John Carter had been drinking a beer and joking around with Al and Lydia at Carol and Shep's Christmas party when Harper had sidled up to him to let him know she was leaving. She was on early the next morning and wanted to get some sleep. And then she was headed out the door. Without him.

John had handed his beer to Al, found his coat and practically ran out the front door, catching up to Harper at the curb.

"Wait. I'll take you home," he said.

"That's okay. I can take the El. Have a Merry Christmas, John."

"Harper..." He wasn't sure what to say. They had been seeing each other for a little while now. Sleeping together. Hell, he had given her diamond earrings for a Christmas present. Not that doing so meant he was entitled to anything from her. But, still...he had been hoping for at least a kiss goodnight. "It's cold and it's Christmas Eve. Let me drive you home."

"Carter, you're having a great time at the party. Just go back inside and keep having a great time. I'll see you later, okay?" And with that she turned around and walked toward the El station.

John watched her leave, silently cursing her independent streak. Dejected, and rejected, he headed back up the sidewalk to Carol's porch, sitting on the top step. He didn't want to go inside and have everyone look at him in pity since they knew Harper had left without him.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he wasn't aware that someone was on the porch with him until he heard a familiar voice.

"She's supposed to be your girlfriend, right?"

John looked up and to his left, seeing Raul Melendez sitting there. He was used to seeing Raul in his firefighters uniform and not street clothes, but he couldn't remember seeing him earlier at the party. He had just assumed that Raul would be there since Shep was his partner. "Yeah. She is. Not that you would be able to tell tonight."

"So I noticed. It's Carter, right?"

John nodded. "Yeah. So, why aren't you inside partying? Did you just get here?"

Raul laughed. "There's a little too much celebrating going on for my tastes. Everyone in there seems to be with someone else, even if they won't admit it to each other." He had seen Jeanie Boulet and that surgeon Peter Benton dancing around each other, even though they didn't want to admit they had the hots for one another. Then there was Shep and Carol. It's definitely odd when your hostess and her boyfriend, who also happened to be your partner, disappear upstairs. In a perverse kind of way, Raul was hoping the ceiling would fall in, embarrassing the couple as they would be dumped in the middle of the party. But without anyone getting hurt, Raul amended. He didn't want to *have* to work tonight.

"Your girlfriend couldn't make it tonight?" John asked. He frowned when Raul laughed. What was so funny about asking *that* question? Raul Melendez was a good-looking guy. It was just a matter of course that he would have an equally good-looking girl.

"What's so funny?" John asked.

"Sorry. I shouldn't have laughed. I just assumed that everyone knew. I don't hide the fact that I'm gay."

"Oh." Gay. John looked out at the street as that bit of information settled into his brain. Then he tried to sneak a look over at the paramedic, not sure what to say next.

"Trust me, I don't look any different now than I did before you knew," Raul said, a bitter tone to his voice. Why did people react like he'd suddenly sprouted horns on the top of his head whenever he told them he was gay?

"I didn't think you did. I just...Hell, I don't know." John still didn't know what to say. "Sorry."

"Sorry you didn't know I was gay, sorry you reacted badly to finding out, or sorry I don't have a date for tonight?"

"Um, the last two."

Raul laughed again. "Good answer. Hey, why don't we blow this party and go somewhere else to get a real drink? You don't look as if you want to go back inside and I certainly don't want to be in there."

John shrugged, unsure how to respond. A gay man was asking him if he wanted to go for drinks. What if Raul wanted to go to a gay bar? What if he was hitting on him?"

Raul could feel the worry emanating from John Carter. "It's all right. I can understand that you might be uneasy about going to a bar with me. Forget I asked." Raul got to his feet and stepped around John to head toward the El station and home. It wasn't much fun going to a bar alone.

"Hey, it's okay. I just don't want to go to some place that I'd feel uncomfortable." John got to his feet and began to follow Raul down the sidewalk.

