Luka. It had been a long time for the two of them, and
John knew he only had himself to blame for that. If he had been more
observant of Sobriki, a better doctor that day, then nothing bad
would have happened to him. Or to Lucy. She would be alive and he
would be able to make love with Luka the way they used to. The way
they wanted to.
Luka knelt on the floor and leaned over to kiss John. "I love you so much.
I don't ever want to lose you."
"I love you," John whispered.
Luka's heart sang as he finally heard those words. He had known how
John felt, but it still felt good to hear the words. But, his heart
sank as John continued.
"I'm sorry that I've put you through so much, Luka. I never wanted
to make life hard for you. I only wanted to make you happy."
"You do make me happy, John. Don't ever doubt that." He kissed John
again, and this time John kissed him back, even going so far as to
wrap his arms around Luka's neck and holding him close.
"Why don't you get on the bed with me and turn around? Then we can
satisfy each other," John suggested with a grin.
Luka shook his head. "No. This time is for you, and only you." Then
he kissed his way down John's neck and chest, lingering over his
sensitive nipples before moving lower to run his tongue up John's
thigh.
Once again, John moaned as his head dropped to the covers and he closed
his eyes. While he always liked to watch what he was doing to Luka,
when the tables were turned, he much preferred the experience with his
eyes closed. Blocking out all visual distractions made him concentrate
on what Luka was doing to him and that heightened the sensations that
Luka evoked from his body. Right now, John could feel the underlying
tenderness in Luka's actions. The way he softly stroked his thighs as
his mouth descended on his erection. The murmurs of love as Luka kissed
his way up and down the shaft of John's penis. All of that was so much
better when John couldn't see Luka doing those things. John supposed
that there might be people who would say he was trying to pretend that
it wasn't a man but a woman doing those things to him. They would be
wrong. How could the rough stubble of Luka's beard belong to a woman?
Or the fingers and hands callused from years of harsh washings and
sailing? No, it wasn't a soft face and they definitely weren't soft
hands. They were Luka's hands and face, and ever since the first time
John had felt them touch his skin, he had known that he didn't want
anyone else but Luka.
John's soft sighs of pleasure served to inflame Luka's desire. He
enjoyed giving pleasure to John, and being able to tell that John was
indeed feeling pleasure cheered Luka's heart. It also made him slow
down. He didn't want things to end too quickly. During the weeks they
had spent together Luka had learned the things to do to make John cry
out with pleasure. And the places on John's body that were the most
sensitive to his touch. Luka knew he would never get enough of John.
As much as he had loved Marija, he now found himself loving John even
more. That was an unexpected gain from this relationship. Oh, he
knew that he would fall in love with John from the moment that John
had accepted his advances. But, Luka had not counted on loving John
this much. On needing him more than life itself. It was scary to
have such strong feelings about someone else, but it was also
exhilarating.
Luka slid his mouth up the shaft of John's penis until it was no
longer in his mouth. Then he softly began to blow on the wet organ,
making John shiver from delight. From the way John was moaning and
moving, Luka knew that it would be a good idea to put the condom on
him. He didn't want to get caught up in John and forget about it. He
quickly unrolled the protection onto John, then resumed his explorations
of John's erection, keeping his hands busy with other parts of John
as he did so. After that, John didn't last long. When he came, he
called out Luka's name, his hands grasping the covers with all his
might.
It had been as long for John as it had been for Luka since they last
had sex, and John's climax was intense and long. He was still stunned
by its intensity as Luka quickly cleaned him with the towel and then
dressed him in boxer shorts and sweatpants. When Luka sat down on
the bed beside him, John looked up, a smile on his face.
"That was great. Thank you."
"You're most welcome, but I should be thanking you. Shall we get
under the covers?"
John nodded. "We should. Or else you need to get dressed. You'll catch
a cold if you sit out here naked."
"Where I'm from, it's much colder. I'm used to it, remember?"
"I remember, but you've lived here long enough for your body to get used
to our weather. Can you help me up?"
"Sure." Luka helped John get to his feet, then he tucked him into bed
the proper way. "I'll be right back." Luka disappeared into the bathroom
and returned with John's crutches, which he placed against the wall
between the bed and the nightstand. Then Luka walked to his side of the
bed and got under the covers, snuggling up next to John.
"Today was my last daily appointment for therapy. I won't go back again
until next week," John said as he rolled over to face Luka. "I'm
getting better."
