------------------------------- Chapter Seven: Keeps Me Hanging On -------------------------------
This doubt is screaming in my face
In this familiar place...sheltered and concealed
And if this night won't let me rest
Don't let me second-guess...what I know to be real
-------------------------------
Dave stepped inside "Immediatux," a tuxedo rental store that allowed you to walk in empty-handed and leave with a tuxedo, and he felt immediately out of place. Here he was, in dark blue jeans and a scrub top, having his Saturday shift start in one hour - his first shift since his suspension - standing amongst the suits and tuxedos of a fancy store that he would've sworn a week ago he would never step foot into.
The place was empty of people, save the mannequins if you wanted to count them, so he pretended to know what he was doing and started wandering around, fingering a tuxedo nearby as if he did this all the time. He even felt self-conscious in front of the neatly dressed mannequins. Perhaps he should've worn something different and changed once he was at work. But it had been on the way to Cook County, this store being one that he passed by every day.
"Can I help you?" he heard from behind him. He turned to see a handsome man, probably a little younger than himself. Dave could tell the man thought he had no business being here.
He was right.
"Yeah, I'm looking for a tux," he answered. Dave flashed a sheepish smile. "As you can probably tell, I haven't done this since senior prom, so I'm gonna need quite a bit of help, and I hope you're up for the challenge."
The man smiled back, obviously taken by the doctor's charm. "I'll try my best. First, I'll take some measurements, and then we'll take things from there."
"Just have your wicked way with me," Dave said, following the clerk to the back of the store. They moved into a small private dressing room with three mirrors, each at a different angle, in front of a raised pedestal in the center of the room.
"Just stand up there," the clerk said, rummaging through a desk draw. Dave did as he was told, and the clerk returned with measuring tape. "Stand up straight."
Several moments later, Dave stood in front of the mirror in a tuxedo, looking pretty damn good if you asked him. He turned, checking out his backside, making sure everything looked just right. He needed to dress to impress, John Carter being the impressee tonight.
Dave turned to face Alex, the name of the clerk something he'd learned while making conversation. Alex's eyes suddenly darted away. He hadn't been checking Dave out, had he? Dave shook his head, silently chastising himself. Of course not, he thought to himself. Not everyone was gay.
"How does it look?" Dave asked, holding out his arms as if to say "ta da!"
"The tuxedo fits you perfectly," Alex stated, approaching Dave. "Whatever the occasion is, you are going to impress everyone."
Dave frowned slightly. He didn't like the way Alex had said "everyone."
"How much will this be?" Dave asked, changing the subject as he turned back towards the mirror.
"One hundred dollars," Alex reported.
"One hundred dollars??" Dave asked, surprised. He'd brought extra money with him today for this, but he didn't think he'd be using most of it. This was really going to put Dave in the hole until next paycheck. John was one high-maintenance guy; Dave could already tell that having a rich guy as a friend was going to be expensive.
"Tell you what," Alex said, stepping onto the pedestal with Dave, whose suspicions were growing by the moment. "I'll give you a discount if *you* give me your phone number."
Dave turned to face Alex, stuttering slightly as he tried to find the right words. "I'm sorta seeing someone."
Alex smiled, stepping even closer to Dave if that was even possible. "So am I, but that doesn't mean we can't have a little fun on the side, does it?"
Dave suddenly felt Alex's hand on his ass, and the clerk even had the audacity to give it a pinch! He immediately grabbed Alex's wrist and yanked it away from his body, and then gave it a rough twist, holding it firmly in place. Dave looked up at the clerk; their faces were mere inches from each other. He could see the sweat forming over Alex's brow due to his apparent mistake.
Dave smiled, still twisting the young clerk's arm. "I'll take full price."
-------------------------------------
Put away all I know for tonight
And maybe I just might...learn to let it go
Take my security from me
And maybe finally...I won't have to know everything
-------------------------------------
John Carter sat alone on a wooden bench in the back yard of his home, holding a glass of champagne in one hand and cradling his chin in the other, slouched forward so that his elbows were on his knees. The party had started several hours ago, but only now had he been able to get away from it. And he thanked God for it. He didn't know how much more of this party he could take.
He knew it was just an excuse for his family to get together and throw a big party to impress everyone important, and several times he'd thought about ducking out and leaving. He probably could, knowing no one would notice his absence after a few more hours of martini's and champagne. But something kept him here. Every time he wanted to leave, he couldn't, because something was keeping him here.
And he knew exactly what - or who, rather - it was. But he didn't want to think about it because he knew it would cause him to think about other things, such as his sexuality, something he had been very comfortable with until about a week ago. Until the person that was keeping him at this party changed him forever.
John sat back on the bench, leaning his head back so he could look at the night sky. In this part of Chicago, he could see the many stars twinkling in the sky, and it almost gave the night a dreamy affect, almost made it surreal.
"Isn't this *your* party?" he heard his Gamma say from next to him, having joined him on the bench. He startled in surprise; he hadn't even heard her approach. "What are you doing all by yourself?"
"It's really my parents' party," he replied dryly with a wry smile. "I think we both know that."
"You could at least enjoy it," she said, placing her hand on top of his. "I know I am. All the champagne and catering, and finally I'm not the one running the show, so I can sit back and relax."
"You deserve it more than I do," John said, staring off into the dark woods that surrounded the estate.
"Nonsense," Gamma said, raising her hand from his to give it a swat. They sat in contemplative silence for a moment, each lost in their own thoughts. Gamma was the first to break it. "Something's bothering you, isn't it, John?"
If there was one thing John's grandmother was, it was perceptive. After living with her for so many years, she knew him like she knew the back of her hand. But John simply shook his head, as if he needn't bother her with his problems. Even so, she persisted.
"John, I'm your grandmother," she said. "You can share anything with me."
He only wished that were true. "Right now...I just need to think this through by myself. But I will need to talk to someone sooner or later, and I'll make sure I come right to you."
She gently patted his hand once more, smiling softly at her grandson. "That sounds like a good deal to me."
-------------------------------------
And I am falling into grace
To the unknown
To where you are
And...