"I wouldn't do that to you, Carter." Raul stopped at the end of the walk and waited for the other man to catch up to him. "You okay to drive or should we take the El?"

John thought about how much he'd had to drink. "I'm okay, but we might need to take the El to get home later."

"Good enough. Lead the way to your car and I'll tell you how to get to this great bar in my neighborhood. And it's not a gay bar."

"Okay. My Jeep is over there." John nodded his head in the direction of his vehicle as he fished in his pocket for the keys.

"A Jeep, huh? I thought a rich boy like you would have something flashier." Raul was only half joking.

"I don't do flash, Melendez. Come on." John stepped off the curb and led Raul to his Jeep, then they drove off into the night.

****************************************

"So, there I was practically stepping on this guy. I could literally hear my heart beating as I ran to the ER, screaming my head off for help. We got this guy inside and Greene let me intubate him. Then Benton came in and took over." John said. He took another sip of his drink, remembering the events of that morning. Finding the gang-banger had been scary, but not as scary as doing his first intubation. But he had done it correctly, much to his relief. And then Benton had just barged in, taking the patient and leaving him behind to do his labs and scut work as usual. Life sucked when you were a med student.

"So," Raul began, "what happened to the banger?"

"He died." John picked up the newly refilled shot glass and slung back the whiskey. "He only lasted about ten or twenty minutes into the surgery. Lost too much blood I guess."

"Man. When will they ever learn? I get so tired of working on kids, you know?" Raul sipped on his whiskey.

"I haven't had a chance to do much yet, but I know what you mean. It's scary, isn't it?"

"It sure is."

They drank in silence for a bit. The bartender came to a stop in front of them. "Last call, guys."

"Two more whiskeys then," Raul said. "For each of us."

The bar keep's eyes narrowed. "You ain't driving home, are you?"

"No, Nate. I'm walking home and he's taking the El," Raul replied.

"Good. Four whiskey's coming up."

I wish I had something coming up, Raul thought as he stole another sideways glance at John Carter. It was a pity the guy was straight. If not, then Raul would have forgotten about the bar and instead would have dragged John back to his place so he could fuck his brains out. Now that was a good way to spend Christmas Eve. Not sitting alone at a party while watching a bunch of straights get drunk and paw all over each other.

As for John, he was feeling quite at ease with Raul. At first he had thought he would feel uneasy being around a gay man, but he didn't. Raul was a nice guy, and he wasn't trying to make any passes at him, either. Which was a good thing because John had no idea what he would do or say if Raul did.

The bartender returned with the whiskeys and the guys finished them off rather quickly and were ready to leave when the bartender began to herd everyone -- not that there were many customers left in the bar at midnight on Christmas Eve, out the door.

"Which way is your apartment?" John asked as they both reached to turn up their collars against the bitter cold.

"Same way as the El station. C'mon." Raul turned to the right and they walked down a few blocks. They were both swaying on their feet by the time they came to a stop in front of the apartment building where Raul lived.

"So, have you had enough to drink for tonight or would you like to come on up and have another?" Raul offered. "Or maybe have some coffee and warm up before getting on the El?"

"The warming up part sounds good."

"This way then." Raul led the way to his apartment, quickly letting them in. The heat was on and it felt warm and cozy inside.

John shed his coat and tossed it on the chair, then sat down on the couch. He didn't think he could have walked much further without falling over. And as John watched Raul stumble and lurch around the room he knew that Raul wouldn't be in a vertical position for much longer.

"Hey, Raul, forget about the coffee, okay? What you need is to go to bed."

Raul stood in front of John. "And are you going to put me there?" he asked, grinning.

"If I have to." John stood, then grabbed Raul by the upper arm and led him into the bedroom. "I won't brush your teeth for you though."

"What a shame. You *are* going to undress me, aren't you?" Raul asked. He was smiling wickedly as he realized that John Carter wasn't as straight as he had assumed or else he wouldn't be coming on to him like this.