"I know. You've worked hard to get this far, John. Maybe too hard."
Luka tried to keep his tone light, but when he saw John frown, he knew
that he had not been successful.
"Why do you say that?"
"I ran into Mrs. Kelly earlier. She wanted me to let you know that she
wouldn't be walking to the market with you tonight. She then told me
all about your little strolls every evening. John, you know that those
old ladies aren't physically able to help you if you should fall."
"I don't fall, Luka. I take very careful steps and I rest a lot. They
never said I couldn't go for walks. As a matter of fact, I was encouraged
to walk around at home."
"They meant "in" the home, John. Not outside in the cold. What if you
slipped on ice? You really don't want to be back in the hospital...what
are you doing?"
"You're still hard," John said as he grasped Luka's penis.
"We're having a serious discussion here," Luka said.
"Keep talking. I'm listening." John began to stroke Luka.
Luka squeezed his eyes shut, trying his best to ignore what John was doing
to him. "I can't concentrate on talking while you're doing that," Luka
said, opening his eyes only to see that John was looking straight at him,
his brown eyes unblinking, but Luka was sure they held a smile.
"Do you want me to stop?" John continued to caress Luka as he waited to
hear what Luka wanted.
Luka cleared his throat. What John was doing felt nice. Really nice.
But, he also wanted to have a serious conversation with John. Make him
realize that he shouldn't be jeopardizing his health. "No. But, I think
you should. This is important, John...John?" Luka rolled onto his back,
giving up the fight as John disappeared under the covers and Luka once
more felt his mouth upon him. There would be time to talk with John
later, he decided.
Later turned out to be late afternoon because the two of them fell asleep.
Luka was worn out from the combination of working all night and finally
finding a much needed sexual release. John was tired from physical
therapy and his painkiller fully kicked in, making him drowsy. The
end result was that as they curled in each other's arms, they both
drifted off.
Luka was the first to awaken, noticing that it was getting dark in their
bedroom. He would soon have to get ready for work. He still liked the
idea of being home during the day with John, but he also wished he could
stay all night with him as well. Maybe he could ask Kerry for a night
off soon? He certainly deserved it. Heck, they all did. Everyone was
working extra shifts to make up the slack at work.
John stirred beside him and Luka found himself reluctant to awaken him.
But, he wanted to get this talk over and done with. Reaching out, he
gently touched John on the shoulder, totally unprepared when John
jumped and twisted his body in his attempt to turn over in bed. John
cried out in pain then and Luka sat up, gathering John into his arms.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. Are you all right?"
John nodded, even though his face was contorted with pain. "Give me a
minute."
"Try to relax," Luka said. It took a few minutes, but he finally felt
John's body begin to relax. "Better?"
John nodded. "Yeah. Sorry about that. What time is it?"
"Four. I need to get ready for work."
"How about if I fix us some dinner while you get dressed?"
"Are you sure you're up for that?"
"We still have leftovers in the fridge, right? I can handle heating
those in the microwave."
"Sounds good to me." Luka kissed John, then got out of bed. "Do you
need the bathroom before I get in there?"
"Um, yeah. I do. I won't be long." John got out on his side of the
bed, grabbing his crutches. While John was gone, Luka gathered up his
clothes for the night. He would talk to John after his shower, since he
didn't think he would last long trying to talk to John while naked. He
grinned as he remembered what happened earlier. There was something to
be said for people who knew the meaning of the word distraction.
Especially that kind of distraction.
"All yours," John said as he hobbled past.
"Thanks." Luka headed into the bathroom while John headed into the
kitchen. Ten minutes later, they were sitting down to eat. John
had pulled on a sweatshirt and socks while Luka had been showering,
and Luka was completely dressed.
"John, getting back to our earlier conversation. I don't want you
doing things that will jeopardize your health."
"I'm not doing that, Luka. I know my limitations. I never pushed
myself too hard, and I won't start now. Like I said, I walked slowly,
took small steps and plenty of breaks. I know what I'm doing."
They stared at each other, John thinking that Luka was making too much
of his "strolls" and Luka thinking that John wasn't taking his own
health seriously.
Luka finally nodded. "Fine. I just don't want to hear about you
going further than the market. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Daddy." John snapped.
"That was uncalled for," Luka replied.