-------------------------------------
"Would you stop it?" Randi snapped from the other side of the admin desk.
Dave looked up from the zillion-and-two charts piled in front of him. He damned Weaver for making him do a chart review two hours before his shift was over. But apparently that's what happened when there were practically no patients, save the ones that were already being taken care of, and you said you were bored. "What?"
"You're being annoying," she simply stated, as if that would explain it. He hadn't done anything, he'd just been sitting at the deserted admin desk doing charts. Lots of charts. He found himself damning Weaver again.
"How?" he asked, glancing at the clock quickly. One hour and forty-five minutes left until he left. One hour and forty-five minutes until he was clocking out and biking to the Carter family mansion. One hour and forty- five minutes and then some and he'd be at the Carter family mansion, where John was waiting for him. He tried to picture him, tried to picture him when he would get there. He'd be wearing a tux, his hair would probably be neat, and his face would be smooth with a fresh shave...so basically, the man would look like a god.
"By doing that," Randi stated blatantly. "Looking at the clock every two seconds and tapping your foot like you've got someplace to go."
He looked away from the clock and stopped tapping his foot. "Maybe I do have someplace to go."
"Yeah right," Randi scoffed, looking back to the magazine she had been flipping through while trying to figure out what color nail polish would look best with the outfit she was wearing tomorrow. "What, do you have another date or something?"
"Maybe," Dave replied with a smile, turning away from her as he began to do his chart review again. He rolled his chair back a bit and leaned over, throwing the chart he had been previously working on into his finished pile. Just a zillion-and-one more to go and he'd be finished, he'd be out of here and at the Carter family mansion. He seriously considered taking a cab, leaving his bike here, but then he knew it would most likely get stolen. And then he got an idea. "Abby!"
His former medical student looked up from the chart she had been looking over to make sure the doctor had signed the release form, and saw Dave smiling at her. She knew that smile. She knew it meant he was up to something. He stood and crossed the admin area, keeping that smile on his face.
"Abby, how are you?" he asked, putting his arm around her shoulder and leading her away from Randi's listening ears.
"I'm fine, Dave," she said, wary of his intentions of this conversation. "How are you?"
"Just fine," he replied, then they stood in a secluded part of the ER, away from any eavesdroppers. "Listen, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."
"I'm not sleeping with you, Malucci," she immediately said.
"It's not that kind of favor, but I'm flattered that you were thinking of it," he said with a sly smile.
"What kind of favor?"
"A small one," he replied holding his index finger and thumb about an inch away from each other to indicate just how small.
"I thought I just said that I wasn't sleeping with you."
"Ha, ha," Dave said, smiling sarcastically. "Do you have a car?"
She narrowed her eyes. "For what reason do you need it?"
"Well..." Upon his hesitant reply, she started walking away. It was for something illegal, she knew it had to be for something illegal. He followed her, close behind. "Wait! Abby! Carter's family threw a party to congratulate him on the Chief Resident thing, and he asked me to go because he wanted a friend there 'cause he doesn't really dig these family get- togethers..." He sighed, realizing he was rambling and getting nowhere. "So it's a pretty long bike ride there, and I was just wondering if I could hitch my bike to the back of your car and you could drop me off, that's all. Nothing illegal, I swear."
She looked skeptical. "I don't think your bike could hitch onto the back of my car. It's not that kind of car."
"I'm sure we could fit it in the trunk," he said, wrapping his arm around her once more, that charming smile returning, lighting up the whole room. "Then we could just use some string to tie the trunk down so it won't fly up when you drive. Nothing wrong with a friend giving a friend a ride to another friend's house, right?"
"What's in it for me?" she asked, still unsure about the idea.
"Anything," he replied desperately. God, this Abby was a quick one. He was hoping she wouldn't ask for anything in return, but everything had its price. He'd trained her well. "Whenever you need a favor, just ask. Doesn't matter what it is."
"Really?" Abby asked, cocking an eyebrow. "Anything?"
"Anything."
"Then you've got yourself a deal," she said, holding out her hand. He shook it, sealing his fate, already regretting what he'd just said.
-------------------------------------
Faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you
-------------------------------------
Dave exited the bathroom stall, checking his watch as he approached the sink counters of the public bathroom of the hospital. Good, it was only fifteen minutes past six o'clock, though he wasn't sure why that mattered because he didn't need to be there at a certain time. He supposed it was because more time spent here meant less time spent with John.
Glancing into the mirror, he quickly looked himself over, running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to tame the long locks. He found himself contemplating over whether he should cut it or leave it in this style, but left that idea at the back of his mind, knowing he might as well not bother thinking about it now because he could do nothing about it at this moment. Standing back, he straightened out his tie and then smoothed out his shirt and jacket, and then looked himself over. And he smiled. He looked good. Damn good.
But what would John think? Did he look good enough for *John* to think he looked good? Would John even give him a second glance? Or would he turn his attention to all those rich bachelorettes at the party? John wasn't that shallow, was he? Fuck...why did everything have to be so complicated?
Leaning his hands against the sink counter, he lowered his head and let out a deep breath in an attempt to calm his nerves. He looked up at himself from under his brow and licked his lips, then bit his lower one. Sticking his hand into his pocket because he was too smart to leave them off of him, where they could be easily found, Dave pulled out the amphetamines that he still had left from when that kid had come into the ER. They would give him a pick-me-up and settle his nerves... But were they worth it? Dave asked himself.
"Malucci!" he suddenly heard, followed by a pounding. He jumped instinctively, quickly closing his fist around the pills and putting them back inside of his pocket. Without warning, the door burst open, and Abby stood in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest. "Are we leaving tonight or tomorrow? I'm still on my shift, you know, and I don't want to get into trouble for leaving to give you a ride."
"In a minute!" he snapped, closing the bathroom door on her. What, was she on the rag or something? *God*. Letting out another deep breath, this one now a sigh, he checked himself over one more time in the mirror before exiting the restroom to see Abby standing there, her arms still crossed over her chest. "Okay."