John laughed, then nodded. "If I have to. You need to be in bed, Raul, and since I'm more sober, I'm going to have to put you there."

Raul sat down on the bed a bit abruptly. He had been on the verge of losing his balance so it was either sit down or fall down. He stuck his foot out so John could take off his shoe.

John grinned and pulled off Raul's right shoe and sock, repeating those actions with Raul's left foot. Then he helped Raul out of his shirt. John turned to pull back the covers and found himself grabbed around the waist and wrestled to the mattress. Then hot lips were being pressed against any area of open skin that Raul could find. At first John struggled to get away, but then the kisses started to feel nice and he began to kiss back.

Raul pinned John to the bed, straddling his hips. God, but this kid was hot. "I thought you were straight?"

"I am." John replied as he struggled half-heartedly to get his wrists free of Raul's hands.

"Oh, yeah? So why'd you kiss me? And why do you have this?" Raul risked letting go of one of John's wrists to reach down and stroke John's obvious erection. "Why don't we get these pants off you and then you can tell me again how straight you are."

"I am straight. I'm just drunk right now," John said with a giggle. He thought it was funny that Raul thought he was coming on to him or something.

"Yeah, right. Stay still." Raul unbuttoned John's shirt, then pushed the shirt and suspenders off John's shoulders. Raul stretched out over John's body, rubbing his bare skin over John's, and trembling as he heard the other man moan. Their bodies quickly became entwined as they rolled around the bed, kissing, touching and undressing.

***********************************************

John always awoke early on Christmas morning. It went back to his childhood when he, Bobby and Barbara could barely contain their excitement over finding out what Santa Claus had left for them under the tree. They would whisper to each other, giggling as they hurried down the stairs to the living room. The minute they walked into the room their eyes would widen and they would squeal with delight, completely forgetting that they weren't supposed to wake their parents this early. The three of them would gaze at the presents, deciding right then what they would open first. Their parents had one rule -- they could get up as early as they wished on Christmas morning, but they couldn't open any toys or other packages until their parents had a cup of coffee in front of them. As they crowded around the tree, they could smell the coffee that the cook was preparing, excited since they knew their parents would be downstairs soon.

Even now, after all these years, John could smell the coffee. He rolled over, the sheets slightly rough against his bare skin. He inhaled deeply, but the scent on the sheets wasn't Harper's. He couldn't quite place it, but he knew that he wasn't in her bed and he most certainly wasn't in his own, either. His eyes slowly opened and he lifted his head to look around the room. A hard pounding inside his skull told him that moving quickly was *not* a good idea. He had a major hangover and coffee seemed like a good idea. He got out of bed and looked for his pants. They had to be somewhere. He found his shoes, his socks, his shirt and undershirt. His tie. Looking under the bed, he finally spotted his pants on the other side. He got up and walked around the bed, kneeling down to pick up the pants. As he straightened, he heard footsteps approaching from the open door and just as Raul Melendez stepped into view, John remembered where he was.

The two men looked at each other, each one getting progressively red in the face as they remembered what had happened the night before.

"For what it's worth, I don't think we ever did manage to do anything last night," Raul said. "I looked and didn't see any signs that we actually had sex." Raul had been pleasantly surprised to wake up and find his arms wrapped around the warm and naked body of John Carter. But his pleasure had quickly faded as he remembered that John was straight -- had a girlfriend even. Then Raul had taken a quick mental inventory of his body, noting nothing sore or out of place. He had risked awakening John by doing a cursory examination of his body. There was no blood on his thighs or on the sheets. Raul was sure they had passed out from being drunk before they were able to cross a line that John should have never been near. He had grinned when he realized that at some point the other man had ceased being "Carter" and was now simply "John" to him. They might not have managed to have sex, but what they had managed to do had been enough to alter that much for Raul.

