Dr. Kovac, I Presume by Cathy Roberts
Summary: It's a slash story, what's to summarize ? The song "Grace Is Gone" is by Dave Matthews. Okay, this was my vision of what should have happened when Luka and Carter were in the Congo.
Categories: Regular Characters: John Carter, Luka Kovac
Genres: General
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 7 Completed: Yes Word count: 36235 Read: 120307 Published: September 22, 2004 Updated: September 22, 2004

1. Chapter One by Cathy Roberts

2. Chapter Two by Cathy Roberts

3. Chapter Three by Cathy Roberts

4. Chapter Four by Cathy Roberts

5. Chapter Five by Cathy Roberts

6. Chapter Six by Cathy Roberts

7. Chapter Seven by Cathy Roberts

Chapter One by Cathy Roberts
Somewhere in the eastern part of the Democratic Republic of the Congo:


John Carter smiled as he shook his head, wondering how it all came so easily to Luka Kovac. Chicago, the Congo, it didn't seem to matter where the man was, he had women falling all over him. Not that he could blame, them, John thought. Luka was a good-looking man, and when he wasn't behaving like a complete ass, he was a great guy. Not that John was into guys, but if he was, well, then there was no doubt about it - he'd never kick Luka out of bed for eating crackers. And, it had also been good to have Luka there, despite the horror of the day. While Luka's presence also reinforced the feeling of helpless that John felt due to knowing that the young man could have lived if they had been in Chicago, John had found comfort in having someone there that he knew. When he had first arrived at the clinic and heard that Luka was still around, John had been happy. Strange how going halfway around the world could make you even appreciate those who you weren't close to, John mused, once more regretting the fact that there was such a gulf between the two of them.

And having Luka back to the hospital from the clinic meant that Gillian would quit flirting with him. At least that's what John hoped would happen now that Luka, her earlier conquest, was now headed for her bed once more. It had slightly bothered him, though, when Luka had seemed to imply that John would have bedded Gillian despite Abby. Was Luka's opinion of him so bad as to think he would cheat? Or was screwing around on your girlfriend some European trait that John knew nothing about? Or was Luka just the cheating type in general? Of all of Abby's complaints about Luka when they had been a couple, fidelity hadn't been one of them, so John didn't think that Luka was a cheater.

Thinking about Abby brought a smile to John's face, and he decided it was time to try once more to call and talk with her. He'd only spoken to her once since he arrived in the Congo, the rest of the time when he had called, he'd ended up with the answering machine. While it had been nice to hear Abby's voice, it wasn't as good as talking to her live, and John was hoping that this call would catch her at home.

He made his way to Angelique's office, the only place in the hospital with a reliable phone, hoping to find her still there. After all the surgeries she had performed that day, John was afraid she'd be in bed already, needing the rest. But he wasn't surprised to see the light on and her door open.

"Hey," he greeted her from the doorway.

She looked up from her paperwork, one thing that seemed to be the same the world over, and smiled wearily at him. "Hello," she waved her hand in the general direction of the chairs in front of her desk, all of which were covered with an assortment of books, paperwork and supplies. "Have a seat. Your blood type, O negative, correct?"

John moved a pile from one chair to another and sat down, nodding and already knowing where she was going with her question. "The blood supply is that low?"

Angelique nodded. "Today put a strain on it, yes. Gillian hasn't gotten to you already, has she? She was here earlier, asking if I knew where you were."

"She found me, but I haven't had anything to drink, if that's what you're asking," John replied with a grin as he remembered Gillian's offer of a drink as a way to wash away the memory of the day. And for some reason, he had found himself telling her yes, although even as he watched her pour the vodka and Coke into a cup, he knew he wouldn't drink it. Still, it was interesting to note that while she had offered him a drink, she had pointedly ignored Luka, not that it had seemed to bother the other man much, he had still taken Gillian up on her offer to share her bed. "I was hoping to get to use your phone."

"Again?" she asked with a grin of her own. "Well, I think we can make a deal, Dr. Carter. One pint of your blood for use of my telephone."

John nodded, although they both knew that she'd let him use the phone, even if he had refused to give blood. Not that there was much of a chance of that happening, he thought, knowing the need was so great.

"Let's go. I'm also O negative, so we can keep each other company while being bled dry," Angelique quipped.

John laughed as he followed her from the office, thinking it was a good thing that Angelique was the director and not a nurse or one of his fellow doctors there temporarily. She would have been a far greater temptation than Gillian, even if the younger woman was prettier. But neither woman could hold a candle to what he felt for Abby, and he found himself missing her more than he had thought he would.

An hour later, and only feeling slightly dizzy, John was back at Angelique's, office, and his calling card in hand. Angelique had told him to go on ahead, so he could have some privacy, just in case he reached Abby and not her answering machine, so John had the office all to himself. Smiling wistfully, he picked up the phone, and then dialed the myriad of numbers that would connect him with home. Just as he thought he'd have to leave yet another message, the phone was picked up, and John could hear Abby's laugh in the background, and the clinking of glass upon glass. He scowled as he looked at his watch, wondering just what kind of a party Abby could be having in the afternoon, although it wouldn't be unlike Susan or Deb to be keeping Abby company in his absence.

"Yo, you've reached Abby's place, Hank speaking. What can we do for you?"

John's blood ran cold as he heard the man's voice. A drunken voice no less, and then Abby's giggling nearby. "Give me the phone, Hank...stop that" moaning in the background, Abby's moaning "...oh, God...Hank, yes..."

John ended the call, his eyes closed with an onset of pain that he wasn't sure he could handle. Perhaps he'd called the wrong number? No. It had been Abby's voice he had heard, Abby laughing and happy and moaning from another man's touch. The calling card came back out, and John found himself dialing the number of someone who he trusted wouldn't lie to him while he hoped that Susan was home and not at work.

"Hello?" her voice answered the line, sounding tired.

"Susan, it's John. John Carter."

"Carter? Sorry, I finished a double shift at noon." John heard a rustling and then Susan was back on the line, sounding a bit more coherent. "Is something wrong?" she asked, her voice now sounding wary, no longer tired...or worried.

"I was hoping you'd tell me. What's going on with Abby, Susan? Who's Hank?" He tried to keep the pain from his voice, but knew he was failing. There HAD to be a reasonable explanation and John was counting on Susan to provide it.

Instead, John got a heavy sigh. "Oh, God. Carter..."

"Just tell me," he tersely ordered.

"It was a couple of nights after you left. We all went out, Abby, Jing-Mei, and me, and Abby seemed to be having a really rough time of it, drinking more than usual, and talking about her brother and how she wished you hadn't gone. Hank Parsons from pedes was at the club and he asked her to dance. Jing-Mei and I didn't think much of it at first; we were more or less happy that she was doing something other than sitting there and brooding. But then they left together...and I think they've been together since then." She sighed again. "I'm sorry, Carter. We...Jing-Mei and I, that is, we were planning on talking to Abby before you got back."

"He answered the phone. I obviously was interrupting something. Don't worry about it, Susan. There's no need to talk with her about it. If she now wants this pedes guy..." John couldn't bring himself to say the name, although he could match the name to the face. He'd seen the guy before, in the cafeteria and at Doc Maggoo's, thought the guy was giving Abby the eye, then talked himself out of it. How could he have been so blind? "I'll see you when I get back. Thanks for being honest with me."

John slowly put the receiver down, his mind racing as he contemplated the fact that Abby had found a way to end what he had thought was a good relationship. Granted, she hadn't wanted him to come on the medical missions trip, and, with all that happened, he hadn't really wanted to leave her. But it was too late to back out, and, while he didn't want to leave her, he also wanted to go. It was something John knew he had to do, and not just for the sake of seeing if he could function as a doctor outside the doors of County. Luka had spoken so passionately about the program, and had easily persuaded John that it was very much worthwhile. John gave himself a mental shake, losing the image of Luka going on about how satisfying the volunteering could be and put his thoughts back on the present, where they didn't want to be.

What John wanted to do was to throw the phone across the room, overturn the desk. In short, have an all out tantrum. Let all of his rage out at one time and put Abby behind him. But, God...he had loved her and thought she loved him back. She had never said she didn't. Never gave him any indication that her feelings weren't the same. But so much had happened recently. Things that strained them both. Had it all been too much for Abby? Enough to make her seek comfort in the arms of another man? Okay, John could maybe understand a one-night stand. She'd been lonely, feeling deserted, down, upset. Some comfort wouldn't be unreasonable. Forgivable, even. But to have it continue...to have the man answering her phone...

He didn't want to think about what Abby and Hank were doing when he called. Damn. Abby would unplug the phone when she was with him, or let her machine grab the call. But she let Hank answer the phone. Had she been hoping it was him, calling yet again? Had Abby looked for that as her easy way to tell him it was over, that she never really loved him in the first place? The drink that Gillian had poured for him earlier now seemed attractive, and John left Angelique's office to return to where he had left the cup of vodka and Coke, hoping it was still there.

It was, and seemingly untouched. Disregarding his light-headedness, John reached for it, taking a long swallow and grimacing at a taste that the abstinence of the past few years now made harsh. Another swallow followed, then more, until it was all gone.

And it wasn't enough.

Just one more drink, that was all he needed. How did that one song go?

"Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on"

Damn, but he really needed to be in a bar with a jukebox, so he could drink himself into oblivion while love songs played out around him. Calling up songs in his head just didn't seem the same, but anything was better than the searing pain in his heart and soul.

Had Luka known? Is that why Luka had asked about Abby? Had she cheated on Luka, too? Was that why Luka had seemed surprised that John's feelings for Abby had kept him loyal to her? A wasted loyalty, obviously.

Well, there wasn't a jukebox, and there wasn't a bar. There was however, a nurse with more vodka. And Luka in her bed. While getting more to drink, John could ask Luka if Abby had been faithful to him. It definitely sounded like a plan. Cup in hand, John got to his feet again and headed to Gillian's room, his gait slightly unsteady, his head already starting to float above his body, but the heartache still raw.



"You're not still angry with me, are you?" Luka asked as he bent his head to nuzzle Gillian's neck. He had been in her room for over an hour, and had yet to progress past kissing her skin, despite the fact he was pretty sure she'd had more of the coke and vodka than he had imbibed. God, but the woman could be stubborn at times, and Luka was beginning to wonder if his patience was going to result in anything. Or, if it was all really worth it. Especially when the expressive eyes of John Carter, damn him, were still a fresh memory in his mind. The day had hit Carter hard, even Luka had seen that, yet he had found it much easier to go chasing after Gillian than to sit and talk with Carter until the sadness in those eyes wasn't as pronounced. No, sitting and talking with Carter was something that could lead to something else, friendship. And that wasn't something Luka felt he could risk with the man. Not when there was so much about Carter that attracted him.

"Yes, I am. And my invitation wasn't for you and you know it. You should leave." She said as she pulled her shirt over her head, and then reached for a loose sleep shirt, her breasts high and firm as she moved.

Luka sighed, wondering why it was the woman had to be so difficult? "Listen, Carter has Abby, a girlfriend. A girlfriend that he's completely faithful to. He's not coming to your room, Gillian, or your bed."

"You've been telling me that for the past hour, Luka," Gillian said, her voice softly muffled by the fabric as she pulled the shirt over her head, putting those breasts out of view. "And if he doesn't show up, then I'll go on to bed. I'm not so desperate for a fuck that I'll settle for you when I'm still upset over catching you with that English bitch last week."

"Scottish," Luka said with a sigh, and was rewarded with a glare for his efforts to clarify things. "Look, Gillian, we're not a couple, so I don't see what was so..."

A sudden pounding on Gillian's door and Carter's voice asking to be let into the room cut off Luka's words. He grimaced while Gillian grinned at him, then sauntered over to answer it.

"John. Come on in." Gillian stood aside and Luka frowned as he watched Carter walk, or rather, stumble into the room. It was obvious the man had not only drunk what Gillian had given him, but found more as well. And that worried Luka, since he knew Carter wasn't a drinker in the first place. He still didn't know why Carter had let Gillian pour the drink for him, except that he figured there was a part of Carter that hated having to explain why he didn't drink, and never felt that just saying 'no' was good enough. 'I should have stayed with him,' Luka thought.

"I can't stay long, I just wanted to see if you had any vodka left, and to ask you a question, Luka." Carter stared at him for a bit, and then shook his head. "Why are you dressed? I thought you were going to spend the night in Gillian's bed?"

"Are you sure you need more vodka?" Gillian asked as she walked over to her nightstand to retrieve the near empty bottle.

"Yes, it appears you've had quite a bit already," Luka said, thinking that he'd never seen Carter drunk, so he had no idea just how drunk Carter was right then. Luka had been there when Gillian had poured the drink for Carter, but had no idea what kind of alcohol tolerance level Carter had.

"Just one cup. I think I'll need ten more before this night is over, thank you, Gillian," John said as she took the cup from him and began to pour a bit of vodka into it. "Luka, was Abby faithful to you when you two were together?"

Gillian's eyebrows rose. "Abby? Abby was your girlfriend, Luka?"

"At one time," Luka tersely replied before returning his attention to Carter. "Aside from you? Yes, she was."

John waved his hand in the air. "We never did anything except talk and you know it. This should make you feel rather victorious then, doesn't it?"

Luka felt more than a little confused, but had a feeling in the pit of his stomach that he knew where this was going. Carter drunk and asking if Abby had been faithful...she wouldn't? She loved Carter, right? That's what she had said, anyway. "Carter, perhaps you should go to your room and lie down?"

"Not yet, Luka, not yet. It hurts too much still," John said, his voice trembling as much as his hand as he took the cup back from Gillian. "Thanks." He downed the entire contents in one gulp, making a face as the straight vodka went down his throat.

"Seven days. I've been gone a total of seven days. And guess when she replaced me? About three or four nights after I was gone, that's when...how's that for love?" Carter looked at Gillian. "Do you have any more?"

"It's definitely time to put you to bed, Carter," Luka said as he placed an arm around his shoulder and turned him back toward the door.

"Luka, don't be so hasty. There's a perfectly good bed right here," Gillian said.

"Yes, and it's your bed. He needs his own bed right now, trust me. I know him and you don't." If Carter fell into bed with Gillian and had sex with her while drunk...Luka knew that Carter would despise himself for it, even if it was a somewhat logical reaction to what had happened. Besides which, Luka wanted to get Carter alone so he could find out just what HAD happened and how Carter knew that Abby had been unfaithful. He could have just reached a wild conclusion, and was merely suffering from being so far away from the woman he loved.

"Gillian's right, Luka. There is a perfectly good bed right here," John said as he smiled back at Gillian. "If Abby can have Hank, then there's no need for me to sleep alone, is there?"

"You're probably right, but not tonight. Come on, Carter, let's go." Luka opened the door and steered Carter into the hallway. "Which way is your room?"

"Thatta way," John said, pointing to the left and then to the right. "Or that way. Not sure now. It doesn't matter, Luka. I don't want to sit alone in my room thinking about this."

"It's that way," Gillian said from behind them, her finger pointing to the right. "The fifth door on the left."

"Thank you," Luka said, sending her a quick smile and ignoring Carter's protests over going to bed.

"Yes, thank you very kindly for your assistance," Carter said, also smiling at Gillian. "And for your vodka."

"Think nothing of it," she replied as the two men headed down the hallway. "And feel free to come back if your bed isn't as comfortable as Luka seems to think it will be."

John looked back at her, nearly stumbling over Luka while doing so. He returned her grin. "I'll do that."

"This way," Luka said, his voice stern as he turned Carter around so that they were both going in the same direction. He was tempted to just put the man over his shoulder, but wasn't sure that Carter would be submissive enough to not fight him over doing that.

"Yes, it's this way. It's funny, Luka. Not in a comic, ha-ha, type of way. But that other way. It was the damn monkey pox from here that finally got Abby and I together and now it's the Congo that's torn us apart. She didn't want me to come here, did you know that? She thought it was a bad idea." John said as they came to a stop. "Hey, this is my room." He turned the knob and stepped into the darkness.

Luka followed Carter inside, flipping on the overhead light. The generator wasn't able to put out enough charge for bright lights, so they ended up in a dimly lit room, which was all to the better, Luka thought. God knew the rooms were dismal enough looking in the daylight. The light flickered and Luka knew it would soon be out. There was a candle on the night table, and Luka lit it, although he hoped he'd have Carter in bed before the generator gave out for the night.

"Why did she wait this long?" John said from the other side of the room where he was leaning against the wall. "I told her how I felt about her, told her I wanted to marry her, even. God...she had to have known she didn't feel the same way, right? I mean, you just don't suddenly fall out of love with someone." His body slid down the wall until he was seated on the floor. "As if she was ever in love with me in the first place."

"She told me that she loved you. And that you two were happy." Luka said as he walked over to Carter and knelt in front of him. "I didn't want to believe her, but I saw it in her eyes, Carter. She loves you. I don't know why she's done this, but I don't think she means to hurt you."

John laughed. "Yeah, right. That's why she let good old Hank answer the phone, because she wanted to keep this all a secret so it wouldn't hurt me." John looked away from Luka, his eyes glistening. "You've got me to my room and done your job. You can go now."

"I said I'd put you to bed, and that's what I intend to do. I'm not going to let you end up in Gillian's bed. At least not tonight when you're not thinking clearly. So, up with you." Luka said as he grabbed Carter and stood, bringing the other man up with him. But Luka was either too close to Carter, or else Carter was drunker than he thought, because the man lost his balance and his body slammed against Luka's. In order to keep from falling to the ground with Carter on top of him, Luka had no choice but to wrap his arms around Carter's body, which resulted in their bodies being pressed together.

"Why Luka," John said with a grin, "I didn't know you cared."

"I..." Luka had no idea what to say, mainly because the physical contact HAD caused a reaction in his body. A reaction that he was hoping like Hell that Carter hadn't yet noticed. Although, since Carter was drunk, it was most likely something that the man wouldn't remember come the morning when he was sober.

And then Luka saw those eyes change, the playfulness gone and replaced with something else. But even as Luka gazed into the darker eyes, trying to discern the new look, the light flickered, then went out, and in the light from the one candle, Luka couldn't tell what was going on in Carter's head.

"Do you ever eat crackers?" John suddenly asked.

"Crackers? You mean saltines?" Luka asked.

John nodded. "Yeah, those will do. Do you?"

"Sometimes. Why?"

"Do you ever eat in bed?"

Luka laughed at that. "Sometimes. Why?"

John smiled slowly, a smile that increased Luka's desire and made him wonder why he hadn't yet let Carter go. He really had no reason to keep holding him that way, except that it just felt good.

"I won't kick you out," John said as his arms went around Luka's waist. Before Luka could inquire as to just what Carter meant by that statement, he was surprised by the feeling of Carter's lips upon his own.

And all reason went out the single window of the room.