Rolling her eyes, Abby walked out of the ER bay doors with Dave by her side, some of the mouthy nurses such as Chuny and Haleh whistling and catcalling good-humoredly at the doctor in the tuxedo. Dave smiled to himself, waving over his shoulder at them, and soon they were in Abby's sedan, waiting for it to warm up before they headed off.
"You know, Dave," Abby said as she turned in her seat to look out her back window to back out of her parking space. He turned to her, raising his eyebrows expectantly. "You really clean up pretty good."
-------------------------------------
Got nothing left to defend
No I cannot pretend...that everything makes sense
But does it really matter now?
If I do not know how...to figure this thing out
-------------------------------------
"Oh my God," Dave said as they drove up the Carter family's estate in Abby's car. He couldn't see all of it in the darkness, but he knew it had to be even bigger than what was in plain sight. "Jesus, I knew Carter was rich, but..."
"I suddenly feel uncomfortable in my sedan," Abby muttered. The mansion had about three floors, and Dave knew there had to be an attic and a basement. He was suddenly embarrassed that John had seen his quite rundown apartment. Compared to this estate, Dave's place had to look like a roach motel. "Where's the front door anyway?"
"I don't know, I've never been here before," Dave replied, still looking at the awesome house in front of him. He couldn't wait to get inside and see the place; there had to be lots of rooms with all kinds of fancy things inside. Most of all, he couldn't wait to get inside to see John. "I guess I could just pick one..."
"Everyone's over there," Abby said, pointing to indicate two large doors that were exposed by a porch light. There were several people near the doors, some leaving and some just arriving. "I guess that's where he wants you."
Dave was hardly able to compress his smile at Abby's choice of words. That's where he wants you. He thought of all the places that they must be able to do it in that house. A living room, a sitting room, a den, the kitchen...bedrooms, there had to be as many bedrooms in there as there were in that chart review he was told to do today. He could feel a pressure growing in his pants and leaned forward quickly.
"Dave, what are you doing?" Abby asked as she parked the car near where the rest of the hordes of cars were parked. She placed a hand on his shoulder. "Are you getting sick?"
"No, I'm just..." - he thought up an excuse quickly - "I'm tying my shoe."
"Oh," she said, relieved that he wasn't sick. She didn't need him throwing up in her car. "You can get out here, I guess."
"Thanks for the ride, Abby," Dave said gratefully. Without her it probably would've taken him a million years to get here. At least it would've felt like a million years. "I really appreciate it."
"No problem," she said. She stuck a thumb over her shoulder. "Don't forget your bike."
Dave suddenly felt embarrassed that he even had brought it here. Surely, the Carter family would think he was some sort of cheap, lower class loser, bringing a bicycle to a big fancy party like this. Come on, the house had to be worth more than everything he'd ever bought in his whole life put together! Abby glanced at him when he didn't leave the car, raising her eyebrows. She knew when Dave was thinking, and she usually didn't like the outcome.
"Abby, can you do me another favor?"
"Absolutely not," she replied, shaking her head. She looked at him. He was giving her that pouty look that she hated because she knew she couldn't resist it. She quickly looked away from him. "Stop it. Don't give me that look. Just take your bike and get out."
"Please?" he asked, and when she glanced back at him again she could see that he was now pushing out his bottom lip and looking at her with hope in his eyes.
She let out a dramatic sigh and rolled her eyes. "What is it this time?"
"Can you just, kinda, sorta...keep my bike for me for a day or two?" he asked. She immediately started protesting, but he promptly cut her off. "Abby, what kind of guy would I look like bringing a bike to this kind of party? Honestly! You can't expect me to lug that thing inside and park it in the living room, do you??"
She thought that over. It did make sense. "Fine. But now you owe me twice! Don't think I'm letting you off that easy."
"Thank you, Abby. You're my savior," Dave said, grinning his most winning smile. He hopped out of the car and closed the door, then walked up the path provided to the front door. He stepped inside and was immediately awestruck. Never before had he seen anything this fancy and elegant. High ceilings, plush carpets, expensive furniture - his utmost fantasies were all located in this house, he knew that right now and hadn't even seen the whole place. Now all he had to do was find John amongst tons of people in this huge house.
"Excuse me, but you look lost," Dave heard. He turned to see an older woman with dark hair, wearing a black party dress and diamonds. She immediately struck him as significant, but he wasn't sure why; she just had an air of importance surrounding her. "Can I help you?"
"Yes," he replied, smiling warmly. He stuck out his hand. "I'm Dr. Dave Malucci, a friend of John's."
"I'm Mrs. Carter, his mother," Eleanor Carter replied, but didn't make a move to even shake hands with Dave. Dave wasn't quite sure what to do with his hands now, so he stuck them into the pockets of his slacks. He could feel the pills still in there, but was determined not to take them now. He'd only take them if he needed to. Needed to? *Needed* to?? God, Malucci, he thought to himself. What are you thinking?? Needed to...
"Could you, perhaps, tell me where I could find him?" he asked, his warm smile turning to a strained one.
"He's in the gardens," she simply replied, her eyes traveling the length of Dave's body. He could clearly see the distaste in them, as if it were incredulous that John would invite one of his friends to a party - especially a friend like *him*. Mrs. Carter indicated to her right. "Just go through the kitchen and out the backdoor."
"Thanks," Dave said, but he only received a twitch at the corner of her mouth that he assumed to be a smile, though it could've been nothing more than just that: a twitch. She walked away from him, her stride steady and her chin held high. He followed her with his eyes, and once he felt it was safe to move, he quickly headed for the backyard.
-------------------------------------
And I am falling into grace
To the unknown
To where you are
And...
-------------------------------------
John was staring up at the stars again, Gamma having left him to return to the party and mingle. He could see several stars, but couldn't make out any constellations. They were probably on the other side of the house, but even if he went to look he doubt he'd see anything. He was never any good at astronomy. His brother probably would've known; hell, he probably would've been able to name every star. Bobby had always had a knack for this kinda stuff.