"I've made some coffee. If your head hurts as much as mine does, then you'll need it. I'll let you get dressed in private." Raul quickly turned and walked back to the kitchen, his body responding to the sight he had just been treated to. Drunk or sober, Raul couldn't deny that he desired John. But he didn't pursue straights and he tried to avoid bi's whenever possible. He had some friends who got a kick out of the fact that their lovers would leave their girlfriend or wife's beds and come to theirs, but that didn't do much for Raul. If he was with someone, then he was with someone *all* the time. Not just part of the time. Although, John Carter could be the exception to that unwritten rule, Raul thought. A night or two with John would be worth putting up with the fact that he was also sleeping with Harper Tracy. Definitely worth it.

Raul poured himself a cup of coffee, then got out a mug for John to use. He wasn't sure how long it would take for John to dress, so he didn't pour any coffee for him. No sense in it getting cold if John decided he needed a long time alone.


After Raul left the doorway, John hurriedly dressed. He couldn't believe that he had woken up naked in another man's bed. He tried to remember just what he had said and done last night, but the only thing that seemed to jump out at him was the fact that he had come on to Raul. He had wanted him in a sexual way. That was something that he had never experienced before. Even though Raul had been completely dressed as he stood in the doorway, John kept seeing images of him naked and aroused. And remembering that now was making John's own penis get hard.

He abruptly sat on the bed, then jumped up, turning around and backing away from it until his backside touched the dresser. He had a girlfriend. He liked women. Liked making love to women. Liked everything about women. So, why then was he hard just thinking about Raul? He had seen Raul plenty of times at work, but had never felt like this before. Why now? Why this attraction to another man? It wasn't just curiosity, either. That didn't make you hard.

After standing there feeling like a freak, John decided that the adult thing would be to go get a cup of coffee, then leave. But not too quickly. After all, he didn't want to hurt Raul's feelings. John left the bedroom and followed the smell of freshly brewed coffee until he was in the kitchen.

He paused in the doorway, watching Raul as he leaned back against the counter drinking from his large coffee mug. There was a tightness in John's throat and his cock twitched within his pants, reacting to the nearness of Raul. A reaction that John just couldn't explain. All he knew right then was that it scared him. Still, he had faced fear before and won and he could do so now. This would be a piece of cake, John thought.

Raul was drinking his coffee, his mind still on the young medical student in his bedroom. There was a part of him that regretted not taking advantage of John when he woke up this morning and found John's naked body pressed up against his own. Raul had hardened then, but his common sense overrode his body. He didn't want to be attracted to someone like John. At least not now in his life -- even if John turned out to be bi, or just had the hots for him alone, it would be too complicated. As Raul thought about that, he found his thoughts straying to ways he would handle those complications, and then he began to feel as if he were being watched. Glancing toward the doorway, he saw John standing there, those dark eyes intently watching him.

Raul smiled and gestured to the coffee maker. "Help yourself. That mug on the counter is for you. If you want sugar, it's in the blue canister, milk is in the fridge."

"Thanks," John replied. He walked over to the counter and filled the mug, then took a long sip of the hot liquid, knowing that he needed the strong and bitter hit of black coffee to chase away the cobwebs. After another swallow, he reached for the sugar canister, spooning in more than he usually took. Satisfied with the overly sweet brew, he leaned his hip against the table and drank, not quite willing to look Raul in the eyes.

The silence stretched on, making each man feel uncomfortable as they thought of what nearly happened. Of what each of them secretly wished had happened. Finally, Raul had enough of the silence.

"So, it's Christmas Day. Any plans?"

John nodded. "At some point today I have to show up at my grandparents house so they can tell me what a horrible grandson I am for not showing up for dinner last night and that I'm making a big mistake with my life by becoming a doctor. Then we'll exchange gifts and I'll go home, feeling completely wiped out after dealing with my family. If I'm lucky, my parents will have made it back to the country and they'll be there, and if I'm really lucky, they won't have made it back and they won't be there." John smiled as he said the last part, pretending to joke about it. Anything to cover the hurt he felt over knowing it was true. "What about you?"