**********************************************************

Awareness slowly crept up on John. An awareness that brought with it the fact that his head was pounding, his heart was broken, and he was naked in bed...with another body nestled closely behind his, their skin touching enough to let him know they were both naked, but not so much as to enable him to tell if it was a man or a woman spooned behind him. If he was in bed that way, then perhaps his heart wasn't as broken as he had originally thought?

The arm that was draped over his body tightened as the person moved, and John found himself feeling comfortable and safe within that embrace. A strong embrace, he noted as he ran his right hand over the arm. It was hairy.

A man, then.

John's eyebrows rose as he considered that fact. Abby had cheated on him, in front of their friends, no less. He had the right to be upset, angry, hurt. He had the right to seek comfort in the arms of someone else, and Gillian's face and a vague recollection of an offer from her drifted through John's consciousness. She had been flirting with him from the moment they met, and yet John had never taken her up on even so much as a kiss. He had thought it was because he was being faithful to Abby, but now, finding himself in bed with another man, he wondered.

John let his hand come to rest on the arm, wondering if it was safe to open his eyes to try to see whom he was with. A fleeting thought hit him, that it was Luka Kovac, but that thought just kept on going. With all of the bad feelings of the past between them, John was pretty sure that he'd be the last person that Luka would take to bed. As if Luka would ever take another man to bed in the first place.

His eyes slowly opened to find the room dark. Still night, then. The person behind John moved, their arm slipping down John's body until it was draped over his hip. And John found himself responding despite his hangover. Smiling slowly, he began to move to his back, hoping that the arm and hand would stay in place. If he figured it correctly, then...oh, yeah, he grinned broadly as the hand came to rest against his hardening penis. Had they done anything earlier? Hell, if only he could remember...

Well, there was one sure way to find out whom he was with, John told himself. He slowly turned in the direction of the other man, his eyes now accustomed to the darkness and able to make out shapes. John also brought his hand into play, running them over the body, assessing his bed partner. Uncircumcised, a bit of hair on the chest, soft hair on his head, narrow nose. That brought his choices down to the white men there.

"If you keep touching me, then be prepared for the consequences," a thickly accented voice said out of the darkness. John's heart jumped, then lodged in his throat.

Luka.

"And what consequences would there be?" he found himself asking as he brought his hand to rest on Luka's hip, temptingly close to his penis.

"Probably everything you intended to have happen last night, or earlier, since it still seems to be night," Luka replied, his fingers curling around John's penis. John's hard penis.

Damn.

John didn't want to think about the implications of him being hard courtesy of Luka Kovac...or any other man, for that matter. But he was. And obviously had intended for something to happen, at least according to Luka he had. Glancing toward his window, John could see the tinge of dawn on the bit of sky he could see.

"It is morning. So...you're saying that nothing happened last night?" John frowned at the note of disappointment he heard in his own voice. He wasn't supposed to be upset about that, was he? He should be glad that nothing had happened. So why wasn't he?

"You say that as if you wish something had happened," Luka said, a chuckle in his voice. The hand moved from John's penis to caress his hip. "Nothing happened, I assure you."

"Then how did we end up here, like this?" John asked, once more getting brave with his own hand and letting it trail over Luka's chest and down toward his groin.

Luka laughed again. "You don't remember? Not too surprising, considering how drunk you were."

"The last thing I remember is Gillian giving me a little bit of vodka in her room...you were there, too. And her offering her bed. Tell me the rest." John's hand stopped as it bumped into something quite hard and he realized he had once again found Luka's penis. His very erect penis. The situation was becoming more interesting, he noted, with both of them unashamedly hard in the presence of one another.

Luka moved onto his back, chuckling once again, and John took advantage of that new body angle to let his hand do a bit more wandering. So unlike a woman's body, he thought as his hand felt the hardness of Luka's muscles just beneath the skin. "I brought you here and we got inside. You were a bit upset about...Abby, and lost your balance, falling against me. You then put your arms around me and started to ask me if I ate crackers, and if I ate in bed. It made me you happy that I admitted to doing so."

John rolled over onto his side, his hand now trailing back up Luka's chest, liking the way the hair felt soft through his fingers. "And then?"

"And then you kissed me," Luka said, his voice sounding less amused and a bit hoarse.

"I kissed you? I see. And then what happened?" John's finger stopped as it encountered a hard node on Luka's chest. But when Luka sucked in a quick breath, John realized it wasn't a node, but a nipple, and he couldn't resist running his finger over and around it even more, liking the way that Luka's breathing grew more rapid with each repetition.

"And then I kissed you back," Luka finally said. "And the next thing I knew, you were undressing me."

"Hmmm...go on." The other nipple was also hard, and John let his finger circle around it as well.

"God...and then I was undressing you..." Luka then muttered something that sounded as if it was Croatian, and John found himself grinning. The room was slowly growing lighter, but John wasn't yet able to look into Luka's eyes. However, he did find himself wanting to look at Luka's body, and he tossed the covers aside, exposing the both of them to the early morning African air.

"And did we like that?" John asked as he looked over Luka's body, admiring the finely muscled limbs, and proud looking erection.

"We did. We made it to your bed, but you don't have any condoms, so I got up to get one from my pants. When I returned, you were asleep." Luka moaned as John's fingers wrapped around his penis.

"So how did you end up sleeping in my bed, Luka?" John asked as he gently squeezed that hardness, then ran his fingers down the shaft, enjoying the velvet smoothness of Luka's skin.

"I...I didn't...I...dammitt, Carter, I wanted you, all right? Is that what you want me to admit?" Luka blurted out, sitting upright as he spoke and reaching down with both hands to cup John's face, forcing the man to his back. "I wanted you then and I want you now, but I wanted you sober, not drunk. And I hoped that once you awoke, you'd still want me." Their lips met roughly, passionately, John's arms wrapping around Luka's body while Luka continued to hold John's head in place.

Luka's tongue ran over John's lower lip, pressing inward, probing. Aside from family members, John had never kissed another man. And he certainly had never kissed his male relatives this way. He liked it. He liked it a lot, and found it easy to part his lips, sucking Luka's tongue into his mouth, dueling with it and trying to get his own tongue into Luka's mouth.

They broke apart, and Luka's hands moved from John's face to his arms, then to his waist and lastly to his hard penis and testicles, fondling them, caressing and eager.

"I do," John said on a sigh. "I don't know why, but I do."

"Say it," Luka demanded as he lowered his mouth to John's chest.

"Say it?" John wasn't sure what Luka meant and he definitely was taken by surprise when Luka's lips and teeth settled over one of nipples. "Jesus!" Want. Luka had meant the want, right? "I want you, Luka. God, I was hard just from waking up next to you."

"Liar," Luka said from around the nipple. "You told me you didn't remember last night, which means you didn't know who you were in bed with. And you were facing away from me, so you didn't see me at all. Not that you could see anything in the dark."

"It's not dark now, is it?" John said, running his hands through Luka's dark hair and not wanting to admit that Luka was correct. Then he grinned. "You were already awake."

"Yes." Luka raised his head and looked John directly in the eyes. "I was awake and waiting to see if you were going to punch my lights out or throw your body on top of mine and beg me to take you."

John laughed, but his laughter was soon replaced by a moan as he felt a warm wetness on his penis. Luka was slowly sucking and licking along his length. Oh, God...

"Luka..."

"Shh...don't be too loud or you'll awaken the entire floor. You don't want to make Gillian jealous, do you?" Luka asked with a small laugh and then he wrapped his lips around the head of John's penis, looking up at John while he slowly sucked the length into his mouth.


Luka couldn't help but smile around that gorgeous cock as he saw the desire wash over Carter's face. His Carter. Oh, yeah, he liked the way that sounded, he thought, chuckling as he turned his full attention to sucking Carter dry. First acquaintances, then enemies, then co-workers who got along, and now - now they had skipped the whole friend part and jumped right to lovers. And all because Abby was a fool. Hell, if Luka had John Carter in love with him, he would never risk losing him by having someone else. Ever.

But Abby? The woman wouldn't know happiness if it kicked her in the head, he mused as his tongue caught a taste of Carter's pre-cum, making him desire even more of Carter. As Luka slowly worked his way over, on and around Carter's cock, the light in the room grew brighter around him. From time to time he'd look up over Carter's body and to his face, the lust and desire there thrilling Luka to the bone. This was going to be good. So very, very good. And then it happened - a faint sound, but one he was used to hearing around the hospital - the ringing of the bell that announced a meal would be served in fifteen minutes. It was up to the staff to make sure the patients were fed, and everyone assisted with that task, from orderlies to doctors, trays were taken from the kitchen, put on rolling carts and delivered, then empty trays picked up. And all before they could eat. Being a doctor didn't gain you any privileges where that was concerned. No one ate until the patients were fed.

"Luka..." John's voice was an odd mixture of husky and disappointed. "We need to go."

Luka's mind and body screamed out 'No!' to that idea, but his head knew that Carter was correct - if they didn't show up, then someone would be around to look for them, he had learned that the first time he had volunteered in the Congo. A string of Croatian curse words came out of Luka's mouth as he let go of Carter's still rigid cock and sat back on his haunches, his hands the only part of him still touching John Carter.

"Later. I promise you that I will make you come later, and then I will fulfill you in a way you never dreamed possible, Carter," Luka vowed as his hand gave Carter's ball sac a gentle squeeze and watch the hard cock twitch and move in response.

"That sounds like one Hell of a promise, Luka," John said and he placed his hand over Luka's, holding it in place while their eyes met. "And one I intend to hold you to."

Hazel eyes gazed deeply into chocolate ones and then each man smiled. Luka leaned forward until their lips were nearly touching. "You better," he said right before closing that gap with a kiss that was in the process of leaving them both breathless even as they heard people moving around in the hallway.

"We'd better go," John said as they pulled apart. "Do you want to walk out of here together or separately?" His eyes seemed to bore into Luka's as the question was asked.

"Together," Luka replied. "And that would be my answer no matter what we had managed to accomplish." He reluctantly moved his hand, and then got to his feet to look for his clothing, tossing various pieces toward the bed and Carter while he sought out his own. "Get dressed. No one will care if you wear the same thing two days in a row."

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you want people to think we're together and didn't have time to get clean clothes," John remarked as he too got out of bed and began to dress, his deference for cleanliness showing in the clean boxers he slipped on. He also tossed another pair of them in Luka's direction. "You might as well borrow something of mine. It's not like I can't get it back later."

Luka grinned as he caught the silk underwear. "Perhaps. And maybe you're right about the other as well. And why wouldn't I want everyone here to know that you're now off-limits and mine?"

"Yours?" John stopped dressing with only one leg in his pants. "We haven't done anything yet, Luka."

"No," Luka agreed. "We haven't. But we will." With that, Luka crossed the small space between them and once more captured John's face with his hands before planting a long and lingering kiss on those soft and delicious lips. 'You are already mine, John Carter,' he thought, his heart affirming what his body already knew.


To be continued
Chapter Two by Cathy Roberts
Luka and John were busy moving full trays from the kitchen to the carts, but it was Luka who noticed that Gillian kept looking at them, an odd expression on her face. At first he told himself he was imagining it, that it was his own mind tricking him into thinking that she suspected he and Carter had been together. But as he worked, there would be time he'd see her watching Carter, and then looking over at him, always smiling coyly before looking away from him and back to her task of filling the plates on the trays.

Okay, it was getting to be too much, Luka thought, and as he reached for the last of the trays needed for his cart; he paused long enough to talk to her. "Good morning, Gillian. I trust you slept well."

She chuckled as the coy smile once more returned. "I slept, but it would have been much better if I hadn't slept alone, wouldn't it?"

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked, a frown now on his face.

"Gillian?" Carter's voice interrupted them, and Luka's body could feel it as the man neared them. "Are you ready?"

"Yes, I am." She wiped her hands on her apron, and then walked around the counter, linking her arm with his and taking one last glance back at Luka. "So, tell me, John, did Luka put you to bed all right last night?"

It took all of Luka's self-control to not step forward and separate the female barracuda from Carter, but he knew that to react that way would not only confirm her suspicions, but would most likely scare Carter away, and that was something Luka never wanted to have happen. But he continued to stare at them until he felt a hand on his arm.

Jerking as he turned to the side, Luka found himself looking at Charles. "You were a million miles away," Charles observed. He had called Luka's name several times, but with no answer. "Are you ready?"

"Sorry. Yes. I'm ready. Let's go." Luka carried the last trays to the cart and then he and Charles headed to the section of the hospital where they were assigned to distribute the trays. Once there, nurses would help them pass out the food, although what was served to the patients was no different from what the staff ate. Which basically meant it was close to inedible, at least to Western stomachs. Most of the patients though, having spent months living hand-to-mouth, were grateful for the food, leaving nothing behind on their plates. Luka had gone hungry before, and could empathize with them. He only wished that they could eat just as 'well' once they were released, but knew that it was a vain hope as long as the country was torn apart by war.

He also wished that he and Charles were working in the same part of the hospital as Gillian and Carter, so he could keep an eye on them, and he found himself staring at their retreating figures as Charles began to push the cart.

"Relax, Luka. She's been flirting with him since the day he arrived and he hasn't done anything yet. She's still your girl, even if you did get caught fooling around on the side. Although, I can't blame you. Moira had a very nice body, didn't she?" he asked with a leer.

"I'm not worried," Luka replied. And he wasn't. Even if they weren't a 'couple' in Carter's eyes, Luka knew that Carter wouldn't fall into Gillian's bed now. Not when there was still unfinished business between them. It just wasn't Carter's way. No, the worry would come the next morning, if Carter decided that the then finished business wasn't what he was looking for in a relationship.


Working quickly, John and Gillian had distributed all of their trays and were now waiting to pick up the empties. The patients had about thirty minutes to eat, which gave them time to sit and gather their thoughts before the day truly began.

Gillian smiled at him. "So, it doesn't take much to knock you out, does it?"

"Excuse me?" John asked, his thoughts about Luka interrupted by her question.

"I didn't give you all that much vodka, but it seemed to hit you hard. You don't drink, then?" She reached into her pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarettes, offering him one even though he had turned her down each and every previous time she'd offered.

John shook his head and watched as Gillian lit one for herself. "I'm O-negative and Angelique asked me to give blood last night since the surgeries had left us a bit low. I shouldn't have drank on an empty stomach, but..."

"But you made the exception for this Abby person." Gillian blew a smoke circle, then looked sideways at him. "She must be very special for you to feel that much for her."

"She is very special. But it's over between us. Things have been rough for her these past few months. Family trouble, mostly. And she didn't want me coming here. I'm not sure if she just didn't want to be alone or if she was afraid I wouldn't come back. Abby's not really used to men coming back, you know?" John sighed and leaned back in the chair. "I could have understood her reaching out for one time, needing comfort or something like that. But...I called her and he - the other guy, that is, answered her phone. I'd obviously interrupted them fooling around."

"And what did she say about him being there?" Gillian asked as she flicked the ashes from her cigarette.

"She didn't say anything. I ended the call without talking to her. I called a friend of ours, and Susan told me that Abby's been seeing this guy. That she'd been with him since about the second night after I left." John shook his head. "I can't forgive that, Gillian. I just can't. That's a lot more than just reaching out for comfort."

"Especially while you were being so noble and turning me down every night," she commented.

John looked closely at her, thinking that Gillian was making fun of him, but she looked serious. "You never gave me any invitations. Until last night, that is."

She laughed. "When I look at a man, it's an invitation, John. You just never saw that. She's a stupid woman."

John smiled weakly. "Thank you. I think. I should probably call her. I'm sure she's heard from Susan by now, and is aware that I know. I just...I'm not interested in hearing her excuses."

"Especially after spending the night with her ex-boyfriend," Gillian commented as she crushed out the end of her smoke.

"Excuse me?" John asked, wanting to pretend that she wasn't as confident about that as she was sounding.

Gillian got to her feet and walked over to him, a small smile on her face as she reached out and adjusted the collar of his shirt. "After undressing, Luka stayed in your room all night." She gave him a light kiss on his cheek. "When dressing in the early morning, without any other light in the room, you have to extra careful to make sure that you're putting on your own clothes, John. You're wearing each other's shirts."

John looked down sharply, only just then realizing that Luka's scent had never been far from him. He could feel his cheeks growing warm as he wondered if anyone else had noticed.

"It's okay, John. I won't tell anyone. You're lucky, though. Luka's very, very good in bed."

"I wouldn't know," he heard himself admitting. "I...ah...I more or less fell asleep before anything could happen."

"I see." She said, and the amused tone of Gillian's voice made John look up at her. "You want to, though, don't you?"

"I really don't think we should be discussing this, do you?"

She laughed. "Oh, yes. What else is there to talk about here? Tonight, John, stay away from giving blood and drinking vodka and go to bed as soon as it gets dark. Morning comes all too quickly around here."

"We really need to collect the trays now," he said, looking for any excuse to end that particular line of conversation.

"Yes, we do," Gillian agreed. But there was still an odd tone in her voice and John didn't quite trust it. He knew he'd have to tell Luka what she had surmised, and the idea of getting close enough to the man so they could speak without being overheard was a nice one. A very nice one.

"Come on, lover boy," Gillian's voice snapped him out of his reverie and John realized that he had been getting hard just thinking about being near Luka. That wasn't good. It wasn't good at all. With a sigh and a demand that his body behave, John headed toward the ward to collect trays, hoping that no one, but especially Gillian, noticed his half-erection. He didn't want her to have any further indications that her suppositions were true.

At breakfast, which for John consisted of coffee and bread since he had no real appetite for the kitchen prepared food, he found himself unable to keep his eyes away from Luka. Damn, but the man looked good wearing his shirt, he thought. And it was lucky for John that eating while seated hid the result of that kind of thinking. Of course, it didn't help matters any that Luka kept looking down the table at him, or that Gillian kept nudging him in the ribs to bring his attention to the fact that Luka kept looking at him. At one point the devious women even leaned close enough to whisper in his ear 'Think you can last until Chicago?' The witch.

Work was, thankfully, less stressful than breakfast had been. When John had stepped into the waiting area and saw the already growing sea of patients, all thoughts of Luka had disappeared. This was what he was here for, to help these people as best he could. Despite the war, despite the conditions and lack of supplies. They had lost one person yesterday, and John so desperately didn't want to lose another, but he knew that he'd see more death before he went home. He didn't have to like it, though.

He sighed as he looked at Gillian. "Let's get started. The kitchen has extra food today, right?" It was the policy to feed the outpatients whenever possible, even if it was just a slice of bread.

Gillian nodded. "There's food today, yes." She grabbed a chart and walked to the old woman seated on the floor nearest the desk, obviously the first patient to have arrived.