Sometimes John wished that Bobby hadn't died of leukemia, and that he was still here to help his little brother out, especially when he was facing the problems around him - and within him - alone. John wondered what sort of advice Bobby would be giving him right now, if he had chosen to speak with him about what had happened just a week ago between himself and Dave Malucci. Bobby was always good with advice, and John liked to think that his older brother would've given him some sort of guidance, help him out with what to do. God, he missed his brother.
But even so, there were other times when John would scorn his brother, hating him for dying and creating their current mess of a family. John's mother had lived in a bubble since Bobby's death, sometimes pretending it never happened and other times thinking it was her fault. And now his father was being dragged down with her. John made a mental note to speak to his father about this soon, while the man was in town.
"Is this seat taken?" he suddenly heard from next to him. John startled for the second time tonight, turning his head sharply to see Dave Malucci standing next to him, a bright smile on the Resident's face. John shook his head, then watched the younger man sit down next to him - close, but not too close. John found himself looking over Dave - but not checking him out, John was *not* checking him out - and finding that the younger man cleaned up well. He looked absolutely beautiful - beautiful? No, John didn't think that males were beautiful...Dave just looked good... Good? He looked okay, Dave looked *okay* in the tuxedo.
Dave put on a knowing smile, and then, placing an elbow on the top of the bench, turned slightly to look at the party going on quite a distance behind them. "I'm not sure, but isn't this *your* party?"
"Yes," John said, finding a smile on his face as well. John glanced at the party behind them briefly before turning back to Dave. "I don't really like these things."
"Come on," Dave said, turning away from the party to face the woods. "What's not to like? Champagne and food, music..."
"Yeah, but you haven't lived with this your whole life," John reminded him sourly, having been sick of this whole scene a long time ago.
"No, I haven't," Dave said with raised eyebrows, a no-shit-Sherlock grin on his face. His grin turned into smug one. "If I *had*, then I'd be the one sitting here in a tux that I owned."
John couldn't help but break into a smile. "How did that go?" he asked, meaning when Dave had gone down to the tuxedo rental store.
"It was...interesting," Dave said, nodding slightly, glancing at John in his peripheral vision. John watched Dave as the Junior Resident looked up at the night sky, his eyes dancing from star to star. They stopped, focusing on a certain star, and then traveled to a particular part of the sky. "There's the Little Dipper."
"Where?" John asked, and Dave raised his arm to point to a cluster of stars. John leaned forward, squinting slightly, but his eyes only saw a bunch of stars, not a constellation. "I don't see it."
"It's right there," Dave said, leaning towards John as he continued to point to it, as if to get the view from John's vantage point so the Chief Resident could find it better. John nodded as he saw it, then looked at Dave just as the younger man looked at him, and only then did he realize just how close they were to each other at that specific time. Dave's eyes searched John's, almost the same way they had searched the sky. But at least when they were searching they sky, John knew what they were looking for...so what were they looking for now? Before he could find out, John quickly leaned back in his seat, daring a sideways glance at Dave, but only saw him look back up to the stars.
John looked to the stars as well, then back to Dave, who was still intently watching the sky. He felt like he had to say something, anything, to bring them out of this silence before it became uncomfortable. "I never thought of you as the kind of guy interested in astronomy."
"There's a lot you don't now about me, Carter," Dave simply stated, throwing them back into silence once more. Damn it. John hoped he hadn't offended Dave. But before he could apologize, or even ask if he had, Dave looked away from the stars and to John, then smiled briefly, as if to brush it off. "You're pretty alone out here."
"Yeah," John replied, nodding.
"I couldn't find you before," Dave said, looking back at John. "I had to ask several people where you were, including Mom."
"You met my mother," John said, raising his eyebrows.
Dave's smile returned. "She was..." - he searched for the right word - "interesting too."
-------------------------------
Faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you
-------------------------------
"I don't mean to be intrusive..." They both turned to see John's grandmother standing behind them, indicating the mansion. "But the dining ceremonies are about to begin."
" 'Dining ceremonies?' " Dave asked, turning away from John's grandmother to glance at him, snickering.
"Thanks, Gamma," John said, ignoring Dave's comment but shooting him a glare. He hoped Dave didn't joke about anything else, especially things he wanted to keep quiet. He stood, and Dave stood as well, smoothing out his tuxedo and pulling on it, hardly used to wearing anything of that sort. "We'll be right there."
"Aren't you going to introduce me to your friend?" she asked, looking from John to his companion, who immediately smiled at her. She'd never seen this handsome young man before, and it was nice that John was bringing his friends to the mansion, but she couldn't help but notice something off about John's mood with him present. His demeanor showed his slight nervousness and something else, but she couldn't quite put her finger on it. But she did know that whatever was going on with John, it had something to do with this man.
"Oh, right," John said hastily. He indicated Dave. "This is Dr. Malucci, I work with him at the hospital." Now, he indicated Gamma. "This is my grandmother."
"Nice to meet you, Dr. Malucci," she said, extending her hand to shake his as he smiled warmly at her. He seemed like a nice young man, and she wondered what could possibly be going on between the two. Perhaps they were good friends and had gotten into a fight over a patient at work, and now him coming here was awkward.
"Nice to meet you too. Please call me, Dave," Dave replied, keeping his smile. Unlike John's mother, Dave could see no contempt and general hatred towards the world in her eyes, and he knew right away that he liked her.
"We'd better be going," John said, his rush displaying in his actions as he led them towards the house. They crossed the gardens to the mansion's patio entrance, and stepped inside the house, but John quickly grabbed Dave's arm before the younger man could move any further. "Will you be all right by yourself?"
"Don't worry. I'll behave," Dave replied, smiling. He looked away from John, waving to a woman he'd bumped into while looking for John. "I'll just go mingle with the senator's daughter."
One frustrated sigh later, John was sitting with his family in the large dining hall, trying to keep himself occupied by creating a sugar cube pyramid. He couldn't help but think of what Dave had said. The senator's daughter? Okay, so he knew that Dave was attracted to both men and women, but just hearing a comment like that somehow upset John, but he wasn't sure in what way or why. It wasn't like they were in a relationship, or anything like that. For God's sake, John thought to himself. You're straight!