"I'm on at six, so I have to be at my Mama's by 2 to exchange gifts. Our feast will come later, in January, when we celebrate the arrival of the Magi. The exchanging of gifts is one concession my Mama makes to American customs, but I think she does it because she likes to get her presents early." Raul grinned as he thought of how much his Mama's face would light up with each present she opened.

John felt a lurch in his stomach when Raul smiled like that. He knew he needed to leave now. "Well, I guess I'll be on my way so you can get ready."

"Yeah." Raul looked at his watch. It was only eight in the morning, so it he had plenty of time to get ready. But he couldn't see himself telling that to John It was best to just let John leave. "I'm going to jump in the shower now, but you can take your time with your coffee. Just make sure you lock the door behind you when you leave, okay?"

John slowly nodded. "Sure. Um, look, about last night, and this morning..."

"Nothing happened. We were both drunk and nothing happened. It didn't mean anything, John. You're not suddenly gay."

"I know." John felt the need to defend himself on that point. "I wasn't worried that I was. I just...well, I wanted to let you know that if I ever did get it on with a guy, you'd be the one."

They stared at each other for a few moments, then Raul nodded. "And if I ever decided to seduce a straight guy, you'd be the one I'd go for. Now, forget about it, all right?" He put his mug in the sink and headed down the hallway. "Remember what I said about locking the door behind you," Raul called over his shoulder.

"I will." John sat down at the table, slowly drinking his coffee as he listened to Raul move around in the apartment. He heard a door close and figured Raul was in the bathroom. Probably undressing right about now. John's brow furrowed as he remembered what Raul's body looked like. Last night was still fairly blurry, but the events were coming back to him. Raul had looked -- delicious. John's cock thought so, too, and bounced to full life. He shifted in the chair, uncomfortable as his swollen member pushed against the cotton fabric of his boxer shorts, wanting release. Wanting Raul and not Harper.

"I've got to get outta here," John muttered. He walked to the sink and rinsed out his mug, then left it in the sink by Raul's. His overcoat was draped over a chair in the living room and John put it on, then opened the front door to leave. Standing in the threshold, John paused. He had never before wanted another man, but he wanted Raul. Hell, if he was honest with himself, he would admit that he *needed* the other man. What would it hurt to indulge himself this one time? Get it out of his system, so to speak? Was it really cheating on Harper? Hell, yes, it was. But, she had slept with Doug Ross out of need and expected him to accept it and get past it. Was it too selfish of him to want the same acceptance?


In the bathroom, Raul's shoulders sagged as he heard the unmistakable sound of his front door closing. John had gone. Just as he should, Raul reminded himself. He was straight and happy. "That slight bulge you saw in his pants when you noticed he was looking at you in the kitchen didn't mean anything to him," he thought. He turned on the water and stepped into the tub, lathering shampoo into his hair. Closing his eyes, he stepped under the spray to rinse. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he felt two strong arms encircle his waist and a very hard cock press against his buttocks.

Turning around in those arms, Raul shook the water from his eyes and looked in wonder at John Carter. "I thought you left."

John shrugged. "I thought about leaving. I almost did go. But, when am I ever going to have this chance again, Raul? You're the only man I've ever felt like this about and I want to treat myself today and do something about it. Call it my Christmas present to myself."

Raul ran his hands down John's body, cupping his balls and then slowly stroking his hard cock. Even though it was slender, it was still plump enough to tell Raul that he would experience a great deal of pleasure from it. And he hoped that John would experience a great deal of pleasure from his own substantial cock. Tonight or tomorrow, John would return to his girlfriend's bed, but for this morning, he belonged to him, and Raul was determined to make the most of that, even if it ended up making him late at his Mama's house.

Raul pulled John closer, capturing his face in his hands to hold him steady as he leaned in to kiss him. "Feliz Navidad, Juan," he said. Then their mouths met, John's lips parted, and Raul lost himself in that sweetness.


The End.