John surmised that people had been gathering for over an hour, maybe more. The old woman held a child in her lap, grandchild most likely, he thought, but as he stepped up beside Gillian, he was shocked to discover that the 'old' woman was in fact a young mother. Once more he found himself railing against mankind, the world, God and universe for conditions that made a twenty-five year old look as if she was nearing 70. Starvation, too many pregnancies, being brutally raped and left infected with HIV by the rebel forces had taken their toll on her. Ravaged by malnutrition and disease, she was barely holding on, and her child was in just as bad shape. Her only remaining child out of ten live births since her had her first pregnancy when she was only 14. Some were dead from malnutrition, the some shot by rebels, and this last one was also dying from malnutrition and AIDS. All John could do was to make the dying easier on the child.

He gave Gillian the orders and his gaze passed over the rest of the patients while Gillian translated his words into French so the mother could understand what was going to happen. All of the millions already dead in the country since the various wars had started, since food became a luxury instead of a routine part of life. And his family was throwing money away to build a damn concert hall...

As much as that ate at him, John knew that the reality was that his family didn't have enough money to even make a dent in what needed to be done. The rest of the world had just sat by and did nothing while all of this happened. It wasn't their problem, they would say. We can't interfere. All of the usual bullshit answers. John spied Luka on the other side of the room, talking to a young man with only one leg...the rest of the world had said those words while Luka's country was being invaded by the Serbian forces, had said those words while Luka's family was bombed to death. How could the man keep on volunteering like this? Going to places that had to remind him of the conditions he had once lived under?

Luka looked up and their eyes met, and the compassion and sadness that John saw in Luka's eyes, even from across the room, went right to his own soul, giving him the answers to those questions. Luka volunteered over and over again because he knew exactly how these people felt, and it would be unthinkable for Luka to NOT do what he could to help. John felt a twinge of guilt over the fact that he had waited so long to volunteer. Look at all the years he had wasted feeling sorry for himself when he could have been out in the world helping those who would be lucky if they had had just one portion of his 'problems'.

He sent a quick smile Luka's way, and then knelt down beside his patient, letting Gillian take the child while he gathered the underweight mother into his arms. "They need food," he told Gillian as he headed in the direction of the dining room, not caring that they usually didn't take patients there. This was one person who wasn't going to go back outside to sit and wait under a tree for someone to bring her a plate of rice and gravy.


The day passed, one patient after another, a short break for a lunch that John felt guilty eating when so many people were going without, then more patients. It was nearly dark when Angelique started to turn people away, telling them to return in the morning unless they were seriously injured.

John was on his way to the dining room when Gillian intercepted him. "Come with me," she said, taking him by the wrist and leading him through the hallways.

Too tired to argue with her, John allowed himself to be led away, not really noticing until they came to a halt that they were on the hallway where they all slept. "Gillian, I don't drink. That much should have been obvious."

She smiled and shook her head. "I noticed, but that's not what we're here for. Marsillia owed me a favor of a hot bath and I decided to call in that favor now." She opened the door of one of the unused rooms, revealing that the bed had been pushed against the wall to make room for a metal tub halfway filled with steaming water. Towels, a washcloth, soap and his shampoo were on a stool at the side. There were several candles on the night table, and a few more on another stool. The window was shuttered, but the slats were slightly ajar to let in fresh air. In all, it was a very inviting room, and despite the fact that they were already living in humid conditions, John was quite tempted to take advantage of it.

"Gillian, thank you, but I can't. You've been here much longer than I have...it's your bath. You take it." It was cute though, that women the world over seemed to think that candles were a natural part of a bath.

"I can settle for a shower tonight. So, it's like this. You can get in there and graciously accept my gift, or I can pull you in there and bathe you. Which will it be?" She asked, her grin more than lecherous.

"I'll accept it, thank you. After today..."

"I know," she quietly replied. "Oh, I almost forgot something. Wait here."

John leaned against the doorjamb, fighting the call of the hot water while he watched Gillian disappear into her room, then reappear, two cans of Coke in her hand. He laughed as she handed them to him, but then his amusement gave way to wonder as he realized they were cold. "How'd you get them cold?"

"My secret. Let's just say that many people owe me favors. Now, get in there before I start to strip you down." She playfully pushed him into the room, then closed the door behind him.

John put the cans down on the floor near the towels, and then quickly stripped. As he eased himself into the soothing water, he discovered that he was achy in more than one place. His back, never the best anyway, was extremely sore, and he knew the hot water would do him good as far as that was concerned. He closed his eyes and scrunched down as far as he could in the metal tub, his lower legs hanging over the end in order to get all of his body under the water. But what the heck, it wasn't as if there was anyone in there to see him looking awkward, John thought. Although it would be close to perfect if Luka had been there, but he hadn't seen Luka since the middle of the afternoon and had no idea where the man had gone. He supposed that he'd see him soon enough, though, and his body was definitely looking forward to Luka fulfilling his promise from that morning.


Luka pushed the rice around on his plate while several things ran through his mind, the least of which being trying to figure out just how many different ways the cooks could prepare rice, and the most important one being where had Carter gone off to. He had last seen him that afternoon, right before he had been called away to help Angelique in surgery. He had spent some of that time telling Angelique that Carter had been a surgical intern several years ago and that she could certainly use his assistance the rest of the time he was there. Angelique had agreed with that idea, saying she'd start using Carter's skills the next day, so Luka could go back to the clinic.

He had forgotten all about the clinic, and he found himself loath to return there. What if Abby called Carter while he was gone, begging for his understanding? Despite Carter's assertions that things were permanently over between them, Luka feared that Carter would change his mind once Abby started to 'explain' things to him and begged for forgiveness. Carter was the forgiving type anyway, and the fact that he loved Abby would make it even more likely that he'd take her back and return home to Chicago as if nothing had happened.

Luka didn't want that. He wanted to get back to Chicago, tell Abby what a complete and total fool she was and then be the one waiting with open arms at the airport for his lover to return. The question though, was what would Carter want? Aside from a few glances and smiles during the day, they'd never had any contact. For all Luka knew, Carter had changed his mind about things, was already willing to give Abby another chance, was still madly in love with...

"Luka?"

Luka's head jerked up and he frowned at Gillian. He really wasn't in the mood for her endless questioning. "What?" he coldly asked, hoping she'd just go away. And God forbid she tried to invite him into her bed, having decided that she'd forgiven him the affair with Moira.

"Bring your plate, grab some more bread and follow me," Gillian said, a smirk playing around her mouth.

"Why?"

"Luka...don't make this difficult. I have a surprise for you and you need to bring those things with you. Now, come on." She took a few steps away from the table, then turned to look at him. "Don't forget the bread."

Luka frowned, then got to his feet, ignoring the stares and snickers from the other table. He was sure they all thought that Gillian was going to make him pay for his fooling around before and he really didn't care. Let them think what they wished...just as long as Carter wasn't one of the ones thinking that. He went to the kitchen and grabbed more bread, then caught up to Gillian just outside of the room.

"I have no intention of sharing your bed tonight, Gillian," he told her, getting things clear between them right from the start.

"Of course you aren't," she said, that smirk still in place. "Come along."

Luka followed her to the dormitory hallway, thinking that perhaps she was planning to seduce him right then, which would be in keeping with her agreement that he wouldn't be sharing her bed that 'night', since it was early evening. She passed her room, though, and kept on walking, until she reached the end of the hallway.

"Go on inside," she said as she gestured toward the door, her smirk finally changing into a secretive smile. "And enjoy."

Luka stood in front of the door, watching her hips sway seductively as she walked away, leaving him alone. He had no idea what there could be inside a room he knew to be empty that would be enjoyable to him, but curiosity got the better of him and he placed the bread on top of the rice, then turned the handle. The first thing he noticed as the door opened was the candlelight flickering in the room, which was a bit more humid than usual. Then as the door opened fully, he found his heart beating faster and his cock growing hard as he was rewarded with the sight of John Carter lounging in an old metal tub, steam rising up around his body. The man's legs were hanging over the end, and his eyes were closed; yet a look of bliss was on his face.

Moving quietly, Luka stepped into the room, then closed and locked the door behind him. Damn that woman, he thought, but God bless her as well. He walked to the foot of the tub and looked down at the body he desired so very much. "Hungry?" he softly asked, breaking the silence.

"Starving," John replied, opening his eyes and smiling up at Luka. "Oh, you were talking about food?"

"Brat," Luka said with a laugh, but the fact that Carter's cock had hardened as he spoke hadn't escaped his notice. He walked over to the side and saw a stool there, with a few bath items on it. He moved them to the bed, and then sat down, his foot knocking into an unopened can of Coke. He balanced the plate on his lap, picked up the can, then opened it to take a wonderfully refreshing swallow. Living in the United States had given him a taste for chilled beverages, and he wondered how John had managed to get his hands on not one, but two cold cans of the soda.

"Gillian's surprise for me," John said, still smiling. "The bath, the cold sodas...you."

"You told her about us?" Luka asked as he passed the can to Carter, who sat up to take it from him.

John shook his head. "I didn't have to. It seems that when someone was in a hurry to get dressed this morning, he threw his shirt at me and then put mine on. I have to say, Luka, that you do look pretty sexy in my shirt," John said, smirking.

"Oh." Okay, so he had been in a bit of a rush and should have been paying more attention to details like that. "I wonder what she'd have thought if she knew I was also wearing your underwear?"

"She'd think it was very lucky underwear," John replied as he passed the can back to Luka. "What did they do to the rice tonight?"

Luka looked down at the plate. "I'm not sure, but it tastes good for a change. Open up." He scooped a small bit onto his fork, then held it toward Carter's mouth. The look that Carter was giving him was amusing, and Luka knew the man was about to protest being fed. Then he had the most wonderful idea, and he grinned broadly at Carter. "Since this is your special treat, then not only do you get to have me feeding you, but I will also bathe you. And then I will get a quick bath and after that...after that I will..."

"Fulfill me in a way I never before dreamed possible?" John asked, his dark eyes growing darker as he spoke.

"Exactly," Luka hoarsely replied, and he watched with growing desire as Carter's lips wrapped around the fork, then slowly slid off of it, taking the food.

"Mmmm," John said, his eyes glued to Luka's. "You're right. It does taste good. But then again, I think that everything is going to taste good tonight."

"Most definitely," Luka said. He moved the plate to the floor and leaned over, capturing Carter's mouth, his tongue probing, needing to taste the man over and over again. The kiss ended reluctantly, leaving him wanting more.

"Are you going to climb in here with me?" John asked, his twinkling eyes giving away his amusement since he wasn't smiling.

"Not yet. I'll let you enjoy your soak for a while longer. Besides which, it's too humid for me to enjoy such a hot bath right now." The humidity in the Congo was bad enough, but Luka's shirt was now entirely soaked through due to the additional humidity of the room. He wasn't sure how Carter was able to stand the sheer oppressiveness of the air, even with the slight breeze that was sneaking in through the louvered shudders.

"It's not so bad," John replied with a small smirk. "If you like steam rooms, that is."

"You've got that part right," Luka agreed as he reached for the plate once more. "Maybe by the time we're done eating, the water will have reached a decent temperature." Even as he spoke, Luka knew very well that once he was done eating, he was going to be touching Carter one way or the other, and the water temperature wouldn't keep him from it.

John closed his eyes once more as he relaxed into the water, and they ate in silence, Luka feeding John forkfuls of rice in-between bites of bread and sips of Coke. Luka wasn't quite sure just what Carter thought about being fed, but since the man wasn't arguing about it, Luka kept doing it, and enjoying it. Especially some of the more imaginative ways he found to share the soda with Carter, since it didn't matter if any of the Coke spilt.

Maintaining the silence, Luka put the plate and fork down, then got to his feet, his fingers working on the buttons of his shirt - of Carter's shirt - letting it drop to the floor while he kept his eyes on the completely relaxed form of Carter in the tub. His cock, which had backed from its aroused state while they ate, sprang back to life, rigid and throbbing against the binding of his underwear - Luka grinned as he once more had to correct himself - Carter's underwear - and pants. It wanted to be released, to feel the cooling night air against its flushed skin. It wanted to be escape the heat and humidity of the room and instead find its pleasure in the warmth and heat of Carter's mouth. It wanted to bury itself deep inside of Carter's body, joining them together as one being that shared two hearts. And Luka wanted all of that as much as his cock seemed to want it. It was possible that he wanted it even more.

Luka undid his belt and quickly unzipped his pants, and that sound made Carter's eyes flutter open. Their eyes locked at first, Luka couldn't help but grin as he watched Carter's glance move down his body, widening slightly as Luka's erection came into view, bobbing in the thick air of the room. As Luka bent over to get his pants from his legs, he heard movement in the tub, and as he straightened, he saw that Carter had sat up, and was now leaning his arms on the side of the tub, a grin on his face as he watched Luka disrobe.

"Still like what you see?" Luka asked, feeling slightly anxious as he waited for Carter's response. He knew he had a nice looking body, despite a scar or two, and he'd never had complaints on it. But, aside from his wife, he hadn't really cared all that much about whether or not his partners actually liked his body. It had been enough that they wanted him. But now, with Carter, it mattered.

John smiled slowly and nodded as his hand reached out to caress Luka's thigh. "I like it very much. But I think I'd like it better if it was in the tub with me."

Luka's grin was broad and amused. "Not yet. I still have to bathe you, remember? And then you get your turn." He picked up the shampoo, then walked to the end of the tub. "Get your hair wet for me."

John sighed, but moved anyway, bending over and dunking his entire head under the water, then slicking it back with his hands as he sat back up. "If you bathe me first, then you'll have to have your bath in dirty water, and that won't be any good. We should do this together."

While Carter had been getting his hair wet, Luka had poured shampoo into his hand, and he now began to work it into Carter's hair, his fingers massaging the scalp. "In Chicago, you argue with me. Even here, in this hospital, you argue with me. But in here, in this room?" He shook his head. "In here I won't allow you to argue with me. In here, John Carter, you WILL listen to me, and you WILL do as I say." Luka leaned forward a bit and sucked softly just under Carter's ear, letting his action soften the force of his words. "There are things we will do together, but not this."

A moan caught Luka's attention, and he could see through the water that the soft sucking was already causing the desired reaction in Carter's body. He smiled and kept washing Carter's hair, taking care to keep it out of his eyes, as he didn't want anything to mar this time they shared.

"Now to rinse. Scoot down so that I can lean your head back into the water," Luka commanded. Despite his earlier words and Carter's apparent acceptance of the situation, Luka found himself wondering if Carter would argue with him over the instructions. It was a doubt that seemed to gain ground when Carter didn't immediately move. "Any time next week..." Luka muttered.

"That's 'anytime tomorrow', and I'm trying to figure out a way to move that low into the water without drowning," John lightly replied. "I don't think this tub was made for a tall person."

Luka was pretty sure it wasn't, since he could have sworn he'd seen that tub, or one just like it, in the laundry area of the hospital the previous week. But he remained silent about that since he wasn't sure about the level of Carter's fastidiousness. "Just move forward as far as possible and lean back. I won't let you drown, Carter."

Luka moved to the side and placed his arm behind Carter's back as the man moved, scrunching his long body as much as possible against the front of the tub. "Good. Now, lean back against my arm and I'll lower you toward the water."

"I'm not so sure I like this," John said, but he moved anyway, letting his weight rest against Luka's arm, the movement itself showing how much he trusted the man.

"It's not so bad," Luka commented. He smiled as he lowered Carter's body to the water until just his hair was underneath it. With his other hand, Luka began to ladle more water over Carter's head, still keeping it away from his eyes while rinsing away the shampoo. "I've had practice doing this, so you have nothing to worry about." How many hours had he spent on his knees beside the bathtub washing his children's hair, Luka wondered. After all the years, he was surprised that he remembered how it had felt to run his fingers through Jasna's clean hair, through Marco's curls...how odd that he needed photographs to remind him of what they looked like, but could, at that moment, anyway, remember how their hair had felt?

The image of the man below him blurred and Luka realized that he had tears in his eyes. It had been a long time since he'd cried over his children, and doing so right then definitely destroyed the delicious erection he'd been experiencing. How could a person think of sex when they had memories of children in mind?

"Are you okay?" John's voice softly broke the silence.

Luka looked down into Carter's eyes. Eyes that looked right into your soul. Eyes that told him everything about Carter's soul. God in Heaven, but he loved those eyes, those lips - he loved everything about Carter, including the way he always argued with him. But Luka didn't love him enough to want Carter to see him crying, so he nodded. "Some soap splashed up into my eyes. I'll be fine. There, you're all rinsed clean. Now sit up so I can wash your body." Luka helped Carter back to an upright position, then sat back on his haunches and reached for the towel, drying his own eyes before passing it to Carter so he could dry his own face.


To be continued
Chapter Three by Cathy Roberts
John was very much enjoying the bath Luka was giving him. The scalp massage and shampoo had been very nice, the back scrubbing even nicer. And now that Luka was slowly rubbing the wash cloth over John's chest, heading toward his belly, the bath was getting so much better than he'd ever thought a bath could be. The only way it could be better would be if Luka were in the tub with him, but John knew better than to bring that subject up again. Besides which, the bath was almost over, and then it would be his turn to bathe Luka. Provided Luka didn't change his mind about that happening.

In a way, John was almost hoping that Luka would change his mind. As the minutes went by with nothing but touching everywhere except where John needed the most to be touched, he was more than ready to get out of the tub and over to the bed, so Luka could fulfill his promise to him.

Looking down at Luka's hand, John bit back a moan. Luka was so close to his penis, nearing that hardness that begged to be touched. John had seen Luka looking at it, just as he had managed a few glimpses of Luka's erection, and a beautiful sight that organ was, too. The next noise that John made, though, wasn't a moan. Not really. It was close to a whimper, or a squeak of protest when Luka moved the washcloth past his belly button and then to his knee of all places.

"Luka..."

"You're not going to argue with me, are you?" Luka asked, his face bent over John's knee while the cloth moved on down the leg.

Shit. He couldn't argue, no matter how much he wanted to. "No," John finally said, a definite pout in his voice and on his face.

"Good," Luka replied, and he turned his head to look at John, his eyes not twinkling with amusement, but dark with desire. "Because I've decided that your bath is now over and it's time to suck you dry."

Sweet Jesus, did Luka mean that literally, John wondered as he grasped the hand being offered to him, getting to his feet in the tub. Water poured from his body, then subsided to mere drips while he stood there, waiting to see what Luka wanted to do next. Now that they were both standing, John had an excellent view of Luka's body, and he definitely appreciated it.

"Get out of the tub," Luka said as he picked up a dry towel, his eyes still watching John.

John stepped over the side of the tub and then faced Luka, the concrete floor cool against the water-warmed skin of his feet. "Okay," John said. "What now?"

"What now?" Luka repeated, his gaze traveling the length of John's body. "What now?" The towel swung through the air, creating a small breeze as Luka twirled it around while he thought. Then it finally stopped as Luka grabbed it by both ends and brought it over John's head so he could use it to pull John toward him.