Hours later, the dinner was over and the guests were thinning out, as it was getting rather late and his grandparents would be leaving soon on their annual fall trip to the mountains. John was standing in the dining room, shaking people's hands and giving the wives kisses on the cheek, realizing that he didn't even know most of these people. He craned his neck to see over the crowd, searching for Dave, wondering where on Earth the man could've gone off to. John had spotted him once during the dinner - sitting next to the senator's daughter, who, from what it looked like, had taken a liking to the charming young man - but after that, he hadn't seen the man again.
Excusing himself from the crowd, John stepped out of the dining hall and into the corridor, glancing to his left and right before hearing voices coming from the den. Maybe Dave had decided to explore the house and was in there. Moving down the hallway, John stopped before the den and pushed open the door, only to find his father sitting inside, watching the stock market calculations on television. Before he could be seen, John quickly tried to duck out.
"John?" Too late.
"I was looking for one of my friends," he said, leaning against the doorway.
"Which one?" Jack Carter asked, putting the television on mute and turning towards his son.
"Dr. Malucci," John replied, and then when he saw his father's brow creased in thought: "I don't think you met him. I asked him to attend the party. I work with him."
"Oh," his father said, nodding. Jack stood, stretching out his tall figure while glancing at the television's figures once more before shutting it off. He turned towards his son, staring down at him. "Well, I'd better be going. Your mother is probably ready to go."
"Go?" John asked. "You aren't going to stay with us?"
"No, no," Jack replied, shaking his head. "Your mother wants to stay at a hotel."
"Do you have to do everything Mom wants?" John suddenly asked, causing his father to shoot him a slightly angered look. John sighed, looking away before looking back up at his father. "Look, Dad, we both know Bobby isn't coming back. Mom can live in her bubble, but that doesn't mean you do too."
Father stared at son for a few moments, the latter's searching the former's. John thought he'd finally gotten through to his father. Bobby wasn't coming back, no matter how much his mother Eleanor tried to ignore the fact that he'd died and everything wasn't as it used to be. And Jack had been dragged into that all these years, dragged into a surreal happiness that only existed in Eleanor's mind
But, suddenly, Jack grabbed his jacket off of the couch and threw it over his shoulder, patting his son on the shoulder before brushing past him to leave the room. "I'll see you in a few days, John. We'll stop by before we leave for England."
"Right," John replied as he clenched his jaw, unable to make eye contact with his father. Then he muttered bitterly under his breath: "Maybe Bobby will stop by too."
"What?" Jack asked, before leaving.
"Nothing, Dad," John said, shaking his head. "Absolutely nothing."
-------------------------------------
I'm against myself again
Trying to fit these pieces in
Walking on a cloud of dust to get to you
-------------------------------------
"This has to be the best martini I've ever tasted," Dave commented as he held up his glass to Corrine, the maid of the Carter family mansion, in a toasting manner before bringing it to his lips. Dave had long ago abandoned the party to explore the house when John had left him to eat with his family during the dinner, and wandering into the kitchen, the Junior Resident had found the maid drinking martinis by herself, eating a small plate of food, obviously feeling as if she didn't belong at the party either. Feeling the same way, Dave had decided to join her. He smiled at his companion. "You sure know how to make 'em good."
"Thank you," she replied, before taking a drink from her own glass. She placed it back down on the table they were sitting at, then stood to cross the room to the refrigerator. She turned back to Dave, a smile on her lips, and he could tell she was a little tipsy from the alcohol. "You should try these leftovers from a few days ago. I made chicken cutlets, John's favorite, and - if I do say so myself - it was the best yet!"
Dave smiled. "Bring it on."
Within minutes, they were eating chicken cutlets and drinking martinis, conversing about a childhood encounter of John's. Corrine was slapping her knee in fits of laughter as she retold the story. "You should've seen his face when he realized his mother was standing right behind him! The poor boy, Bobby had set him up!"
"Bobby's his brother?" Dave asked through a smile and a mouthful chicken. Corrine nodded as she placed her hand to her heart, trying to calm herself down. "Where is he now?"
Her expression suddenly turned solemn, and she let out a sigh as she briefly looked away before looking back up to Dave. "He died when they were just boys. He had leukemia. His mother took it the worst; to this day she still isn't the same." Corrine paused, looking away once more as tears sprung to her eyes. Dave held out a napkin to her, and she took it gratefully as she blew her nose with it. "Thank you. You know, the whole family died when Bobby did."
Dave opened his mouth to express some sort of condolence when they heard John's voice wafting through the hallway. "Corrine?" they heard him call as he entered the room. "Have you seen...?" He paused in his step as he saw the younger man sitting with his maid, drinking martinis and eating his favorite dinner. "Dave. What are you doing in here?"
"I got lonely all by myself at your party so I came in here to find Corrine feeling the same way," he replied as he indicated his companion, smiling broadly, with hint of mischief in his eyes. John approached the table, his eyes narrowed in puzzlement. "I don't know what kind of party you're having out there, but in here..." He broke off as he tapped the table with one finger, raising the martini to his lips as he took another drink.
"Actually, the party's over," John said, and Dave turned to glance at the clock behind him, noting how late it had gotten. John turned towards his maid and Dave's new friend. "They need you out there to go clean up, and then you can head on home. The staff's getting the weekend off."
"Are you sure?" Corrine asked as she stood, smoothing her uniform out. John nodded, and smiled sheepishly as the older woman began to straighten out his bowtie. "You can make it by yourself?"
"Yes, Corrine," he replied, brushing away her hands. "I used to live by myself, remember?"
"Only for a year or two," she replied. She began to clean up when Dave started picking up the dishes himself. "Nonsense! I'm still the maid for now, leave it be!"
"Don't worry about it," Dave said, waving her off as he continued to collect dishes. "You've got the rest of the house to do, I can do this. I helped make the mess, at least let me clean it up."
"Alright, fine," she said, raising her hands up in the air in mock- surrender. She then winked at Dave, saying: "Now if only John could find a woman like you. You don't happen to have a sister, do you?"