"If you're acting like you're my father, then I think it's very called
for. Just who do you think you are to tell me that you had better not
hear about me going anywhere? You don't run my life, Luka Kovac."
"I wasn't trying to run your life. Don't you understand that I want
you well? If you push yourself too hard, then the only thing you'll
accomplish is another week or so in the hospital."
"And you'll have to go without sex again, right? I've offered to give
you blow jobs before. It's not my fault that you kept turning me down."
Luka shook his head, not sure why John was overreacting. He had never,
in the weeks they had been together, heard John call it a blowjob. Not
even as a joke.
"John, I wasn't thinking about the sex. Yes, I'll admit that I want
things to be the way they were before. I want to make love to you
like we used to. I want you to take me, too. But, I can wait for
that. What I don't want is for you to make yourself ill by pushing
yourself too hard."
"I've got news for you, Luka. Things will never be the way they
were before...that night. Never." John threw his napkin down on
the table, then used his crutches to pull himself to his feet.
"John, you didn't finish your dinner," Luka began.
"Don't start with me again, Luka. I'll eat again when I get hungry.
You need to leave now or you'll be late for work." John went into
the living room and sat down on the couch.
"I'll clear the table first."
"I can do that. You need to leave."
"I can take a few minutes to get the dishes into the kitchen..."
"Dammitt, Luka! I am not an invalid. I said I could handle that
and I will," John yelled at him.
Luka slammed down his plate, his patience finally pushed past its
limit. "Fine. Do it all yourself, John. Why don't you clean the
whole apartment while you're at it? The floor needs to be vacuumed
and the tables dusted. Maybe you can even do the laundry while I'm
gone? Hmm? After all, you're Superman, right? You can do anything
you want."
"You want the laundry done? The floor vacuumed? Hell, Luka, I'll even
mop the kitchen floor while I'm at it. And clean the rest of the
place. Will that make you happy?"
"You're the one who keeps saying that you can do anything, not me.
So do it all, John. Do it all and then have enough strength left
over to call for an ambulance, because by the time you're done with
all of that, you'll need one. I'll see you in the morning." Luka
slammed out of the apartment, still angry.
By the time he reached the El platform, his anger was beginning to
subside. Maybe he was reacting too strongly to John taking those
walks. After all, John did pace himself, and there were people
watching over him while he was out. Luka knew that having limited
mobility was difficult for John. It would be difficult for anyone.
Was he really acting like a father by being concerned about John?
Luka wasn't sure. He thought he was merely looking out for his
best friend and man he loved. Was that a crime? In John's eyes,
the answer was apparently yes.
By the time Luka reached the hospital, he was upset with himself
over yelling at John. He prided himself on keeping his temper in
check, and he had lost it. And in front of John of all people.
Someone who certainly didn't deserve to be yelled at. As he changed
into his lab coat, Luka's eyes kept straying to the phone. He
firmly shut his locker, then called home.
"Please answer," Luka said under his breath as he heard the ringing
from the other end.
"Hello?"
"John, I'm sorry."
"Me, too. I didn't mean to yell at you, Luka."
"And I didn't mean to yell at you. I was overreacting to your walks.
Maybe it was because I had to find out about them from Mrs. Kelly and
not from you."
"Sorry about that. Luka, you don't need to keep worrying about me.
I'm getting better every day."
"I know. I can see it. John, I love you."
"And I love you. Have a good shift, Luka."
"Thanks. You have a good night. I'll see you in the morning."
"Right."
John hung up and turned the vacuum back on. He had managed to clean
a small section of the floor and figured that at the rate he was
going, he would have the carpet finished in an hour or so. Then he
could clean up the kitchen and the bathroom. Maybe even dust. Then
he would head downstairs to the laundry room. Luka didn't think he
could do all of that, but he would show him that he could. Yeah,
he'd show him all right. He'd show Luka that he was right, because
if he really did all of that, then he would end up back in the
hospital. Disgusted with himself over being such a big ass, John
turned the vacuum off and went to sit down. He was so tired of being
unable to do the things he used to do with ease. Like walking without
the aid of crutches or feeling pain with every step he took. Things
like being able to sleep through the night. If it wasn't for the
painkillers he took right before going to bed, then he wouldn't get
any sleep at all. The only time sleep came easily to him was when
Luka was there. Thank God for the meds, John thought as his hand
strayed to his chest and he touched the cross through the fabric of
his shirt. Thank God for Luka.
Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n