John smiled as he found himself being forced to step toward Luka, but before their bodies could touch, Luka took a step back, and then another, taking them step by step to the bed.

"Lie down," Luka commanded as the towel dropped to the floor, and John found himself once more obeying the man as he reclined on the thin mattress. He watched as Luka moved around the room, putting out all but one of the candles before returning to the side of the bed to look down at him, a sexy smile on his face. "You are so..." Luka ended the sentence with something that sounded Croatian to John's ears, and he smiled back at Luka.

"You're beautiful, too," John replied while reaching up to cup Luka's scrotum in the palm of his hand. The sac felt heavy, almost too heavy, and John briefly wondered if the sheer weight of his testicles would cause Luka pain while walking around naked. He was tempted to ask, but was pretty sure Luka would either laugh at him or tell him to be quiet, so he didn't. Instead he just let the sac rest there, feeling the heat pouring off of Luka's body. "I think that I'm going to get the bedding wet," John said, although he really didn't care if he soaked the whole damn mattress, but saying something was better than letting the silence reclaim the room.

"Let it. Once I get started with you, you'll need the dampness to cool off your body," Luka replied, his voice hoarse as he continued to gaze down at him.

"Oh, really?" John asked, clearly amused by Luka's sense of self-esteem.

"Really," Luka easily replied, and then he finally sat down on the edge of the bed, one hand running over John's chest. "And I think I'm going to start now with you."

John could feel the heat from Luka's body burning his skin from where that hand came to rest on his chest. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply, catching Luka's scent as it mingled with the other smells of the room. This was it. If he let Luka continue, then there would be no turning back, no being what he was just a few days ago. In the past, when confronted with the thought that a man might have feelings of sexual desire for him, John would panic, feel scared. But the panic and fear weren't present with Luka. They never had been.

As a finger lightly flicked over one of his nipples, John sighed, knowing that it was no longer an issue of whether he'd let Luka continue. That decision seemed to be already made. Perhaps it had been made the very moment he was conceived, that everything in John's life and very existence had happened to bring him to that particular moment in a hot and humid room deep in the Congo. All in all, it wasn't a bad fate.

Opening his eyes, John saw that Luka was once more staring at him, and he smiled up at the older man. "Kiss me," John demanded, his voice raspy from the welling desire.

Luka's mouth turned up slightly at the corners. "You're ordering me around now, are you?" But even as he spoke, Luka moved so that his hands rested on either side of John's body and he leaned down, placing a few kisses up John's chest before hovering over his lips.

"Yes," John replied, his hands coming to rest on Luka's face, gently holding the head still for but a moment before he let his body rise from the mattress to bridge the gap between them. Their lips met hotly, greedily, each one striving to be the first to enter the mouth of the other, with John finally backing down and hungrily sucking Luka's tongue into his mouth, tasting tobacco and rice and gravy and Coke there, but above all, tasting Luka there. As the kiss deepened, John moved his hands, letting them roam over Luka's body, sliding along the sweat slickened skin, pulling the man until he had Luka on top of him, their wet bodies easily sliding against one another.

A hand grasped John's penis, holding it tightly against Luka's penis while Luka moved, making their organs rub against one another. "God...Luka..." John gasped as the kiss ended, his mind reeling over the intensity of the feelings within his body.

Luka's dark eyes danced in the candlelit room, and he placed a quick kiss against John's lips before beginning his journey over John's body, kisses leaving a hot trail down John's neck, chest and belly. John sensed that the time for teasing was over as he felt Luka hesitate only briefly when he reached his groin, and then hot lips wrapped around the head of John's penis. John's hands automatically reached out for Luka, his fingers entwining in Luka's hair, resting there as he fought the urge to move Luka's head, fought the urge to move his own hips toward that wonderful mouth, shoving his penis further into that bit of Heaven.

Luka's hands were also busy, caressing and teasing John's body, bringing him toward a release that John knew would be all too soon in happening. He'd been on edge for far too long to be able to delay his own gratification. And so he just let himself feel what Luka was doing to him, letting Luka's fingers burn trails along his skin, his lips and tongue claim his penis. The tension continued to build, layer upon layer until John had no other choice but to bring one hand away from Luka and bite down on the side of it as a scream threatened to rip from his throat. His penis throbbed while his mind saw nothing but a flash of red and then blackness, his being falling into a kaleidoscope of pleasure, the cry of pleasure dampened.

"Are you okay?" Luka asked as he let John's limp penis go and moving his body once more up and on top of John's.

John nodded, then realized his hand was still in his mouth, and he removed it, laughing at himself. "I'm great. That was pretty wonderful." He opened his eyes just as Luka reached for his hand, holding it carefully while examining it.

"You nearly broke the skin," Luka observed.

"A risk worth taking," John replied. "Considering that I didn't want to let the entire hospital know what we were doing."

"Do you always scream?" Luka asked, his tongue lazily moving out to lick over the bite marks John had left behind.

"No," John slowly replied, his gaze fixed on what Luka was doing, soothing away the discomfort and leaving behind a whole new feeling of want and desire. "Usually I just call out something. I've been told I've called out everything from someone's name to 'stat', but I'm not sure about all that."

"Stat?" Luka shook his head, chuckling. "How appropriate. Stay here."

John watched as Luka slowly rose from the bed and walked over to his clothing, then knelt to retrieve something. It was like watching a cat in motion, sleek and feral. When Luka walked back toward him, his erection proudly pointing skyward, John couldn't help but admire it, and the man who sported it.

Luka crawled onto the bed once more, placing a foil packet on the mattress beside John. A condom. So they were really going to do IT. He was going to let Luka do it. And why not? Had the man not already claimed him in spirit? Was it not right to follow through by letting the man claim him in body as well?

And yet, the longer John stared at the condom package, the more uneasy he felt. Had he completely lost his mind? Just a few days ago he was happily ignoring Gillian's flirtations - okay, so he was flirting back, harmlessly. He knew it would never go any further. And all because of Abby, the woman he loved, had proposed to. He had promised her that she could rely on him, that he'd be around, be there for her. And John had given everything into those promises. He'd given all he could for their love.

Their love. What a joke that had turned out to be. His phone call had shown him that the love had only been one-sided, and all on his side. His heart had shattered during his call to Susan where he had learned the truth about Abby. But John wasn't sure that all of that was a decent enough reason to explain how he had ended up coming on to Luka the night before, even if he had been drunk. Or how he had encouraged Luka that morning. Or even now. If his love for Abby had been as full and complete as he had thought, then how could he be looking at Luka as if he cared for the man? John had no idea what more would happen - was this just sex, nothing more than an evening of mutually satisfying sex for the two of them? Or was it something more? Did he WANT it to be anything more? And, perhaps more importantly, did Luka?

John raised his eyes from the foil packet and looked up at Luka, finding concerned eyes looking back at him.

"You don't want to do this, do you?" Luka asked, more than a hint of disappointment in his voice.

"No. I mean, I do want to do this, Luka," John said. He let his eyes move down Luka's body, taking in the wilting erection, and he reached out to lightly tug on Luka's penis before wrapping his hand around it. It seemed large, but John knew that was just a game his mind was playing on him. They were the same size, or close to it. The only true difference in their penises was that he was circumcised while Luka was not.

John gently pulled the foreskin away from the tip, exposing the sensitive head of Luka's penis, glistening with pre-come in the candlelight. "Is this it?" John quietly asked. "Are we just going to...screw...fuck...whatever word you want to use? Or do you want more, Luka?"

Luka sighed and moved so that he was straddling John's thighs, resting there while John's hand continued to keep him aroused. "I don't want it to just be tonight, no," Luka admitted. "But I don't know what you'll accept. Yesterday you were with Abby. Today...I don't know where you are."

"I'm not with Abby," John easily replied, and a pang in his heart reinforced that statement. As much as he had cared for her, loved her, needed her, Abby's actions had seen to it that they couldn't be together. "But," John began again, and he looked up in time to see a look of sadness pass over Luka's face, "I can't deny that I still love her. I have no intention of ever being with her again. I just don't know what will happen once we're back in Chicago. I don't know what will happen if I let you do this, Luka. I want it. I want you. But I do have to admit that it scares me a little because I know that once it's done, I won't be the same." John looked away from Luka, torn between wanting the man and not wanting to disappoint him in the future.

"Carter, look at me," Luka said, but John couldn't bring himself to look into those sad eyes again. However, he lost his say in the matter when a hand took his chin in a firm grip and turned him so that they were once more looking at each other. "Carter...John..." Luka slowly smiled. "John, I learned a long time ago to live my life one day at a time. To not worry about what tomorrow would bring, but to just live whatever day I was given. On one hand, it was a very sensible way to live because I didn't let myself get worried about what might happen or what should happen. But on the other hand, it was a lousy way to live my life, because I found myself always reacting to things and never acting. I'm tired of reacting, John. I want to act. I want to return to the days before the war, to when I had a wife and children and a future with someone I cared for. I've spent months lately searching for something I couldn't name, but since I've been here, I've come to realize that I was searching for that particular someone. At one time I thought it might be Abby, even though we were apart. I was wrong. I don't know if it's you, either. But I do know that I don't want to wait and wake up tomorrow and see if it is, and then go on with my life. I want...John, I want you. And I want you now. And I want you when we're back home in Chicago. I want you for however long that you'll have me. Maybe it will become more and maybe it won't. But I'm not going to just sit back and see if something happens. I'm going to do all I can to help things along."

It was ironic that so much of what Luka was saying was similar to what John had said to Abby - that she needed to quit putting her life on hold and to just live. Well, she apparently had taken his words to heart and was now living it up with Hank, the pedes guy. But Luka seemed to be looking for more than John thought he was capable of giving. At least right then. He gave Luka's penis another squeeze, liking the way it flexed within his hand. "I don't know, Luka. I don't know how long it will take. I don't even know if I could feel the same way. The physical desire is there, I admit that. It would be pretty dishonest of me to say it wasn't there considering the fact that you've seen first hand that I do find you desirable. But the past we have is...rocky, to say the least."

"So we start new. Besides, it wasn't always rocky, was it?"

"No," John said, remembering their past. "It wasn't."

"I can wait for the rest, John. But I don't want to wait on this, on giving you pleasure. Life in general is uncertain, life here is precarious, even for us. We've been given this night, and I want to act on that gift, John. Let me love you tonight and then, no matter what else happens, we'll always have this. I don't want to go."

John gave Luka's penis another squeeze, his mind racing as he considered everything Luka had said. It was insane, it didn't make much sense, either. But it WAS something he also wanted. He started to smile as his hand began to firmly stroke Luka's erection. "Then stay."

Luka's reply to that was to give John a kiss that took his breath away, and then his lips and hands seemed to be everywhere - caressing, teasing, licking, sucking. Luka left the bed one more time for something to use as a lubricant, promising he wouldn't leave the bed again now that he had all he needed there with him. For his part, John let his own hands tease Luka's body, skimming over his skin, touching what he could reach, his mind pushing aside the fact that at some point, Luka's penis would enter him...it wasn't something he feared. Not exactly. The fear wasn't over pain, it was over the idea that once taken by Luka, it would be all John ever wanted, to belong to the man himself. John had thought he had belonged to Abby, and her to him, and he had been wrong about that. John wasn't sure if he could handle developing those feelings for and about Luka just to have his heart broken once again.

And yet, what point was there to life if all you did was exist?

It was that thought, and the idea that he wanted to keep doing more than existing, that spurred John on, letting him move as directed by Luka, holding his own legs up and out of the way so that Luka could place kisses along the insides of his thighs. John didn't even try to stop the moaning that those kisses created inside of him, or the cry of surprise when Luka's tongue circled around his anus, snaking inward every now and then, gently opening him while giving him the most intimate kiss anyone could ever experience. Pleasure arced through John's body, turning every nerve ending into an erogenous zone, and still Luka continued.

"Luka...God...yeah...don't stop..." John heard his voice softly pleading for the pleasure to continue. In all of his relationships, he'd never had the unique pleasure of being the one made love to, instead he'd always been the love maker, or else things had been a joint effort. He had to admit that he could very easily get used to having someone make love to him, and him alone.

"It's only going to get better," Luka paused long enough to say, his voice hoarse from the desire he felt.

John's head tossed from side to side on the mattress as Luka proved the truth of his words, alternating his tongue with first one finger, and then two. Fingers that slowly slid inside and unerringly went to John's prostate, massaging it until John felt he could no longer think coherently - all he knew was the pleasure being generated in his bottom by Luka.

And John knew the ache of loss and emptiness when those fingers and that tongue were pulled away from him. Whimpering, he raised his head to look at Luka, a fear that he had misjudged the man beginning - that this had all been some elaborate prank or pay-back scheme of Luka's. But no, Luka had apparently stopped so he could roll the condom down his penis. And John could have sworn that Luka's penis had increased in size since he had last touched it.

Luka looked up, and the hunger in his eyes quickly changed to a look of concern as their eyes met. "I'll be careful. It will burn a bit at first, but then the pleasure will erase the memory of the pain, I promise you."

John nodded, toyed with the idea of keeping his head raised so that he could watch Luka enter him, then discarded it - he didn't want to watch that. Not yet, anyway. He let his head fall back to the mattress, his body tense as he waited for Luka's penis to breech him.

"Relax," Luka's voice soothed, his fingers, now slick with something besides his own saliva caressing John's sphincter muscles, slipping back inside with ease. "You must relax for me," Luka said again, his voice a bit more commanding.

John took a deep breath and held it, willing his body to obey Luka's order. Relax, he told himself. Easy enough to do, right? Just relax while some man you've had an antagonistic relationship with for years is trying to shove a ten foot wide pole up your butt. Sure, no problem. Easy as pie. Just relax..."Jesus!" John cried out as something bigger than Luka's finger eased into his opening, leaving behind a stinging sensation. Relax, relax, relax. Oh, fuck...how could he relax with Luka inside of him? He was too big...simply too big...in his mind's eye, John could see his own body tearing as Luka ripped into him.

"That's it, just stay relaxed," Luka's voice coaxed through John's thoughts. "Just lie still for a moment or two, let your body get used to me." Luka's fingers were back there, too, but not also entering him, John noted that with more than a bit of relief. But they were massaging the area and then Luka's other hand was on John's chest, seeking out a tight nipple, rolling it between his thumb and forefinger and making John gasp with pleasure. "You like that, don't you? Having your nipples messed with?"

John nodded and looked up at Luka's face. "It feels good."

Luka grinned. "Not as good as this will." He bent forward, his lips capturing the other nipple, his teeth scraping against it and John felt a slight filling below as Luka moved. It was a slow filling, but one that John could handle. The burning sensation was well past, but there was not yet any pleasure, not like what Luka's fingers had given him. John was about to give up on the idea that he'd possibly be bisexual since this wasn't really doing anything for him and then his eyes flew open and he sucked in air as a rush of pleasure unlike anything he'd ever known hit him hard, and then Luka was slamming fully into him, his ball sac slapping against John's butt cheeks.

And Luka stayed right there, immobile except for what his lips, teeth and fingers were doing to John's nipples, but the pressure alone was exquisite, making John want more. He wiggled his hips, trying to get something to happen - movement, more of Luka inside of him, anything.

Luka raised his head and smiled at John, then quickly kissed his lips before raising his body. "I see you're ready for more."

"God, yes," John agreed, his hips once again moving, bucking upward toward Luka. "Please?"

"With pleasure, John," Luka replied, and he braced his hands on the back of John's thighs, his own hips moving backward, taking away the fullness until John felt like screaming at him to put it back, and then thrusting inward quickly, the sharp pleasure making John cry out as he tried to get his own body to move in sync with Luka's. And soon they were moving that way, their bodies meeting in pleasure over and over again. Even though John didn't get hard again, his body was still on fire with desire and lust for the man inside of him, and he wanted it to last all night.

Luka's body, though, was just as much a victim of their anticipation as John's had been. Perhaps more so since he had been hard for a longer time. His thrusting increased to a wild pace, his hips bucking, his penis seeming to have no trouble at all moving within John's body. And then his head was flung back and a low whimper came from Luka's mouth as his hips shoved forward as far as they could go, his entire body trembling as his hands tightly clenched John's thighs. John could tell by the look on Luka's face that the man was coming, making them one with his penis buried as deeply as possible within. If only they could stay that way forever, John mused, sighing at the memory of the pleasure Luka had given him.

With a sigh, Luka slowly pulled out, making sure the condom remained in place and leaving John feeling empty, though sated. Luka pulled the condom off, knotted it and dropped it to the floor before draping his body over John's so he could tenderly kiss him. It was a kiss that John returned wholeheartedly, as he eased his legs down on either side of Luka's body, his muscles complaining from the position they'd been held in for that time. But it had been worth it.

"There will have to be more times," Luka said, a smile on his face and in his voice as he rested his head on John's chest.

"I agree," John said, his fingers moving through Luka's hair, separating the sweat soaked strands. "It was fantastic, Luka."

"Thank you, but it wasn't quite what I had planned. I wanted to last long enough to make you come again, to leave you fully and completely sated." Luka's fingers were drawing patterns along John's side, and the man's breath tickled John's chest, but he wasn't going to complain. It felt nice to have Luka there, relaxed and comfortable with him.

"I am sated, you made sure of that. But, we can do it again later," John agreed, a smile already on his face at that thought.

Luka's laugh rumbled through John's chest. "I wish we could, but you will be too sore for us to do this any more tonight, or tomorrow morning."

"Tomorrow night, then."

"Yes, tomorrow night." Luka moved so that he could look directly at John. "Thank you."

John looked back at Luka, then grinned. "You're welcome. And thank you, too."

Luka grinned back. "You're welcome. And now I suppose we should put out that candle and get some sleep. Maybe tomorrow the power will be restored and we won't need to use the generator."

"Maybe. But I think I'll miss the candlelight," John said as he watched Luka get up to do just as he said, and then make his way back to the bed in the semi-darkness. The candlelight had made things seem to be not so...real.

"Not me," Luka said as he crawled back into the bed, stretching out alongside John. "We had too many nights and days when that was all we had at home." He moved until he was curled up beside John, his head resting on John's chest. "It was a busy day, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, it was," John agreed as he rearranged his arm around Luka's body and pulled the man even closer. Soon he was listening to Luka's even breathing, and John yawned, then let his eyes close, his last wakeful thought being that he had been right about his fear. He did want to belong to the man beside him. He just didn't know if the man beside him really wanted him.


To be continued
Chapter Four by Cathy Roberts
The next morning was as busy as the one before had been, Luka noticed, and Gillian's attitude seemed to be even more irritating now that she seemed to be patting herself on the back for 'getting them together' as she put it in an aside while they were getting coffee. Luka wished that her words were true, that he and John were really a couple, but he had awoken with no further confirmation on that happening than he had when he had fallen asleep. He would have to be patient, and do all he could to convince Carter that they as a couple was something worth considering.