"Sorry, Corrine," Dave said, compressing his smile, "but I'm an only child."
"What a pity," Corrine said sadly, before straightening out Dave's tuxedo. "The world could use more people like you. Well, I guess if John can't marry your sister, then you're next in line, aren't you?"
Oh, dear God! John's hand flew to his forehead as he closed his eyes, pure horror written all over his face. If that wasn't the most embarrassing thing Corrine could suggest, he didn't know what was. He felt the heat rise in his cheeks as he blushed deeply, and he quickly turned away from the two, busying himself with the dishes.
Dave glanced at John, then whispered theatrically to the maid, amusement in both of their eyes. "I think we're embarrassing him."
Suddenly, a dish dropped to the floor, shattering. John glanced up, his face still red with humiliation. "Sorry," he said, a self-conscious smile on his face.
"I better be going now," Corrine said. She moved to John and kissed his cheek, and then crossed the room to leave. But not before giving Dave a kiss on his own cheek. The Junior Resident smiled broadly. "It was so nice meeting you, Dave, you are such a nice young man. John, I'll see you on Monday morning then." She quickly left the room, but suddenly popped back in briefly, indicating the shards of the dish on the floor. "Oh, and the broom is in the closet. Goodnight, boys!"
"'Night, Corrine!" Dave called to the older woman. He suddenly heard John let out a string of obscenities, and when he turned he could see the Chief Resident cradling a bloody hand as he knelt before the dishes. Dave approached him, his hands tucked leisurely into his slacks' pockets. "I think that's why Corrine told you where the broom was, Carter."
"You think?" John spat as he stood. He immediately glanced apologetically at Dave for snapping at him, but the younger man seemed unaffected by it, and was instead turning on the sink.
"Hold it under the water for a bit and then let me look at it," Dave instructed, and John did as he was told, allowing the water to rinse away the blood before Dave took John's hand in his and inspected what damage the older man had done.
"Do you think I need sutures?" John asked as he watched Dave examine his hand, the Junior Resident's brow creased in concentration as his eyes moved over the laceration on his palm.
"No, just a Band-Aid," Dave said, shaking his head. He looked up at his companion with a small smile, and only then did John realize just how close they were standing to each other. John immediately pulled his hand out of Dave's and took a few steps back, and he couldn't help but notice how crushed the resident looked right now. Dave turned away from John, picking up a dishtowel and tossing it to him. "Here. Put pressure on it to stop the bleeding."
"Good thing you're a doctor," John said, smiling. Wait a second. Am I flirting? John asked himself silently. He quickly put more distance between them, but this time more subtly than he had before by sitting down on the stool Dave had occupied moments earlier. "Thanks."
"No problem," Dave said, shrugging. The younger man crossed the room to the table, where John was sitting. "That's my seat, you know."
"Is it?" John asked, looking up at him. Dave nodded. "What are you going to do about it?"
"Take it," he replied, but made no move towards him.
"When?" John asked, after seeing that the younger man wasn't coming towards him.
"Right now."
"Well, I don't see you doing anything."
Dave approached John, but stood to his side, leaning his elbows on the countertop. He looked up at John, brown eyes meeting brown. "John, what are we doing?" he asked, and the older man immediately realized that Dave had called him by his first name, and not his last. "We both know how stupid this is. Why can't you just admit that you're attracted to me?"
"You say that with such conviction," John said, looking down at the countertop.
Dave leaned forward and forced John to make eye contact with him, unwilling to let John avoid the topic any longer. Then he whispered quietly, "That's because I know it's true."
John suddenly stood, moving quickly from the room. "You can have your seat back."
"I don't want it," Dave said, going after him.
"Then what do you want?" John asked, still walking from the room.
"This!" Dave exclaimed, grabbing John's arm and allowing the older man's own momentum to swing him around to face him, and Dave took that opportunity to kiss John full on the lips, taking each side of the Chief Resident's face in his hands. The older man placed an open palm on Dave's chest and pushed him back, separating them, and Dave let out a frustrated sigh, looking at John with desperation. "Why won't you let this happen?"
"Stop it, Dave."
"No," Dave simply replied.
"Yes."
"No!" Dave said, shaking his head, grabbing the front of John's shirt and pulling John towards him, pulling him into another kiss. At first, the older man fought the kiss, trying to get out of Dave's grasp, but soon, the older man was giving in to it, even kissing him back. Then, suddenly, John pulled away, and Dave looked at him in distress. "What is it now?"
"One of the servants might see us," John said. The last thing he needed was for one of his nosy maids to see them and report this to his parents, making him the Carter family embarrassment in their eyes.
"So what do you suggest we do?" Dave asked, beginning to become impatient. He swore if one more thing interrupted what he wanted to do he would scream. Meanwhile, John looked at Dave, his mouth open as if to say something, but he couldn't get the words out. Was he really ready for this? Was he really ready to let another man take his body in the way he'd only let a woman do previously? "John? Do you want to go back to my place or something?"
"No, Dave," he quickly replied, breaking from his thoughts. He wasn't going to delay this any further. He was going to find out if he was ready for this. And he was going to find out right now. "Let's go to my bedroom."
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And I am falling into grace
To the unknown
To where you are
And...
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John Carter closed his bedroom door quietly behind him, but not before checking to make sure no one was out in the hallway. His grandmother and grandfather had gone out on their trip to the mountains, his parents had insisted on staying at a hotel, and the servants had the weekend off, but one could never tell if someone had decided to come back because they'd forgotten something, or - in the case of the servants - stay because they wanted to sleep in. Turning towards his companion, John was surprised as he felt Dave suddenly wrap his arms around him, and then proceed to kiss him senseless.
John opened his mouth, allowing Dave's tongue to join his own, and sucked on it gently, giving him an idea of what his mouth could do. Sure, John had never given a male oral sex, but it didn't mean he couldn't try. He felt Dave chuckle into the kiss, knowing what John was hinting at, and then pulled his tongue back into his mouth, John's immediately following it. He felt Dave gently bite down on his tongue, sending a chill up and down his spine. God, at this point, John believed that this guy could do anything, and with assured confidence and no hesitation, that was for sure - one of the things that John had always liked about Dave.