He found himself smiling over breakfast as he remembered how adamant Carter had been about trying things again that morning. Even though he admitted to being sore, Carter had been enthusiastic about their lovemaking, and had reached completion that time with a bit of help from Luka's hand. They had come at the same time, their cries of pleasure over that fact lost in the kiss they were sharing at that time. And Luka couldn't keep himself from looking down the table at Carter, hoping that the smile on his face was because of the same memories.

Luka's smile faltered though, when he saw Charles rushing up to Carter's side. He whispered something to him and then Carter was looking directly at Luka, his eyes looking surprised and worried. And then he was gone from the dining room, leaving behind his coffee. John Carter never abandoned coffee, and that seemed to be a bad sign to Luka.

Charles then came to sit beside Luka, a cup of coffee in his hand. "Are you about ready?" he asked.

"Ready for what?" Luka asked, his mind still wondering what Charles had said to Carter to make him rush out that way.

"I'm driving you back to the clinic today, remember?" Charles leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. "We've got the truck loaded with supplies now. It's not much, but more than what the clinic had before."

Shit. Luka had forgotten about the clinic. He didn't have a choice but to go back there since there were patients there and only two nurses to watch over them until he returned. He nodded, wondering if he'd get the chance to tell Carter where'd he gone. "I've got to get my things from my room and then we can go. So, what did you tell Carter that made him hurry out?" Even as he asked, he could feel Gillian's eyes boring into him, her curiosity just as aroused.

"Angeligue sent me down to get him because he had a telephone call from the United States."

"His family? I hope nothing's wrong," Luka replied, hoping he was masking his fear that the caller was Abby, begging Carter to give her another chance. "His grandmother is elderly and has been having medical problems."

Charles looked at him intently, and then nodded. "That's right, you two do work in the same hospital, don't you? No, Angelique didn't say it was his family. Some woman named Abby. Is that his mother, do you know?"

Luka's stomach was dropping but he managed to shake his head. "No, it's not his mother." He looked up and saw Gillian looking at him, pity and concern in her eyes. Dammitt, he didn't want her pity! He got to his feet. "Let me get my things and we can go." And if his trip to his room took him by Angelique's office, well, then that couldn't be helped, could it?

Luka hurried away from the dining room, not wanting Gillian to catch up to him, to ask him how he was. He didn't want to talk to anyone, except for perhaps Abby, and that would be to brag to her that he had been making love with Carter and she should just slink off to the corner and leave his man alone.

His man. God, when had Carter become his? Carter loved Abby, not him. Right? No. Luka didn't even have to ask that. He knew that Carter and Abby were in love, had seen it in their eyes. It had haunted him for months, their feelings for one another, the happiness they seemed to have found. And Abby had thrown it all away. Was there something within her that refused to let her be happy? That refused to allow her to let others be happy? Look at what her actions had done to Carter, and now with this call, at what her actions would do to him and Carter.

By the time Luka reached Angelique's office, his bag in hand, he had convinced himself that Carter had taken Abby back. He loved the woman. Luka had even heard that Carter had proposed to her, more than once, even. You didn't walk away from that kind of love, even if the object of your love cheated and threw it in your face. Oh, Luka could gladly kill her for hurting Carter that way, but as long as Carter forgave her, what right did he have to say anything?

The door was shut and Luka didn't want to see if it was also locked. His hand was on the doorknob several times, but he never turned it, never tried to see if he could slip inside and hear what Carter was saying to Abby. It would hurt too much to hear him consoling her. And so, he stood there, his palm pressed up against the wooden door, fighting the urge to press his ear against the wood to see if he could overhear anything. And then he heard Gillian calling his name, and he stepped back from the door, turning to watch her walk toward him.

"Gillian," his greeting was, he hoped, polite.

"Charles is outside with the truck, so if you're ready?" She said, her eyes on his bag.

"I'm ready. I was hoping I'd have a chance to tell Carter where I was going, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen. Would you mind telling him for me? I hope to be back here before I head home, so I should see him then."

Gillian nodded. "I'll tell him. I don't suppose you know what's going on in there?" She inclined her head toward the door.

"He's having a phone conversation with the woman he loves," Luka coldly replied as he started to walk past her.

"Luka..."

He stopped, but didn't turn to look at her. He didn't dare let her see the emotions that his eyes had to be showing right then.

"I'm sorry," she softly said.

"So am I. Take care, Gillian. I'll see you in a few more days." Luka started to walk again, not stopping until he was outside. He took a deep breath, the humid morning air reminding him all too much of the steam-filled room from the night before. A memory. But it was all he had left of John Carter. And it would have to suffice.

"Let's go, Charles. There are patients waiting." Luka tossed his bag into the back of the truck, and then climbed up into the passenger side of the cab, letting Charles drive. The sooner he was away from the site of his latest heartache, the better, Luka thought. And yet he already found himself eager for when he'd make the return trip, so he could see Carter again before they returned to Chicago. Just to see him would be enough, or so Luka hoped.


John lost track of how long he sat there, simply staring at the phone. When he had been told that it was Abby on the phone, he hadn't hesitated to rush to Angelique's office to take the call, even though his mind had been in overdrive the entire time. Was she calling to tell him that Susan had lied, that Hank meant nothing to her? Was she calling to tell him that she was sorry and wanted his forgiveness? Was she calling to break up with him?

Strange how out of all of those possibilities, it was the breaking up one that was most in his mind as he stepped into Angelique's office and accepted the receiver from her, not trusting himself to talk until Angelique was out of the room with the door closed behind her.

They had talked about many things. About being afraid, about love, or lack thereof, about drinking, her drinking specifically. They had spoken about Hank from pedes and his phone calls to her apartment, with her admitting that she'd been present for some of them, but had let the machine pick up because she was too scared and ashamed to talk with him.

And, by the time the call ended, he and Abby had reached the conclusion that they simply didn't work as a couple. For her, there hadn't been enough of something, he wasn't sure if it was love or trust. Or perhaps confidence in herself. For him, he had realized that, while he loved her enough to propose, it wasn't enough to not want her to change. He couldn't handle the drinking, the emotional hiding. He had been honest with Abby about his feelings, laid them all out on the table for her, and she had continued to keep hers bottled up inside. And, as the call reached the end, he had told her about Luka. Oh, he didn't give her details, but he did tell her that he and Luka had grown closer since he was still there. Abby had seemed surprised by that news, but not exactly disappointed. John wondered how she would have reacted if he had told her that they had made love that morning, just hours before her phone call. Would she have been pleased he had found someone to take her place?

And had he? Had he reached out for Luka out of the need for comfort or were his budding feelings for the man genuine? He had been so sure of how he had felt about Abby, and those feelings had obviously not been true. But, then again, it had taken time for him to reach the realization that he did love her despite everything else. His observation about Luka didn't need a realization. Did that make those feelings more 'real'? Or were they nothing more than wishful thinking on his part?

Checking his watch, John saw that he'd been in Angelique's office for over thirty minutes, and there were patients who needed to be seen. He ran his hand over his eyes, hoping that the day would be better than the one before and the one before that and the one before that. He was tired of seeing patients that he couldn't truly help - not there anyway. Now, if they were at County, the story would be different. There'd be no children with polio, there would be antibiotics available and plenty of them, there'd be decent food. With a sigh and a small prayer to that God he wasn't always sure he believed in, John got to his feet and headed to the waiting area, his eyes already searching the sea of faces for Luka's, needing the reassurance his presence brought.

But there was no sign of Luka and it was too busy for John to stop to ask about him. It wasn't until he was able to take a short break for lunch that he was able to sit by Gillian and ask, for not only Luka, but Charles as well, since he hadn't seen him around, either.

"They left," Gillian replied between bites. "They had to get back to the clinic."

John slowly nodded, remembering only then that when Luka had shown up the other day, he had mentioned that there were patients at the clinic that couldn't be moved and he had come in for some supplies. He had also come in with injured rebel soldiers that he had found along the way, one of which had died while John could do nothing but ease his passing. That had sucked - watching Angelique and Luka save the others while his more critically injured patient died. Resources were stretched so thinly that only those who could successfully recover were operated on. Those who were iffy, like John's patient, were made as comfortable as possible without wasting even more resources on them.

"Luka waited to tell you, but they had to go. He said that he'll see you when he gets back," Gillian continued.

"Thanks. I had forgotten that he needed to get back there." John pushed the remains of his lunch away, his appetite suddenly gone.

"How did the telephone call go?" Gillian asked.

"It was all right," John dully replied. He got to his feet. "I'm getting back to work. Enjoy your lunch." Walking away, John didn't see the worried look that Gillian was giving his retreating form, her brow wrinkled in thought.

As he worked through the afternoon, John came to the conclusion that Luka returning to the clinic was for the best as it would give him time to think without Luka being there as a distraction. And there was a lot for him to think about, John knew that. He had to deal with his feelings for Abby as well as for whatever it was that was starting for Luka. Despite all the things that had happened in his life, it still managed to surprise John that his life had changed in the eight short days since he'd left Chicago. He supposed that it was a good thing that change could still surprise him when it came, although a part of him was beginning to think that change, especially where his life was concerned, was something that would always be waiting just around the corner.

The days passed, not slowly, nor quickly. John slept, had nightmares, awoke, fretted, missed Luka's arms and the sound of his breathing, then fell asleep again to wake up to work. Work varied only in whom he was seeing and not what he was seeing - the citizens of the ravaged country all turning into one blur for him. Except for the children. His 'little birds', the ones who held the hope for their country on their thin shoulders, providing he could do his best to keep them alive. Still, John did what he could, and there were many nights he was up late, flashlight in hand to illuminate the pages of a book that he would do his best to read - his French was horrible, but it seemed to amuse the children, and hearing them laugh was well worth the effort of mangling the language, he reasoned.

It was a bit of a surprise for him to get to breakfast one morning and have Angelique announcing that it was his last day at the hospital. The two weeks had gone by that quickly. And Luka had never returned before going home. That part saddened him, even though he had been too busy during the days to notice the man's absence. And that, too, saddened him. It appeared that despite Luka's words that night they made love, that they would see each other in Chicago and behave no differently than before. Luka had obviously decided that he wasn't worth it. Smart man. And John had no choice but to honor that decision, no matter how much it hurt.

Therefore, John was very surprised - yet again - the Congo kept doing that to him - when shortly after lunch he saw Luka in the waiting area. Like him, Luka was only supposed to have been there for two weeks, yet there he was, talking to a patient while a nurse made notes. Still there two weeks past the time he was supposed to return. Kerry would be furious, John knew that much. Perhaps Luka wasn't going back? Maybe he had decided to stay there and do what he could? John had to admit that similar thoughts had been going through his head the past few days, when he realized that there was really nothing for him in Chicago if he didn't even have Luka's friendship. Why not stay? He was slowly picking up French, and, with a bit of hard study and tutoring, John was sure he could soon be speaking it well enough. Leaving the Chicago would be hard, despite Gamma being dead, leaving the United States would be even harder, but it was something he was considering.

Before he saw Luka, that is. If Luka was staying, then John couldn't. He didn't want to make things difficult for the man. John knew he was staring at Luka, but it didn't really bother him until he saw Luka look in his direction, then past him and then back to his patient. John was nothing more than someone who blended into the crowd...and with that knowledge, he returned to work, his heart heavier than it had been since Luka left to return to the clinic.


Carter's face had haunted Luka's waking hours, had been prominent in his dreams. At least he wasn't having nightmares, he thought. But somehow the erotic dreams involving Carter seemed worse since Carter could never be his. In his dreams, though, he was 'John', and despite dreading nighttime because he knew he'd be sleeping alone and then dreaming about Carter, there was still a small part of Luka that looked forward to those dreams since they were the only time when they could be together.

He yearned to see Carter, to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him and love him. But Carter was once more beyond his reach. It was only right and logical that Carter would take Abby back. They loved each other. Luka had seen that with his own eyes, and he had spent his non-working hours lately convincing himself of that reality. They would marry and make beautiful babies, as they should be doing. What did John Carter need with a moody Croatian?

And if there had been a way to get to Kinasha and the airport without returning to the hospital, Luka would have taken it. But there wasn't, so he was stuck spending one last day there. And then he would have to get on a truck with Carter and drive to the nearest airport, then get in a small plane with Carter and fly to the capital. Thankfully, once at the international airport, he could get away from the man. They'd most certainly have different flights out, Luka thought. At least he hoped they did. But until then, he'd have to try his best to pretend that Carter meant nothing to him. Do nothing to distract Carter from Abby, no matter how much he wanted to distract Carter from everything.

So it was therefore difficult, but necessary, to look through Carter when he saw him in the waiting area. The man had looked good enough to eat, and all Luka could do was pretend he didn't exist. Returning to County General and going back to pretending was going to be Hell, and Luka didn't know how he was going to make it. It had nearly destroyed him when he had been blindly seeking fulfillment, his thoughts that Abby had been IT for him. Now that he knew the truth, that it had never been Abby, but always Carter, and Carter couldn't be his, what was he going to do? Self-destruct totally this time? Resign from County and go to another hospital? Doing that would take him away from Carter, and while he longed for that, it was also a prospect that Luka dreaded.

It took all of Luka's willpower to push thoughts of Carter from his mind, to keep from watching him while he worked. But, Luka managed to treat the patients, and he even managed to miss dinner, not wanting to risk having to talk to Carter. He was outside, enjoying a smoke when Gillian approached him, a stern look on her face as she leaned against the wall.

"Gillian," he nodded as he greeted her. "Care for a cigarette?"

"No, thank you," she replied, her voice tight with controlled emotion. Luka knew right then that he was in trouble with her over something, or someone.

"Suit yourself," he replied before taking a long drag on his cigarette.

"You're a real bastard, Luka, do you realize that?"

His eyebrows rose, but he nodded. "I think I've heard those words before. Why am I now a bastard? I thought you were past me screwing the Scottish nurse."

"I am. What I'm not past is you screwing John," she bitterly replied.

Luka turned his head to look directly at her. "I seem to recall you being the one who set all of that up, did you not?"

"I set it up so that the two of you could make love because I could see he had feelings for you and I thought you cared about him. I was obviously wrong about that. I don't think anyone missed the way you kept looking through him this afternoon. He's been moping around here ever since you left, and the first thing you did when you got back was ignore him. Sounds to me like you were just in it for the fucking, Luka."

Luka's temper flared. How dare she accuse him of that? Gillian, the woman who invited just about every man there into her bed at one time or another, accusing him of being interested in only fucking John Carter! He was about to tear into her full force, but held back. It wasn't Gillian's fault that his dreams had been smashed to bits. "I care very much for him and about him, Gillian. But he's with Abby again and I'm not going to do anything to ruin that."

"Is he?" Gillian asked, her eyes narrowing as she regarded him. "You haven't spoken one word to him since you arrived. How would you know anything about him?"

"I know him, Gillian. Abby called here, wanting him to take her back and he forgave her. It's not in him to turn her down."

Gillian shook her head. "You are such a fool, Luka Kovac. Such a fool. Go on and believe what you wish, but you're not the only person who missed dinner tonight, and you're not the only fool here, either." And with that, Gillian turned around and went back into the hospital, leaving Luka alone with the stars and his thoughts.

Maybe she was right. Not about him being a fool, but about him not giving Carter the chance to tell him that there couldn't be a 'them'. They would talk on the trip into Kinasha, Luka thought. Get things settled before they reached the international airport. He put out his cigarette and went back inside, going directly to his room so he could finish packing for the trip to a home that no longer held any appeal for him.


In his effort to avoid Luka at dinner, John had first considered just staying in his room. But he had eventually rejected that idea as being too childish. Instead he had opted for one last bit of reading to the children, and he was seated cross-legged on the concrete floor of the ward, eager faces surrounding him as he opened the book. The children laughed as he read the title, as they always did when he spoke too much French, and John laughed along with them, loving the musical lilt to the laughter of the children. It pained him to think that he'd never have children of his own, but he had given up hope of that ever happening. First it was because he had never found someone he loved enough to marry. Then, when he had found Abby, he had discovered she was too scared to have children, afraid that she'd pass on the gene that would make them bi-polar. And now, with Abby out of his life, John wasn't sure that he'd ever find someone else. So, no. No children for him. But that didn't mean he couldn't be a good 'uncle' to the ones he knew. He only wished he could do more for the children who were gathered around him right then, find ways to give them new limbs, or to feed them. He knew that once home he'd have the Carter Foundation do something, but he also knew that it wouldn't be enough. He could help some of them, but not all of them.

John was nearly done with the story when he noticed that he had an additional person listening - Gillian. And she didn't look happy at all. John did his best to ignore her as he finished the story, then carried each child to bed, tucking them in before their families came there to do the same thing, smiling their gratitude at him for the small bit of entertainment he had provided both them and the children. Once the last child was put to bed and the lights in the ward were turned down for the night, John walked over to Gillian.

"I wanted to read to them one last time," he explained as he put the book on a small table near the door, then gestured for her to precede him out of the ward. "It's hard to believe that I'm going home tomorrow."

"I know. I'll be leaving in another week myself. They grow on you, don't they?" she warmly asked.

John nodded. "They do. And not just the children." He looked up at the ceiling, squinting against the light bulb that hung there. "Strange to have had power this long. I remember us losing it when I first got here. Angeligue said then that the rebels cut the lines about once a week. I guess they missed them this week."

"One can hope," Gillian said. "We need to talk."

John stopped and looked at her questioningly. "About what?"

"Luka," she quickly replied.

"I don't see where there's anything to talk about, Gillian. I had thought...it doesn't matter what I had thought. He came back and doesn't want anything to do with me." He looked down at the floor, thinking it odd that he had ceased to notice the stains in the concrete. "I was thinking of coming back, permanently."

"Here?" Gillian sounded surprised.

John nodded. "It's a good place to be, Gillian. They need doctors here. They need someone like me. Even if I can't speak French all that well."

She snorted. "You mean even if you can't speak French. John, why would you want to do that? You have a good life in Chicago. You have Abby, and your friends and family..."

"I have nothing back there, Gillian," John replied, more than a hint of bitterness in his voice. "The only ones that were ever there all the time were my grandmother and cousin. And now that Gamma's gone, and Chase has his own life..." He shook his head. "My parents travel and are hardly ever there. I won't be missed by many people, trust me."

"Not even Abby?" Gillian gently asked.

He shook his head. "Especially not by Abby." Or by Luka, he mentally added, but he didn't want to tell her that. It was bad enough that he was indulging in this bout of self-pity in front of her. "I've been thinking about it all week, Gillian, and I think it's the best thing to do."

"I don't know about that. It's good to volunteer, but I'm not sure I'd want to live here year after year." She looked at him, and then slowly smiled. "So, not even Luka would be enough to keep you in Chicago?"

"Luka doesn't want me," John said, his voice once more bitter. "You saw how he was when he got here this afternoon. He's changed his mind about things, and that's fine. It's his choice. But I don't think I can handle being there in Chicago with him, Gillian."