They moved back and turned, their bodies pressed against each other, both men feeling the pressure in the other's pants. John felt the back of his legs hit the tall bed, and let himself sit down on it, pulling Dave on top of him so that the younger man was straddling him between his legs as they continued their make-out session.
Unexpectedly, John felt Dave slowly rocking his hips against him. It was somehow erotic, probably because it was something John had never done to a woman when they still had their clothes on, and it made John even harder than he was now. John had a feeling that a lot of unexpected things would be happening tonight, and he had a feeling that he'd like those things too.
He felt rather than saw Dave shrug off his tuxedo jacket because his eyes were closed, and then he hastily removed his own, throwing it to the side and allowing it to land wherever it wanted to. Dave then, apparently, took it upon himself to take off John's shirt. He felt Dave unbuttoning each button slowly, whether to tease John or just because he sucked at unbuttoning, who knew, but John was so horny he wanted this done faster, so he began helping him, starting from the bottom buttons. Once his shirt was undone, Dave pushed it off of his shoulders with experienced hands, and pushed it off of the bed, where his own shirt soon joined it. They still hadn't parted lips, and it would be a feat to remove their undershirts around their kiss, so John broke away suddenly, pulling his undershirt over his head with one fluent movement. Dave soon did the same, revealing a tanned, well-toned chest, just as hairless as his companion's.
Glancing up at Dave's face, he could see the younger man licking his swollen lips in anticipation, a naughty smile coming to his face. John felt a smile come to his own face as Dave placed both of his hands on John's shoulders, and then pushed him backwards so that he fell onto the bed. Dave then lay on top of him, kissing his neck and even nipping it playfully before traveling back to John's mouth, where his lips were once more ravaged by the younger man's. He heard Dave kick off his shoes, and then promptly did the same with his own, awkwardly reaching out blindly to remove his socks just as Dave did the same.
Once that was out of the way, Dave sat back and began to unbuckle John's belt, unbuttoning his pants and then pulling down his fly to reveal black silk boxers and a definite tent in the fabric that could only be made from one organ and one organ alone. When he saw Dave smile widely, John suddenly reached out and took Dave's wrists in his hands, stopping the man from going any further.
"Dave," he breathed, his respiration fast and coming in quick bursts during the heat of the moment. Dave looked down into John's brown eyes, seeing the concern in them. "You know I've never done this before...what are you expecting?"
"Nothing," Dave replied softly, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on John's mouth. "I'm expecting nothing from you, John. Same rules as a few weeks ago: we don't do anything you don't want to. Just say the word, and we'll stop."
"Are you sure?" John asked, but all he got in reply was another kiss, this one hard and passionate, driving John crazy. He momentarily thought how much Dave must be experienced at this, and was somehow reassured that at least he was going to do this with someone who knew what they were doing. John broke away from the kiss, breathing hard into Dave's ear. "I want you to fuck me, Dave. God, just do it."
Dave only smiled a genuine smile that hadn't made an appearance in weeks - and, God, what a beautiful smile it was - as he leaned back once more, and stood briefly to remove his own pants before throwing them to the floor with the other clothes. Then, he bent over the bed to pull John's pants down, tossing them behind him carelessly. Finally, all that was left was John's boxers. Dave smiled that naughty smile again as he hooked his fingers around the elastic band of the boxers and pulled them down and off of his body, revealing John in all of his glory. His eyes traveled over the length of the older man's body in appreciation as his smile faded slowly, hovering over his semi-erect cock a little longer then the other body parts. Finally, Dave's eyes traveled back up to John's as he regained his smile, and then he bent over to slide his own boxers down to the floor, kicking them off to mingle with the other garments.
John now allowed his own eyes to travel over the younger man's. From his broad shoulders to his well-toned chest and down to the soft hairs below his waist and those strong legs from years of bicycling to and from work and wherever else it was that he went, David Malucci's tanned body was almost perfect. The only flaws he had were a few prominent scars that John knew were from medical procedures because he was a doctor: a scar on his left flank due to a chest tube, one on his pectorals due to a central line...amongst others. The only thing that was left unknown was where they had come from, and maybe John would find out someday, in due time. But for now, they were left unsaid, quite simply ignored because both men wanted them to be.
John outstretched his arms to Dave, who took his hands in his own, and then the older man pulled him back onto the bed, on top of him. Their bodies lie against each other, and they were once again drawn into a kiss as they turned onto their sides, wrapping their arms around each other and allowing their hands to explore each other's bodies. John could feel Dave's hand moving down his back and to his side, finding the scars there left from years ago and tracing them with his fingertips gently, almost lovingly. John moved his own hands over Dave's chest and around his side to the small of his back, only hesitating briefly before moving lower...lower.
Dave suddenly pulled away, sitting up. "What is it?" John asked, alarmed.
"We can't do this dry," Dave replied, hopping off of the bed. John gave him a puzzled glance, urging Dave silently to elaborate, but the younger man was looking around the room, and when he turned back to John, he caught the confused expression. "Lubricant. We need some kind of lubricant."
"I..." John said, wracking his brain to think of where he could have any, and shrugging when he came up with nothing. "I don't have any."
"Do you have any lotion?" Dave asked, his eyes traveling to an open door that led to an adjoining bathroom. Without waiting for a response, Dave quickly ran into the room. He glanced inside the shower, briefly considering using the conditioner that was sitting on the small shelf, but something didn't settle right with that option. He'd immediately thought of Luka's and his encounter in the shower a few weeks ago upon seeing it, and he didn't want to be thinking about that while fucking John. "Lotion, John?"
"Maybe," he heard from the bedroom. "Check the mirror."
"The mirror?" Dave asked himself as he glanced into it, catching his reflection in the glass. Recognition crossed his face as he realized what John meant, and he pulled open the mirror door to reveal a small medicine cabinet. Inside was a large bottle of body lotion. Dave immediately smiled; they could have all the sex they wanted with that thing. He picked it up and crossed the threshold into the bedroom once more, moving towards the bed. "Got it."