Gillian started to say something in response to that, but then she closed her mouth, regarding him intently. "You know," she finally said. "I think that you and Luka need to talk. Tonight. Now."

"He doesn't want to talk to me, Gillian."

"John, he thinks that you're back together with Abby," she said.

"What?" John shook his head. "What gave him that idea? He left before Abby and I were done talking."

"I don't know why he thinks that, but he does. He keeps telling me about how well he 'knows' you, and he's convinced that you and Abby are back together as a result of that telephone call. That's why he was ignoring you earlier. It's just that he's a fool and too proud to tell you that his heart is broken because he thinks you don't care about him."

"Really?" John asked, his whole mood picking up. "That's...wonderful...I mean...it's not wonderful, but..."

Gillian laughed. "I know what you mean. Now go on and talk to him before he decides that he's not leaving."

"He's not leaving?" John asked, his good mood suddenly gone. "He has to go home...WE have to go home."

"Then go tell him so, John," Gillian urged, a huge smile on her face. It was amazing what a little embellishment of the truth could accomplish, she thought as she watched John rush off in the direction of the dorm wing of the hospital. Luka Kovac wouldn't know what hit him, but she was sure that come morning, he'd be very happy about it all.


To be continued
Chapter Five by Cathy Roberts
John was almost out of breath from running all the way to Luka's room. His first instinct was to bang on the door, demanding to be let in, but years of training made him ignore that instinct, and instead he took a deep breath, then calmly knocked on the wooden surface. But his heart beat wildly as the seconds passed while he waited for Luka to open the door.

And when he did...John just stood there, staring at him, thinking how good the man looked, even if there was a bit of sadness in Luka's eyes. There were so many things he wanted to say to Luka: that he wasn't with Abby, that he wanted them to see each other once they were home in Chicago, that he wanted them to both go home. But as John faced Luka, all of those things eluded him. What happened was something he hadn't planned, but it wasn't something unwanted either. Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around Luka's body, pulling him close and kissing him passionately, pushing his way into the room as they kissed and then kicking the door closed with his foot.

The next thing John knew, Luka was on his back crossways on the bed, his head barely on the mattress and John falling on top of him. Taking a deep breath as the kiss ended, John smiled down at Luka. "You came back." Oh, that was smooth, he thought. A million things to tell the man and the best he could come up with was 'you came back'.

Luka regarded him solemnly, then began to smile. "I did. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to say goodbye, but you were on the phone with Abby and I didn't want to disturb you."

"It wouldn't have mattered. We were confirming the break-up, more or less. I'm not back together with Abby, Luka."

Luka's small smile was an instant grin. "You're not? But I thought that she'd ask you to forgive her..."

"She did, and I did forgive her. But we both realized that we were not meant to be a couple." John moved around until he was comfortably straddling Luka's hips. Well, it wasn't all THAT comfortable, considering the way his erection was being held back by his pants. But compared to being sprawled over Luka's body, it was a bit better. "I thought you had changed your mind...you know...about us," John said, his voice going soft on the last bit, more than a bit surprised at how much it meant to him that Luka apparently hadn't changed his mind about anything.

"I thought you were back with Abby...I guess I jumped the knife with that, didn't I?" Luka said, his hands reaching for the buttons on John's shirt. "I talked myself into believing you were with her and didn't want me around."

"You jumped the gun, and yes, I do want you around. I want..." John paused, moaning lightly while Luka's hand slipped inside of his partially open shirt, fingers rubbing over an already hard nipple. "I want us to give us a try, Luka."

More buttons were undone in the silence that followed John's statement, and he was about to wonder if he had said the wrong thing when Luka suddenly sat up and began to suck hungrily on an exposed teat. John moaned, running his hands through Luka's hair before regaining his senses enough to start undoing the buttons of Luka's shirt. "I take it that you agree with me?"

Luka's head moved in what John thought was a nod, but his mouth never moved except for where his tongue was now flicking at the nipple his sucking had made stand tall. Again, John moaned, momentarily distracted from his task of undressing Luka. It appeared as if they were going to make love again, not that John minded that idea one bit.

Getting his body back under control, John's fingers flew over the buttons, and he pulled Luka's shirt out from under his belt, undoing the last few buttons before trying to push the shirt over Luka's shoulders. Luka managed to somehow help him with that, moving his arms just enough to allow the shirt to be removed without ever taking his arms far from John's body. John, for his part, reciprocated in kind, and they were then both shirtless, although John wanted nothing more right then to also be totally naked and on Luka's lap that way.

And Luka apparently had the same idea, because his hands were next at John's waist, undoing the belt and then the button and zipper. Luka's hand was cool as he pulled John's boxers out of the way and wrapped it around John's hard penis. John's body thrust forward, moving his erection within that fist, once more giving voice to the pleasure he was feeling.

"Yes, Luka..." John said, taking the time to get to his feet and letting Luka pull his pants and boxers down, but not off. No, Luka had something else in mind first, and his lips were quickly on John's penis, slathering it with attention while John kicked off his shoes and tried to step out of his pants without dislodging Luka. It was good, what Luka was doing, very good. But, John wanted more and he wanted to come when Luka came, and didn't think that could happen if Luka sucked him dry right then.

"Luka, slow down, okay? We've got all night," John's hands went gently to Luka's head as he tried to disengage the guy.

Luka let go of him, but pulled John closer, resting his cheek against John's belly and holding him tightly. "I missed you. I thought we'd never again be like this. God, Gillian was right, I was a fool to let my fears get the better of me."

"Me, too. I had myself convinced that you'd changed your mind about us, especially when you arrived today and looked right through me as if I wasn't there." John was running his fingers through Luka's hair, wanting to memorize the way each and every strand felt as they moved across his skin. "That hurt, Luka."

"I'm sorry." Luka placed a tender kiss on John's belly, then put his cheek back against the skin. "I had to ignore you or run the risk of giving a free show to everyone in the waiting room. Somehow I don't think that the Congo is quite ready for that."

"Probably not." John once more tried to get out of his pants, but they seemed to be stuck at his ankles, and being held that tightly by Luka wasn't giving him the chance to remove them.

"Something wrong?" Luka's voice floated up to John's ears, with more than a hint of amusement in it.

"Not a thing. That is, if you think that it's perfectly normal for me to be standing here with my pants and underwear bunched up at my ankles," John replied with a chuckle.

Luka pulled back from him, looking John up and down, then grinning. "Looks fine to me. You can't run away from me with your pants where they are."

"As if I had a reason to run," John retorted, taking advantage of the physical break to bend over enough to untangle his pants and then they were kicked to the side. All he had left to take off was his socks, and he started to bend again to remove them, but was stopped by Luka once more pulling him in close.

"Leave them on," Luka growled, his tongue snaking out to lick its way down John's surgical scar.

"It looks dorky," John protested.

"I don't intend to make love to your socks, John. Forget about them." The tongue dipped into John's belly button, making him squirm.

"No way," he replied. "I'll have you know that I have made a personal vow to never look dorky."

"Dorky? What is this word 'dorky'? I do not know this word," Luka said, exaggerating his accent while moving his tongue downward.

"Liar," John shot back with amusement. It was sometimes convenient for Luka to be from another country since he could easily claim ignorance of something and get away with it, too. John then had to grasp Luka's shoulders tightly as the man's tongue began to slowly lap at the head of his penis. "Jesus, Luka...you're going to make me come and I don't want that."

Luka looked up at him, his eyes unreadable. "You don't want me to make you come?"

"Not yet, no," John admitted. "I want to come when you come." He smiled down at Luka. "And I want you naked. Completely naked. No dorky socks allowed."

Laughing, Luka got to his feet, his hands reaching for his belt buckle. "I think that can be arranged, but soon my friend, I will once more be having my total and complete way with you."

"I know," John said, quickly removing his socks while trying to watch Luka undress. "And I wouldn't have it any other way."

Luka's eyebrows rose. "That doesn't sound very obedient. You sound demanding."

John grinned as he stepped forward, his hand grasping Luka's newly revealed hardness. "I am extremely demanding, Luka. It's something you're just going to have to get used to. Now, finish stripping so we can make love. We don't have all night, you know."

"Seems to me that I remember you saying just the opposite not so long ago," Luka said as he slipped out of his shoes and began to pull his pants off.

"And look at how much time that's passed since I said that. I want us to do it, oh, I don't know, ten or twenty time before dawn. Time is wasting, Luka."

Luka laughed again. "Ten or twenty times is it? I don't think either one of us has that kind of recovery ability."

"You don't?" John asked, cocking his head to one side as he regarded Luka. "You're right. I forgot that you're older than I am. Okay, so ten times for me and five for you."

"Brat," Luka shot back as he tossed his socks aside and stood proudly in front of John, completely naked and hard. "But I think we can at least try our best and see what we can accomplish."

"Good idea," John said as he sat down on the bed and reached out, gently grasping Luka's penis. The skin felt like silk, smooth and warm. He wished he could just take it into his mouth, sucking on it with as much enthusiasm as Luka had seemed to feel when he had done that to John. But John felt hesitant, unsure of what to do, where to start. Not sure that he'd even like having a penis in his mouth in the first place. Touching it was okay, he thought, his long fingers caressing the shaft, easing back the foreskin and revealing the head, a small bead of pre-ejaculate sitting there, glistening under the harsh overhead light. John found himself missing the candlelight at that moment, halfway wishing that the Mai Mai had once again cut the power lines. Then again, this was the first true time he saw Luka's body.

John glanced upward, his insides thrilling as he saw the look of pleasure on Luka's face, then felt Luka's hands coming to rest on his shoulders. Luka wanted what he was doing, John could tell that much. And, as a man, he knew that Luka wanted more; wanted to feel John's mouth on his penis.

Returning his eyes to the fine organ in front of him, John leaned forward, his tongue quickly darting out to lap at the bead of moisture, gingerly tasting it, then savoring the salty tang that was a precursor of Luka's essence. It wasn't so bad, John thought, and he swirled his tongue around the entire head, then slowly sucked it into his mouth. Keeping his lips tight, John moved his head forward, taking in more and more of Luka until he had all of the man engulfed. John could smell the musk of Luka's body, and his own body responded to that scent, his penis twitching as it tried to get even harder for Luka. Luka's hands were now in John's hair while he quietly urged John onward.

And John found himself eagerly complying with that silent request, slowly letting that shaft slide out of his mouth and then licking at the head again, tasting salty liquid and then sucking Luka back in, his tongue massaging Luka as he went down, only to repeat the process, over and over again. One of John's hands snaked behind Luka, grabbing a butt cheek and pulling Luka even closer while his mouth worked him over. And then John found his mouth empty as Luka pulled away and knelt before him, their faces millimeters apart for a moment before Luka pulled John closer, their lips meeting and Luka sucking as hungrily on John's tongue as John had been sucking on Luka's penis.

Hands were everywhere, caressing and teasing, pinching. Their moans managing to make it past their sealed lips, and John found himself falling backward on Luka's bed, his legs spreading open even further as he offered more of himself to Luka. It could never get any better than that, John thought as he looked up into Luka's face, noting the desires in those hazel eyes and knowing that they were reflected in his as well.


Luka's heart was beating wildly against his chest as he looked down at Carter, a feeling of fright running through him as he realized that his own suppositions and insecurities had almost cost him the man. He looked down into Carter's eyes, and the look he saw there quickly chased that fear away, replacing it with love and desire and lust. He wanted to be inside of Carter, wanting to merge with him into one being, wanted to claim him as his own. He wanted to make love with Carter without a condom in the way, so his seed could seep into Carter's body, but Luka knew that wasn't possible. Maybe once they were back in Chicago where they could be tested over a period of months, be certain they were both clean, especially with the way AIDS was so prevalent where they were. How certain could they be that they hadn't been exposed? How certain could HE be? He'd been with Gillian, who wasn't the most chaste woman around, and then he'd been with the nurse from Scotland. Hell, all in all, for the past year or thereabouts, he'd pretty much been a slut; bedding nearly everyone he could, including prostitutes.

Oh, yes, he'd been a virgin on his wedding night, but since his wife had died, Luka had definitely made up for the lack of experience, most of it happening once he had lost Abby. No, not really then. It had been when he knew Abby was seeing Carter. And now he found himself wondering if the need to bury his emotions in sex and the search for fulfillment came from wanting and not having Carter and not from missing and wanting Abby. A tear slid down Luka's cheek, dropping from it and splashing onto Carter's chest before Luka could wipe it away.

John reached up and tenderly cupped Luka's cheek. "What's wrong?" he softly asked, his lips full from their kisses.

"I was thinking about all that I've done wrong recently, and how now I'm finally doing something right." Luka bent his head and licked away his own tear, then kissed his way over to a taut nipple, knowing that even a little bit of play there would drive Carter wild, and Luka had a nearly overwhelming desire to drive John Carter wild. He wanted to return to Chicago and not have to worry about Carter returning to Abby, despite his assurances that that was something that wasn't going to happen. Luka was rewarded with the squirming of Carter's body and his voice quietly begging for more, for Luka to take him.

"Stay here," Luka said, giving the nipple one last flick with his tongue and then leaving the bed long enough to grab a condom and something to use as a lubricant. As he turned to return to the bed, his breath was taken away by the beauty of seeing Carter's body laid out before him, the lips still full, the eyes dark with desire, a flush on his body, his cock hard and ready and his legs parted, giving Luka full access to whatever he wanted.

Once again kneeling on the floor, Luka began to kiss his way up Carter's thigh, from the knee to the tender spot where the thigh met the hip, then avoiding his groin so he could repeat his actions on the other thigh, quietly driving his lover wild once more, and smiling as he heard and felt Carter respond.

Standing, his own cock bobbing in the air, Luka locked eyes with Carter, tearing into the condom packet and rolling the protection down his cock without ever once looking down. Then he reached to the floor for the lubricant, spilling a huge amount into his hand and working it into Carter's skin - first his cock and balls, then around and into his anus, getting him ready. Or perhaps that should be 'more ready', Luka thought as Carter kept trying to buck his hips against Luka's fingers.

"Are you ready for me?" Luka asked, his voice husky and sounding incredibly loud in the room. "Can you take me without more preparation?"

"God, yes," John replied, his arm reaching down and his hand clamping around Luka's wrist, holding his hand in place against his bottom. "I need you now, Luka. Please..."

Luka nodded, placed another kiss on a thigh, then rose once more to his feet, gently disengaging his wrist from Carter's grasp and slowly withdrawing his fingers, making sure they pressed teasingly against Carter's prostate. His cock head was quickly at the opening, hovering there while Luka slowly smiled. "Are you sure you're ready for me? I don't want to hurt you," he said, certain that Carter was more than ready.

"I'm sure," John replied, looking beseechingly up at Luka. "Either take me or I'll have to do it myself."

"As pleasurable as that sounds, I think that we can wait and do that once we're home. As a matter of fact, I can think of nothing I'd like better than to be sitting on my couch while you slowly impale yourself on my cock. What do you think, Carter? Does that appeal to you, too?" Luka asked, his hand now gripping Carter's cock, holding it tightly, but not yet moving his own cock.

"Yeah..." John replied as his eyes fluttered closed. "I'd like that a lot. But I think there's something else that needs to happen first."

"And what is that?" Luka asked as he began to slowly pump Carter's cock, noticing the way that simple movement could make Carter's breathing grow labored.

"You need to take me now." And with that sentence, John moved his hips, gasping lightly as the movement resulted in some part of Luka entering his body.

"Ah, yes," Luka breathed, his cockhead already sending messages of a tight pleasure to his brain as it disappeared into Carter's body. "You're quite right." And then Luka gave up on talking and instead gave his full attention to burying himself deeply within Carter - with Carter's help as the man moved his body on the bed, hips moving upward, his body moving toward the edge of the bed - it all worked to the same end result - ultimate pleasure for the both of them.

Days of abstinence, of need and want, those days combined with the recent desire to make sure that neither man lasted very long, and Luka found himself coming within minutes, his hand still working furiously to bring Carter to completion even as the rest of his body was stilled from the intensity of his orgasm. And then Carter erupted over Luka's hand, his cock pulsing over and over again.

Luka let his body fall forward, hoping that he wouldn't leak out of the condom, but wanting so much to kiss Carter while still buried inside of him. It was a quick kiss, one followed by a quick suck on a nipple before Luka straightened his body and carefully withdrew, the combined sigh and moan coming from Carter's lips letting Luka know that Carter didn't like being left any more than Luka liked leaving him.

He knotted the condom and tossed it into his bedside trashcan, then climbed back onto the bed, hovering over Carter's body, kissing and licking his way to Carter's lips. "I...damn it, Carter, I..." their lips barely touching, Luka stopped himself from saying that words that were waiting there on the tip of his tongue. Would the words drive Carter away? Would they be more than what Carter was ready to hear?

John looked up questioningly. "You what?" he prompted, a smile on his face. "You can't get enough of this, you like kissing me, you...

I love you," Luka blurted, and then, to keep Carter from responding, Luka closed the small space between their lips, kissing him hungrily. His heart soared when he felt Carter's arms wrap around his body, pulling him closer until he was literally resting on top of Carter's body. The kiss ended, and Luka raised his head slightly, his eyes searching Carter's face for any sign of uncertainty or rejection. What he seemed to see was intensity, but intensity of what, Luka didn't know.

"She never said that. Hell, I never said that, either. We just always figured the other one knew it. I told Maggie...I guess I should have been telling Abby that," John said. "But, that doesn't matter now, does it?" He lifted his hand to softly caress Luka's face. "I'm not there yet, Luka. But I promise you that when I am, I will tell you. I won't just assume that you know. I won't make that mistake with you."

Luka slowly nodded as he let his body ease down beside Carter's, their arms automatically reaching out to embrace one another. "I know my feelings for Abby were stronger than I even admitted to myself. Until she was gone, that is. I was a fool to them, not wanting to let myself feel that much for another person. I guess perhaps I was too afraid that it would all be taken from me...again. I won't make that mistake with you, John. Although I almost did, didn't I? I was letting my fears get the better of me and had almost lost you without you leaving me."

"That won't happen," John said as he moved onto his side so they were face to face. "I have very strong feelings for you, Luka, even if I can't yet call them feelings of love. But give me time and that will change."

Luka also moved onto his side and his hand reached out to caress Carter's face. "I'll give you eternity if that what it takes," he whispered.

John smiled wryly. "I hope it won't take that long, but I do like the idea of spending an eternity together." His smile turned into a look of reflection. "It's funny, because I was all set to propose to Abby once I got back home. I almost proposed - properly, that is - before, but it didn't happen. I'm thinking that it didn't happen for a reason, maybe because she wasn't the one for me after all and you are. I want the time to find out, Luka."

"So do I. But right now, we need to spend our time sleeping. We both leave early in the morning, but once back in Chicago, we'll have all the time in the world, John. This I promise you."