Staring at the bottle of lotion in Dave's hand, John thought, Shit. This was really going to happen. This was really going to happen, right now, at this time. Right now. But he had no idea what to do. "How exactly are we going to do this?" John asked as he scooted over to let Dave sit down next to him. "I mean...do I lay on my stomach or something?"
Man, the guy really *was* a novice with this, wasn't he? But Dave compressed his smile; he didn't want John to think he was making fun of him and scare him off, when all he was doing was smiling at how cute John was right now. That was the last thing he needed because, God, he'd wanted this for so long.
"Let's just see how it goes," Dave said, moving on top of John and enveloping his lips with his own as he wrapped his strong arms around the older man. While doing this, Dave managed to squeeze some of the lotion into his hand, and rubbed it between his hands before moving them down between their two bodies to wrap it around John's and his own cock in an attempt to get them harder than the half-masts they were at now. He began to tug and twist gently, pumping one cock in each hand, and was pleased when he heard a moan escape from John's lips as the older man started bucking his hips against his hand.
With his own cock lubricated, the only thing left to do was get John's ass ready. Squeezing more lotion onto his hand while John was distracted by Dave masturbating him, he moved his hand between John's legs to cup his balls briefly before moving behind them, right to John's pucker. Very gently and slowly, he slid one finger inside John, who immediately let out a gasp when he realized what was going on. Dave looked at John expectantly, and John nodded to show that he was doing fine and to continue. Without hesitation, Dave began pulling his finger in and out, stretching him enough to fit two fingers. Suddenly, a mischievous smile came to Dave's face, and John narrowed his eyes in suspicion just as a jolt of pleasure was sent through is body.
"God!" John exclaimed as his eyes went wide and his breath came in short bursts, his heart ramming in his chest. "How did you do that?"
Dave just smiled, continuing to sweep his fingers over John's prostate every time he entered, sending small orgasms through John each time he touched his sweet spot. John could already feel himself about to go over the edge with all of the sensations Dave was sending through is body at once. Kissing and touching and pumping and whatever-the-hell-it-was Dave was doing down there, and it was all driving John crazy.
Realizing this, Dave felt that three fingers was sufficient for John to be ready, so some tact, Dave carefully pulled out his fingers, just as he had been doing, but instead of sliding them back inside of John, he slid in his cock, which, by now, had a raging hard-on. Slowly, with his palms pressed flat against the mattress to hold him up, since he was on top of John, Dave entered John so he wouldn't hurt him, and John looked up at Dave with questioning eyes, as if to ask if what he thought was happening was really happening. Dave smiled as he saw another wave of pleasure sweep over John's face as he once again touched John's sweet spot, and continued to smile each time he swept over it.
After several more moments of this, John said, half-moaning on the first word: "*God*...you could go on all night, couldn't you?"
"Thank those martinis Corrine gave me," Dave said, only thinking about how much more "staying power" he would've had if he'd taken the Dexedrine he had in the pocket of his slacks. Next time, Dave thought to himself. Then: If there even *is* a next time, Malucci.
"Well, whatever it is you're doing," John said, running his hands up Dave's arms and down his chest and abdomen, feeling his muscles under the slickness of his sweaty skin, "just keep doing it."
Quite unexpectedly, Dave felt John's hands close around his wrists, and then raise his arms up so that he could hold the younger man's hands. Clasping hands tightly with John, the older doctor supported Dave, surprisingly being able to bear the younger doctor's weight. This was something Dave had never done with another man while having sex, and it was somehow intimate and arousing at the same time, especially since he was doing it with someone he cared for like this. Closing his eyes, Dave listened to the night air, hearing their harsh breathing and skin moving against skin as he thrust in and out of John slowly, in and out and in and out and, God, John was so tight against his skin, surrounding him and taking him in and never letting go, God, don't ever let me go, Dave thought, his eyes screwed shut.
Throwing his head back, Dave soon felt himself going over the edge, and let go of one of John's hand to pump John in tune with his thrusts, each thrust becoming quicker than the last. "God, you are so tight, John," Dave whispered breathlessly as he felt the tightness of John's ass around him. "God...God...oh, God...oh God oh God oh God...!"
Dave opened his eyes and looked down into John's as he tried to form a sentence, words, anything, but all he could do was utter unintelligible sounds as he came hard and fast, just as John exploded between them, coming on their chests and Dave's hand, which had still been pumping him. Dave gently slid out of John and collapsed against his chest, resting his ear against John's heart, the older man's semen almost gluing them together. Their breathing was hard and uneven, and Dave could barely hear John's heart against his ear because his own was beating so loudly in his chest. Finally, when their breathing became even once more and their heart rates were normal, Dave rolled off of John and lay on his back next to him in bed.
"Can you come up here?" John asked. He was hoping that Dave wouldn't pull out once they were finished, but the younger man had, leaving him suddenly feeling empty without Dave inside of him or touching him. Dave craned his neck back to look up at John and smiled, before turning over again and scooting up towards him. They crawled under the covers, and John turned towards Dave and nuzzled into his chest, being one of those one-in-a- million guys that liked to cuddle after sex. "That's better."
Dave smiled, and then let out a deep yawn as he arched his back with it. "God, John," Dave said, getting comfortable in the bed with him, the warmth of their first night together returning to him. "If tonight was this good, I can't wait to see how you'll be with some practice."
Dave felt John smile as the younger man fell asleep in his arms, and only briefly wondered how different things would be in the morning, and if their relationship would fall into one like his and Luka's was now or had been before, or escalate into what he really wanted: something more.
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Faith makes everybody scared
It's the unknown, the don't know
That keeps me hanging on and on and on to you
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Copyright Footer', 'This site is not affiliated in any way with "ER", its writers or production company, or NBC, and makes no profit from the show. The ERROS skin is by Brihana. The script is eFiction version 3.4.2© Tammy Keefer, http://efiction.org\r\n