They kissed, lips lingering while hands caressed, and then the two fell into a sleep devoid of the nightmares that usually plagued them. It was a sleep created out of exhaustion and being fully sated. It was a sleep of the contented.



To be continued
Chapter Six by Cathy Roberts
Luka awoke slowly; the aroma of coffee hitting his senses, the smell of freshly washed skin, of shampoo - it all mixed together somewhere near his head. Memory of the night came to him, and he smiled lazily, reaching out to touch his lover, his Carter.

And finding material instead of bare skin. Opening his eyes, Luka saw that Carter was fully dressed and seated on the bed beside him, a cup of coffee in his hand and a smile on his face. A smile in his eyes. Luka had never before appreciated Carter's smiles and the way they lit up his eyes when they were genuine.

"Good morning," John said. "You were sleeping pretty soundly and I was about to wake you up with a kiss or something."

"I can close my eyes and pretend to be asleep," Luka replied, a smile now on his face.

Carter laughed. "You could, but we really don't have time for the wake up call that I'd like most to give you. Your coffee is on the nightstand, and you have time for a shower before breakfast. Charles wants to leave as soon as possible. There's rumor of Mai Mai activity near here and he wants to get us to Kinshasa and get back here with our replacements as quickly as he can, just in case fighting breaks out." He got to his feet. "I need to finish packing and I wanted to stop by the ward to say goodbye, you know, to the children."

Luka sat up and reached for the cup of coffee, noting that Carter had known how he liked it prepared. "Don't," he said as he started to take a cautious first sip. "It will only make leaving more difficult for you. It's best to just go."

"But, the kids, they won't understand why I'm not there this morning..."

"They know. They're used to the volunteers, and they'll know." Luka knew that Carter wouldn't listen to him, that he would go into the ward anyway and then have his heart ripped out as he walked away with the 'goodbyes' and 'don't goes' of the children lingering in his ears. But Luka also knew that if Carter thought it would be difficult, even bad, for the children, then he wouldn't do it. And Luka wasn't above playing that card if it meant that Carter was spared that small bit of emotional turmoil.

"It makes it harder on the children, having to say goodbye to you. They don't speak English and you don't speak French, and for the younger ones, well, even if you did speak the same language, they wouldn't understand that you're leaving. Don't put them through that." Luka stared into his coffee as he spoke; not wanting to see the look of sadness that he knew would now be in Carter's eyes. But this small bit of sadness was better than a lot of it later.

"Oh," John's voice was distant, dull. "I didn't realize...I'm sorry."

"It's okay." Luka put the coffee cup aside and got to his feet, reaching Carter in three long strides. He pulled the man into his arms, his lips tracing over Carter's jawbone and chin before finding his lips. Luka also knew that at some point Carter would have some sort of emotional collapse or small breakdown due to everything he'd seen during his two weeks there. Nearly all of the volunteers went through something like that either during or right after their first assignment, even Luka had had it happen, and he'd thought he had already seen it all back in Vukovar. He was glad though, that he'd be the one at Carter's side when it hit. Abby wouldn't have known what to do, what to say. "It's okay," Luka repeated. "You haven't gone there yet, so no harm has been done. Go on and finish your packing and then we can go to breakfast together."

John nodded, then quickly kissed Luka on the mouth before pulling out of his embrace and leaving the room. Luka stood there for a moment longer, slightly hating himself for lying to Carter that way, even if he had thought it for the best. It wasn't good to start out a relationship with lies, even small ones. And, once they were away from Kisangani, away from Africa, Luka would confess his lie. Carter would be upset, but the lie would no longer be between them, and that was for the best. There had been so much that was bad between them, and Luka never wanted the two of them to return to that state.


The ride out to the airport was quiet, mostly because everyone in the army issue truck was still a bit tired. The sun wasn't quite up, and the caffeine from the coffee at breakfast hadn't quite settled into their systems yet. Luka had been surprised to discover that Gillian was with them, but her time there was also at an end and she was on her way home to Canada. She was seated beside Charles and Luka found himself idly wondering if the two of them had been intimate during her stay. Not that he had room to judge the woman, not after the way he'd been for nearly a year, and even there at the hospital. Until Carter arrived, that is.

Luka looked over at Carter, who was staring out of the back of the truck, his mood and thoughts hidden from Luka. Strange how one person could make such a big difference, Luka thought. Not that Carter alone was responsible for the changes that had been occurring within Luka recently, but he was a good part of it, and Luka found himself glad that it was Carter and not someone else, especially Gillian, that he owed a thanks to for those changes.

As if he could read Luka's mind, John suddenly looked his way, his expression serious and then he smiled, and it was a smile that went all the way to Luka's heart. He smiled back with a wink, confident that Charles couldn't see that small action. As for himself, Luka didn't care if the entire world knew that he and Carter were a couple, but he had no idea what Carter thought about the idea and he wasn't going to risk finding out by revealing their status in public. There were a lot of things that they'd have to talk about, discuss, and plan for, and the thing Americans called 'being out' was definitely one of them. Where they would live was another, provided, of course, that Carter wanted them to live together. But it was something Luka wanted, and he didn't particularly care where they lived, even if he'd never seen Carter's apartment. He knew it had two bedrooms and that was only because he'd overheard Abby talking about it. One good thing about Carter's place, Luka mused, was that to the best of his knowledge, Abby had rarely stayed there. Most of their time together had been spent at Abby's place. And, since Abby had spent considerable time at Luka's apartment, although not as his girlfriend, Luka felt it might be more comfortable for him and Carter if they spent their time in a place where Abby's shadow didn't lurk.

Luka was jolted from his thoughts when he realized that Carter had switched seats and was now seated beside him. There was about an inch between their thighs, but that space didn't keep Luka's body from responding to Carter's nearness, and he shifted on the bench, uncomfortable, but in a good way, and he smiled at Carter, inwardly happy that Carter would be willing to sit beside him in front of Gillian and Charles.


"It feels strange to be going home," John commented, his gaze moving from Luka's face to the town they were leaving behind, then back again. "Then again, it felt strange to arrive."

"I know. I get that feeling every time I get to my destination when I volunteer. It's not always easy to keep in mind the fact that I'm going to war-torn or poverty stricken areas and that things will be bleak."

"How do you do it?" John suddenly asked. He had wondered how it was possible for Luka to keep coming to places like the Congo after all he'd been through. "Doesn't it tear you up inside, Luka?"

Luka looked down at the floor and there was a long pause before he spoke. "It's because of that that I can do it, I think. I've seen mankind at its worst, felt the same pain that these people feel. War is Hell and yet we keep waging it, making up excuses that sound noble and just. But in the end, every drop of blood spilled is one drop too many, every life lost is one innocent soul taken too soon. It doesn't matter if it's Croatia, Bosnia, the Congo...it doesn't matter if it's the streets of Chicago and the war is nothing more than gang battles. No death is acceptable. And yet..." Luka looked up and into John's eyes and John could see the pain there that he suspected Luka usually did his best to hide. "And yet, I've killed. There's no excuse for what I did, no penance enough to atone for it, but I tried. And I failed."

John knew that Luka was referring to the time when he had killed a mugger while out on a date with Abby. Their first date of all things. It was no wonder to John that their relationship was doomed to fail. And, to be truthful, his attitude toward Luka had changed that night. Not so much because Luka had snapped and beat the mugger's head against the sidewalk, and not just because Luka had quickly disappeared from the ER without any regard for Abby. It was more a combination of both things, and it had taken a long time for John to once more feel any respect for Luka as a result of those things. And then, when that respect was nearly back again, Luka had gone into a downhill slide that only seemed to be ending right before he left for the Congo. It was a slide that they all watched and were powerless to stop since no one knew just what they could do to stop it. But it had slowed and then stopped, and John was glad of that fact since he hated watching Luka every day and wondering if that would be the day he'd throw his life or career away.

"Luka, you've done more than enough. Yes, you snapped that night, but..."

"I killed a man in rage, John," Luka spat out. "I'm a doctor, not a killer, but..."

"But you were mugged and the woman with you threatened. You couldn't save your wife or family, Luka, but you could save Abby, and you did. You didn't mean to..."

"Yes!" Luka burst out, his voice angry. Gillian and Charles looked in their direction and Luka's voice lowered. "That's the problem. I was trying to kill him."

John regarded Luka thoughtfully, and then shook his head. "No, I don't think you were. I think you were trying to kill the past, to kill those who had taken everything from you. If you had truly been a cold-blooded killer, then you would have been arrested, and that didn't happen."

"Maybe it should have," Luka softly said.

"And if it had then where would we be now?" John softly asked. He reached out and rested his hand on Luka's knee. "I'm glad you were here. I'm glad that you pulled through all the crap you were dealing with for the past year and I'm glad you never went to jail."

Luka laid his hand over John's and smiled into his eyes. "So am I." Then he nodded. "You're right. In my head I know that you're right, but my heart...maybe Kerry was right to insist that I see a psychiatrist. Perhaps I'll really do that once we're back."

John tried to not look surprised at Luka's admission that he had never seen someone despite the fact that he had told Kerry he had. But, the more John thought about it, the more it made sense that Luka hadn't seen anyone. "I think it would be a good idea. Anyway, it couldn't hurt, right?"

Luka shook his head. "No, I suppose it couldn't. And...before, when she first made me go, I didn't want to talk about things, about my past. But now...I think that now I'm ready. I don't know if it's just that this trip has changed me, or if it's you that's changed my outlook, but things are different now."

John smiled wryly, recalling the night he almost formally proposed to Abby and his talk about change. Abby hadn't believed that people ever really changed. John believed that people changed all of the time. If he had needed any more confirmation that breaking up with Abby and taking up with Luka was the right thing to do, then this was it. He turned his hand over and laced his fingers with Luka's. "I hope they're different in a good way."

Luka's fingers slowly squeezed against John's as the man spoke. "They are." Luka's head moved closer to John's and their lips grazed against each other. "They are."

"Excuse me," Gillian's voice called out in amusement, "But do you think you could save that stuff for later? Either that or hurry up so we can get a full show before we reach the airport."

John pulled away from Luka and looked over at Gillian and Charles, a smirk on his face - but his hand remained entwined with Luka's. "I think we'll save it, if it's all the same to you."

"There goes that educational experience down the drain," Charles remarked, but then the amused expression on his face turned serious. "It doesn't bother me, but when you reach Kinshasa, don't do that. The culture here...people might not understand it, and you don't want to find yourselves in trouble for something as simple as holding hands."

"We'll keep that in mind," Luka replied, tightening his grip. "Thank you for the warning. I'd forgotten where we were. It will definitely be good to get home."

Talk turned to the journey home, and the fact that while John and Luka were on the same airlines, they were on different flights. John would leave first, heading to London, then Luka's flight would leave a few hours later, close to the same time as Gillian's flight out. John had previously made arrangements to stay overnight in London, with his flight to Chicago leaving mid-morning. Since Luka had stayed longer, his flights back were open, and they decided that once they were at the international airport in Kinshasa, Luka would see if he could get home on the same flight with John, as seatmates if possible.

For John, it seemed as if the drive to the smaller airport and the plane ride to Kinshasa took less time than they had taken when he was on his way to Kisangani - but he put that down to the fact that once he was in the air away from the Congo, he wouldn't be seeing Luka for quite a while. Now that they were together, John didn't like to think about spending that many hours apart, even if he knew they'd be together once those hours were over.

Once in Kinshasa, the two of them did manage to get some time alone in the men's room. Locked in a stall, they kissed their goodbyes, with John giving Luka the name of the hotel at the airport in London where he had a room reserved. Luka promised to be there as soon as he could, and then they had to part, with John going to the gate for his flight.

John fell asleep shortly after his plane was airborne, and that helped to take away some of the loneliness. The rest of the journey he spent thinking - about Luka, about what had happened in the Congo, the patients at the hospital, about Abby, and then again about Luka. John was returning home a changed man, and, like Luka, he wasn't sure if the changes were from what he'd done and seen in the Congo, due to Luka, or a combination of both. But they were good changes, John was certain of that. Very good changes.

Dinner came and went, barely touched by John even though he had the better food in first class. His stomach wasn't yet ready for food, not while he was busy worrying about whether or not Luka's flight would be delayed or hijacked or something...he could order something from room service. Hopefully, he'd be ordering something for both of them.

Once on the ground, John grabbed his bags and made his way through customs, then to the hotel. The room...after his room in Kisangani the hotel room seemed opulent...lush...too much...

And then it hit him, all of the things different. He looked out of the window and watched cars and buses out on the road, people going about their business without worrying about landmines or rebels or armies from other countries running around waiting to ambush them. They were going home to children who had plenty to eat, they had doctors available at the drop of the hat to treat their ills. They had medicine. They had electricity.

John felt the curtain drop from his hand as he turned away from the window and stumbled over to the bed, sitting down on it hard. How many times had he complained about his life? How many times had he complained about food not being prepared 'right', or about the complaints his patients had. How many times had he listened to a person with a bunion complain about the wait to see a doctor?

Tears pouring down his face, John curled up in a ball on top of the bed. He cried for those he couldn't save. He cried for those who were never to be born because of the war. He cried for those who never had enough to eat and most likely wouldn't live to adulthood. Most of all, he cried for himself, and for the fact that he had so much while they had so little. Coming from a family with money had often made him feel guilty, but he'd never before felt so...dirty.

And yet, even if he could take all of the money his family had, he knew it wouldn't be enough. It just wouldn't be enough. And that also made him cry from sheer frustration.

The tears subsided a bit, then came back only to subside again. The room grew darker as the sun set, but John was too disinterested to get up to turn on the lights. It seemed like such a waste of electricity. But a knock on the door did rouse him from the bed, and he wearily opened it, expecting a maid to turn down the bed, and not Luka. Yet it was Luka who stood there, and John realized that he had lost track of time. Luka was there, they were there together...but things still weren't right with the world.

The tears came again and John felt strong arms enveloping him, heard Luka's voice murmuring assurances, murmuring words of love and understanding. A door closed, lights came on, and then they were both lying on top of the bed, Luka cradling him while he cried. At some point John realized that Luka was also crying, but he had no words of assurance to give to Luka. All he could do was just hold onto Luka. Wrapped in each other's arms, the two wept over things that were beyond their control. Wrapped in each other's arms, the two slowly quit crying, knowing that life would go on, knowing that they had each other. And nothing could ever take that away.


To be continued
Chapter Seven by Cathy Roberts
"I miss my grandmother," John's voice seemed loud in the quiet of the dark hotel room. Their tears dried, the two lay in bed still, wrapped in each other's arms, quiet as the night progressed. John wasn't sure what spurred him to say those words, but that's what he had been feeling. He'd been feeling that loss since the moment he received the phone call at work telling him that Millicent Carter had apparently died in her sleep.

"Even before Bobby died, Gamma had most to do with raising me. Raising him. Hell, raising all of us, I think. She was the ultimate example of a reigning matriarch. Grandfather was rather formidable in his own right, but I think we were all a bit more afraid of disappointing Gamma, even our parents felt that way." John laced his fingers through Luka's, glad to have the man next to him.

"My grandmother's were both strong women, also. One died when I was around twelve or so, but I still have very vivid memories of her; the other died when I was twenty. We named our daughter after her," Luka said.

John nodded against Luka's chest, liking the way Luka's voice reverberated through his body. He liked the way Luka's body rose and fell with each breath he took. John liked the way their hearts seemed to beat in unison. He liked everything about Luka, and wondered if this was a new thing, or just something he'd been ignoring all those year. "For so long, it felt as if I had to fight for everything. Fight against everything, everyone. Before Bobby got sick, it was 'act like a gentleman' or 'a Carter would never behave that way'. When Bobby was ill it seemed I was always being told to be quiet, or to not cry. Once he was dead and I told them all that I wanted to be a doctor, I was discouraged from that. I was destined for business, just as Bobby had been. Be more like Bobby, they'd say. And when I insisted on taking as many pre-med type courses as I could in college, they all were critical of that, as well. When it finally got through to them that I was going to medical school, it was decided that I would be a surgeon. Once they decided that, it was decided that it would be a high profile specialty. They were disappointed when I first chose general surgery and then later switched to trauma. They were often disappointed with me."

John looked up through the darkness toward the ceiling, not sure why he was telling Luka all of that. Hell, Luka had no idea who 'they' were, outside of them being John's family. But these things obviously needed to be said, so John continued, "Gamma was my support for nearly all of my life. Without her, I probably would have caved in and done everything they wanted. God knows she tried to get me to do what she wanted, what she thought was best for me. But she learned a few years ago that I was my own man, with my own ideas about my life. I think she first got the hint when I told her to keep the trust fund. She wasn't used to having anyone in the family give up money. I don't know what she'd think about this, about us...I think she'd like you, though. She, well, she likes the way your father paints." John admitted.

"She's seen his work?" Luka asked, surprise in his voice.

"She's seen a few pieces," John said. "After you said that he was an artist, I checked him out. I liked what I saw, so I bought a few paintings."

"You bought my father's paintings?" Luka's voice was unreadable, and John squirmed uncomfortably beside him.

"Yes. He's a very good painter, Luka."

"It's a hobby."

"I like his work." John didn't want to talk any longer about Luka's father. "Gamma even approved of me asking Abby to marry me. Not that I ever did. I almost did, though. Well, I guess I *did * ask her, but it wasn't the best proposal in the world and I don't think Abby took me seriously. So, I decided to do it right, bought out an entire restaurant for it, was about to ask her, then put the ring back in my pocket. Somehow or another she knew...maybe women have a sixth sense about that kind of stuff. Or maybe Susan or Maggie told her; they both knew I was going to propose that night."

"Why didn't you?" Luka's voice was now soft, considerate.

"I'm not sure. I had driven Maggie to the bus station earlier that evening and we talked. She mentioned that you can't go into marriage wanting to change the other person. You have to accept them as they are. I had thought I was doing that, but when we were at the restaurant it seemed to me that maybe I wasn't. I didn't like the fact that Abby was drinking. I wanted her to quit, not for me, but for herself. She deserves better than to do that to herself. I mentioned to her that I thought we had both been growing, changing over the years. She replied that she didn't think people ever changed. And that's when I put the ring back. I tried to give the ring back to Gamma; it's a family heirloom of sorts. She told me that it was mine to give or not give."

John lifted their hands into the air, barely making out the form of Luka's fingers in the dim light of the LED clock on the nightstand. "I don't think the ring would look quite right on you, though."

"Probably not," Luka replied, sounding amused.

"Maybe my sister will get married and want it," John said. "God knows I don't need it now." He turned his head and saw the time, then cursed under his breath. "It's late, and we've got a plane to catch. I'm sorry that I was a mess when you got here. I had these plans of us ordering in room service, stripping down and relaxing and eating dinner in the Jacuzzi tub in the bathroom, then making love for half of the night."

"That's okay," Luka rubbed his hand up and down John's arm. "We have plenty of time to make love once we get home."

"I know," John replied. He liked the feel of Luka's hand against his bare skin, and was glad they were at least naked together under the covers, even if nothing else had happened. "This trip...all that was expected of me was for me to be a doctor, to help. And I did that. I met those expectations and didn't disappoint anyone. It felt really good, Luka, really good. I hadn't realized just how much I feel as if I have to meet everyone's expectations back in Chicago. Stay sober, be a good son, be a good boyfriend, be a good friend, be a Carter...being a good doctor seemed to have gotten lost in all of that."

"I know what you mean," Luka replied, a yawn in his voice. "I had lost that somewhere along the way as well. I'm glad we both got that back. I'm glad we've got each other. I'm still not quite sure how it happened, or why, but I'm glad that I finally found what and who I was looking for. Of course, there might have been a little less heartache if I had discovered this months ago..."

John nodded. "Yes, it would. But it would have had to have been more like a year ago to avoid heartache. Once I was with Abby, I was with her." John propped himself up on one elbow, looking down at Luka's face. "I don't cheat, Luka. I might flirt a bit."

Luka's laugh made John grin. "Okay, I might flirt a lot, but I don't cheat. When I'm with someone, then I'm with them."

"Good, because aside from being the same way myself, I'm also very possessive," Luka replied as he pulled John back down to his side, kissing him deeply. "And right now I'm very sleepy, so close your eyes and get some rest."

"Bossy, too, aren't you?" John asked with a smirk.

"Get used to it," Luka replied as he wrapped his arms securely around John's body.

John snuggled up against Luka, resting his head once more on Luka's shoulder as he closed his eyes. As Luka had said, he didn't know how or why this had happened, but he didn't regret it one bit.


The irritating jingling of the telephone pulled John out of his deep sleep, and he scowled at the phone for a moment before reaching to pick it up. As he listened to the voice of the desk clerk, he sat up in bed, suddenly wide awake as he realized it was after nine in the morning and they had to check in at the Lufthansa counter by ten. John thanked the clerk for the wake up call, then poked Luka in the hip.

"Wake up. We're running late," John said as he got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. "Thank God the desk called up here, but I never asked for a wake-up call."

"I did," Luka said, his voice rough from sleep as he followed John into the bathroom and the shower. "I called down last night when you were getting ready for bed."

"Thank you." John said, grinning as the hot water pushed his body further toward awareness. He poured out enough shampoo into his palm for himself and Luka, applying it to each head with a smirk. "You'll have to wash yourself, I'm afraid," he said as he reached for the soap. "Because if I start to wash you we'll end up missing our flight, and I really don't want to have to call my travel agent and tell her I need to reschedule because I was too busy sucking off my boyfriend to get to the airport."

"Is that so?" Luka responded, a grin on his face as he began to massage his scalp. "And what if the reason would be me fucking you silly?"

"That would never happen," John quickly retorted, noting that Luka was just as hard as he was. Already thoughts of airplane sex were running through his head and he wondered if he could convince Luka into doing that during the flight. "We don't fuck."

Luka rolled his eyes as he jostled for position under the spray of water. "Details, details..."

"Yes, but you have to admit that it's a pretty important detail," John said as he ran his soapy hand over Luka's back. At least John hoped that Luka felt that making love and fucking weren't the same things.

Luka turned around, grasped John by the upper arms and swung them both around in the shower, putting John under the water. "I agree," he said as he leaned in to grab a quick kiss before stepping back out of the range of the water. Luka's eyes were dark as he watched John wash his hair and then begin to rinse away the shampoo and soap.

"Enjoying yourself?" John asked with a grin as he turned around to rinse off the front of his body.

"Quite a bit, actually," Luka replied. "Not as much as I would have liked, but still, I do get quite a bit of enjoyment out of watching you. I think I always have."

John's grin grew wider as he turned off the water and turned around once more so he could face Luka. "Good, because I enjoy watching you, too." He caught the towel that Luka tossed in his direction and began to dry his body, glad he had booked a room at a hotel near the airport so that there had been time for a quick shower and to dress. It would still be a bit of a rush to get to the airport, but John was fairly confident that they'd make it on time. Of course, the more he looked over at Luka as the man dried off and then began to dress, the more John began to like the idea of having to stay in London one more night. But, they were both expected back to work, and John couldn't put off going home and facing Abby. Aside from any leftover topics regarding the disintegration of their relationship, he did have things that he needed to get from her place. Neither activity was something that John was looking forward to. The only good thing about getting home was that he'd be there with Luka, and, all things considered, being with Luka was one Hell of a reason to enjoy being home.


Luka thanked the flight attendant as she removed his lunch tray. Despite sleeping in a bit, Luka was still a bit tired, and having a full stomach was now making him sleepy. He stifled a yawn as he turned toward John and the amused look that John was giving him.

"Lunch was good," Luka said. By all rights, Carter should have also been yawning, but the man looked wide-awake. Of course, the three cups of coffee that John had had back in the Lufthansa waiting area before the flight ever left the ground most likely played a big role in Carter's state of alertness.

"I know," John replied, the amused look never leaving him.

Luka nodded, then raised his eyebrows in a surprise as Carter's hand reached for his. It wasn't that Luka minded holding hands with Carter, in fact, he was thrilled that Carter wanted to hold hands. It was just that it wasn't something Luka had been expecting from Carter, even though Carter hadn't hesitated to touch him or kiss him on the way to the airport when they left Kinsangani. Still, an international flight from London to Chicago surrounded by strangers was a lot different than being in the back of an army issue cargo truck with people they knew. But Luka wasn't going to discourage Carter's advances, even if Carter was making Luka's pants a bit tighter with the way he was rubbing his thumb over Luka's palm. "Did you know that what you're doing excites me?" Luka whispered as he leaned a bit closer to Carter.

John's amused smile widened, but the slow rubbing of Luka's palm never stopped. "I know."

"We're in an airplane, Carter." Luka looked around the first class cabin. There were three other passengers in there with them, plus the flight attendant. One person was seated behind them and from the sound of the soft snoring coming from that direction, Luka knew the man was out of it for a while. Probably a combination of lunch and the three alcoholic drinks he'd had while waiting for lunch to be served. The other two passengers were a couple seated across the aisle and up one row. Newlyweds, Luka thought, since from what he could see, they were constantly touching and looking at one another, giggling from time to time. Pretty much like the way he and Carter had been acting, only they were a bit more blatant.

"I know."

"You're making me hard," Luka's gaze shifted back to Carter. Damn, but that smile was still there, even though there was something else besides amusement in Carter's eyes right then. Looking down, Luka noticed the bulge in Carter's pants, and he smiled. "You're hard."

"I know."

Luka shook his head as he chuckled. Carter definitely had something on his mind, and Luka could only hope that it involved more than getting the two of them hot and bothered in a tin can where they couldn't do anything about it. "We're not alone," he said.

"I know." And then John leaned closer to Luka, his lips softly brushing over Luka's ear as he whispered. "But we can be. Let me out."

Luka moved his legs out of the way so Carter could get into the aisle. He had a feeling that Carter was talking about having sex on the plane. It was something Luka had heard about, but never had the opportunity to try.

John leaned down and whispered into Luka's other ear. "Pay attention to which lavatory I go into and then follow me in there. The door won't be locked." And with that, John turned and headed forward, going into the lavatory on the left hand side of the plane. Luka was getting to his feet when he noticed the female half of the newlywed couple leaving her seat and going into the other lavatory. He grinned as he noticed that that door didn't get locked, either.

As he moved forward, he and the male half of the couple grinned at each other. "I won't tell if you won't," Luka said as he gestured for the man to step out into the aisle ahead of him. It would be good for Carter to have to wait, he thought, although, judging by the arousal evident behind the man's pants, neither Carter nor the woman would be waiting long.

As soon as the man slipped into the correct door, the 'occupied' sign came on for it, and Luka slowly opened the door for the one on the left, definitely liking the prize that was behind door number one. He pulled the door shut and locked it, no longer caring that they were in an airplane. All he cared about was that Carter was standing in front of him, his pants already undone and pushed down, his erection proudly displayed for Luka and Luka alone.

"There's not much room in here," Luka commented as one step forward enabled them to be touching. Luka grasped Carter by the shaft of his cock, then slowly began to run his hand up and down it and creating low moans from within Carter's throat.

"We don't need a lot of room," John huskily replied as he handed a condom to Luka, then wrapped his hand around Luka's neck, pulling him even closer as their lips met in a long and passionate kiss.

Luka didn't hesitate to take advantage of Carter's slightly parted lips. His tongue dove inside of that hot mouth, running over Carter's smooth teeth and gums, wrestling a bit with Carter's tongue and then surrendering when Carter bean to suck hungrily on Luka's tongue. Within his pants, Luka's cock swelled even further, needing release...needing to be buried somewhere inside of Carter.

The kiss ended and John reached down to undo Luka's pants, pushing them down until Luka's cock bobbed freely in the air. Bending over, John managed to place a kiss on the glistening head, then he straightened up, grinned at Luka and turned around, bending slightly at the waist and propping his hands against the wall above the toilet seat.

"How's this?" John asked as he looked over his shoulder at Luka.

Luka gazed longingly at the perfect ass offered up in front of him. "It's perfect, just perfect," he said. He opened the foil and withdrew the condom, rolling it securely over his now throbbing cock. "Lubricant? We need something..."

Luka looked around and saw a dispenser for hand cream. He pumped out a more than generous portion into his hand and the small room was immediately awash in the scent of lavender. Luka found himself grinning as he rubbed it between his hands and then began to work in onto Carter's skin, the moans that were coming out of Carter's throat were definitely feeding the fire within Luka, and he found himself moving quickly as he readied his lover for what was to happen next.

"Ready?" he asked, his voice hoarse as he stepped up behind Carter.

"I've been ready since we got in the shower this morning," John replied, once more turning his head to look back at Luka. "Maybe we'll get lucky and hit some turbulence," he added, a grin on his face that Luka's lips soon chased away.

"I've created a monster..." Luka muttered as he positioned himself at Carter's opening.

"It's alive, it's alive," John said, his voice sounding as if he were in a horror movie. Then he chuckled. "Kovac's monster...I think that more describes what you've go...Jesus!" John's voice broke off as Luka began to enter him. "God, yes...Luka...keep going..."

Smiling to himself over the new way he'd found to shut Carter up, Luka happily gave in to Carter's request to keep moving inward. The movement, though, was slow and easy, and it seemed as if an eternity had passed before Luka could feel the skin of Carter's perfect ass against his belly. Luka lightly nipped the skin at Carter's shoulder through his shirt, not caring that he was leaving the material wet. He could feel the body below him beginning to tremble with want and need, and knew that he himself wouldn't be able to hold off too much longer.

"Luka...please?"

"Please what?" Luka asked, knowing that his lack of movement was driving Carter crazy. After pulling Carter's shirt up to expose the skin on his body, Luka moved his head so that he could suck at the skin on Carter's other shoulder, quite content to mark the man as his.

"You're not moving! You should be moving...what if the flight attendant knocks on the door and needs us to leave?"

"I'll tell her she has to wait because I'm taking my time making love to you."

"Luka...!" John's hips began to move then, going forward until he was almost off of Luka and then slamming backward. Luka stood completely still, quite liking this new talent that Carter had discovered.

"That's good," he whispered into Carter's ear. "That's very, very good. Keep going." Luka began to nuzzle Carter's neck while his lover began to impale himself over and over again.

While it felt good, Luka knew he'd never let it go on. He wanted to be the one claiming Carter as opposed to having Carter taking him. So, with one final suck of Carter's earlobe, Luka pulled back until he was nearly out and then slowly and surely returned home. "Be still," he said as his hands went to Carter's hips to make sure he obeyed that simple command.

Over and over again Luka's thrust went in and out, the vibrations of the airplane heightening the experience quite a bit, and he wasn't even touching the plane itself, not the way Carter was. "Is this good for you?" Luka asked as he paused on one inward thrust. "Is it more exciting for you to do it in here?"

John's head nodded. "It's good, very good. And it's exciting for me no matter where we are, Luka." He turned his head in time to place a kiss on Luka's lips.

Luka's tongue snaked into Carter's mouth again, probing and seeking, tasting and claiming. His hips began to move faster, his thrusting growing harder with each movement. One hand slipped from Carter's hip to his groin, grasping that still hard cock and stroking it, keeping in sync with his thrusting, wanting them both to come at the same time.

"Oh, God..." John gasped. "Luka...that's...don't stop...faster...please, Luka?"

"As you wish," Luka whispered into Carter's ear as he increased the speed of both his hips and his hand. "I want you to come with me, John...come for me...can you do that? Are you nearly there?" God, but he wanted that so much, to feel Carter's orgasm as it tore through him and then to reach his own plateau of pleasure at the same time or just after.

"Yes!" John strongly replied, and Luka found himself wondering just how soundproof the lavatories were. Considering that the newlywed couple was most likely starting to get loud as well, Luka was certain that the rest of the passengers would be getting quite an earful.

But knowing they might be overheard did nothing to slow Luka's movements. All that mattered was taking them both to completion, of claiming John Carter yet one more time as his own. All that mattered was letting John Carter claim him yet one more time. That was the most important part, Luka felt, that Carter was claiming him with each touch, each kiss, each whimper of desire, each moan of passion. And Luka knew he never wanted to belong to anyone else.

It hit him without warning, his core, the very essence of his being exploding and falling in a million scattered pieces as his body instinctively thrust forward one hard, last time. Luka could feel his cock throbbing as it strained to send his seed into John, even as he felt John's cock spasm in his hand while John took a sharp intake of breath. A very loud cry of "Luka!" filled the small room, and placed a few soft kisses between John's shoulder blades, running his tongue over the sheen of sweat that lay there. He loved the way Carter tasted and smelled.

Moving carefully, Luka withdrew, turning to the sink to wash his hands and then to dispose of the condom. He wet a paper towel and passed it over to Carter, grinning as he took in the flushed, and most definitely sated, appearance of his lover.

"Welcome to the 'club'. I hope you enjoyed your initiation," John said as he took the paper towel from Luka and began to clean up.

"I enjoyed it very much thank you," Luka replied as he hid the condom within a bunch of tissues and then placed it all in the trash receptacle. "Need any help?" he asked as he pulled up his own pants and began to tuck his shirt back in.

"I've got it covered. Why don't you go on back to your seat? If we leave together, it might look odd," John replied with a grin that was soon followed by a long and searching kiss. "I'll be right out."

Luka nodded, then unlocked the door. "I'll be waiting."

"I know."

Chuckling, Luka opened the door, only to have it knock hard against another object, which turned out to be the other lavatory door. After a flurry of 'sorry' and 'you go on', he finally stepped out of the room, the grin on his face as wide as the grin on the face of the newlywed who had been trying to get out of the other lavatory. As the two men walked back to their seats, the 'occupied' signs for both went back on.

"Hell of a club, ain't it?" the guy asked as he slipped into his seat.

"It certainly is," Luka agreed as he walked past him and then sat back down. "It certainly is."

Feeling more than a little tired, Luka yawned and then closed his eyes, and it was the faint scent of lavender that told him Carter was now out of the lavatory. As soon as Carter was settled with his safety belt on, Luka kissed him longingly. Another yawn overcame him, and he smiled apologetically at him.

"I think you wore me out," John softly said as he stifled a yawn of his own.

"I know," Luka replied with a grin. "I know."


Hand in hand, John and Luka left the customs area with all their luggage, not caring that they were the last ones to leave from their flight. Even though the plane had touched down about fifty or so minutes earlier, John still knew he wouldn't 'feel' as if he were really home until he was looking at the outside of O'Hare, and, as he and Luka stepped into onto the escalator that would take them to the lower level and the exit for the parking lot, John took a deep breath.

Nevertheless, John smiled over at Luka as he gave the man's hand a squeeze. "It's good to be home."

Luka grinned back. "Yes, it is. Is your Jeep here? I took a cab when I left, so if you don't have the Jeep then we'll need to get a cab to...wherever..."

"Your place, I think," John said with a shy smile. Even though they had managed to join the fabled 'Mile High Club', John wanted nothing more than to make love with Luka in Chicago, the sooner the better. "Or mine. Whichever one is closer. And, I do have the Jeep. At least, I hope it's still sitting there in long term parking."

Luka chuckled. "I like the way you're thinking. Let's get to your Jeep and then we can figure out who lives closer."

"Sounds good to me," John said, and they stepped off of the escalator and headed for the exit, their bodies soon lost in the crowd of people who were also leaving the airport.

From her spot near the window, Abby Lockhart hastily wiped away a tear as several conflicting emotions assailed her. She had decided to come to meet John's plane, to see if they could talk. Being without him, being alone once they had talked on the phone - all of it had made her see that she had wronged him, and she wanted another chance. She hadn't touched a drop of alcohol since that phone call, knowing that being drunk had contributed greatly to her taking Hank home with her in the first place. Fear of being alone and her continued drinking had made her keep Hank nearby, using him to fill the void that John's absence had left within her.

She had been so wrong, so very, very wrong, and had hoped that if she could talk with John in person, he'd forgive her. The last thing in the world she had expected was to see him coming out of customs with Luka Kovac. Especially hand in hand with Luka. Jesus, had John found comfort in Luka's arms? In his bed? The idea was too much for her to contemplate. The one thing that stood out the most to her was just how damn happy John had looked with Luka.

Luka. Abby's hands clenched into fists as his words from the time they broke up echoed in her head: not all that special, not all that pretty. And the worst ones of them all "Carter can have you." And now Luka was obviously having John Carter. What about the Christmas party at Susan's, when Luka had said he missed her? Lies. All lies.

She had sobered up and stayed that way so she could prove to John that she wasn't going to let alcohol ruin her life or their relationship and what did it get her? The sight of John and Luka walking hand in hand in the airport. A vision of the diamond ring that John had never shown her danced in Abby's mind. A proposal that should have happened. She had often wondered why it hadn't and now began to wonder if Luka had had anything to do with that. After all, it had been Luka who had convinced John to go on the missions trip in the first place, even urged him to choose the Congo, since that was where Luka was going.

Guilt, sorrow and regret were now mixed with jealousy and anger, and Abby vowed to herself that one way or the other, she'd get John back into her life where he belonged. And if she happened to destroy Luka Kovac along the way, well, then so be it.

She started to head toward the exit and somehow ended up stepping into one of the bars. But there she was, seated on a stool and ordering a double, tossing back the whiskey as if the burning liquid could somehow erase the image of John and Luka from her mind.


One drink to remember then another to forget
How could I ever dream to find sweet love like you again
One drink to remember and another to forget

Excuse me please one more drink
Could you make it strong cause I don't need to think
She broke my heart my Grace is gone
One more drink and I'll move on
One more drink and I'll be gone


The End
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